Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, a place where we explore the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, host Kendall Donaker talks about the challenges of showing affection as a single dad and shares his thoughts on navigating the complexities of finding love while raising children in your 20s. Kendall also discusses the added challenge of dealing with Valentine’s Day being on his birthday and how that affects his dating prospects. If you’re a single dad looking for support and advice on dating and relationships, be sure to tune in to this episode.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode, and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at @thesinglefatherpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
Did you know that as a patron of The Single Father Podcast, you have access to our private Facebook group? This is a great place to connect with other single dads and share your own experiences and advice. If you’re interested in becoming a patron and joining our community, visit https://www.patreon.com/thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is also brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Thank you for listening!
0:00:01 The Single Father Podcast: A Collection of Journal Entries
0:03:00 The Importance of Single Fathers in Society
0:05:08 The founder of Ventpack, a single father resource organization, discusses the goals of the organization and how it can help fathers in need.
0:07:13 Dating with a Single Parent: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
0:10:36 Trauma Dumping: When Is Enough, Enough?
0:12:56 The Different Ways We Try to Communicate
0:14:33 The Dangers of Enabling Entitlement in Relationships
0:18:53 The Dangers of Enabling Entitlement in Loved Ones
0:20:32 Child’s well-being always a priority for working single father
0:22:31 The Dangers of Dating a Single Parent
0:24:05 The Dangers of Dating on Valentine’s Day
0:26:12 Kendall Donaker’s Breakup Story
I’ve outgrown the type of the nature of her concerns. I’ve outgrown the pettiness that she concluded in her head at times. And I’m looking for something more grown, more mature, more grounded in reality, not based on material things like, did you like my photo? Or did you, you know, just craziness, like I explained? But but hey, Valentine’s Day.
Maybe it’s because I have a job. I just feel like I feel like I truly haven’t met the one yet. But I don’t want to be Playboy, right? I don’t want to be that college frat guy.
Everything to disciplining to the type of communication that we have, to the type of lifestyles that we have, the understanding that we have when each other is busy. And you know, the thing that I hate is just when girls are like, you didn’t like my fucking post from 30 minutes ago.
It’s a priority but my daughter will always come first. My child, my responsibilities are going to come first. And anybody who wants to get in a relationship has to understand that I have a job to do, a responsibility.
As a man, there are things that you say to your girlfriend that is kind of the conventional understandings. Like, oh, I totally get that, babe. Yeah, she’s such a fucking yeah, babe.
Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, where host Kendall Donaker explores the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, Kendall delves into the difficulties of being a single parent when you don’t have support, sharing his experiences of getting burnt out and feeling overwhelmed. He also discusses his relationship with his daughter’s mother, or co-parent, and how they navigate co-parenting while living in separate households. Additionally, Kendall shares a special message to his daughter and others in similar situations, offering words of encouragement and support. With a shocking twist at the end. Tune in for an honest and emotional conversation about the challenges of single parenting and finding strength in difficult times.
My true New Year’s resolutions? To be successful and healthy. I’m a little self conscious about my dad bod. I’m not fat or anything, but I feel like I could lose a few pounds for, like, everyone during COVID Kind of just stop going to the gym and I don’t know.
My friends on New Year’s were showing me a whole bunch of videos of people the year before eating ten grapes under a table or ten or twelve or something like that.
We talk about a book that talks about real talk with your kids about sex, self confidence and healthy relationships. So if you are confused or interested about learning about those topics and how to navigate that in your parenting, then I suggest you get her book and read a couple of those tips there.
Q: I saw you did a podcast with Leah List who has a book about having the sex talk with her children. Can you give me some tips about how to experience that? I’m a little nervous and a little confused on how to approach that with my children.
In our previous episode, David Williams shared a wonderful story about his life, his son and growing up in a single father household. It was an inspiring story that I know a lot of you loved
Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, where host Kendall Donaker explores the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, Kendall is joined by guest David Williams, who shares his personal experiences growing up in a single father household and how it has shaped him as a person. The two discuss the challenges of dealing with his parents’ divorce, his son’s autism, and how he is coping with being a newborn daughter and being in a relationship. They also delve into the difficulties of making decisions about family members who are not behaving in a way that aligns with their values, and the importance of making choices that are best for oneself. Tune in for an insightful and honest conversation about the complexities of single fatherhood and personal growth.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode, and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at @thesinglefatherpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
Did you know that as a patron of The Single Father Podcast, you have access to our private Facebook group? This is a great place to connect with other single dads and share your own experiences and advice. If you’re interested in becoming a patron and joining our community, visit https://www.patreon.com/thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is also brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Thank you for listening!
I spoke about a little about where I met with mine, and it’s funny because I go into that deeper in my next episode where I talk about how TV parents kind of shift my fatherhood outlook, watching things like Modern Family or things like that.
There may be something that would be way outside of her comfort zone and also maybe way outside of your comfort zone, but if she finds it worthy of pursuing but she’s scared, you want to be able to convey to her it’s uncomfortable.
The lines of communication needed to be open. And so for that, you could actually move forward in trying to figure out the solution for your grandmother. And you wanted to do that for a really long time.
That’s an amazing thing you just said, David. I think that’s going to help a lot of listeners as well. And then let me ask you something. Is that something that you figured out on your own or is this something that you actually learned from your parents?.
Again, communication, I think understanding each other in, like, what’s important for you as a parent and what’s important for your daughter’s mother as a parent, those things need to be expressed so that you guys can begin to formulate a plan to proceed in a manner that’s going to be best for your daughter.
0:00:00 The Single Father Podcast: An Interview with David Williams
0:02:26 Single Fatherhood: A Conversation with David
0:04:06 The Impact of Family Relationships on an Individual
0:06:22 The Power of Letting Go: How to Create a Better Future for Yourself
0:08:12 The Impact of Technology on Parent-Child Relationships
0:09:38 The Importance of Family: A Conversation with Kendall Donaker
0:13:31 Kendall and David discuss her upbringing and how it has affected his parenting.
0:15:25 Father-Son Relationship: The Importance of Communication
0:18:40 Parenting a Child with Autism: A Conversation with David Williams
0:20:30 David Discuss the Challenges of Autism
0:22:55 Parenting a Child with Autism: One Father’s Experience
0:25:03 The Importance of a Healthy Relationship with Your Partner
0:28:15 The Importance of a Healthy Relationship Between Coparents
0:30:23 The Impact of Divorce on Children: A Father’s Perspective
0:33:37 Parenting Conversation
0:36:17 Parenting Goals: Hardworking, Disciplined, Respectful, and Fearless
0:38:05 Parenting Styles
0:40:17 Collaborating for the Best Interest of the Child
0:43:28 Fatherhood: The Importance of Being a Good Role Model
0:44:56 The Power of a Good Example: How Parents Can Teach Their Kids to be Successful
0:47:34 The Power of Mentorship: How to Overcome Fear and Grow from Mistakes
0:49:10 The Benefits of Facing Adversity
0:51:36 The Importance of Confronting Adversity
0:53:11 The Benefits of Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone
0:54:35 Fatherhood Outlook: A Conversation with David
0:57:46 How to Move Forward After Resolving Family Conflict In this conversation, the speaker discusses how he was able to move forward after resolving conflict with his family. He talks about the importance of being intentional with spending quality time with family members.
0:59:22 The Relationship between Parents and Their Adult Children
1:03:10 The Importance of Systems in Achieving Goals
1:04:53 Closing thoughts, The Single Father Podcast with Kendall Donker: Episode with David Williams
Well, hello and welcome to the single father podcast. I’m your host, Kendall Donaker, AKA father DZ. Thank you for being a part of today’s show. And thank you for allowing me to vent with you. Guys, I have an amazing guest on today’s show. His name is David Williams. Um, you know, when him and I got in contact.
Uh, I read a little bit about his story. This is an amazing guy. And speaking to him, you know, put everything into a whole new perspective. Um, I said this to him, to his face that. He’s the type of guy that you would follow into a storm and just know that on the other side, you’ll be okay. Um, and he even has a little bit of a metaphor for that as well.
You know, we speak about his struggles with his parents’ divorce. His son with autism. And kind of how he’s been able to navigate that. With his own life and then with his own challenges and with his relationship and with his newborn daughter, , we speak about a lot. , we really get into it. This has been one of my favorite episodes. I’m happy that I had him on the show. And, uh, I know that this is going to be an episode that you guys will love.
Um, so without further ado, Thank you for letting me vent with you. Make sure you like subscribe, leave a review. Um, put us as your favorites. It means nothing to you, but. It means the world to me. Thank you guys. Here. Here it is
How are you? I’m good. How are you? Very good. I’m sorry for the delay my friend, but I’m happy I get to speak to you. No worries, man. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Happy, happy New Year to you too. How was your Christmas?
It was good. It was good. You got look super festive where you’re at. Yeah. Yeah. , I’ve, uh, I’ve been so busy with my kid at the time to take it down and, um, if I take it down in front of her, I think it’d be like the whole thing. So, yeah. , luckily she’s at our mom’s right now. Um, what, what’d you do for Christmas?
