Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, a place where we explore the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, host Kendall Donaker talks about the challenges of showing affection as a single dad and shares his thoughts on navigating the complexities of finding love while raising children in your 20s. Kendall also discusses the added challenge of dealing with Valentine’s Day being on his birthday and how that affects his dating prospects. If you’re a single dad looking for support and advice on dating and relationships, be sure to tune in to this episode.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode, and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at @thesinglefatherpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
Did you know that as a patron of The Single Father Podcast, you have access to our private Facebook group? This is a great place to connect with other single dads and share your own experiences and advice. If you’re interested in becoming a patron and joining our community, visit https://www.patreon.com/thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is also brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Thank you for listening!
0:00:01 The Single Father Podcast: A Collection of Journal Entries
0:03:00 The Importance of Single Fathers in Society
0:05:08 The founder of Ventpack, a single father resource organization, discusses the goals of the organization and how it can help fathers in need.
0:07:13 Dating with a Single Parent: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
0:10:36 Trauma Dumping: When Is Enough, Enough?
0:12:56 The Different Ways We Try to Communicate
0:14:33 The Dangers of Enabling Entitlement in Relationships
0:18:53 The Dangers of Enabling Entitlement in Loved Ones
0:20:32 Child’s well-being always a priority for working single father
0:22:31 The Dangers of Dating a Single Parent
0:24:05 The Dangers of Dating on Valentine’s Day
0:26:12 Kendall Donaker’s Breakup Story
I’ve outgrown the type of the nature of her concerns. I’ve outgrown the pettiness that she concluded in her head at times. And I’m looking for something more grown, more mature, more grounded in reality, not based on material things like, did you like my photo? Or did you, you know, just craziness, like I explained? But but hey, Valentine’s Day.
Maybe it’s because I have a job. I just feel like I feel like I truly haven’t met the one yet. But I don’t want to be Playboy, right? I don’t want to be that college frat guy.
Everything to disciplining to the type of communication that we have, to the type of lifestyles that we have, the understanding that we have when each other is busy. And you know, the thing that I hate is just when girls are like, you didn’t like my fucking post from 30 minutes ago.
It’s a priority but my daughter will always come first. My child, my responsibilities are going to come first. And anybody who wants to get in a relationship has to understand that I have a job to do, a responsibility.
As a man, there are things that you say to your girlfriend that is kind of the conventional understandings. Like, oh, I totally get that, babe. Yeah, she’s such a fucking yeah, babe.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Welcome to the Single Father Podcast. I am your host, Kendall Donker. This podcast is dedicated for anyone out there who’s dealing with mental health and fatherhood. You’ll hear about my struggles, my defeats, my victories, my highs, my lows, my triumphs, my tribulations, and everything in between. I like to call this a collection of journal entries into my struggle and adapting to single fatherhood.
Without further ado, let’s take a look inside my journal, the Single Father Podcast. Well, hello ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise, it is your host, father Dizzy, aka Kendall Donker, giving you another episode of The Single Father Podcast. Uh, thank you for joining me on today’s episode. I gotta tell you right off the bat, my gosh, was it such a hard effort to release.
I had a bunch of technical difficulties, um, shooting this episode. Um, you know, our wifis just wasn’t syncing up with each other, so my producers went through hell trying you know, edit this episode and get it released to you guys. Um, but you know, I enjoy the episode very much. Um, the sound quality is iffy at times, but when you really listen to honey, What she’s saying ends up just being a really amazing episode.
Um, and we kind of really get into it. We get into the weeds of, well, first of all, I should just say my guest on today’s episode is Honey Maxwell TikTok star, content creator. Um, probably a future model. She is wonderful to speak to, really open and candid. Um, she didn’t hold back on any of her answers.
Wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a really natural flowing conversation, which I really love. Um, and you know, like I said, we get into the weeds of it. We got into relationship issues. We got to ex-boyfriend issues, we got. Um, you know, mental health issues. We really spoke about a lot and had a really long conversation and, uh, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Um, and, uh, we recorded the episode quite a while ago, but, um, you know, again, my producers were working on it. I was working on it and then I kind of went on a little vacation and finally I got the episode released. But yeah, it was a long awaited project that I’m really happy about and, um, I’m just happy for you guys to get to know.
She’s an amazing person and, uh, like I said, I hopefully a good friend now. I, I really enjoyed speaking with her. I’m gonna shoot her a message, uh, right after I record this actually. But, uh, you know, just a little housekeeping right off the back. Um, I released a Patreon, so you guys are familiar with Patreon.
Um, I’d love for you guys to be a patron. Um, you know, check out our Patreon at uh, pat.com/the single Father podcast. There’s a couple tiers you can. Uh, for $5 a month, just a price of a cup of coffee. You can support the podcast to make sure that we have opportunities to grow and bring more guests in the show and just keep everything functioning.
I mean, like I said, it’s the price of a cup of coffee. If you guys want to, you know, support the podcast, if you like what you hear, if you’re here for honey, that’s fine. If you want to stay and stick around, I speak about relationships mental. Fatherhood really some good stuff, but it allows the op opportunity for us to continue growing.
Um, another tier is, you know, you could be a guest on the podcast. Um, you could, we could have a little venting session together. All you gotta do is, uh, join that Patreon. Um, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Tell me what you want to talk about and I’ll get you on the, on the podcast. Um, you know, but, uh, just to clarify, I’m holding, you know, appropriate and relevant topics.
Um, it can be anything you wanna talk about, but just keep that in mind. We’re not gonna, um, go into, you know, crazy left fields. But, um, I would love to have you guys as a guest on the podcast. And of course at the end of the show, I’ll do, uh, ask me anything. Um, all you gotta do is, uh, email email@example.com.
Um, and, uh, That segment of our podcast is called Mail Bag. All you gotta do is in the subject line type mail bag and ask the question that you want to answer or that you want answered. I’ll answer on the show anonymously or not. And, uh, yeah. Um, so yeah, join the Patreon. Check it out. I’ll shout out some of your names at the end of each, um, at the end of each show.
Um, it’s, it is really good stuff. So check that out. Um, also, uh, make sure you follow us on our social media. Um, it’s pretty much everywhere. It’s a single father podcast. Um, Facebook, Instagram. We have a single father podcast, uh, shop, which is really, really cool. I’ve been working on, uh, I’ve been working on the shop on Spotify.
A lot of cool stuff on there. It’s just shop.vpac.org. Um, check it out, check out some merch. I’d be happy for you guys to rock the merch. Um, if you post the merch on your, uh, social media, tag me in it. I’ll post you on my accounts. Um, so yeah, um, some good stuff there. So guys, without further ado, I think.
Let’s just get right into it. Um, I’ve had a long vacation and I’m ready to get back into the venting season with you guys. So without further ado, thank you for allowing me to vent with you.
What’s been going on? What you been up to today? Um, well I was actually yesterday. . So I work as a nanny for my sister. Um, so yesterday her and her husband went to Disneyland with some friends, and then today they asked me to join them, to go basically up to the mountains to go eat and stuff and just have like a family day together. So I went and did that today and damn, that’s about. As, as of today. But that sounds like, sounds super fun though.
Well thank you for joining me on the Single Father Podcast again.
I have Honey Maxwell here. She is content creator on TikTok. Um, probably self-proclaimed model because she’s so gorgeous. Um, how long have you been working for Victoria’s Secret, by the way? Just asking. I wish I was, but I’m not. Yeah. Thank you though. Um, . Well, I had a lot of people writing into me about you specifically and asking when I can get you on the show.
I tried and I got her. Um, tell me a little bit about you and your background and just kind of where you’re from and things like that. So I am from which, Okay. Well first of all, I would just like to, That’s crazy that people have come to you asking for me, because that’s just absurd to me. Like I don’t understand that.
But thank you. Um, so I live in California. I’ve lived here since I was like four. Um, I grew up in a smaller town, but my parents just recently moved to like the next bigger town over, uh, but have been basically living in a small town since like I was four. Not much goes on. There’s a lot of cows. Cause I live in the Central Valley.
Um, in California. In California. Maybe I’m, maybe I’m just oblivious to California. I just don’t imagine California having a lot of cows. Oh yeah. So interesting. So I say California and people are like, Oh, you’re from la. No. Right, right. I’m actually, that’s what I think. Yeah. Like. I think I’m like, like I’m like three hours away from la, but like Really?
Yeah. So people I’m closer to like Fresno. A lot of people have heard of Fresno, but I don’t live. I have heard of Fresno. Yes. Yeah, so I don’t live, live in Fresno. I live 45 minutes away from Fresno, which is smaller. So I’m like, a lot of people don’t know where my town is, and I’m like, Well, yeah, nobody really hears of it.
So I just, I usually say I’m just from Fresno because it’s the next biggest city. So you lie, but that’s okay. Yeah. Cause I mean, like, I’ll, I’ll tell ’em like where I’m from and they’re like, Where’s that? It’s like, Okay, well I’m from Fresno. And they’re like, Oh, okay. Yeah. So that gives ’em like a general idea.
Um, but yeah, I love it. I live here with, uh, my family. Like my entire family is basically here, so we just keep each other company and stuff. Yeah. You know, side note, I, I thought you had a kid at first because you’re always posting. Toddler. Yeah. On your, on your social media, but it’s your niece, is that correct?
Yes. So I don’t have kids of my own. A lot of people have asked me that, like, do the dms. They’re like, Is that your kid? I’m like, No. Like, it kind of is like, I would, I like to say, Yeah, completely thought. I like to say that my sister’s kids are my kids, but they’re not. I, I have two nieces, but I mm-hmm. have taken care of.
Just like they are my own kids. Like when my sister’s on her own or they need like the extra hand, I’m there, Which is why my sister hired me to be her nanny because she doesn’t trust daycares and stuff. So when she asked me, I was like, Yeah, I’m all for it. Like why not, you know? . Yeah, a hundred percent.
Yeah. A hundred percent. So I understand that fact though, when I was, when I had, uh, my kid and when I was looking at different daycares and things like that, it was very much kind of hard for me to entrust in someone. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? With your child. Yeah. And I wish I had a lot of like, Family around me.
The, the only family I really have that could be able to watch my daughter is, she’s like my, it’s my nana and she’s like 72. Oh, okay. And surprisingly, I don’t trust her to watch my daughter. . But that’s definitely like, that’s just a parent thing. And I understand that, you know, Nah.
No, it’s just because she does like suspicious things like She’ll, She does, she’s very traditional. She’ll like, let me put some alcohol in her gums when she was, you know, a younger and teething, which is, you think it’s normal, but I’m like, Ah, not really, but that. But it’s kind of the amount of alcohol that she put on the , the tissue , questionable.
It’s comfortable. Yeah, it was very questionable. Anyways, I wanted to ask you like, what, uh, what made you kind of start with TikTok? Because you are very popular. I know you say it’s hard to believe, um, that people would request you, but I did have a lot of requests from you.
And, you know, looking at your prop, your profile, I, it’s kind of hard to believe. You wouldn’t think people would regress you to be honest. Okay. So I it’s so funny that you asked, So I started TikTok, I didn’t have a TikTok for the longest time. Like I didn’t hop on the, the, the trend of like the app cuz like what TikTok came out when, um, like Covid hit kind of, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and my sister. She was like, Oh, download TikTok so I can send you videos and stuff. And I was like, No, I don’t want another like social media app, like on my phone. I don’t want it. Um, definitely ended up downloading it like months after that and had my account for like a little while, but never really posted anything.
And the things that I did post were just like things when I was bored. Um, at that time I was living with a boyfriend who ex now, but I was living with a boyfriend. We had had an apartment together and all that stuff. Um, we ended up breaking up, but I remember telling him, When we were together and I created my TikTok account, I was like, Don’t mess up.
I was like, Don’t mess up because one day I’m gonna blow up on TikTok and you’re not gonna be able to run away from me and you’re gonna see me everywhere. And I would joke about it, like, and look at you. I would joke about it like that. And then, um, , it was, I mean, it was a joke and. I didn’t really mean it seriously, but I really did not start posting until after he and I had broken up, and then my very first, Because you wanted to prove that shit, right?
You wanted to prove that shit. You’re like, Fuck you, I’m gonna blow up. Yeah. I guess I was doing it to prove him like a point or something. I don’t know if I was just being petty Yeah. Or whatnot. But I really was doing it just like for fun. Like after we broke up, because I had moved back home. I left everything that, like, I built up for like, with him moved back home and I was like, Well damn, Like now what?
And so I got bored and I started, you know, like playing around on TikTok. And then I guess, yeah, a little in a, in a way I was being a little petty, but the, my very first viral video that like blew up was just me talking shit. Like I just like allowing and. I posted it. Was it the one, I’m sorry, but what is it?
Was it the one where you’re like, I was with this dude and he answered the phone and some bitch Was there? Something like that? Yeah. No, no, I saw that one. See, that was my most recent one. And that was just a random dream. Yeah. Uh, my very first viral TikTok video was, if you scroll all the way down, like it’s all the way at the bottom.
I’m talking like, this was like last year around September, I wanna say. Yeah. And it was, It was, and I, I said, I was like, I came here to say one thing and one thing only. It’s like, Do what? Take it, how you will do with it, what you will. I said, um, What was it? It was like if his homies cheat, he also cheat.
Have a nice day and then I cut the camera and then I post. Dang. And that one was just for funsies. Oh, it was just for funsies. But I was also throwing shake because I really hated my ex’s friends. Like I hated most of ’em. Um, and I posted it and I was just like, whatever that one’s like, kind of funny. I thought it was funny.
That one was just for like shits and giggles. And then next thing I know that is funny. Next thing I know, it was like blowing up. Like I checked my phone like 10 minutes later and it was already like starting to like climax and I was like, What just happened? Like I did not even, I didn’t expect it to blow up the way that it did, but it did after that one, and then after that I was like, Wow, that’s kind of crazy
That’s kinda, Would you say the takeaway lesson is if you want to blow up talk shit about your exes, would you say that’s the takeaway? No, that’s not even the takeaway. I would just say, just post this stuff . Cause all of the like, Yeah, you can cause it people. People, um, like relatable things, you know, people like relatable things.
Yeah, absolutely. That one. Absolutely. I got a lot of tension from men too, who were like, Oh, you’re just insecure, da da da. And I was like, I said, Take, take it as you will. Like, if you’re mad about it, Absolutely mad about it. Right. Um, so then you’re doing some shit, obviously. Yeah. So it was, with that one, I was kind of just like, Well, I don’t really care what anybody has to say.
This is just for my experience, which is why I said take it how you will. Um, But I would just say like if you’re posting on TikTok and you’re posting just content and stuff, it’s, it’s very good to be just authentic and yourself, cuz that’s, that’s some shit I would say around my friend group. Like, that’s, that’s just stuff that I would say.
So if you wanna Absolutely, if you wanna like build your content, you want to be able to just really just be yourself, because that’s what’s gonna attract, like people that are like you and you want to have an audience. Can relate to you because if you can’t find a, an audience that can relate to you, you’re gonna get like a bunch of different weird people.
Well, I mean, and it’s fine. I completely agree. You know, like some people are more negative than others and you don’t really want that. So the, the key is to just really be yourself and let the people that are like you find you. That’s, that’s what I’ve think about you. You, you know what I really love about your, your TikTok though, and kind of.
Persona in, in general is your, I feel like you are really authentic because, you know, it, it’s, everyone’s experienced this going like scrolling through TikTok and you see the same person doing the same video a million times in a row. And I’m like, Okay, that’s, you know, it’s cool and I, I get it and there is an audience for that, but I think there’s more of an audience for authenticity and doing something different.
Like, you know, the first person to do something, You know what I’m saying? And I feel like. You kind of have that vibe to you where it’s, it’s authentic. I don’t see you really following everyone else’s trend. I feel like you just, you’re, you’re doing your own thing, which I really love about you. Thank you so much.
Um, there was, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on TikTok that like try to help people grow their TikTok and a lot of ’em are like, you wanna build a niche, like stick to a niche, stick with that like, you know, format. Yeah. I can’t do. I’m one of those people that I can’t really do the trends. Like there, there will be some trends where I’m like, Oh, that’s really cool.
And then I can’t put myself into that trend because I literally can’t relate to it. You know what I mean? And it’s not that I’m gonna try to force myself like there’s like trending sounds. Some of ’em, which I really love, I can’t do just because I’m like, well, I’m not gonna make something up to try to relate to that because that’s not really, Yeah.
You know, like that’s not, that’s kind of fake and I don’t really wanna do. So the whole pick a niche thing, like try to follow a format like it, it wasn’t for me. I, I did that in the beginning of my ticks and like some of them did well, but I feel like the more that I did ticks, the more that I would speak and just be myself on camera.
That’s the ones that like really blew up and people would interact more to it. So I like that better. Oh yeah. I Authenticity wins every time, all the. Every time. So I, I completely agree with you. Oh, well, one of the things I was gonna ask you though, and you know what my podcast is about, talking about, you know, mental health relationships and so on and so forth, uh, is reading in between the lines, it seems like you, are you like you’re single now?
Yes. Yeah, I am. and, and I’m just, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna be blunt. It seems like your ex was, was he a cheater? Yeah. Uh, yeah. . I, Okay. So , it was, the situation was complicated. Um, I do take responsibility for, for the way that I handled things, just because it would’ve been easier to leave. You know, there’s always that, well, you should have just left.
And I’ve heard that so many times before and it’s like, you’re right, I should have left, but I didn’t, and these were the consequences of me not leaving. And so you, so you took ’em back the first time, is what you’re saying? I did. Mm-hmm. because it was just a lot, but I mean, there was a lot of love there, so it was like, well, if you’re really sorry, yeah, you can work on it, but.
Well, how long were you guys dating for, uh, before he cheated or like throughout the entire relationship?
uh, . Before he cheated. Before he cheated before. I don’t even remember. I wanna say we were together for a year before he cheated. We were together for a year, like a solid year. Okay. Well, I don’t wanna say that makes sense, but I will say that, you know, if you built up something with someone, you’re living with them.
Right. And then, And which I think, by the way, and I don’t know him so I can say that it’s disrespectful on his end. Okay. He’s living with you. Okay, but people aren’t living and uh, that’s what I’m saying, the comp the situation. Okay, gotcha. But like, there was still a lot of love there and I was like, okay, well if you really, we really wanna make this work, then fine.
I’ll give you, you know, another chance, whatever. Um, but yeah, go on . Go on. Still the connection we were together for. Well, I, you know what I mean? It was like a year. Yeah. A little. Yeah, there is a lot. It was a hiccup, but was it one of those things where, you know how you see those girls who are kind of like, which I don’t know if I agree with or not, but they’re like, What would you do if it was like the, the like first month of you guys dating, he cheated on you and he admitted it to you and now you guys are a year in.
And I was like, The first month, that would be easier to get over. Or was it something like you guys were deep in and he still fucked? Like, Which was it for you? Yeah, it was like we were deep in and like he fucked up and I was, I was kind of like, Whoa, damn. Yeah. I was like, well damn. Like. If, if he had cheated like sooner, like say a month in, I would’ve, it would’ve been easier to leave.
I’ve been like, I don’t wanna play games like that. And obviously if you’re gonna be doing that already a month in, like what could you do later on? You know what I mean? Yeah. So that’s how I, how I looked at it. Absolutely. Um, but a year in, I was like, Do I really, Can we like, is it real? Are we really gonna throw that away?
And he, he did the thing where it was. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Like things like that, like he really did aol and I thought he was being very genuine with his apology, and he did the things that was like, I promise, like I’ll change and I’ll do better, and like I won’t let it happen again.
Like, and for a little while it was really good, like for a little while. You know, he really did try to work on things, but I think it was just, it, it, it got really toxic. Like after that. Wow. So like it, unfortunately I’m drinking wine and not tea. But tell me the tea. So like did, how did you find out? Was it there?
Was he upfront or did you just find out? Okay, so here is where it gets complicated. So how big have you’ve seen friends, Have you seen friends? The show friends. Okay, so Rachel and Ross were on a break. The break. Exactly. So what? They were on a break. Okay. So that’s kind of what happened in my situation. So, Oh, so he had asked for a break.
Right. But in the very beginning of our relationship, , we had talked about breaks being in a relationship and he was always very set on, right? I don’t believe in breaks, like what are breaks in a relationship, like if we’re in it together, like we’re gonna work through whatever, like there are no taking breaks.
So right later on in the relationship, he asked for a break and I threw that in his face and I said, Why do you wanna break? You told me you don’t believe in those, so why are you asking for one now? And Right. I tried to be as understanding as I could and he said like, you know, it’s just things are like too much for me.
I just need some time. Like alone, da da da da. Which was funny because like we weren’t living together. He was living in Fresno and I was living like 45 minutes away. So it was like, this is kind of odd, but I’m gonna respect you and like give you that because this is what you’re asking of me. And I tried to be as supportive as I could be.
You know, being a girlfriend. So I said, Yeah, you know, like, take whatever mental breaks you need, like whatever. Um, he told me, he was like, I’m not doing this because I wanna sleep with other people. That was red flag number one, cuz I had not even brought that up. But he brought it up himself, right? He, he brought it up.
He brought it up and I said, Okay. Like, okay, I’m full trust. Like whatever, do what you gotta do. I think the break lasted like a solid three days. So he had slept with a girl like within the first night of breaking up with me, or the second night of breaking up with me and then came back, like drove to my house and came back like devastated.
And I was just like, What is going on with you? And he was like, I’m so sorry. Like, I don’t wanna break. Like I It’s you. It’s only you. Like, like it’s, I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, I swear, like I, I realized like, if it’s not you, like I don’t want to just sleep around with like random bitches and da da da da.
And I was like, he brought that out again, like just randomly. And I said, Well, so did you sleep with someone? And he goes, No, no, it’s nothing like that. But I’m just saying. And I was like, Okay. I was like, , but you ain’t dumb. But honey marshal ain’t dumb. Stupid. All right. I wasn’t stupid. Like I caught that.
Yeah. And so he said that and then, um, he drove me back to his apartment. He was living with his sisters at the time. Like they all shared an apartment together. But he drove me back there. And we were supposed to go out with like a couple of friends that night, the night that we got back together after like being on a break for three days.
And I get to his apartment and I swear like this was like the most mind blowing shit that I’d ever experienced in my entire life. So I walk into his room and like the bed’s like made, but like messy made. and I’m putting my stuff down and I see a condom wrapper on his dresser. And then I see a pillow, oh my God, a pillow stuffed, um, between his bed frame and the wall.
And then I opened up his drawer and it was a picture frame that I had created a collage of pictures of us tucked inside his sock drawer. And I, Oh my God was shaking. I was. What the is this? And he was like, No, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I said, Why is there a pillow right there? Like, what does that do here?
Yeah. I was like, And why is our picture put away? I was like, And what is this condom wrapper doing on your dresser? And he was like, First, he was like, First let me go shower. And I . I was like, Shower, you wanna go shower? I was like, You have all this evidence right in front of me and you wanna go shower? So whatever.
He goes and showers and I’m like freaking out in his bedroom and like at this point I’m like shaking and crying, just pissed. Cause I already know. I already know. So I’m gonna ask him. Obviously he gets out of the shower and I go, What, what is going on? What did you do? I was like, What did you do? And he was like, No, I was using the condom to like, you know, like, like basically like please himself.
But he was using the, and I was like, Beat us meat. And I was like, You’re a effing liar. I was like, You’re lying right now. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie me? I was like, there’s no, there’s literally a pillow like tucked between your bed frame and your wall and our pictures put away. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie to me and just be honest.