Um, As we just had our baby girl. She’s 17. She’s 17 days. Congratulations. I’m old. Um, so I mean, it was really low key. Just ended up the grandparents, um, went to my mom’s. Just, just pretty, pretty low key. Congratulations. Thank you. A lot of it’s just been, you know, just navigating that. It’s been a lot of, um, not a lot of sleep lately, so.
Mm. . But yeah, that’s been, it was, it was nice. Everybody was excited to see her. Yeah. I, no, I don’t miss those days with the no sleep. Uh, that’s for, for damn sure. . Yeah. Uh, so David, I just wanted to like, learn a little bit about yourself. Um, tell me about you and, your family and kinda where you’re at. Yeah. So one thing that pulled my interest, uh, when I found your podcast, uh, like I said, being a single father, and that was one thing.
I’m 40 years old. I grew up in a small town, sand Springs, Oklahoma. It’s just outside of Tulsa. I mean, literally about 10 minutes from downtown. Um, and then going through my parents’ divorce and living with my dad, um, had a lot to do with I think like though it shaped me mentally, um, and where I’m at today.
But they divorced when I was either in second or third grade, so I was like seven or. . So a split household. And then like I said, having to live with him. Um, we didn’t really flip flop a lot in regards to sharing custody, so the mm-hmm. , I would say the majority of my younger adolescents and teenage years were coming from a single father, uh, household.
Um, and so what was really interesting about that is like filling emotions of. Confusion. I think for one, obviously as any young kid would, uh, not understand really like what’s going on, what’s happening and why, but, uh, having feelings of confusion, uh, having feelings of, um, resentment as I, I got older and I actually ended up, um, having to deal with a lot of personal and emotional.
I wouldn’t say shortcomings and things like that, but it’s like having to work through those. It, it affected a lot of, even with me and my current relationship, and Ceha, you know, she’s the mother of, of my two children, but we had to work through a lot because I, uh, because of a lot of my childhood, I wouldn’t call it trauma, but because of those situations and scenarios, um, I had a lot of working.
on myself that I had to do. And it wasn’t until, uh, I recognized that and really started to address it because in the past I hadn’t, yeah, I had com I had completely, uh, ignored it. Um, I had just, oh, it doesn’t really matter. It was such a long time ago, but still, it, it did matter and it was still affecting me.
And not only was it affecting me, um, growing as an individual, but it was actually affecting me in my. Relationships, my relationship, uh, now too as well. And that was something that I had to address and, um, have, and even like still today, still learning just how to become a better father, a better partner.
Um, . But that was one of the things that, that when I, when I found you and I saw you, I was like, this is really interesting. And so, uh, even the, uh, your last episode when you were talking about, uh, your uncle, right? Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And, uh, was it, and it was your, was your grandmother or your aunt? Uh, my grandma, yeah.
Grandmother. Yeah. And like having to deal with family members and them, you know, some of the people that are the. Close to us or that we perceive, I should say, that what, that are the most close to us can really be not heading in the direction and the path that we want to go. And some of those decisions as you made, as you talked about, you know, some of those can be some of the hardest decisions.
And, and it’s like, we wanna hold onto those so badly. It’s like, ah, like I said, I was ignoring it. I was ignoring it, and I was ignoring it, and I was putting it off to the side, making light of. . And then when you finally said, you know what, I need to address this. You talked about how like you had this relief, right?
And I’m sure you two were probably wondering man, I was like, why didn’t I do this a long time ago? Like when I first started becoming an issue. So it’s like that’s why I wanted to talk to like people, whether it’s fathers, mothers, whatever. It’s like, even though that, are they, they may be blood, they may be family, they may be close to us.
That doesn’t necessarily. Give us the obligation to continue going down the same path that they’re on and the way that they behave and their lifestyle and their mindset. And if it’s not in alignment with who you’re wanting to be you, you’re not obligated to be, you know, metaphorically in the same boat with them.
And I thought that was really, really interesting. And I remember I was working out, I was listening to that episode and I was working. And you were talking about it, I was like, well, it was my family and I ha um, I can’t remember how you put it, but he’s like, it’s like it has to be this way or it has to be, and I was literally in the gym and I can’t remember exactly how you said it, but I verbally out loud.
I was like, no, you don’t. You don’t. And I was in there, it was probably, it was early in the morning, it was like 4 30, 5 o’clock in the morning. There was probably like four people in there. But I remember like vividly saying that out loud. And, and that’s even the thing is like, uh, for people is.
Going through life, being a single father, being a single mother. Mm-hmm. , um, like it’s going to be a ton of adversity. And that’s okay. Those are the moments and those are the lessons that are gonna serve you to become a higher, better self later on. When will that happen? We don’t know, but. , that was a thing with, with that, with that break in my parents’ relationship and me growing up in a, in a single father household, um, taught me a lot.
Uh, it gave me a lot of perspective. It made me very, very grateful. And, um, it showed me the importance of a relationship, not only between a father and a son, but a parent and a child, and Absolut. . And with that comes a lot of responsibility. And I don’t think that parents nowadays really understand the impact that they have on their children with technology.
iPhones, iPads, you know, people’s relationships are very, um, I wouldn’t say limited, but it is extremely different the the way that you and I. How old are you? Uh, 27. You’re 27. So I’m 40. Uh uh. And so we’re kind of on the fringe. When we were younger, we didn’t have that technology. So we were forced to , have, have relationships differently, and now everybody’s just in their screen.
Does that make sense? You’re absolutely correct. Um, you’re speaking really, uh, deep too. I I really love that. Uh, and there’s a lot to unpack there too. Um, no, specifically what you said about family, I, you’re absolutely right. My, my definition of what a family is, I don’t think I’ve actually like pinpointed what I would define it as, because there’s a lot of complicated aspects to it.
Specifically going into my last episode of where I speak about kind of letting go of a family member, um, and, uh, moving forward, going. Moving forward with, you know, my dad, who I’m close with, but I have a very complicated relationship with as a father and a family member, you know? Um, so you’re absolutely right in that, um, and it, it is complicated.
And in going back to when you were younger, so you lived in a single father house. And, and you said you had a lot of resentment. Um, what was that resentment built towards? Was it from, was it built towards your, your mom, your dad? I mean, what, what do you think that resentment was kind of triggered by? I would say not to, I would say to both of them honestly.
And it wasn’t, it wasn’t, uh, when I was younger, it was actually when I started to get into my teenage years. . Um, both, both of my parents have since remarried and they’ve, they’ve been married to their spouse, um, longer than my parents were married to the, to themselves. So they’ve both, um, obviously have, have moved on and things like that.
But as I was becoming a teenager, um, that resentment came from, like I said, I, I vividly remember thinking all the time. . He was like, well, if they didn’t care enough to figure it out or work on it, then I’m not gonna care as much either. And so it, that was, that was the attitude I started to take. And it wasn’t that I didn’t love them or I didn’t care for them or, or wasn’t happy to be around them.
It’s just that fracture took. a big toll on me mentally. Mm-hmm. , and, and like I said, is as you’re younger, it’s like you don’t understand. Mm-hmm. , you don’t know what was going on. And that’s even one thing. It’s like there’s always three sides to a story. There’s, you know, what one person says, what the other person says, and then the truth
So I just think, I think the valuable lesson, the valuable lesson, I think. I learned from that is even though people make mistakes, even though people, uh, are human and they’re flawed, um, you still want to be able to be solution oriented and move forward with the best intentions in mind. Absolutely. I know my parents didn’t have any ill will towards me.
Um, for whatever reasons they weren’t able to, you know, work their differences. . Um, and you know, here we are , so you know, obviously like seven, you know, thirties, 35 years later. And it’s just, um, I love them both. Still our relationships are, are growing. Um, and now it’s like now me being a father myself, I can see the importance of communication.
I can see the importance of compromise. Mm-hmm. , uh, , I can see the importance of selflessness, uh, are very, very important for the family to thrive. I, I like what you say because, uh, when you’re speaking about selflessness, I think that’s important, especially going to what you just said about, um, you know, saying, I don’t think my parents had any ill will towards me.
It’s funny because I would somewhat agree to that with myself. I don’t think my parents ever. such Ill will, like, it wasn’t just like, you know, fuck Kendall, right? But it was, it was more so, you know, being, uh, uh, the selfish behavior of kind of putting themselves first. And I speak about this a lot in, pretty much every episode is conditional love.
Uh, they had very conditional love. It was a boundary. , the, the love that they showed me. You know, it was, if you don’t do this for me, then, you know, maybe I’m kind of cold to you. And that was kind of the things that I’ve was raised by. And, you know, I have to watch myself sometimes. Um, I’ve never c I’m never ever cold to my daughter, but even certain behaviors that my parents have towards me, like even just yesterday, I was, you know, it was such an effort to get my daughter to clean the house.
and you know, at a cer I just kind of, at a certain point I’m like, God, you know what? God damn, I’m so, I raised my voice and I’m like, man, I don’t wanna be like this. You know, I’ve, because even as I raised my voice, I heard my dad in that and how like, uh, how uncomfortable it made me with his loud voice presence.