And he was like, tried to go with that lie for like, I don’t even know how long, like a good solid 10 minutes before I started just like going in on him like, What the fuck did you like, I mean, I was going crazy. And um, he then finally said it and he was like, Yes, okay, yeah, I slept with somebody else. And I was like, Okay.
I was like, You’re trash. I was like, I cannot fucking believe you. I was like, You’re a liar and you’re cheating. You’re a snake. And he was like, Well, we were on a break. I was like, Bro, but you literally said that you weren’t gonna do this on the break. I was like, So you’re not a cheater, but you’re a fucking liar and that maybe that’s worse.
I was like, That’s worse, and you’re sitting here lying about it. Um, yeah, and then I asked who it was because I had an idea about who it was, and I think. Oh shit. I kind of knew who it was because there was this girl from his workplace that was like messaging him and I would tell him like, I don’t, that’s not comfortable with me.
I was like, Take her off cuz like she was on his Snapchat and I was like, take her off. So he did. And then one day I was on his Snapchat cuz we were on it together. Yeah, yeah. He had me. He handed me his phone and like she was right back there, like in his chat screen, and I was like, What is she doing back there?
Why is she there? Like, if you had already told me you took her off, She’s like, Oh, well maybe like, she added me back and then took her off in front of me. Um, so that night that, that happened, I was like, Well, who did you sleep with? And he was like, Nobody that, you know, like it was just random. Like, I downloaded Tinder and da da da da.
I was like, So you’re telling me. You downloaded Tinder and found a girl in like two seconds. I was like, That’s no. I was like, Let’s be fucking real. I was like, That’s not what. And he was like, No, I swear, like it was somebody from Tinder, like, I don’t even know her, da da da da. I was like, Alright. Like, just sitting there trying, trying let, letting him think that I believed it, um, the entire time I knew who it was, uh, but I was trying to let him, so it was that girl.
I didn’t, he didn’t confess to it until like, maybe like three months later because he was having. Mental breakdown and anxiety and da, da da. And he decided to tell me, like, finally tell me who it was. In the middle of us hanging out with my family, like we were all hanging out with my family and in my living room, in my house, just randomly hanging out.
And he sat down and he was having like a panic attack and he sat down, he goes, I’m so sorry. And I was like, Where is this come from? And he was like, I, I lied to you and you know who it is. I was like, What are you talking about? He’s like, The girl that I slept with, you know who it is? And I was like, No, I don’t.
I was like, He told me it was a girl from Tinder. He was like, Honey, you know who it is. It was the girl from work and we were sitting on the couch and he was telling this to me quietly. Well, my entire family was like in the living room and I . I started laughing. Oh my God. I started laughing. I was like, This is the worst fucking possible time to be telling me this shit.
So I was laughing and I was like, Yeah. I was like, Honestly. I was like, You can go fuck yourself. And I was laughing and he got up from the couch and went to my room and cried or something. And I remember walking . I remember walking into my room and comforting him because I was. This is so fucking bizarre, but like you’re literally having a mental breakdown.
I did. I was comforting him the entire time throughout the entire process. Like it was me trying to comfort him and all that shit, and I was just like, Oh my gosh, what the fuck am I doing here? So like the, to the, the toxicity came after all of that. Like I really, I wanna say that I really try to make things work after.
I got Honey Maxwell here again on the Single Father podcast. I was talking to her. We lost a little, uh, uh, connection there, but she was basically telling me how she basically, she got manipulated into babysit. A baby. Really? She, she had manipulated into like dating a baby a child. Yeah. Um, which is pretty awful.
And I think the last, the last thing you said there was you were going into your room and you had to, basically comfort him after you just admitted to cheating on you if the woman that you knew. Yeah. Which is awful. And we, we, we can get off the subject soon, but I just wanted to like point out how just awful that is and how he sounds like a, a typical fuckboy.
Horrible . It was horrible. And the funny thing is about that though, is that I didn’t tell anybody, Like, I did not tell a single soul that that happened. Um, so I was keeping it all to myself trying to deal with it Really? Yes. On my own. And it drove me insane. Like, it literally drove me crazy because he didn’t really want me to tell anybody, obviously, because they would be like, Honey, leave him.
Um, so I kept it to myself and I tried to deal with it on my own. And for the longest time, it literally just drove me mad and he knew that it drove me mad, like I started acting like a psycho person. Um, and when I finally, when things finally ended between us, I finally told like my best friend, like my best friend that I tell everything to, I didn’t tell her.
And so when we ended the relationship, I finally told her and she just looked at me and she was like, You’ve been going through all that on your own, and you didn’t tell me. And I was like, because I knew what everybody would say. You, everybody would tell me to leave him. And I wasn’t ready yet. I was like, I, I, I guess I wasn’t ready.
And I didn’t want anybody to know, He didn’t want me to tell anybody. So I did. And she just, the, the amount of pain that she had for me when I told her was like sickening, Like it broke my own heart again all over again when I had to tell her and. Her what? After I told everybody, they kind of just looked at me and they were like, I can’t believe you went through all that.
And I was like, Yeah, well, the shit you do for love, I guess, But yeah. But did it crazy? Did it kind of, did it kind of empower you when you finally said, Okay, this is enough? Like, did you feel good about it? Like, did you feel like, okay, this is, this is what always needed to happen? Yeah, like the night, the night that I left, that story was crazy to you.
Like I’m telling you, the entire relationship after me finding out that he had slept with the person, he literally told me not to worry about It changed the relationship in a way where it was. We had bad days that were really, really, really, really bad and we would just not leave each other alone. And then we had really, really, really good days that made it seem like, okay, this is definitely worth fighting for.
But the bad days, um, started to outweigh all the good stuff, um, towards the end. And I think that’s what made me finally, finally like, go. And the, the night that I left, that story was insane. And I tell it to people when they ask and I’m, They . They’re like, What the hell? And I’m like, Yeah. But I mean, when I finally, finally left it, it did take some time for me to like be certain of that decision.
Cuz there was still a part of me that was like, Well, what if this isn’t right? What if I’m supposed to stay and fight for it? Um, and that lasted for maybe like a month or two after like me actually leaving. Um, but when it was all done, I think it was, it was really just, I was like, I’m never going back to that ever.
Like ever. No, no. I, But you watch shit, You ever Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That sounds just completely awful. Um, and so it sounds like your, your ex there was having like a little panic attack, but have you ever had struggles with like, mental health or anxiety attacks before in the past or I, I have had, So it, in high school, I’m 23 now, so this was like years I want to say. Um, in high school, I wanna say my freshman year, I started, started getting really, really bad anxiety. Um, I was, even, even as a kid though, I was always kind of like a very shy, nervous kid. Like no matter what I did, I was always kind of nervous.
But when high school came around, it really liked, it, really peaked it, and it peaked in a way that was so uncomfortable. And I don’t really understand how I did any things, any of the things that I did do in high school because I had such bad anxiety. But I really went through a lot of depression too. Um, oh, at one point I like begged my parents to let me go on home studies because I could not deal with the fact that I had to go up, like get up every day out of bed and go to school.
Like, it just really, put a dent in a lot of things. Like I was so unhappy with it all and I, I begged my parents, I was like, Please let me go like on home studies. And they, they were so against it cuz they worked a lot. So they were like, No, because like, we can’t be here for you, like when you’re home by yourself, like teaching yourself things and da da da.
And I was like, Okay. So I really pushed through, but for as long as I can remember, since high school, I dealt with really bad anxiety and depression. Um, even before, What were you, what were you depressed about though? Like, when you say like, I just can’t deal with it all. What, what was, what were the things that you couldn’t deal with?
See, that’s the thing. I don’t have like real answers for that. Like, I, so I tell people this all the time and it’s like, it’s, it was that type of thing where it was like, you don’t really know where it’s coming from because I didn’t have a bad life. Like, I didn’t grow up like, you know, in an abusive household or anything.
Like, there was no real, like, right, um, like tangible reason for me to feel the way that I felt. It was just, it just, that’s how I felt. Um, and even explaining that to my parents for the longest time because they knew that I, there was something off and they couldn’t really understand it. So they would always ask me like, What can we do to help you?
Like, how are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? And I didn’t have answers. And it, it caused like a really bad breakdown for me at one point. And my parents were so confused and they, they felt sorry because they didn’t know what they could do to help me. Um, they, they ended up like having me try, try out therapy and go to a therapist, and I went for like three sessions and then I said, No, it’s fine.
Like, I don’t wanna be like that. Like, I don’t need it. Like, I’ll fix myself or whatever. Um, and it took a long, it took a long time because I didn’t go back to therapy after those three sessions, and I just kept feeling the way that I felt for the longest time. Um, and eventually, eventually I just had to sort through my own shit.
Like, I really had to sit down with myself and be like, Okay, well what’s really going on here? Uh, before I finally like, dug myself out of it, I, I would say that I’m not as depressed now. Like, I don’t really feel the way that I once felt. Um, and I’m, and I’m not very anxious either. Like some days. Have more anxiety than other days.
But normally I’m like, Okay. But I went through that in high school and there, there was no explanation for it. There wasn’t a real solid reason for me to be like, Oh yeah, this is why I’m feeling like this, or whatever. It was just one of those things that just came up and, and I, I couldn’t really explain it.
I get like that all the time where you just kind of don’t even know really why you’re depressed. You’re just kind of like, Hey, I think I’m depressed this week. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and you really can’t point, like you could say, Oh, I think it’s this, but then you really don’t know. Mm-hmm. , I, I completely get what you mean.
But what, what was the deal with therapy though? Why didn’t you like it? Was it just the person, Was it the, the, like was it just the fact that you’re going to therapy that you didn’t like? Well, what about that was kind of like unappealing to you? Yeah, So I had a really bad attitude , um, when I was a teenager, , like really bad.
Like it was. It was so bad that my parents were just like, Okay, she can do whatever she wants cuz we’re not gonna deal with it if she like goes off. Um, and I reflect back on that now and I think about the times that I did go to therapy for those three sessions and I was so stubborn cuz I didn’t want to be helped.
Like, I wasn’t ready for someone to come in and say, Here are all the things like that you need to work on. Because like, initially that’s exactly what it was like, now that I look back on it, like I was just so unhappy with myself, I think. And when I, when my parents said therapy, I was like, What the f I was like, I’m not gonna go.
I ended up going just to see like, if that would help them feel better. Cause I really did feel like shit for making them feel like shit for not being able to help me. So I went hoping like, oh, like, you know, like, maybe, maybe this will make them feel better, make like, let them see that I’m like, I’m, I want to get better.
But I really wasn’t in. In a place of like, like readiness to get the help. So when I went and I sat down with the lady, I was like so stubborn. I didn’t say a word. We sat there for like an hour. We had like an hour session and she was like, Okay, just let’s just talk. And I said, Okay. And stop there. and did not say a word.
And I was like, I don’t really want to do this. Like, it wasn’t, my attitude was like, I’m, I don’t need this. Like, I don’t need therapy. Like I’m fine. Is what it was. Like my brain switched and I was like, I don’t actually need this. Like, I don’t wanna be here. Um, I ended up going twice after that first session and this like the second time I talked a little bit more.
And the third time I did talk a little bit more and I was like, Okay, maybe I can do this. Like maybe, maybe this is a good thing. And then my brain switched back and I was like, Actually no, I don’t need it. Like, I can fix myself. It’s fine. So then I didn’t go back and then I started doing things with things like on my own, or at least I tried to, I was in a rut there for a little while, if I’m gonna be honest with you.
Yeah. But those were all personal decisions, like there I had, so every person in my family like tried to help me and I was not ready to receive help yet. and that’s what it came down to. I just wasn’t ready. I thought I didn’t need it, like I could do it on my own. Um, I was very against like listening to others’ advice because I was like, You don’t really know though, like you don’t know what I’m going through, so how can you give me advice?
That was the mindset that I had, um, for the longest time. I get it. So yeah. I get it completely. It, it’s interesting cuz when you feel like that, you kind of feel like, Well, listen, I, I, I really, I really do, uh, like connect with you on that because I remember when I was going through therapy a little bit as a teenager, kind of the similar situation, but like, I was like, Dude, I don’t want to do this.
Like, you don’t really know what I’m going through. I feel awful and I don’t really, really want to talk to you. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don’t wanna talk to some stranger. Yeah. Who’s saying like, these are the things that’s wrong with you. Yeah. And although I do support therapy, like I get what I completely get what you’re saying because like, it’s like, Yeah.
I don’t wanna talk to some stranger, I don’t wanna talk to anyone, period. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? Yeah. It’s kinda, I I I get it. And you’re just kinda like a little ang I was a pretty bad teenager myself. Like I, I was kind of , just angry and just, I don’t know. You think that you’re right about, and it’s only until you get older you’re like, Yeah, maybe, Maybe they were right a little bit.
Yeah. , you know, that’s, that was me for the longest time, so I get it. And now that you’re living with your family though, do you feel like your family was. I mean, were they instrumental in your kind of anxiety or depression, or do they really help you in kind of figuring that out? What, what? Like are you close with them or No?
Oh, I’m so close with them. Like my family and I like when people who don’t come from like close families come to my house and see how my family is together. They’re kind of like, What is happening here? Like, they get confused. Yeah. Um, yeah. And they’re like, What? And I’m like, This is just how we are. Like, we’re all friends.
Like, yes, he’s my dad, but he’s also a buddy. And yes, he’s my mom, but also we like to talk shit like, like that’s how my family is. Like we’re just very close. Um, we weren’t always like that. Mm-hmm. obviously no. Family is perfect, but we all really grew into it and we all, I don’t know, I guess since, since getting older, we all kind of just started trying to under understand each other.
And so, yeah, like now we’re all just like a Brady Bunch. Like that’s what we call ourselves. Like there’s not much of us, but like, we’re really a Brady. Like we’re so close. It’s kind of insane. I love that. I love that. Really. I really do. I no, I, I get what you mean because sometimes I feel jealous when I go over at people’s houses and their families are all like together or whatever, you know?
Yeah. And then it is kind of like, Wow, I really admire and, and want that. And it’s something that I really strive for with my daughter as well. Cuz, cuz I mean, obviously I’m a single father mm-hmm. and, um, uh, I share custody with my daughter, but one of the things I really kinda strive for is to make her feel like she can tell me anything.
Like, we’re like, we’re best friends, basically, you know? Yeah. It’s very important. It scares me sometimes because she can really, like, you know, she can scare me like she yells at me , but, um, she, you know, I really do want to make her feel like we’re, we’re just best friends. Yeah. And I, That’s what, what you described is exactly what I want.
Yes. I hope, I hope it’s like that. And then, and your, your dad is kinda like that too, from what I gather, right? He’s really supportive. Yes. And you can feel like you could tell him anything? Oh, yeah. Um, like, like I said, we weren’t always like that for, for a long time. My parents were very like into work, Like they just worked a lot.
Um, so being able to talk to him wasn’t really like one of those things that my sisters and I would do just because they worked so much and they were always so stressed out about like, you know, just parenting things, you know? And I, my sisters and I really like relied on each other growing up. Um, but now that my parents are older and that it was us girls have gotten older, we’ve all kind of, I guess my parents realize like, Oh shit, like, my kids like, need me more than just like to be, you know, like someone who puts the roof over their heads and puts food on the table.
Like, we really need to be like their friends. Like we need to be someone that they can come to and stuff like that. Um, so I don’t know. Somewhere along the way my parents just like, Switched roles instead of just being like working parents. They were just like, everything they turned out to be everything that like a kid would really want.
It’s kind of weird to say that because growing up I really looked up to my parents, but they, it was hard to like talk about things with them. Um, so yeah, so it was, it was kind of weird growing up, but not in a bad way. Just in a way that I felt like I couldn’t really communicate my feelings and they’d like actually listen.
Uh, but now that we’re all older, when I tell them things and I talk to ’em, they sit there and they’re like, Okay, well yeah. Like I get that. Like this was what I did when I was a kid and like, you’re about that same age. So like, what do you think you could do? And, you know, they, they help advise more now, I would say.
Um, but it did take work from my end. My sister’s ends, their ends like, it, it really takes everybody to wanna make it work that way and not just like one person, you know what I mean? So I should quit my job is basically what you’re saying. No, no, no, no, because my parents still work. My parents still work a lot.
Um, they, they’re very hard workers. Um, but like, like I said, like growing up, like they worked so much. Like I really rarely ever saw my mother. Like she worked all the time and my dad was the dad that, that would cook dinner, you know, clean, clean up the kitchen and stuff, and like make sure we were in bed, showered and like, he did all like the motherly things.
I would wanna say, like , he did all the motherly things because his job was, was like, he would wake up at three in the morning and then be home by the time we got off for school. But my mom, she worked like, like wow. Six in the morning and then wouldn’t get home until like after we were already in bed because of curfew.
So it was kind of like that. Um, so they worked a lot and they tried to be there. Uh, my dad was very present though. He’s very present. Like he, because his job allowed him to like, you know, call off days and stuff and he would be there for every freaking, like, field trip. Every, you know, my mom was there for all the awards ceremonies, like, I love it.
They did, they did their parts. Both of them did what they could with what they had, um, is what it was. But I don’t know. I feel like somewhere along the way I was just very, I was very, like, I don’t wanna, I saw how much they worked for us girls to give us everything that we could possibly have. And I felt like, I guess I felt as a kid, like I don’t wanna burden them with like, feelings, like my feelings to say, Hey, mom and dad, like, I’m sad about this because like, just because I’m sad about it, but like, you guys are already doing the best that you can as parents.
Like, I didn’t really, I think maybe that’s where it comes from because I didn’t wanna just add another load to like things. Things that they were already doing. Right. And be like, Hey, by the way, there’s this though. And it’s like, I just didn’t want them to feel bad because I felt like something was off.
Even though I, like, they’re doing things the best they could, I think is what it is. Well, listen, that’s the burden for every parent is you work hard to take care of your family, but you don’t have any time to spend with them. Yeah. So it’s nice that like, at a, at a older age, you are able to get that with them and be so close.
Yeah. Um, but I am compelled to ask you though, like, you know, angry teenager dealing with anxiety and depression. If you weren’t going to therapy, how did you deal with those things and kind of overcome that a little bit? So, I , I went about going, doing things the way that I wanted to do them. I kept my bad attitude.
I kept, you know, I don’t, it was just, it was awful. Like I look back at it now and. It was horrible. Uh, my sister said one thing, , my sister, my oldest sister, and she was like the rebel out of all of us girls. Like I would say. She was like, she really, she really. But, um, anyways, you putting her on blast. She like, she’s great though now. Like she learned through like with her stuff and all the things that she did. And so with me, I was like, Well, I wanna do whatever I want. And so my attitude is my attitude and no one can change me. And I just had that mentality. But one day she told me one thing that really fucking hurt my feelings.
And I was like, All right, you gotta cut this shit. You gotta figure out what’s going on with you because this is not okay. She sat, she didn’t even sit me down, she kind of just like came to me and was like, Nobody fucking likes you because everybody has to walk on eggshells with you and nobody likes a person like that.
And she was like, So if you don’t wanna change yourself, well then you can just be by yourself for the rest of your life, because nobody’s gonna deal with it. . And I was like, Oh, that hurt me so much. And I was like, You gotta figure it out. Like, and you gotta figure it out fast because you’re losing your sisters.
And I think, and like my parents were like scared of me and my attitude and it was kind of just like an ugly feeling after that. And after that I was kind of just like, All right, you need to, you need to shut the fuck up and just sit with yourself for a little while and just figure it out. Like really figure it out.
Yeah. So that’s what I did. Like, I just, I toned it down, you know, like I still had like a few outbursts here and there obviously, cause it was gonna fix itself overnight. Um, but I really sat down and was like, Alright bro, like figure this out. Like re like recognize your triggers, what’s going on here? Like, why do you feel this, this way?
Like, and I sat there and I like, I got help from my brother-in-law as well though cuz he’s a very, I would say he’s wise, he’s very intelligent. He read, he reads a lot of books. . So when he, because he asked you if you were alive recently, right? Yeah, yeah. He asked me, He was like, Are you alive? And I was like, Brad, I don’t even know if I’m like a human being.
Um, but he, he , but he’s like very, he’s very intelligent and I don’t, like, I don’t even everybody that meets him loves him because he is like the wisest person that we know. You can go to him for anything and he’ll have advice to give you, or he’ll have a story to tell you that will lead you to the right, the right way.
I don’t, it’s, it’s crazy, but I got a lot of help from him. Um, and again, this is because I wanted help. I finally wanted to get better. I wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to continue like being the way that I was. Um, and he was very, he was very, um, like gentle with it all. He was, he would say like, Hey, I know sometimes people don’t want help, but like, if you ever finally want help, like let me know I can help you.
Like he and he would put that out there. Yeah, he would understand that. You know, like, I wasn’t ready to be helped yet, but then he, he let me know like, when you’re ready, like, I’m here to help you. Like we can talk, you can talk about whatever. I’ll sit and I’ll listen. You know? Um, so right. So it was him and my oldest sister that really, really kind of like, didn’t push me, but they really encouraged me.
Like, I can, I don’t have to be like that. And they knew cuz they knew I was with them all the time. Like they were the people that I hung out with the most, I wanna say apart from like my school friends and stuff. But they really knew who I was, like deep down. And they knew that I, I wasn’t just the, the angry honey with the bad attitude.
Like they knew that wasn’t really me. Um, so they really helped encourage me to like figure out what the hell is going on. So you can not feel like that anymore. and not be like that anymore. I, I feel like in a way, like you knew that wasn’t you too, right? Yes. Like you, you’re, you’re kinda like, you know, this isn’t me.
Yeah. And you wanted to get better. Yeah, I did. Um, I was, yeah, and that’s really inspiring. You gotta, you have to recognize it within yourself is, I would say, because for the longest time, like I knew that wasn’t who I was and it’s not the person that I wanted to be either. But I, something just made me very angry, and I like switched roles because growing up as a kid, like I was, I was a sweetheart.
Like all my teachers would always be like, Oh, Honey’s like one of the nicest students. Like, she helps others, you know, she’s very caring, honest, and yada, yada, yada. Um, and I don’t, I really don’t know like where the rules switched for me, but like, I got to high school and I was just like angry all the time.
Um, and then eventually I was like, this is not even me. Like, it was like some sort of like crazy facade or whatever that was going on, but like, I. It was like, this is, It was tiring too. It was like, it was like exhausting, like being the mean girl or like being mean to everybody. Oh yeah. So I was like, I enough is enough.
It, it’s so interesting you say that too, because I feel like we have very similar situations, but yet very different at the same time. Like, I remember when I was in high school, my parents were getting a divorce and things like that. Mm-hmm. , I was just so angry at the world and I was kinda like angry at just everyone around me.
Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? And like I had, I had to go to foster care for a day and I think that pissed me off. And, and when I got to college I felt like I was really just kind of this asshole. Like I, and which is a lot of reason why I do this podcast in general is cuz I feel like people got a, people got to see a version of me that wasn’t really myself.
Mm-hmm. . It was kind of like the, it was kind of like just the angry version of myself, you know, just angry. And I had something so similar where this girl that I was, um, uh, very familiar with, she comes up to me one day and just like, Dude, kind exactly what your sister told you. It was like, Dude, you’re, you’re, this isn’t good.
Like, you know, no one’s really vibing with kind of the personality that you have and who you are becoming and things like that. And it su it. When I say it hurt my feelings. I mean, it really is. It breaks your heart. Hurt hurt me. Poor. Yeah. Yeah, it did. You know, cuz you always think that, but you don’t want someone to Yeah.