And I ha and I immediately apologized and just talked to her about it instead. And it’s something I have to watch. And I wonder what that’s like for you. I mean, uh, you know, having those experiences from your parents that you don’t like is, do you ever catch yourself in a moment where you’re like, oh, I have to, this sounds like my parents, let me tone it back.
Something like that. You know what I mean all the time? Absolutely. It’s, uh, you know, they have these, uh, saying. or just the things that you’ve heard them say over and over again and like their philosophies or you know, their cliches or things like that. And what you even talked about is like you, your temperament.
That was even one thing. It’s like for me now, currently, so my two-year-old, he’s autistic. Mm-hmm. , he’s delayed with his development. And so that’s been challenging and for me to. Number one, understand that he’s not going to pick things up, uh, mentally as quickly as other children would. It’s been a big test on, uh, my patients.
It’s been a big test on my temperament. Mm-hmm. . Um, there’s times where he doesn’t listen well. Now I don’t know if that’s, you know, him just being a two year old mm-hmm. , but, uh, I do, I do see myself. And so like in what you were discussing about, you know, you. acting out or doing things that remind you of your father?
I do the same thing. Um, and I told this with him. I actually spoke to, I, I, I spoke to him about this was he was very my way or the highway. Mm-hmm. very like authoritarian and. . Where he struggled was, and what I mentioned earlier, was his lack of communication. He had all the best intentions for me. Mm-hmm.
but he didn’t have the ability to communicate that they were the best intentions. It was just, no, we’re gonna do it this way. And if you don’t like it, tough. Right. And so that was, that’s where I, for one, want to improve. It’s like being able to convey, Why we’re going to do it this way and not this way.
Does that make sense? I completely agree with you. Absolutely. So, so he was, it was just, like I said, he had all the best intentions he had. He wanted me to be successful. He wanted me, um, to all parents want them, want their kids to do better than them in all aspects of life. Where I want to be able to improve upon that is being able to, explain to them in a manner that it will actually click rather than, well, if you don’t like it, tough, I’m the parent and you’re the kid.
Hmm. . Does that make sense? No, it does. Uh, and that’s, listen, I mean that’s legitimately what I, I struggles of a different word cuz it’s not like I’m constantly reminding myself of my parents, but it’s, it’s. . I do so much struggle with at times when I’m in a moment of frustration, kind of like how you mentioned and it’s like what you just said my way or the highway, you know, knock this shit off.
You know what I mean? Blah blah, blah. And I have to revert back cuz I’m like, I, I’ll be damned if I have this girl fear me. Like that’s not what I want. You know? I want us to have, you know, a father-daughter relationship where it’s communicative and look, there’s certain times as parents as you know, like you know it.
I think it does call for it because I said so. Right. But, uh, it’s, it’s been really difficult to find that balance sometimes between, you know, because yesterday was really kind of a, a struggle, like a thought provoking experience for me. This, I mean, she refused just absolutely clean, and I’m using every single tactic to try not to be.
uh, like a really demanding presence. You know, if you don’t do this, you’re going to your room. She chooses a room, and I’m like, okay, now what? You know? And now I’m like, okay, it’s not an option, like clean up. And you know, as she’s dragging her feet, it’s kind of like, oh, I’m so frustrated and it’s really hard.
and you kinda revert back What worked for me? Well, it was the cowardly fear that I had experienced with my father, but I don’t want that. And it’s finding different ways to kind of parent is, has been my interesting struggle with, um, kind of how I was raised. But I imagine it’s more difficult for you because you do have a son with autism.
And I, I’d love for you to kind of further explain on that too, because I imagine being a parent, um, It, that’s everything we just dis discussed is probably more amplified since you have, you know, a son who you know is learning a little bit slower than, uh, the average bear. And I would love for you to kind of explain that and how you’ve been able to manage that and what are you doing to manage that currently.
Yeah, absolutely. So the autistic spectrum, that, that, it’s a wide spectrum and that could be different levels for everything. And so even when they’re screened, there’s different categories that they’re. Um, evaluated on and for Zaman, um, whereas he’s delayed at is, uh, his speech and his social, uh, interactions.
Uh, there’s other categories too as well, but his specific one, so he’s two and a half. Um, he’s not speaking yet. And that’s, that’s, I mean, that can be common whether the person with the kid’s autistic or not, but he’s still not speaking and so that’s even the thing is. Just simple communications. I saw a pod, I saw a podcast, uh, the other day, and a gentleman was actually interviewing his daughter and she was three, I think it was, and they were just having a full on conversation like you and I, and I never got, I, and, and that hit me so hard because I was extremely jealous of that.
And I was like, oh my gosh. It’s like, that’s number one. It’s amazing for them. They’re able to do it. But I had never, I never realized and take. For granted, just being able to communicate with your child, uh, and have them express, you know, what they’re wanting, what their emotions are, things like that. But so he’s delayed in his speech and he’s, um, in regards to his social interactions, he still has no, like, full on awareness of what’s appropriate in particular.
Environments, restaurants, uh, out in public. I mean, he’s just, yeah, just, he’s just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I’ll tell you, that’s every kid. That’s my kid. Yeah. Every kid. Yeah. . Well, again, and that’s even the thing is it’s like that’s, and he said what it’s been like for me, the most challenging thing is, I don’t know if it’s a developmental delay or if it’s normal children behav.
So me, same thing. It’s like I’m a little confused. It’s like, do I become more disciplined? Mm. Do I be more patient? And I’m learning as we go. That’s been the struggle for me is wow, is that because of he’s just a child and children don’t listen to as well? Or is, is he really just not comprehending, um, what’s appropriate?
And so I’m having to, I’m having to, um, Give them the, the benefit of the doubt, . And so that’s, that’s one thing that’s, uh, like I said, it’s been a big test of patience. I think that’s what the, any parent, um, for sure, yeah. Hmm. That’s, that’s deep, man. I, I, I can’t imagine what a struggle that must be for you, . Uh, I, yeah, I mean, that, that is interesting to be honest with you. Like you, you’re at a place where like, yeah, I can’t tell whether she’s just, or, or he’s just acting out, or if it’s just, you know, part of, you know, autistic behavior that must be really challenging.
Are, is there any like doctors or therapists that help you with that? Uh, with him specifically? Yes. So he’s in, he’s in speech therapy and occupational therapy. So he goes to actually three different sessions per week, um, that they work with. And, um, he does great. Uh, we’re seeing progressions and, um, he’s very, the thing was, I mean, he’s very determined.
I mean, with everything that he does. He’s very bold, he’s very courageous. That’s actually one of the character traits I absolutely love about him. But also simultaneously it scares me to death, uh, because. , like I said, he has no regards for, uh, other people in his own safety. Yeah. So again, certain things like that can be challenging.
And he was born during Covid. Mm-hmm. So for that first year, year and a half or so, it’s like we weren’t, I mean, we were quarantined like everybody else, so we weren’t out with other parents and their kids, so there was no interactions between. Yeah. Yeah. And so that was when, and like I said, this whole thing has been just one big puzzle.
Of, okay. Is it, is it the, the developmental delay or is it just normal child behavior? Did you need more interaction? Is it da da da? And it’s just like, we just have a lot of questions mm-hmm. , um, that I don’t have definitive answers to. And so I’ve had to, yeah. I mean that I’ve just had to really, really practice, you know, my patients and just trying to understand and be solution solution oriented, one step at a time.
People, the people who don’t have idea, they’re like, man, how do you deal with that? How do you deal with that? And it’s just, honestly, it’s like we’re so, I mean, we’ve gotten used to it. It’s just him. It’s just, it’s just how it’s, we don’t, I don’t look at him as being different. I just look at him as, as him.
And so we’re just having to adjust accordingly on what’s appropriate. And just like I said, it’s just like I always say, he is like he’s on his own timeline. Yeah. So when he starts to, he starts to figure things out, he’ll start to figure things out. But you know, as a father, it’s like you want the best for them.
And he is like, still trying to figure out like what’s going to love him to death. I mean, that’s a, that’s a big thing, but it’s again, just like we wanna, I wanna, when you asked about like, does your, does my father come out and me? And you’re like, absolutely. And he’s like, I don’t wanna be. My way or the highway, I want to be like, it’s, this is the best way and here’s the reason why.
Love that. Does that make love that? Yeah, that perfect. Yeah. It’s always, uh, the second sentence, uh, one of my , one of my, uh, trainers who used to work with me, Sheel lives out in California, but she always said, David, you need the second sentence. And, and I said, well, what do you mean? It’s like, well, people will say something to you, but then if they don’t elaborate, Y it’s like you either a tend to ignore it or it’s like it, you just don’t comprehend it.
So it’s like, and she was a school teacher, that was her actual full-time job, and she worked with little kids too as well. She said it’s like, this is what we feel is best and here’s the reason why. And I was like, daddy dumb. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. You’re absolutely right. That’s, that’s so deep. Uh, David, and, and, uh, I agree with you because it, uh, um, Man.