And someone finally said that and you’re like, Fuck. Like, damn. Like, yeah. I’m like, ouch. Mm-hmm. , you know, and you wanna get angry, but you’re like, Dude, you, you know. Yeah. Um, and I, and I, and I really had to make a change. You know, it takes time for people to kind of, um, you know, cause I always say this, I know some people who saw me in college.
Maybe your opinion of me is set in stone, but for others, you know, there’s more of me at to see. And it’s kind of just seeing a different side of someone because you never really know what someone’s going through. Mm-hmm. . And so the fact that you’re able to recognize that about yourself is, I think it’s, it’s so important.
It really is. Yeah. I totally get it. I mean, I feel the exact same way though, cuz like you say, people like in college might have perceived you like completely different because they saw only like the angry version of you. There’s probably a ton of people that look at me and think, Oh, she’s probably just a pitch for life because like, that’s who I was for so long, you know?
Um, people now though, probably see. And they’re like, Who the fuck is she? Because she’s like completely different. Like, I’m much lighter, like, like energy wise, um, than I used to be. You know what I mean? Like your energy definitely carries Absolutely. Like, I, it was very heavy, uh, for me growing, like, not growing up, but like in high school a lot.
I didn’t have like a big group of friends and stuff. And like the people who were outside of my friend group only ever saw like, Oh, don’t mess with honey. Like, she’s ki like, she kind of has an attitude and she’s kind of like one of those girls and stuff like that. Um, but like the people that really knew me mm-hmm.
knew that like, oh, she’s really not that bad. But like, that was just that hard shell that I had that was just like angry. And yeah, I do have an attitude. Don’t like make me use it, like stuff like that. Um, but now, now, yeah, now my mom looks at me and she’s like, You’re a completely different person. She’s like, you’re the little five year old that I remember that would run around the house just like.
Being sweet and like, you know, she’s like, you would really come back to yourself. That’s what my mom told me after, after like months of like trying to figure my shit out. Um, which was really nice to hear because I finally felt like, yeah, this is, this is really me. Like I’m not that mean person that is rude and like, has an attitude all the time.
Um, like I still can be like, I can be obviously to defend myself when need be, but like, that’s not who I am as a person. And so when that came from my mom, I was like, that feels good because now I really know, like someone, like I kind of felt it in myself that I was coming back home to me, but having someone say it to me was a real confirmation.
Like, yeah, I’m on the right path. And I’m, I’m like really putting in the work to like be who I am again. Oh yeah. So that was nice. Oh yeah. Cuz you can feel, Yeah. You, you, you can feel when you’re like, Okay, I’m, I’m getting back to who mm-hmm. I am. You know, you can feel that. Th That’s interesting though. I, I mean, it really is just to, to hear different perspective from, you know, your point of view, but being on tapes out though, where you put yourself out there.
Yeah. And I think you mentioned before, you know, you have some, there’s even some haters out there who say this and that. How do you deal with that? Because that’s just complete strangers. It, it is probably vulnerable. Putting yourself, yourself out there and saying, Okay, this is me. And having someone comment this or that, you know?
Yeah. I don’t really , I don’t, I don’t like to, like, I’ll obviously I see them, um, in the beginning stages of my TikTok. Uh, there were times where I would respond to some of them and just like have a sly like, remark back, like something really fucking mean. Yeah. Uh, just because that’s, but that’s my, that’s my personality too.
Like if someone says something to me, I always have like a very quick remark to say back and now, Yeah. My TikTok is kind of, I don’t want, I don’t know if I wanna say it’s growing, but it has more followers than it used to. I used to only have like 10 k. It’s growing. It’s like, yeah. So, so now when I get hate comments, like I’ll read through them and some of them are j, most of them actually are just angry men.
Um, which I don’t understand, cuz I’m like, I’m a 23 year old girl just talking shit on the internet. Like, why are you so, like, why are you really angry? Um, so I sit there and I, I think about it and I’m like, well, they must be going through their own insecurities to really feel a type of way. So like, I don’t bother responding back.
Like sometimes I do, if, if what I have to say is not that mean. Um, but most of the time I’ll hurt people. Yeah. So most of the time I just read it and I’m like, Whatever. Like you, I don’t know you, you don’t even know me. And most of the time I feel like they are receiving my TikTok tos, like completely wrong.
Anyways. Most of the shit that I post is like a joke, Like un, unless it’s being like dead serious, which usually I’m not, um, it’s just a joke. And if, if that, if it flies over your head, it flies over your head, I really have no control over how you perceive me. Um, so, and it’s none of my business really.
Like, you’ll put it out there on, on social media. People have their own opinions about you. I mean, people talk shit. Everybody talks shit. And it’s like, all right, like now what? Like, you talked your shit. Now what? Like, I , it’s not gonna change my day. You know what I mean? So I don’t really deal with it. I, I like to read them and laugh out loud.
Sure. But like, other than that, I don’t really engage anymore.
I I totally feel you. I I, I imagine it’s a different situation for me, I, I’m, I, I, I feel like I’m so busy. I’m not really on social media that much. Like I post what I have to post and then I kind of, You know, I kind of go back to whatever, but I imagine there’s a lot of different, Yeah.
Like you kind of said in man. Yeah. I imagine there’s some inappropriate comment. I imagine there’s like people just being, being addicted to be a dick. So it, But you’re saying it kind of, that’s like the lowest form of your like, worries. You don’t really care about that. Yeah. No, because like you watched the video anyways.
I’m like, you watched the video, now you’re commenting, if anything, you’re just gaining me more views. Yeah. So like, thank you for that. I mean, like the, the comment was, I like the comment ugly, but like you took your time to post it on there. So like that’s cool. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it’s whatever.
Yeah. You’re like, I’m doing my job somehow on that. Yeah. Straight up. That’s exactly how I think of it. , I like that. I like that a lot. So, um, for any, um, cuz it seems like you’re really down to earth, really kind of like a, a person that people should, you know, look up to, if I may say, Oh, what, what, what is your advice for some, you know, young TikTok to creators who may be women?
Cause I don’t have that voice, right? Mm-hmm. , uh, maybe who women who. Or maybe experiencing some of that anxiety or angst about maybe posting online or about just dealing with mental health in general. Like, do you have something now that you do to kind of balance yourself out or, you know what I’m saying?
Yeah. So, okay. So I don’t know if this is gonna be on that topic, but I would just think about this the other day. Um, posting on social media, you think a lot about like, Oh, how are people going to perceive me? Like, what if they think this, or what if they think that? Or like, what if this video’s not good enough for like, people and they don’t like it, and yada, yada, yada.
Um, because I used to think like that too, posting or like my early post on TikTok or think like, Oh, well how are other people gonna see me? Like, is this gonna be something that I’ll like that, like this, You gotta do it for yourself is all I have to say. Like, it’s not, it’s not for anybody else really.
Yeah. It’s for, for. For yourself. Um, so I would just say like, the way people perceive you anyways is none of your business. Like, it’s not how you perceive yourself. How do you think of yourself, You know what I mean? So if you’re gonna do anything, do it for you. Um, the, the, it’s all about confidence. You gotta be confident, You gotta believe in yourself.
You gotta be confident in yourself, Uh, because people are gonna talk what, what everybody talks, you know, good, bad, whatever. You’re gonna find your people. Um, the haters are gonna hate, like, as cliche as that sounds, but it’s always there. Not everybody’s gonna love you, but that’s none of your business as long as you love yourself and you know, you just gotta do it for you.
Absolutely. Yeah. Amen. I love that. Thank you. I love that. So I’m, I’m gonna go into my next segment here, which is just helping me become less single
So I’m, I’m gonna ask you a few questions from a woman’s point of view Okay. And just kind of, if you can just gimme honest answer. Okay. So you, you’re a beautiful woman. What does it, what, what does a man do? What can a man do to gain your intentions besides not cheating? Good. Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna be honest.
It, it . I get asked this question a lot actually, and I don’t really have an answer because for me, for me, it’s hard for me to find, like, to be like my atten. I don’t pay attention to things, you know what I mean? Um, no, like, that’s a hard one. Cuz guys don’t really, I would say in person, like a genuine, like in person connection is a thing, but you don’t wanna be like, Too, too pushy or something, You know what I mean?
Cause that can kind of come off as creepy. Right, Right. But social media wise, like I don’t, I’m not really flattered by like, you know, like compliments through the dms and stuff like that. Like, most of the time I ignore them. Ah, yeah. But that’s just me. Like the flag again, your dms, it’s like, it’s saying, um, maybe when I was younger, but like now, now it’s like, like, come on, like let’s be real.
Like, I’m a real human. , , I dunno. It’s kinda, let’s be real. It’s never gonna happen. Cause like, and most of the time it’s from people that are completely like, not in my, like area either. And I don’t, I, I don’t frown upon like long distance or online relationships. That’s not what I’m saying. But for me personally, it’s not really one of those things.
Like sometimes I’ll get compliments and I’ll, I’ll say thank you, but other than that it’s kind of just like, what else is there to go off of? Like, it’s not really for me, I would rather meet somebody. Yeah, exactly. I’ve heard all of it and it’s kind of like, now it’s boring. So I’m like, I’d rather meet someone organically at like a fucking farmer’s market or like at a coffee shop, as cliche as those sounds.
But like, that’s, that’s where I, I would rather meet someone, um, because social media is so fake and I feel. When if you go on my Instagram and you see me in on my Instagram, I feel like a lot of guys already have like an idea of me and it’s like probably way off than who I really am. So it’s kind of like when they message me, I kind of already have an idea of what they think I am, depending on the message they send me.
And it’s like, I’m probably not that girl anyway, so I’m not gonna bother. Like I can’t, I, you’re either gonna get let down or you’re gonna, I don’t know, but like, either way, I’m probably not the girl that you think that I am. Um, so I’m not gonna sit here and try to waste your time, you know what I mean?
Like I love it. I mean, yeah. Get it. . So super straight up. Uh, oh my God. Had me dying. Listen, you live in Jamaica. It’s not kinda, ok. So like for, for you though, if, if, well I mean you live in Vegas, so like, I’m sure like you could go anywhere and just randomly, organically meet someone and say, Oh, like. Even if, like, you go to your local coffee shop or the same coffee shop every single day and you see a really pretty girl and you see her every day and she goes there like all the time, like, I don’t know, like maybe like start a conversation.
See, see what kind of drinks she’s having, like coffee that she likes or something. I don’t know. I would rather meet someone like that than like, on social media, you know what I mean? I listen, I, I completely agree with you. Um, and yeah, I’ve, I, I’ve been trying more, so. Well, are you on, um, are you on, So you’re single, are you on any dating apps or anything?
Or anything? I don’t do dating apps. Uhuh? No. Okay. , I hear you. So, uh, I have been on some dating apps and I, uh, I want to ask what you think about this. I, this is a video that blew up for me is I put my opinion out there. Mm-hmm. , it’s just my opinion. I know some people are gonna, That’s okay, but I, I, this is my, So I’ll, I’ll match of someone.
And they’ll, and it’ll be great. And I’ll be like, Okay, let’s go out to coffee Friday, right? Because I want to get to know you in person. And like, that’s how you get to know someone. They’ll be like, Well, let’s, let’s text for a little bit before we go out to meet in person. And I don’t, I don’t vibe of that because I’m like, I can text you for a year too much.
Doesn’t matter, but I won’t really get to know you unless we’re in person. So like, I don’t get that. I don’t get like, let’s text for a long time before we actually decide to meet in person. I don’t vibe with that whatsoever. What do you think? Okay, so personally I don’t really like that either. Um, I will say that I’ve done that before for like with guys like in the past.