I mean, look, look, as I said, although I do think there’s times that require, uh, because I said so, I’d say 99% of the time, I always try to explain why. Because look, my daughter’s a curious girl. All she wants to know is, why can’t I touch that? Why can’t I do that? You know, she doesn’t know. . And so it doesn’t really benefit her from me screaming at her and saying, because, you know, I try to explain why, Hey, this is not safe, because it could hurt you, you know, this is blah, blah, blah.
Because, you know, so I, I completely a hundred percent agree with you. Um, that’s a great way to parent and I really commend you on that. I can already tell you you’re a great dad. Uh, how I, how, let me ask you this though. How important is it, you came from a divorced household, how important is it to you?
that you maintain a healthy and positive relationship with your, your partner because I, I remember probably the most disappointing aspect of my fatherhood career is, is per se, is me breaking up with her mother and. That’s not to say that I think we should be together because I don’t, but at the same time it was so heartbreaking for me because I, you know, you look at your parents and you’re like, never, never will I ever be you.
And then you kind of fall into a pattern of where, okay, I’m you. And, and sometimes it’s even hard taking advice from my dad cuz I’m like, look, I feel like you did things the right, wrong way. , I’m not at all saying this, but it’s like sometimes you, you go in your head, I’m like, maybe you’re the reason why, you know what I’m saying?
And I, it’s hard for me to accept that. Like, I’m so disappointed that I don’t have my daughter every day have a one week on, one week off. I am so disappointed, disappointed about, you know, being in a situation where I have to split custody with a relationship, have a, a complicated relationship with her mother.
We talk out on parenting app. It’s just so not what I am envisioned for myself being a parent. And there’s grace in that. There’s beauty in that. And I can talk about all the benefits of, um, you know, the positives of being a co-parent, but it’s just obviously you don’t go into a situation having a child and being like, Hey, I wanna co-parent.
Right? And so I wonder how is important it is for you to maintain that relationship with, with, with your. extremely. I think number one, first and foremost is like having a, a child isn’t, is a huge, if not the biggest responsibility that you can have, and, uh, for people to take that lightly, um, they don’t really understand the magnitude of like, you’re creating a life and you’re responsible for, uh, that.
And so again, it comes back to being selfless versus being selfish. Mm-hmm. . from their, from my upbringing, from a split household. Like I said, that happening led me to become an extremely selfish individual. Extremely, I mean, for all the way up into my twenties, all the way up into, uh, I would say practically around like my, my mid thirties and, um, with Sasha.
Uh, , it’s extremely important for us to have a healthy relationship, and that’s even the one thing is like I had to become less selfish, stop thinking about myself and only my wants and needs. Mm-hmm. know that for this to be optimal. That’s the thing. Is this for to be optimal is that it’s a, it’s a team now.
We all have our wants and our. . Um, I heard a message a couple weeks ago and it’s like, like, oh, the father has his roles and the mother has his roles, and it’s like, I don’t know where we all got that. It’s like we have like general roles, but it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s each other’s responsibility to be the absolute best for the family.
And as both the mother and the fathers, they have to, they, you can’t be 50% in the, the actual, the way you said it is like 50. Commitment on one hand and 50%, um, responsibility just leads to 100% disappointment. Mm-hmm. . And so you just, it’s work, right? I mean, it’s work. There’s, I know that there’s things that you wish that you may have done differently.
Um, but again, again, those are where the lessons are, and we’re always gonna go through life making mistakes and not learning from the mistake is the mistake. Mm. So even if you have, so with my parents, even if they split, it’s like they could still do the best that they can do, even though that you’re not with, you know, your daughter’s mother.
It’s like that, that has no bearings on how you act today. It has no bearings on how you act tomorrow, end of the years to come if we just continue to focus on, and that’s what I, that’s where my mistake was. I was still so focused. . Well, why didn’t they figure it out? Well, why didn’t, why couldn’t they work things out?
Well, why did it? It was like, I was just still just wondering, wondering, wondering. And it was like, instead of me just focusing on, no, Dave, you have your own family now. And it’s like one thing that you don’t wanna do is to repeat those same mistakes and affect your child. So it’s extremely important. It’s a lot of work.
Um, and again, as it’s like, it’s like you have to be selfless. To get the best out of the relationship. If you’re only gonna just focus on you and your needs and your wants, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Um, and so how is that gonna, what can you do to make it better communicate? . And that’s a, that’s a skillset in itself.
And most people, most people, I would say 80% of people, their communication sucks. And especially now, we all communicate through our devices. We’re texting, we’re emailing, there’s less face-to-face. Uh, cancer culture is running rapid. Like people like is Yeah. Communication skills and human beings are completely just deteriorated.
And I know for a fact that’s also leaked into like how people treat other people in relationships and it’s a sad thing. Um, I don’t see it getting better either. Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does. But, uh, you know, I think what you said is so true because. , you know, in the beginning, um, you know, I kind of being traumatized by my parents’ situation, you know, being in a courtroom with them and being in a courtroom with, you know, my child’s mother.
It was really kind of traumatizing for me and I was kind of crippled by that a little bit, and I felt myself being like, disconnected and, and you’re absolutely right. It, it, it shouldn’t have like what I do now. is what’s important, you know, moving forward with, with my child and being a supportive father, even being a supportive co-parent.
One of my goals from the very beginning of when we broke up was to, um, make sure that my daughter grows up as normal as possible, is not a normal situation, but I’m not going to have her come to my house, feel uncomfortable about talking to her mother. I, I, I, I hope, and I’m pretty sure it’s vice versa, but, you know, I, I wanna.
You know, it, it’s, it’s beyond me now. It’s kind of, it is kind of what I think you’re saying. It’s like, you know, it’s, you know, we’re family and we figure this out and, and that’s kind of what my goal is for my daughter. You know, it’s not about my selfish. , you know, your mom this or your mom that. It’s about me being supportive and caring and making sure that my daughter grows up as normal, as comfortable as possible.
Um, but, and I commend you for, uh, that with your, your wife, because that’s, I think that’s a big deal. You know, not taking the elements that you learned from your growing up and passing them on to someone else. And that can go, you know, both ways too. It can be like not passing on to your kid or not passing.
some things that you learned onto your, your partner as well, um, and, uh, with this new child that you guys have. Congratulations again. Um, w w I mean, have you learned anything a little bit from your son that you want to take on with your daughter and like, how do you, how do you parent? Like what’s your.
What’s your, yeah. What, how does David parent, how do you parent? How do you pair it? All right. How do you parent? Oh man. Well, because you know what I learned in my, cuz my friend’s having a baby, and this is just my opinion, there’s so many books out there that tell you how to parent. Mm-hmm. . And I feel like, to be honest, you kind of figure it out based on your kid’s personality and.
What you have going on in your, in your life and your household. You know, I feel like you kind of just figure it out. Um, and I listen to those books and I listen to those parenting podcasts and all that, but that’s kind of how I parent. I kinda just figure it out and try to be the best dad possible. But yeah, how do you do it?
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So this is great. I love it. We’re talking about this, so there’s a, there’s, you’ve probably heard this, and not even parenting books, but just even self-development I is having. core tenants having core principles. How do you want this little child to act? And B, right? Mm-hmm. . So it’s not necessarily a blueprint like, oh, here’s step one, here’s step two, a, B, C, D.
I don’t think that there’s ever a right or wrong like path for Zon and Lenny. Here’s what we want them to be
hard. , disciplined, respectful,
and not have fear. Mm-hmm. , does that make sense? Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Those things. And so with those things, and SA and I have talked about these. and, and that may, and so that, that list may even evolve as time goes on. But these are like four things that we know that we would want to mold them to be as an individual, as a human again.
So it’s just like, uh, hardworking, disciplined, respectful. and not have fear. And what I’m, what do I tell me when I say don’t have fear? So like, as a child, it’s like, what, what it is like at one some point, whether it’s middle school, high school, college, whatever, it’s like people get so scared of pursuing X, Y, and Z.
People wanna lose weight, but they’re, they’re afraid of failing. People want to work towards the promotion, but they feel that they may get passed over people. Uh uh, the dude wants to go. The chick out, but he’s scared that he’s gonna, you know, get rejected. So there’s a fear. Fear, fear. Fear. Fear. Right. And that’s one of the biggest things is that we wanna teach them is like, go for it.
If it doesn’t work out like you want it to, again, what did you learn? And then how can you apply that knowledge moving forward so that you can be more successful in the future? Mm-hmm. , those are the four things that we want to instill in them. Now how do we do that? Well, we will see as how do we parent, how do we parent a way to instill those four core tenants?
I don’t know, but we know like that’s the direction that we want to mold them in. Mm-hmm. Coming back into, he is like, even reflecting in my childhood is like my father was very like black and white. He was very conservative. Um, he’s very spiritual. Um, he had really strong beliefs.
he wanted to convey those to me. But again, like I said, where he, I think where, where the opportunity for improvement for him was, was in the way he communicated to those. So for him it was like, don’t wear your hat backwards. Always look nice, dress nice, smell nice, uh uh, you know, just all these, like I said, all those cliches that you talk that she talked about, but there was a reasoning in a method as to why.