It’s like, Oh, well I’m not ready to meet yet. Like, let’s just text. Um, now that I look back on it, like personally for me, it was just a fear of meeting them. Like I. Like, I was kind of nervous. Oh yeah. To meet them. Um, so I would like that, that might be same case for those girls. Like just a fear of like having to actually meet someone.
Um, there’s, it’s a, there, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure. So is that more boredom? Like what do you think about that boredom? Like on their end? Like just wanting to text or what? Yeah, like are Yeah. They just wanting to talk or is it, is it just like, are you bored or are you generally like, kind of nervous and you just don’t wanna, You’re like, Oh, I want to vibe with, I wanna make sure I vibe a you through text before I vibe with I, I just don’t get the point.
Well, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah. I just wanna ask you. Well, I don’t know if it’s boredom. Um, I personally, I’m not a great texter. Like I get bored through text, but like, I’d rather hang out with someone and sit and talk with them. Um, For other people though. Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it’s like, I really can’t say because.
It’s hard to say for like, speak on other people. I don’t really have knowledge on that. Like, maybe, maybe they just wanna feel your vibe like through text before they meet you. Cuz some people, some people like are weird, you know what I mean? Like, I’m not saying you’re weird, you seem pretty cool. Yeah, but I’m saying like other people, , other people can be weird.
Like, like you can meet someone on Tinder and like their profile seems really cool, but like the minute you meet them, they’re like a completely dis like different person. But that’s where like preconceived ideas Yeah. Of that person come from like, you already think there’s certain way based off their pictures and now you’re disappointed because they’re, they’re completely different in person.
That’s why I don’t do like dating apps and like dms and stuff like that. Everybody already has like a preconceived idea of you based on like what your profile says. And it’s hard, it’s hard to, like, it’s hard to even like go off of anything like that. It’s, it’s crazy. No, listen, uh, Jeffrey Dahmer ruined it for everyone else.
I get it. That’s, that’s another thing. Yeah. Fucking duh. God. That’s another thing. so I’m gonna ask you Okay. A couple of rapid fire questions. Okay. Just gimme your opinion. Um, what do you think about like, so me, my parents were really romantic with like, they got a divorce obviously, so I never really got to see like, you know, a perfect image.
So I always went off movies. But what do you think about, like for a first date? Do you, does a guy go huge romantic? I’m going balls to the wall. Bringing flowers all out? Or does, do you make it a little bit more chill? What would be kind of, Okay, so I’m a hopeless romantic. Um, I grew up watching my parents, like my dad would like, make like cute little dinner setups with candles and like crystal glass wine and like, like surprise my mom when she got home late, like on the weekends and stuff.
Like beautiful. Um, I also like really like Disney movies, like princesses, fairytales and all that. So like, personally for me, it doesn’t have to be anything big, but like, you know, like the whole flower gesture. Like that’s, that’s nice. A girl likes that. Like that will make her feel like, you know, I don’t know, it would make me feel like, Wow, this is cute.
Cuz like, most guys don’t do that. It’s not, it’s people say, Oh, that’s bare minimum. Um, not, well, it’s not anymore because like nobody does it. You know what I mean? So like, personally I would like that. Right. Um, but I’ve also dated guys that were like, perfect gentleman would open the door every single time.
I got into the car, would open the door, like for restaurants, like he would pull my seat out, like at the restaurant, make sure I was pushed in. Like, like that’s just me though. Like I’m a hopeless romantic. I like feeling like, you know, I like being in my feminine energy and having like a masculine be like, Okay, this is my role and I’m gonna do it.
And you can just sit there and look pretty and feel safe and feel comfortable. That’s just me though. That’s just me. Love it. That’s all. Agree. That’s, that’s just me. Um, no. Yeah. I’ve fucked with it. So I’m, I’m gonna take that to heart. , what do you, what do you feel about, um, what do you feel about, uh, sex on the first day?
I’ve never done it. I’ve, personally, for me, I’ve never done it just because, um, sex is like, it’s, it’s different. Like I’m one of those girls that can’t just have sex with anybody. Like I have to have like a connection there with them. Um, Have I, like, I’ve tried to like just do like, like the sneaky link thing or like casual sex or whatnot.
That happened with like two other guys and it didn’t work out for me. But even those guys, like I knew them for a long time. I feel like it never was like even those guys, like I knew them. Like one of ’em was like a friend for a while, and the other one, like, I’d known him like through school and stuff.
Um, and like, but there was like, it wasn’t even pleasurable because there was no like genuine connection where it was like, I care about this person. So it was kind of like, eh, like it’s not for, I realized that it wasn’t for me, so I don’t really, I wouldn’t have sex on the first day. I’ve never had sex on the first day.
I don’t think I would start now if I’m gonna be on it.
No, I, I completely get you. There is something weird about that, even for a guy, I will admit. Like if I ever had a stinky link or something, it’d be kind of different to be like, We’re just fucking compared to like, I actually really mean you and I like you and you know what I mean? There is a difference.
I agree with you. There’s not, not everybody’s like that. Um, what do you, what do you feel about, Um, no, not everyone’s not, and to be honest with you, I feel like, well, so here’s my question is like, do you feel like nice guys really do finish last? Cause you mentioned, oh, I dated a gentleman who pushed doors in for me and things like that.
But I always feel, I’ve always heard of like, the nicest guys always just get cheat. And I’m like, what is, what is this obsession with girls? So, okay, so , this might go on for a minute cuz I had a, this conversation with, um, with the last guy that I was just dating. Like, we were just, it wasn’t like official, but we were like going on dates and stuff.
Um, and I knew him from like high school. I, I dated him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and he was the nice guy. Um, and I ended up breaking up with him because I was not ready for a nice guy. And he always, and he switched up, he switched his roles, like now he’s like a player boy, yada, yada, yada.
Um, and I told him, I was like, Why did you change like that? Like why did you do that? And he was like, Well, the nice guys never get anywhere. He was like, You broke up with me. And I was like, Okay, well yeah, because I wasn’t ready for a nice guy. I was like, that doesn’t mean. You can go. And like I was like, I wasn’t ready for a night night.
I was like, That wasn’t your fault. I was like, That wasn’t you. That was a me thing. That literally was a me thing. I wasn’t ready for that. And he was like, That doesn’t make sense. But he was all girls like bad guys. It does, it doesn’t help explain to me, Okay, so girls will only accept the things that they believe they deserve.
And for the longest time, I only accepted half ass love because I didn’t fully love myself. So after this, after the full on two year relationship that I had that like completely went to shit, that’s when I realized like, what the fuck? Like obviously I didn’t love myself enough to continue a relationship like that.
So after I got out of it, I was like, Bro, like you gotta put poor love into yourself. Because if you can love a guy like that who did that to you, like why can’t you love yourself enough to accept a guy that’s willing to like go above and beyond for you? And that’s what I mean when girls aren’t ready.
Sometimes girls aren’t ready for the nice guy. And so the, that, the guy that I was just talking about, he was like, Girls like assholes, so I’m gonna be one. And I was like, All right, well girls only like assholes for so long and then they’re gonna fucking leave you guys alone and go find a fucking husband to marry.
I was like, and that’s when all the nice guys finish. I was like, when girls are, girls are finally ready to accept like a nice guy. Like they’re gonna, they will not settle for anything less than that nice guy. And that’s what I mean, like, it’s, it’s a crazy concept to think about, but that’s how I view it because that’s how I feel like I wasn’t ready for a nice guy because I dated the nice guy and he was the only nice guy that I dated.
And then after that it was kind of like, yeah, these guys were kind of nice, but they were like fake nice because like, cuz like they were only nice because I wanted them to do these things, but he did those things because he wanted to do those things. Do you know what I mean? . Like it’s different when you ask someone to do them for, and this, he just like did them for me because he wanted to, is what I mean.
And like there’s guys out there that are like that. But like, that doesn’t mean like, I’ve been on a few dates with like a few nice guys that like would do those things because they wanted to. Um, but like sometimes the connection’s just not there. Like we don’t click like we can’t be friends and I’d rather be friends first or at least get to know you on a friend level before, like being like in a relationship.
Cuz you can’t really, it’s hard to start relationships if you don’t really have a friendship like foundation cuz then it’s hard to be yourself. Like you don’t really know if you can be yourself. You don’t feel safe enough to, um, that’s just my opinion. No, I completely agree with you. Also, I mean, you heard it first for any nice guy out there, just wait, turn, right.
You don’t have to, This is what you saying. Well, like you don’t change. Like he changed like completely and I was just like, Don’t found it. I was like, Bro, that’s not you. And he knew it. It’s not him. Like that’s not who he is. And I was like, That’s not you. I was like, You’re not like, I was like, Let’s be real.
I was like, You’re more of a hopeless romantic than I am. I was like, Let’s be fucking for real. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, but that never really got me anywhere. I was like, you didn’t even try to date anybody else after me. Like I was his first and only girlfriend. And like that ruined it for him apparently.
And I was like, That wasn’t your problem. So for the longest time I tried explaining this to him and um, after a while I think he kind of got that idea that like, yeah, the whole player thing is not for him. But I don’t think he was ready. But hear me out though. Did you, did you want him back after that?
Did you want him back knowing he was an asshole? I. Don’t know if I wanted him back. I, cuz we were friends even like in high school, like, even after I broke up with him. Like we kind, Yeah. Like he hated me for a little bit, but we ended up becoming friends like afterwards. Um, and we stayed friends like throughout high school or whatnot.
Yeah. Um, and then he, we obviously didn’t get reconnected until after my breakup, but like after my breakup we got reconnected and I was like, well, he’s always been my friend. And I always told him like, we would be friends. Um, but he lives a very different life than I do. Like he’s, he’s kind of like on the more like, uh, Spotlight scene.
Um, so it, it’s, he’s, he lived diff a different lifestyle, but he also, he, he changed a lot. And I understand why he changed, but I always told him, I was like, That’s not really you, but maybe it is you. Like, I don’t know. But like, the friendship, the bond that we had was Phil there. Like, we were very cl like, it’s not like my best friend, like he’s my best friend.
Um, so like, it’s not that I wanted him back, it’s that he did a lot of things that like, were very like, Wow, that was really nice. But he only did those things for me. So it was kind of like, it was kind of hard cuz like, I didn’t really want to fall for him because I knew he was a certain way, but it was like, it’s unconditional love for him.
Like, I will always love him because we’ve always had like that friendship bond there. So like, I don’t know, it was complicated. That was complicated, but like, I don’t know. Yeah. Uh, I love it. That’s, that’s, that’s actually kinda, I will, uh, so okay, I’m, let’s, I’m do rapid fire here. Uh, another question is, what do you, uh, what do you look for in a guy?
Like what does Honey Maxwell look for in a husband? A guy right now, a husband. That’s what I’m looking for. A husband and I got a husband. Nope, no games, no fucking bullshit. Like, I’m over it. I’m over all of it. I, my brother-in-law just asked me this the other day and he was like, What do you look for in a guy?
And I was like, a husband. I don’t want a boyfriend anymore. I want a husband. And I’m not saying that cuz I wanna go, go off and get married. No. I need a guy to come for me and act like a husband because when I’m in love and I care for someone, I act like a wife. So that’s what I expect. I expect a husband.
That’s what I give. That’s why, that’s what I’m accepting. That’s all I expect. That’s what I want. I’m not settling anymore. . Are you, are you in that place right now though? Are you, are you in that place where you’re like, I’m I’m not looking for anything? Or are you looking for like, okay, I’m, no, I’m not looking for anything, but like, if someone comes and finds me and they’re interesting and I think they’re interesting, um, and they want something with me, I would be like, Okay, well you better act like a husband.
Otherwise I don’t want this. Like I, That’s what I’m saying, like I’m not, I’m not actually ready to like put a ring on it. Let’s get married, have kids, like do the whole nine yards. I’m just saying cuz people are like, Oh, talking sage, dating boyfriend, girlfriend, but like doing all this weird shit and boundaries.
It’s like, fuck all that. I act like a husband. That’s all I need because I act like a wife. That’s what I’m saying, like, I’m not actually ready to get married. And in the relationships that I’ve been in, I act like a wife. I cook, I will clean, I will do laundry. Cuz that’s how I care for people. That’s how I care for people.
Like that’s just how I am. So it’s like, why can’t I have that? Like if you really want that, like if you want me, that’s, this is what I’m giving you. Like I give you the wife, like I treat you like a husband would, or a wife would treat her husband like a good one. So like why can’t I have that? You know what I mean?
Like, no, I don’t wanna get married, but this is what I offer. This is what I give. This is also what I expect to get back in return. That’s just how, That’s how I think now. man right now just fell in love. Every man just fell in love with me. It’s crazy. . uh, a couple more.
What would just, what do you think about a guy having girl friends, quote unquote at like, while you’re dating and vice versa? How do you feel about you having guy friends and going further than that? How would you feel if a guy was like, Hey, you cannot have any guy friends while we’re dating? Like, sounds a good one.
Um, I, okay. In the past I was, I wasn’t like, not okay with it. Like, as long as the communication there. Like, oh yes, this is my one friend that I’ve been friends with for a very, very long time and I don’t feel weird vibes. Cuz you, I know you have to know, like, people just know, like, I know when a girl wants my man and my man will know when a guy wants me.
It’s very obvious. I, I feel like I’ve always known like the difference between just like a regular friend and someone who wants to be a little bit more than your friend. I’ve always felt like, You know, like I kind of knew, right? Um, so yeah, you can have guy friends, girlfriends, like you can have your friends like, I’m not gonna mess that up for you.
Um, but the minute that I start getting like, your little girlfriend is like being too much or like she’s like getting jealous or something. I don’t know. Cuz girls are weird. Guys are weird too. But like the minute that I start, I start picking up on that. Yeah. Yeah. And I say, That doesn’t make me comfortable.
And you continue to do it. Like that’s where I know it’s like you’re fucking weird. And she’s weird too. Like you both are weird. So then I’m not okay with that. Like, it’s fine because you guys and girls can literally be platonic. Like I have a fair, I have a guy friend that’s very platonic and he has a girlfriend and it’s crazy because she literally.
I’ll FaceTime him and she’ll be there and we’ll all FaceTime, all of us three FaceTime together. And sometimes I wanna talk to her more than I want to even talk to him. And he was my friend first. Like, I don’t give a shit about him anymore. Like, and now I wanna be friends with you because you’re a girl and you probably get it.
Um, that’s what I mean, like, cuz there’s some girlfriends, girlfriends that are like, Oh, like, oh, he’s hanging out with his girlfriend, like too much or whatever. Like, yeah bro, like that’s his fucking girlfriend. Why, why would he not wanna hang out with her? Um, but I mean, I think it’s fine as long as like there’s no weirdness there.
Well what about a guy saying to you, Hey honey, I don’t want you to have any guy friends. Would you push back on that? Would you be like, Well dude, this has just been my friend for a long time. Or would you be like, Okay, fair, I get your balance. Like, oh boy, be, Or like, would you feel like. Okay, this guy’s insecure.
Or like, I respect that. Okay. What would be, So in the past I was like, All right, fair enough, Cut them out, No explanation needed, because that’s just who I was. Um, and then I realized like, you’re, that guy was full of shit, and like, I cut off all my fucking friends for you. So now, now I’ll sit with myself and I’ll be like, Okay, they don’t want me to have this guy friend.
Let me go ask why and be like, What is, what do you feel like, What is it that you’re feeling about this guy? Friend? Explain it to me. And, and maybe, maybe I could sit and understand that. And if it makes sense, then yeah, like I will cut them off. Um, if they don’t have, like, I don’t know. I really don’t know because I don’t really have guy friends anyways like I do, but like, not, not really to the point where it’s like, Oh, I wouldn’t want that guy friend.
Like my guy friends. Like hit me up like every couple of months just to check in and see if I’m. Alive and I’m okay. Um, so if a guy was like, Oh, I don’t want you to be friends with him anymore, and it was because he sent me like a, like a, my monthly check-in text message or something, I’d be like, That sounds, that’s ridiculous.
Cause I don’t talk to this friend like very often. Like, this is like a lifelong friends I don’t even talk to very often. Like, that wouldn’t make sense to me and I would just have to see what I can do about it because I’m not cutting off lifelong friends anymore. Cuz there I do have some friends that I’ve had for a very long time that I don’t talk to very often.
Um, that I’m not just gonna cut out because like this person can’t seem to understand that, you know, it’s different. It’s different. If I was like kind of seeing face, face timing them, like all the time, hanging out with them all the time, that’s different. And, and I could understand why he would be uncomfortable.
But if it’s just like literally a buddy that checks in on me to see if I’m fucking alive, like that’s like what’s the problem there that I wouldn’t. But that’s a, that’s tricky. are you the type of girl, are you the type of girl, and I don’t take his offense of it, I can’t tell if you are or not , but are you the type of girl who is like, is unfollow that bitch on Instagram?
Or like, I like, uh, let me go through your phone. Like what, what type of, what type of, what type of girlfriend are you? I used, used, I’m, I used to be, I will sit here and admit and say that, yeah, I used to be that girl because I was also very insecure. But also it was because I had a partner that literally cheated and lied to me like these that the tra the trauma that you share.
True. It is with past experiences, they don’t just go away. And it’s very hard to like sit there and be like, Okay, I can trust you. No, not really. Like show me that I can trust you is what it is. Um, But wouldn’t you say it’s so hard to not to like, to go back from that? Like, once you give me a reason not to trust you, it’s almost impossible for me to like, do stuff.
Yeah, that’s, It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but that’s where you have to sit and think. Like, is it worth it? Because, you know, as a person, if, like, if you sit with yourself enough to know yourself enough, you will know when a situation’s right for you and when it’s wrong for you. You’ll, you’ll know when it’s, it’s time to go, or if you think it’s like worth like to pursue.
Um, but like, I’m not, I, I could sit here and I could sit here and ask and say, unfollow them. Can you unfollow them or like delete them or whatever. I could sit here and ask you of that. Will I, No, I would expect you to just do it because that’s what you wanna do, not because I want you to do it. Does that make sense?
As. Personally, I think absolutely when men find the women that they want to be with, they will do everything and anything without her having to ask, they will just know. I feel like, and, and if they don’t know and they ask, like they will ask like, Hey, what is it that I can do for you? And they’ll do it without having an explana, without having to make her explain like why she wants it done.
They’ll just do it because that’s the girl that they want. Like, that’s how I see it. Like, yes, a girl can sit there and ask a billion things of you, but like, Oh God, if you don’t wanna do it, like, there’s really no point in her asking. So personally, like, yeah, I could sit here and ask, but I’m not going to like, you should want to do that for me because you wanna do that for me, not because I’m asking you to
Out of respect. Yeah, because you, because you respect me out of respect for me. I get you.
so the, the one, one of the questions I got from of your fans is what do you have next in your pipeline? what, what’s, what’s your, what’s your take about really? Like what, what are you, what’s like your main audience? Just women who hate men or, My TikTok is literally just whatever I’m feeling that day. I’m gonna be honest. If you , if you go through my video, like none of them are like linear.
Like I have one where I’m spitting on a chair and like I have one where I’m talking about a bad dream that I had that people took far too serious. May I add? Cuz the comments on that video, I was like, it’s literally a dream. Like there I’m not dating anyone. There was nobody I was mad at when I woke up.
Like the one that you mentioned earlier, when was it? When it was like, uh, he was on the phone and it ended up being a dream at the end. People were like, Oh, I bet you were mad at him when you woke up and yada yada. And I was like, I had jokes on you. There is no him. Like, that was just a fucked up dream that I had.
I’m not seeing anyone like . Like what do you mean that? Which is funny that like, that shit is funny to me. Like people assume everything and someone was like, Oh, like I bet you like made him have a hell of a day. Like there is no H, there is no h I just had a random fucked up dream. I’m sharing it. Yeah.
And now y’all are thinking I’m dating someone. Like, y’all are crazy. Like, I thought I was crazy. That’s crazy. Like people are just assuming stuff. . But no, like my doesn’t have like, it doesn’t have like a niche like, like I said earlier in this podcast, like it doesn’t have a niche. I don’t have trends that I’m going by.
I don’t have like certain little things. Like I just post whenever I feel like posting or if I’m just like, if I wanna talk to myself on my camera that day, like I’ll just post that or, yeah. I don’t know. Like I could sit there and talk shit about men if I wanted to, but like, I, I, am I going to, Nah. Like, I could but it, unless I really feel angry at men that day, like I’m, it’s not like a main focus of mine.
I just do whatever I wanna do on TikTok. That’s it.
I, well, my podcast is niche, but like my, my podcast is not really like about anyone specifically.
So anything that I go through along with mental health relationships and things like that I will talk about. Right. But you know, most of the guests I have on my podcast, whether they’re psychologists, you know, psychiatrists, therapists, or even just, uh, content creators, they are women.
Cause I like to get a different side of things, which I respect. I stuck that. Um, cuz I think someone said like, uh, like, Yeah. Yeah. . Well, thank you. Thank you. Because, you know, I, I’m always looking for a woman’s perspective and a woman’s point of view. It’s not just a male like, You know, fuck your baby mama type of thing.
It’s, no, I’m just going through the emotions of my life. Mm-hmm. and figuring things out for myself, you know? And I, and I, I really love that about yourself because I feel like you have like a really, I don’t know, you’re really genuine. Everything we spoke about today, I’m like, I try to be as honest as I can be.
Sometimes I’m a little too honest and it’s like too much for people, but like, that’s just life. You know what I mean? Like No, I, I get, I get the impression you would scare me. Like if you’re mad, I get the impression that you would frighten me, but like, Yeah. . Yeah. I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I, it’s all about being as genuine as you can be because you can look at a person and.
what you wanna see, but like being able to sit there and talk with them and figure out who they actually are, it’s a different story. I understand that there are liars, like there’s people that have put on masks and stuff, but I, it’s very easy to sift through people like that. It’s very, you know what I mean?
Like, you could tell the people who are honest and the people who aren’t honest Sure. Is. It’s very obvious. It’s very obvious. But that’s, that’s life. honey, I, I deeply enjoyed our conversation. I felt like, um, you know, I feel like a lot of people will vibe with you.
I feel like a lot of people will fall in love with you. Feel like a lot of people learn from you. Um, you thank you an amazing person. I hope they learn something. Yeah. , don’t be a cheater. Don’t be a cheat. Don’t be. Cheaters only make strong women, I feel like. So, uh, the ones that really heal, they make strong women.
So, I mean, go ahead, cheat, but like, you’ll never get her back. . Amen. And look, I, I, I don’t care what you say. I feel like this, this, you, you, uh, you really, how do I say it? You, you really showed your ex like Yeah. Like a boss man. Thank, I mean, seriously. You are amazing. Um, well I enjoyed this. I feel like I made a new friend.
Hopefully. Definitely agree, agree. May not, but you’re my friend. Either way. Um, there’s a very enjoyable conversation, . I really enjoyed talking. It was like you had really good questions. That was great.
I try, I, I try to come with the heat. I watch a lot of your podcast or a lot of your ticks, so, uh, thank you for giving me good content to laugh to.
So I, I’ve been asking all of my guests this to kind of like, just throw ’em a, a curve ball at, at, you know, the end of the, at the end of the episode. And I’m gonna ask you and be honest, cuz you know, I, at this point I can tell whether you’re lying to me, but so I really don’t know. Um, I wouldn’t put it past me. Like I, I’ve been told I’m really good with kids anyways, so it’s like, I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t date someone with a kid, but I honestly don’t know. Yeah. Like depending on, on the guy, I guess. Like if you have a kid, I mean like with like what do you, you know what I mean?