So do you and your, do you and your wife ever disagree on different parenting styles? All the time. Yeah. , because that is the one aspect that. . I mean, obviously I’ve, I have, you know, co-parenting disagreements, but it’s not really in my face, you know what I mean?
It’s kind of like, at my household, it’s this and her household. It could be that, and we try to agree on certain things, but I always wondered what it’s like for someone being in the same household, you know, day in, day out and having different parenting, uh, disagreements or stylists. Like how do you handle that and what do you.
what do you do to kind of create a, a, um, what do you call it, a, uh, a settlement of that? Like what’s, how, how, how do you, how do you express that with your wife? I think the best way, again, so there is no, there’s no gonna be a, a b abc 1, 2, 3. Just follow these steps. I, I’m at a point where I realize that again, for.
for it to be optimal for Amen. And for Lenny is that Seha and I have to collaborate together. Mm-hmm. . So even like with, with your situation, uh, being a single father, it’s like whether you like it or not, there are certain things that you are limited at doing for your daughter. There are certain things that her mother is limited.
Doing for your daughter too as well. Right now you guys can still collaborate, but it will look different than, uh, than a family whose parents are obviously the same household. Very true. So your question was like, how do No. So how do we collaborate again, communication. I think understanding each other in like, what’s important for you as a parent.
And what’s important for, uh, your daughter’s mother, uh, as a parent, those things need to be expressed so that you guys can begin to formulate a plan to proceed in a manner that’s gonna be best for your daughter. Mm-hmm. , if she’s having two different mixed messages. Or if Mikey’s there too. Do this. Well, dad says this, and when mom says this, well, then Dad says this.
And when mom says this, like it’s, it’s just gonna be chaotic. They there Yeah. They don’t, they don’t know what to do. Right. What’s right, what’s wrong? This ain’t, and so it’s, it’s, it’s very, it’s gonna be imperative that the parents. , uh, express to each other. It’s like, okay, what is gonna be important for her or for him?
Well, again, this is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. Okay, what do we need to do to ensure that those things happen? And she or he becomes that, well, we need to start. And then you start to formulate a plan. . Now, again, the way that happens, it may, you guys may not agree and that’s okay.
We’re not always gonna agree. But the thing is like if you guys always have in mind like, what’s going to be the best for the daughter, it’s like somebody will compromise. Um, or they won’t. And so like you’ll have to cross that bridge when you get there too as well. But I think to do it from an optimal way of doing, , you have to be expressive.
You have to communicate, you have to share thoughts, you have to share ideas. And then from there, you guys can start to formulate a plan that’s gonna be suitable for whether it’s the same household or different households. Again. So like for your daughter, you want her to be safe, you like, you have this whole list of things that you, that you want to occur.
And you guys, I know that you guys parents need to be on some sort of same. Playbook, . Yeah. For lack of term. For a lack of better terms, yes. For that to accomplish. Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does. Absolutely. Again, communication. Communication, and that was even one thing. What the, what you said a while ago, he’s just like, how do you parent?
I don’t know. It’s just like one day at a time, but these are the things that we want to happen. How are we gonna make those happen? You set a course of action and, and, and you move forward with that, but here’s how you do it, Kendall. I said I once aim him to be, you know, disciplined, respectful, uh, hardworking, not have fear for him to be that I, as a father, have to be that.
Mm wow. It’s not just gonna happen. I have to be respectful. I have to have a strong work ethic. I have to be disciplined. I have to go through life with not fear, with no. , if I try to teach those principles to him without me having those own principles, like in myself, it ain’t gonna work. Mm-hmm. , David. That, that, that blew my mind.
You’re so right. Um, you, you, you know what, just the other day I was driving with my daughter, she’s in the back seat, uh, and we’re just pulling outta the driveway and she can buckle herself and I try to get her to buckle herself now on, just be more responsible and. as I’m pulling outta the driveway, she’s like, well, your seatbelt’s not buckled, so I don’t want to Exactly.
And, and it, and it just reminded me of what you just said. Like, you know, you have to set the example for your kid to follow, follow your example, you know, and I like that. That’s, that’s an amazing thing you just said, David. I think that’s gonna help a lot of listeners, uh, as well. Um, that’s, And now let me ask you something.
Is that something that you figured out on your own or is this something that you actually learned from your parents? Yeah. , uh, no. Everything. No, no. That one thing about, so have I learned on my own, um, that I learned from my parents? So the, the best thing, so both, both of my parents are extremely hardworking, extremely hardworking.
Mm-hmm. . Um, I think my work ethic has definitely come from both of them. For sure. For sure.
I think the work ethic was instilled by both of them. I think the discipline, uh, was instilled by both of them. Uh, the other two is like, uh, not having fear. I had to learn that elsewhere. Um, both my parents are very traditional. Go to school, get an education, get a solid job, you know, just basic traditional things.
And I’ve completely, you know, entrepreneur, business owner. Completely different from , how they, how they thought it would go. Yeah. Um, and the, and the respect thing. Uh, I would actually think I learned that most from Saha. Uh, she’s Hispanic, so they’re extremely family oriented. Extremely like family above all else.
Absolutely. Like, absolutely with them and for me, coming from a broken, uh, I wouldn’t say dysfunctional, but just definitely just fractured. Paradigm of what family means. Mm-hmm. to have getting around people who, it’s like family above all else, learning to be respectful. Um, I’ve had to continue to improve that because I won’t listen to you if I don’t respect you, period.
Uh, and that’s something that I’ve had to work on because you can always learn from others whether they. Doing better than you, or not doing better than you if you just freaking listen. And it’s like you can still learn things from everybody. And that’s one thing is as I get older too as well, it’s like even if you can pick up a little nugget from this person or this person on what to do and also on what not to do, um, I think it’s like that’s gonna be very, very, very important for, for an individual’s development now.
What? I don’t know. Just like I said, it’s like how did you shape who became who you are? Life, right? ? Absolutely. This circumstance, that circumstances, it’s like by making mistakes. I think that’s the biggest thing is like that, that fourth one, don’t have fear of making mistakes. Don’t have fear of failure.
You’re gonna mess up, you’re gonna fail, you’re gonna fall short. It’s going to happen. So stop trying to avoid it. Just. . And then if and when it happens again, apply what you’ve learned, take those valuable lessons and then get better and, and do better next time. And then you’ll fail again. And then just repeat that same process and then you’ll fail again.
And then repeat that pro that that same process is like, don’t go through life just being totally afraid of messing up. You’re gonna mess up. You’re going to mess up, but don’t let that hand, but don’t let that like handicap you. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Absolutely, man. David, you. You, this has been an amazing conversation.
You, you are, are just so informative the way you speak. I mean, I would follow you into a storm and know on the other side I’m gonna be all right. That, that is, uh, I, I, I think you’re your an amazing dad and you know, when, when your son is old enough to speak, I think you guys are gonna have some amazing conversations.
The storms are where we grow. Absolut. . That’s the thing. It’s, and that’s what we, just, what we just talked about, people are so worried about like, oh gosh, what if this happens? What if this happens? No. Like, that’s where you want. You go into it. Go into it. You’re gonna come out the other end eventually.
Mm-hmm. eventually. Now, when is that? Who knows? It doesn’t really matter. But it’s like you, you see those obstacles, you see that adversity, you see those trials, you see those tribulations, you see those, the uh, those hard times in your life, like go face. go face it. And, and it’s like you’re gonna come out the other side eventually.
It was the same thing, like you said in the last episode you talked about with, uh, your uncle. It’s like you’d wanted, you wanted to do that for a long time. Absolutely. And, and you kept putting it off and sweeping it under the rug and putting it off and sweeping it under the rug. And then when you finally did it, you said it is like there was this instant relief and it wasn’t about how he react.
Right. It had nothing to do with him and how he, how he was going to react. You knew something down his side. It’s like, I need, again, I needed to communicate and express what I’m feeling, what I think, like what’s going on. It was like what, like the, the, the lines of communication needed to be open and so for that, it’s like you could actually move forward in trying to figure out the solution for your grand.
and you’d wanted to do that for a really long time and putting it off and procrastinated only made the problem bigger. You’re absolutely right. Um, I mean, yeah, David, that’s, it Couldn’t be closely, more closely than truth. I, I, you know, with him and, you know, my dad, those are very contentious relationships that I had that felt very.
you know, um, even with my dad, I, there’s an episode I, I did with called my father that I, I wanted to talk to him about something that happened when I was younger and I felt like, you know, we’re kind of growing and this will be the one time that I feel like if I speak to you about this, it may open a new door for our relationship, but maybe we can go even deeper than what we have right now, which is kind of just like a kind of a friendship.
I spoke to him about it. It didn’t go well. And at that point I, I, again, was kind of relieved cuz I said, well, you know what, at least I know where we stand. Right? I’m never going to regret not speaking to you about this. I spoke to you about it. It went pretty much how I, I expected it to go and that’s completely fine with me.