Like, well it’s just like another part of you hanging. Why that’s kind of cool. You know, like that’s a little mini you. Absolutely. I don’t, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me though. I wouldn’t put it past me. I think of my, I think of my daughter as like my partner crime. She’s like, you know what I mean?
She’s like, she’s, she’s not, she’s not like baggage. Oh yeah. She’s like a plus. You know what, one of my sisters, she had a baby, and she was a single mom for a long time, and then she found a really good guy to be like, you know, step up. And like, he really accepted my niece, like, as his own, like, and that’s very admirable.
Like, I admire him for that because not very many people are willing to do that. So, I mean, that’s what I’m saying. Like, I, I don’t know because I, they’ve never had a situation like that before, but I wouldn’t put it past me. Like if I got the chance to like step up and be like, you know, like a helping hand for like another little human being growing up.
Like they could probably learn something from me. Like, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me.
Well, you do seem like a good role model and to all of the women listening, um, I looked honey right in the eyes and she’s telling me the truth. So give, give someone the, give someone a chance if they , if they do approach you. Uh, well this has been great. I don’t wanna take more of your time, but listen, thank you so much.
We are definitely bs Yeah, of course. I hope to have you on again some time and, um, I’ll message you after this. But really thank you for being on the show and thank you for having me. I genuinely think we had a good chat. Like that was really fun. I’ve never done a podcast before, but this was great. This is really good.
First experience minus all the technical issues like this was great.
No, I’m just happy to be your first. Uh, honey, I’ll, I’ll message you shortly, but thank you so much again. Thank you. Uh, I already love you. Okay. . All right. Bye .
All right. Well, thank you for joining me on another episode of the Single Father Podcast. Uh, I really love this episode. Um, you know, I felt like honey was great. You know, uh, one of the reasons I have women guests on the show is to make sure that I’m not outta touch with different perspectives and, and, and feelings that other people may have, and to make sure that I’m staying in tuned with my own kind of reality, if that makes sense.
I really respect women’s opinions. And I feel like they can also, it teache us a lot of different things when it comes to love, relationships, mental health, and to to be, quite frankly, even fatherhood. Um, so I really loved, uh, honey as a guest. She shared a lot with me. She was very open and I just truly respect that and I feel like she was just amazing.
So thank you again to Honey. Um, guys, uh, please like, subscribe, share, leave a review. It definitely helps the podcast a lot. Um, uh, again, as I said in the beginning, check out the Patreon. Um, it’s again, Patreon slash single Father podcast. Uh, there’s different opportunities where we can engage with each other.
And, um, this podcast, uh, this episode ended up being a little long, so I’m not gonna do a mail. Right now, but I promise on the next episode I’ll dedicate a, uh, a pretty significant segment to just answering, um, you know, your guys’ questions. So, um, I promise that will be next episode. Um, we’re going back to weekly episodes.
I know I was on the vacation, but, uh, expect weekly episodes. Um, thank you guys for being, um, a follower, a supporter, thank you, allowing me to event with you. Um, this was great you guys. Amazing. And, um, you know, I love having our little community where we get to vent with each other as a pack, which is why I like to say my motto, vent pack.
Um, once again, guys, thank you very much and, uh, 📍 I was your host, Kendall Donker Father Deezy, Buh Bye.
Co-parenting is a relationship built off of another relationship. Better defined in the dictionary as sharing the responsibilities of a child. Therefore, what do those responsibilities detail, and what makes co-parenting such a taboo-related partnership? In my situation, my responsibility is to make sure that my child grows up feeling as normal and as loved as possible. This also means setting aside my anguishes to make sure my daughter never has anguish herself. Unfortunately in the beginning it is better often said than done.
Rarely do we have the opportunity to see our divorced or separated parents in the same room, nor do we have the benefit of having them speak kindly to or about each other for that matter. Why? – Well, a couple of reasons. For one, in most cases, you have two couples that have decided that they no longer want to spend another day together anymore and wish to go their separate ways. Therefore when reality kicks in and they realize that they have to spend the next eighteen years together, that can be quite a surreal experience. Think about it, for those of you who are in a relationship without a child, if you were to break up with your partner right now, you have so many options to remove that person from your life. You can delete their number, their photos from your phone, you can block them, remove them from social media, you can even move away. However when a child is involved, whereas you can still delete their photos, you kiss the rest of those options goodbye. You are both here to stay.
So how do you deal with this hyperbole shogun wedding? Being forced into a partnership can mess with your mental health and sense of freedom. Research suggests that parenting a young child can be especially demanding and challenging, which is associated with parental stress and depression (Matthey, Barnett, Ungerer, & Waters, 2000; Perren, Von Wyl, Bürgin, Simoni, & Von Klitzing, 2005). Roughly 15 million children (about one in five) in the United States live in households with parents who have major or severe depression, and about 5% of parents in the United States who live in two-parent families with their children report two or more symptoms related to depression (Child Trends, 2014). Being a parent is challenging enough, and doing it alone raises that challenge to a whole new level. The challenge goes back to those factors, mental health, and freedom.
Mental Health: Imagine dreaming of having a kid with your partner, and imagine that dream turns into reality. Suddenly your mind races off to the future, and you plan all of these events and moments in your head that you can’t wait to do together as a family. But then further imagine that dream is suddenly halted by the ending of a relationship. A mutual breakup is getting off easy, but often it can be one person over the other that believes things should come to an end. A breakup already can be mentally draining, and at least for right now, those dreams that you imagined doing together, you are now doing alone. The budget that you had for having a child is now cut in half, and the relief that you relied on when you were in need oftentimes is no longer there. Now your mind races with different thoughts. Thoughts like making more money, what do I do about daycare, will my child like the other more than me, I feel like I need to do more, am I doing enough, fear of rejection, fear of spoiling, fear of punishing, fear of abandonment, fear of judgment, fear of being alone, and the feeling of regret. It all starts to weigh on you. Bit by bit you can push yourself into anxiety, depression, and anger. Especially, when a step-parent comes in to play.
Freedom: When you found out you were having a child you came up with all these ideas in your head about you wanting to raise your kid. In most cases, the principles, morals, and beliefs that you had, you always planned on figuring it out with your partner as time went on. However co-parenting is not that simple. Some parents like myself have ideally, 50-50 custody where decisions, (legal and physical) are demanded to be figured out together. In other cases, one has more authority over the child than the other. But in all cases, you will rarely have a unanimous consensus on how your child should be raised. Vaccines, hair, school, beliefs, etc. are all decisions you must get approval about from the other parent. Depending on how your relationship ended or started, there may be cordial agreement or perhaps a petty array of ignorance and dismissive responses. However, for those who have watched the movie, Mrs. Doubtfire, we know the most troublesome feeling of them all, is the loss of freedom to see your child every single day as you have once had or imagined. Sharing responsibilities of your child also means sharing custody of your child. Speaking from experience there is nothing more painful in my life than not waking up every single day to my little girl and only having her 50% of the time. Going to court, standing side by side with a woman that I once loved, fighting for my freedom to have a life with a child that I always imagined having together; it is a pain that no amount of words I type up could summarize the feeling in my heart.
Those are some of the challenges that arise from being a single parent. But the challenge doesn’t always need to be lost, it can almost always be overcome. How? – Well, call it cliché, but it is acceptance. You must first accept the things you can not change, change the things that you can, and discover the wisdom to know the difference. As Robin Williams once said in Mrs. Doubtfire, “You know, some parents, when they’re angry, they get along much better when they don’t live together. They don’t fight all the time, and they can become better people, and much better mummies and daddies for you. And sometimes they get back together. And sometimes they don’t.” No matter what the outcome, how you choose to move forward will not only affect your future but your kid’s future as well. Children, know an actor when they see one. They can love a performance or hate one. As much as your kid may not listen to you, they have a good sense of them. They know when you are sad, angry, fake, real, kind, vengeful, spiteful, and even hateful. Just as they mimic your words, they can mimic your actions. It is not enough to just co-parent, you must co-exist as well.
During the early year of me and my daughters mother separating, all the toxic and spiteful behaviors of young early 20 adults were in full swing. Depression was creeping up behind me as it left scratches on my back from trying to catch and paralyze me. As rent and lawyer bills surrounded me; I felt out of control, hurt, heartbroken, confused, and a profound uncomfortable sense of feeling lost. I remember dropping my daughter off to her mother, no words spoken, and coming home to an empty apartment and an empty crib in the other room beside me. That was when the depression finally caught me. I sat on my couch paralyzed with no visible emotion, and yet feeling a swirl of emotion inside me. When I stood in that courtroom beside her mother, I was flashbacked in time to a moment where I stood in another courtroom, this time watching my parents standing side by side vulgarly fighting for their definitions of what it means to be co-parents. I didn’t know it then, but that moment would affect my future relationships moving forward. It was at that moment I decided to do something that I haven’t thought about doing from the moment we broke up, something that my parents never thought about doing with each other… apologize.
Your emotions can sometimes blind you from doing the right thing. I called my daughters mother and I explained (whether I meant it or not) that I was wrong. I called for peace and asked to go to dinner. We met and spoke at length on how we should move forward. And since that day, she and I have never once crossed a line with each other even in our most emotional disagreements. To this day, we argue but don’t fight. We disagree, but never too often. We have cordial hello’s and goodbyes and at times share events that have happened when the other parent is not there. We recently hit a once thought never to occur milestone of us spending our daughter’s 3rd birthday together at a kid’s indoor playground. I am confident in saying that neither myself nor her mother has or will say a bad word or sentence about the other parent in front of our child. There are good days and bad days but our situation is typically met with respect and a sense of understanding. Our once previous dinner conversation consisted of putting our daughter first and our emotions second. Putting our happiness first, and leaving our relationship behind. I wouldn’t consider us friends, I only see her once a week, and our conversations do not consist of much of anything other than relating to our daughter. She has a new boyfriend and a baby on the way. An uncomfortable fact, yes, but a fact that I cannot change. Nor do I think I’d want to.
As far as the other struggles on being a single parent, I feel like I’ve handled them quite well. The depression ended and has since been replaced with joy as I get to watch this little girl grow up. There are obvious disparities when it comes to being a single father as opposed to a single mother. For one, it is almost commonly thought that single fathers do not exist. Still, there are times people come up to me with saying such as “good on you for staying in her life.” An offensive comment based on what I believe to be a growing discontinued stereotype. Mostly because the thought is appalling to me, of course, I am in her life. I am not a weekend dad, I am a full-time dad, and I’m proud of it. Those disparities though are what I most seek to change. I struggled to find resources for single fathers in the beginning, as mostly everything is advertised for women. WIC which is a Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children, allows single fathers to apply for their program even though their name does not advertise it. Almost nowhere on their website does it advertise, promote, or encourage fathers to seek their services in any way. I often wondered how many services are out there that fathers could apply to that they are not aware of which is why I founded The Single Father Organization. TSFO is an organization dedicated to helping single fathers with resources to help with parenting and growing families.
Furthermore, I love being a dad. I found a routine for myself. I joined a support group and pretty much have a go-bag for every scenario I can think of when it comes to leaving my house with my rambunctious little munchkin. The good part about co-parenting is… I have a co-parent. I have our daughter one week on and one week off and the weeks I do not have her I get that relief to go out and be a regular 27-year-old. Trust me if your week consists of costume parties, tea parties, cleaning up PB&J’s, and stepping on every Barbie accessory you can imagine, you’d need a little break too. I no longer have racing thoughts about the future, I just focus on what is in front of me. Dating is at times a challenge, and my house is a little pinker than I would like, but it is all worth it when I hear my daughter call me “dada.” I can’t predict the next fifteen years to come, but I do know that when I look back at how parents handled their situation, the one thing I can predict is things will be different. What hurts about co-parenting is change, and the relief we get is when we grow along with the change. So for those of you who are co-parenting, that is a bit of the good, the bad, the summary.