I needed to do it. And you’re right. Same with my grandmother. I mean, like, like you listened to it, you know, my uncle has a. Presence to him. And, but after I did it, I felt so much better. Uh, despite his reaction, I felt better knowing that I, I I crossed that path. Um, it gave you more di gave you more direction.
It did. It did. That’s what I was saying. And I said it’s like we come against those storms, we come against that adversity. It’s like the worst thing you could have done was continue to ignore it. Cause you knowing where he stood now opens up an avenue in a direction on what’s. Amen. That’s the biggest thing is like face the problems.
It’s going to be hard. It might not turn out like you want it to, but now that you’ve done it and you have a result from that, it will give you direction on what’s the next step for you to solve the problem. Amen. Solution oriented thinking. And so let’s just think going into those, like those are. Those are, those are hard conversations.
Um, obviously that, you know, there, there’s, there are all kinds of emotions that go into having those. Um, but you, the, the reason that you needed to do that is because there was something that you needed that you felt that you needed to address, right? And it had nothing to do with how he felt about, it’s how you felt about it and, and ignoring it only made it worse.
So now that you did, it’s like, okay, here’s where we are. that was now. Now what do we do now? Right. And so, absolutely. That’s just the biggest thing. And I, I would really, um, I would really like even like for your daughter too as well, it’s like, cuz there’s gonna be times. when she’s gonna be scared. Da, daddy, do I apply for this or this, or this?
Hey daddy, there’s this, uh, uh, thing that I want to do. Hey, dad, there’s this team, this ball club that I want to try out for. Hey, there’s this da da, da. Hey, I wanna start my own business. Hey, uh, I really feel like, you know, going to a foreign country and, and starting a da da, I don’t know, whatever the scenario may.
There may be something that would be way outside of her comfort zone and also maybe way outside of your comfort zone. But if she finds it, uh, uh, uh, worthy of pursuing, but she’s scared, you want to be able to convey to her, it’s like, do you, is It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it? She’s gonna be like, yeah. It’s like that’s where you need to be.
You need to step into that discomfort cuz that’s where we grow again, the. Step into that storm because that’s where the growth is going to be. Is it gonna be difficult? Yes. Is it gonna suck? Possibly. But it could also be absolutely amazing and you could get some additional answers. And like I said, it’ll give you more direction on where you wanna move forward from there too as well.
Absolutely. Um, wow. David, I, what, what is an inspiring conversation? I, I love this. Um, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s so. . Um, you know, speaking of parents, I think one of the last things I wanted to ask you is kind of where you’re at with your parents. Um, I, I spoke about a little about where I’m at with mine and it’s funny cuz I, I go into that deeper in one, in my next episode where I talk about how, you know, TV parents kind of shaped my fatherhood outlook.
You know, watching things like modern family or things like that. Um, and I wanted to ask, you know, where are things at with your parents? And if you could just explain kind of how you grew from the, a little bit of the reassembly you have when you were younger to now being a father and having maybe potentially a different perspective.
Yeah, absolutely. We may have to say this for the, for the next episode. Uh, , that’s totally fine. The resentment, I actually ran away twice. Um, so when I lived with my father, um, like I said, both my parents, they both got remarried. I had a really hard time adjusting to that dynamic with my father and my stepmother.
Um, Really, really hard time adjusting to that. And my father was very, like I said, he was very conservative, very hardworking, very just my way or the highway. Well, it got to the point where I chose the highway and uh, I was 17, I was out. So I don’t, I decided, like I said, I don’t know if I have time would go over on this episode, but, uh, I ran away and, uh, he.
Told me, he is like, you better come back home. Or he was like, I will send the cops out. I will have you picked up and I will send you to juvie. Okay, well, don’t want to go to juvie. So I, I came back home. Fast forward, uh, another year, uh, when I turned 18, there was a situation that occurred and, um, I decided to leave and leave for good.
And this time he couldn’t do anything about. . And so after I had turned 18, there was a situation that happened and uh, and I bounced so I ran away at 18. It wasn’t until I was 36, 37. This actually happened on Thanksgiving. Three years ago, it was either, yeah, about three years ago where I had gotten to the point where, uh, I was tired of the emotional discontent of that relationship.
I got to a point where I just told myself and then I told him, it doesn’t matter how I feel about this and what had happened. , what does matter is how I feel about what I want to happen moving forward. Mm-hmm. , and that’s what, and that’s what I expressed to him, is like, it doesn’t matter what happened.
What happens is now, today and moving forward. And I said, I told him, I said, I am done being angry. I am done being resentful. I am ready to move forward and whatever we need to do for that to happen, I’m willing to do it and I wanna do it. And that was three years ago on Thanksgiving. Morning and, uh, it’s been getting better and better ever since.
Uh, I haven’t talked about my mom a lot. Uh, my mom, uh, she was there for me as much as possible when my parents divorced. Um, she lived, she stayed here in Oklahoma City. I had moved back to Tulsa. She had made, uh, she had made as much visitation as she could. She came to all of my games, uh, in high school and throughout college and, uh, growing up.
Um, I didn’t have a ton of time spent with her, so I don’t have a ton to like, reflect on, um, in regards to being raised and things like that. Uh, and that was one thing that I really want to. Work on making sure that all those opportunities missed, that I, again, I can’t control what happened. All I can control on is like what happens today and moving forward.
So we’re always trying to, um, or I’m always trying to like, make time where I can. I’m obviously extremely busy, uh, with my own business and now obviously having two kids, but it’s like being intentional with spending quality time, whether that’s simply going out to dinner or whatever it is. Um, but my relationship with my parents is, Very good.
Um, uh, I’m, I won and I expect it to continue to grow and get better too as well. So I kind of condensed, um, almost condensed, almost like an 18 to 20 year sequence in, in that answer, but it’s, it’s going well and it is, like I said, the, I both love them very, very much. Um, I forgive both of them for not figuring it out.
Uh, what I was angry about and, and like I said, it doesn’t matter. what matters now is like what, where we’re at today and what we want to happen, uh, moving forward, not only for my family, but in my relationship with my children, but also my relationship with my parents too as well. Hmm, man, David, uh, that’s deep.
I, um, well, I’ll definitely have you back on the, the podcast for sure. If you’ll, if you’ll, if you’ll come on, but, . I, yeah, I, I gotta tell you, I think we’re a lot alike in, in a lot of aspects too. Uh, you know, my relationship with my mother is, uh, you know, pretty much nonexistent. I, and I kind of hear what you’re saying about ref the reflection at this point.
And I, I might have spoke about it last episode, but at this point, I, I, I think I’ve spent more time not in her life. than I have in her life. Mm-hmm. . Which, which is kind of interesting, you know, and, you know, it, it’s, it is just a peculiar aspect for me when speaking about family and, and parents and all that.
And, and kinda like you said, Hey, my relationship with my dad is good, but there is some boundaries there, you know? Um, and. It, you know, it’s uncomfortable for me sometimes because sometimes I see things that trigger me about certain aspects that he does, and it makes me kind of wanna push away a little bit.
And, um, because I don’t want to relearn anything and, you know what I mean? So it is complicated and I completely hear what you’re saying. It’s, uh, Hey, it’s good and I hope it grows. But, uh, yeah. , kind of what I’ve been trying to express since I’ve done this podcast is I think sometimes even with the family, there needs to be some boundaries for your own personal growth and, and just healthy characteristics.
You know what I mean? Boundaries and expectations exactly. . Exactly. That’s one thing that even like, like for my clients and my students, that’s one thing that we talk about a lot is having boundaries and expectations, um, and having boundaries and expectations for yourself. Having boundaries and expectations for your family.
Um, all, all that. It’s very, very important to, again, it’s like having a, a clear vision on what it is that you want to have, what it is, who you want to be, uh, and what it is where you want to go, because without. without that, it’s like you’re just, what? We’re just, you know, flickering around in the wind, like, okay, well this is life and whatever happens, happens.
It’s like that’s, no, it’s like you want to have direction on what it is that you want to accomplish. It’s like, I want my children to be able to do this, do this, have this, have this, accomplish this, accomplish this. Like there’s gonna be, if that’s the end. And if that’s the goal. Here’s one thing. This is the biggest thing that I tell my clients too, as well.
I can’t take credit for this. One of my coaches helped, helped me with this. Help me understand it. It doesn’t matter what the goal is, doesn’t matter. You need to have a system in place for you to move toward that result, period. . So it’s just like I deal with a, I work in the, the health field, uh, wellness, fitness, all that stuff.
And it’s like whether somebody wants to lose 10 pounds, whether somebody lose, wants to lose 50 pounds, it doesn’t matter what the number is, unless you have a system to behind and like support that, it, it ain’t gonna happen, period. If you want your child to be hardworking, Disciplined, respectful and not have fear.
Like there needs to be a system behind that to support that individual into growing into into that. So your relationship with your mother, your relationship with your father, I’m assuming maybe you do, maybe you don’t, but you know where you would like to see it be and where you would like to see it.
There needs to be a system behind that to work towards that. It may happen next month, it may happen next year, it may be the next decade. But the thing about it is like you have an idea on like, man, this would be really nice. This would be really cool. This would be really awesome if this X, Y, Z happened.
Hmm. Okay, well how are we gonna accomplish that? Hoping. Hoping and wishing does nothing. Man, I would love for my relationship with my parents to like to thrive. I would love my relationship with my parents to, to get better so that my daughter would be able to da, da da. And it’s like, like, okay, that would be awesome, but hoping and wishing ain’t gonna do anything for it.
What are we gonna do about that to move us closer and closer and closer and closer and closer? There needs to be, there needs to be actions. There needs to be expectations. There needs to be boundaries. There needs to be a system behind that because without that, it’ll never happen. It’s just a hope. It’s just a dream.
It’s just a wish. It’s just a want. Not gonna, it’s not gonna happen. I agree with. Wow. Um, man, this is, uh, this has been an amazing conversation, David. Um, I sincerely hope you’ll join me again for another episode. This has been one of my favorite conversations that I’ve had on the podcast. Um, you know, I feel like we have a lot of, like, in some ways, and I feel like, um, even today I’ve learned some things with you, which is kind of what this is all about.
You know, learning and growing and sharing experiences together and. And I, look, I’m happy that I got to share this with you today. Um, so thank you for being, um, I guess on today’s episode. Thank you very much. No, thank you. Um, if you, if you want, uh, where can people find you online and you mention health and fitness, I assume you want people to come to your business.
So give, please give a little shout out to yourself. On Instagram, you can find me at free Falco, f r e e f a l c O. So that’ll be the first, uh, my Facebook and, uh, my Instagram and Joint. So it’s David Williams on Facebook and it’s free Falco on Instagram. Those are the best places. Uh, that’s it that you can find me to as well.
So, and you’re a personal trainer? Yeah. Say it again. You’re a personal trainer. Yeah, it goes a little bit more that, that, I mean, as a profession, yes, but it’s more necess, not necessarily about personal training, it’s more about personal development. Mm-hmm. I can see. Yeah, so it’s just like the, obviously, uh, health and fitness is a tool.
It’s one of our main tools that we use because I I, if you’re not able to control like the easy aspects of your life, so we’re talking about like big, big, big things, solving family dynamics. Raising our children to become, you know, uh, individuals in, uh, that are respectful in communities. Like these are big challenges.
If we’re not able to control the small things in our life by like the time we wake up to, uh, the foods that we eat, to how we treat our body. If we can’t master these simple little bitty things, like I said, how are we gonna be able to do these bigger things? Racial? Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does.
Absolutely. So those are, yeah, I mean, it’s like we can, yeah, we can get all of that like later, but it’s just, yeah, this has been great. Um, like I said, when I listened to, uh, to the previous episodes, there’s a lot, there’s a lot of you. that I resonated with a ton. Um, and like I said, the, the feelings that you talked about, the emotions that you were expressing, the thoughts that you were having, the, the simple dynamics between you and just different family members, I was like, man, that’s the, it sounded so familiar mm-hmm.
And, um, it took a lot of, and I wanna commend you. It takes a lot of courage to go online into the universe and be able to. These, uh, uh, thoughts, feelings, and emotions out. Not very many people are brave enough and courageous enough to do that, so I want to commend you. Um, it resonates. It resonates a lot.
Thank you, David. Uh, yeah, I look the, the main purpose of this podcast is just to help some people out and to grow together. Um, and I, I think especially today, I think this, this episode is definitely gonna resonate with a lot of people. I know. I definitely resonate with you. . Um, David, thank you very much.
Uh, I will text you shortly. Um, this has been a pleasure, um, and, uh, . Look, man. Yeah, I, I learned a lot from you and I thank you for that. Uh, you’re gonna be an amazing dad. Congrats on little girl. I, I hope you guys had an amazing, uh, Christmas and again, cuz I’m sure I’ll get requests for you. I, I hope that you’ll.
I love it, man. Hey, happy new year. Um, let’s go make 2023, like the best year you get. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. . All right, brother. Uh, good talking to you. And uh, I’ll you soon. All talk to soon. Bye-bye.
Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, a place where we explore the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, host Kendall Donaker talks about his relationship with marijuana and how it has impacted his mental health, shares alternatives for reducing anxiety, discusses anxiety and depression medication, and reflects on how anxiety has affected him throughout his life. If you’re a single dad looking for support and advice on managing anxiety and improving your mental health, be sure to tune in to this episode.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode, and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at @thesinglefatherpodcast for updates and behind-the-scenes content.
Did you know that as a patron of The Single Father Podcast, you have access to our private Facebook group? This is a great place to connect with other single dads and share your own experiences and advice. If you’re interested in becoming a patron and joining our community, visit https://www.patreon.com/thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is also brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Thank you for listening!
0:00:01 The Single Father’s Guide to Coping with Panic Attacks
0:02:18 Anxiety and the Heart: A Personal Story
0:04:45 Anxiety and Depression in Men
0:06:28 Anxiety and Panic Attacks: A Personal Story
0:09:56 Depression, Anxiety, and Heart Disease: A Personal Story
0:12:05 Anxiety and Depression: A Personal Story
0:13:45 How to Overcome Anxiety Without Relying on Medication
0:18:36 The Power of Mindfulness and Manifestation: A Conversation with an Aquarius
0:20:12 Anxiety: A Personal Journey
0:22:18 The Power of Moving Forward
0:24:22 The Single Father’s Guide to Mental Health
Whether it’s a journal, whether it’s a notebook, whether it’s going to the gym, whether it’s meditation, and don’t be afraid of medication either. I mean, I think people are always judgmental of people taking medicaid.
So this is kind of my own journal. This is how I relay my feelings to all of you is just by this podcast. And maybe you guys can find your own type of thing as well.
But the calmest place in the storm is right in the middle, where you get to watch all of those things happening around you but feel complacent knowing that you can keep moving forward and wait out the storm, because the storm will pass.
It’s been an extremely challenging journey for me, and all I can do is focus on the future and keep moving forward. I, embarrassingly have one of my favorite movies in the world.
So I don’t really have the exact answer on how each individual person should deal with their own anxiety. But what I can do is tell you my own personal experiences and tell you that you’re not alone on it.
In today’s episode of The Single Father Podcast, father Deezy explores how TV shows can influence our understanding of parenting and family dynamics.
the role of coparenting in his own life and how shows like Smallville and Modern Family have provided valuable lessons and insights on this topic.
He also shares how the character of Clark Kent’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent, on Smallville has served as a model for good parenting for him.
Father Deezy also touches on the representation of diverse and unconventional family structures on TV shows, and how these shows can provide relatable experiences and a sense of community for those who may not see their own experiences reflected in mainstream media.
He discusses the challenges and complexities of being a black child raised in a white family, as depicted in the show This Is Us, and how this show has helped him to feel seen and understood in a way that other shows may not have.
This episode of The Single Father Podcast is a must-listen for single fathers and anyone interested in parenting and family dynamics. Tune in to learn valuable lessons and insights on coparenting, diverse family structures, and more.
The most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a coparent can be finding a balance between being stern and not wanting your child to fear you.
Follow The Single Father Podcast on Instagram and Facebook, and visit our website ventpack.org for show notes and occasional articles on coparenting.
The most joyous thing in life can be your child, who brings sunshine to your life and is the best gift you have ever received.
You may have many pictures of your child on your wall, but it’s important to remember that trophies and affirmations are not as important as the love and joy that your child brings to your life.
Let us know what you think about this episode and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at @thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, share, and leave a review. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
0:00:00 How TV Shows Can Impact Our Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:04:04 How TV Shows Can Help Single Fathers Improve Their Parenting Skills
0:07:37 How Modern Family and Smallville Can Teach Single Fathers Important Lessons About Parenting
0:09:55 How TV Shows Can Teach Us About Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:11:46 How TV Shows Can Be A Valuable Resource For Single Fathers
0:14:05 The Impact of TV Shows on Children’s Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:15:49 The Impact of TV Shows on Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:18:22 How TV Shows Can Reflect Your Own Family Structure In today’s society, there are a variety of family structures that are not always accurately represented on television. However, there are a number of shows that are beginning to break the mold and show a more accurate portrayal of what modern families look like. This can be
0:20:35 The Impact of This Is Us on Adoption, Race, and Family Dynamics
0:23:02 The Importance of Representation in Mainstream Media: A Look at the TV Show “This Is Us”
0:25:17 Parenting: The Most Joyous Thing in My Life
0:27:16 The Best Gift I’ve Ever Gotten: A Daughter
0:30:55 The Single Father Podcast: Mailbag
0:36:06 Custody Arrangements and Having More Children
0:38:23 Single Fatherhood: The Most Challenging Thing About Being a Single Parent and Having a Coparent
0:45:54 Parenting: The Next Chapter
0:48:14 The Most Challenging Thing About Being A Coparent
0:50:04 Fatherhood: The Complications of Being a Single Parent
Hello, and welcome to the single father podcast with Kendall Donaker, a K father DZ. Today, we’re going to be talking about how TV shows can impact our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. And how they even shape our own experiences as fathers, single fathers or parents. First of all, let’s start with the concept of co-parenting.
Co-parenting refers to an arrangement in which both parents are actively involved in the upbringing of their children. Even if they are no longer romantically involved, this can be a challenging dynamic. Especially if there are tensions in the past between the parents. As you guys know, listening to me in the past, I’ve had a very contentious relationship with my child’s mother.
And although it seems to be getting better and better, I would be lying if it didn’t feel like at times where I take one step forward, I take a thousand steps back. As single fathers, you may find yourself in a co-parenting situation with your significant other or your child’s mother, whatever the case may be.
TV shows I think can provide us with examples of how co-parenting has done well. For an example, you know, one of the shows I love my favorite show of all time, I think is called Smallville Clark Ken’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent. It’s a prime example of parenting at its best.
Despite the challenges that they faced and the conflicts that they’ve had. Jonathan and Clark were always able to work together and put their children’s needs aside. That show taught me so many lessons about what it is to be a good person. And about what it is to be a man. This is something that can incredibly.
Well, it just can be really valuable for single fathers to keep in mind. Well, it might be tempting to let past issues or tensions with your significant other or your ex significant other, excuse me, to affect your co-parenting. It’s important to remember that your child’s wellbeing should always be the top of your priority.
With a little bit of effort and communication, it’s possible to have a successful. Parenting relationship with your child, just like Clark and Jonathan did on Smallville. One way to improve your co-parenting relationship is to set clear boundaries and guidelines for how you will work together to raise your child.
This can include things like establishing your regular schedule for communication. Which I’ve done with my child’s mother every Wednesday. Um, when it’s, you know, midway through the week, she calls her. I call her when it’s both of our days and we speak to our kid. I tried to leave the room. So I give her privacy, so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable. And I allow that communication.
With her mother to be presented to her when she’s at my house. It could be determining how important decisions will be made in establishing a plan for how conflicts can be resolved. I’m not going to lie. This is something that I’ve been struggling with. When it comes to my child’s mother. But by setting these boundaries and guidelines, you can create a more harmonious co-parenting relationship.
And ensure that your child’s needs are being met.
It’s not just the co-parenting. Like we can learn from Smallville Clark’s relationship with his parents. Just by being parents. You can Jonathan and Martha Kent. Is a great example of parenting done, right.
Despite the fact that Clark was different. And sometimes felt alone. His parents always showed him support and taught him valuable lessons about right and wrong. The consequences of his actions. And Jonathan in particular was a great role model for Clark. Always trying to carefully navigate any challenges and conflicts that arose.
With his son. As a single father, you may find yourself feeling a similar desire. To do and to be the best role model you can be for your child. Watching Clarke’s relationship with his parents on Smallville can be a great way to get inspired and motivated to be the best father you can be. Just like Jonathan and Martha Kent, where to Clark.
Another show that can be incredibly helpful when it comes to parenting and family dynamics is modern family. While the show may depict a lot of dysfunction in chaos at times. It also showcases a lot of love and support within the family. Whether it’s Phil and Claire’s relationship with their three children or Jay and Gloria’s relationship with their son and stepson.
There are countless examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on the show. Whenever you find yourself questioning your own parenting or family relationships. Watching modern family can be a great way to get a new perspective on how to see other families navigate these challenges that come their way.
Even though the show is just a fictional portrayal of a family. It can still provide us with valuable lessons and insights. That we can apply to our own lives.
In addition to the examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on modern family. The show also highlights the importance of communication and being open, honest with one another. Even when things get tough, the characters on the show were always able to come together and work through their problems by communicating with each other and being there for one another.
As a single father, it is important to remember that open and honest communication is key to building a strong relationship with your child or children. And with other family members, to be honest. Make a regular effort. To regularly check in with your child and listen to their concerns and to try to be open and honest with them about your own thoughts and feelings as well.
TV shows can serve as a source of inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics, especially for single fathers. Whether it’s, co-parenting improving relationships with our own parents or simply striving to be a better parent. Or family member. These shows can provide us with valuable lessons and new perspectives and what it means to be part of a modern family.
For me personally shows like Smallville and modern family have played a significant role in my understanding of parenting and family dynamics. By watching Clark’s relationship with his parents on Smallville, I learned the importance of being a positive role model and supporting your child, even when things get tough.
And by watching the characters on modern family navigate their complex family relationships. I’ve learned the value of open, honest communication, and being there for one another. By incorporating the lessons and insights I’ve gained from shows. Into my own parenting relationships. I’ve been able to create a strong and supportive relationship with my four-year-old daughter.
Building it on foundations of joy and hope and positive role modeling. I’ve also used these shows as a way to check in with myself and my own character. Using Clarke’s relationship with his father and mother and Smallville as a guide to how to navigate challenges and conflicts with integrity. And when you’re quiet and.
Even when I’m questioning. My own parenting skills. I’ve turned to modern family for guidance. And new perspectives. To handle the complexities of family dynamics. Overall TV shows like modern family can be incredibly valuable resource for single fathers looking for inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from characters on the shows, you can gain value, but insights that you can apply to your own life and relationships.
While it’s important to remember that TV shows are just fictional portrayals of families and should be not taken as a definitive guide to parenting and relationships. They can still provide us with a valuable insight and lessons. That we can apply to our own lives. I mean, the writers of these shows.
You know, they’ve come up with these examples on their own, probably from their own personal experiences. Watching characters navigate their relationships and challenges. On TV can help us better understand and appreciate the complexities of family dynamics to improve us. With a new perspective. On how to handle similar situations in our own lives.
TV shows can also saw, can also serve as a source of comfort. And validation for single fathers. It can be a challenging experience to raise. A child on your own. And it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or unsure of your own parenting skills at times. Seeing characters on TV, who are. Also single fathers and facing similar challenges can be a great way to feel less alone.
And to know that you’re not the only one facing these issues. Ultimately TV shows can play a significant role in shaping our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. But it’s important to remember that they are just one source of inspiration and guidance. It’s also. Important to seek out advice and support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals, to navigate these challenges of co-parenting and relationships.
By combining the lessons and insights from TV shows with your own experiences and the support from those around you. You can be the best single father. You can be. It’s also worth noting that different TV shows can provide different types of lessons and insights to when it comes to parenting and those family dynamics.
For example, some shows may focus more of a comedic and lighthearted aspect on family. While other shows may delve onto more serious and emotional issues. For instance. A show like modern family tends to be more humorous and lighthearted approach to depicting family life. While this show like this is us.
Take some more emotional and dramatic approach. Both of both of these shows can be valuable in their own way. Depending on what you’re looking for. As a single father, you may find yourself. Well, you may find that you connect more with certain types of shows and find them more helpful in your own life.
For example, if you’re looking for a show that. We’ll make you laugh and provide some lighthearted entertainment. Hey, modern family. Maybe a great choice. On the other hand, if, if you’re looking for a show that will delve deeper in a more emotional and real. Related to parenting family dynamics. Maybe this is us is a better fit.
Ultimately the key is to find balance and choose TV shows that speak to you in your own experiences as a father. Or as a parent. By doing so you can gain a valuable insight into lessons that you can help. Others. Maybe even help yourself be the best parent and family member that you can. can be.
It’s also important to remember that TV shows can also provide us with a limited perspective on parenting and family dynamics. Every family is different. And what works for one family may not necessarily work for another. It is important to take what you learned from TV shows and apply it to your own life.
And relationships in a way that works for you and your family. It’s important to keep in mind that TV shows often depict a. Idealized version of family. Life. And may not always accurately reflect the challenges and complexities. That real families face. While it can be helpful to watch TV shows and gain.
Insights and inspiration from them. It’s also to important. To remember that they are not. Suitable for real life. Relationships and experiences. That said TV shows can still be a valuable resource for single fathers looking for guidance and inspiration when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from the characters when these shows. It may open your mind up. Two. I don’t know what different. Way of thinking about your own family or about the struggles that you faced in your own life
You know, it’s also worth mentioning that TV shows can serve. As a way for single fathers to connect with their children and bond over a shared interest. Watching TV shows together can be a great way to spend quality time with your child and create lasting memories. It can also be a great way to start discussions and have conversations with your child about important issues and themes that arise in the show.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that deals with themes of friendship and loyalty. You can ha you can use that as an opportunity to discuss these topics with your child and encourage them to think about how they can apply these values in their own life. Similarly, if you’re watching a show that deals with a more serious.
Uh, tone like bullying or discrimination. You can use that opportunity to talk to your child about these important issues and how to handle them in their own lives. By watching TV shows together and engaging in discussions. About these themes and issues that arise in these shows, you can create a meaningful and enriching experience for your child.
And really help them shape their understanding of the world around them.
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of TV shows on our children’s understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Children are. Often, highly influenced by the media. They consume. And it’s important to be mindful of the messages and themes. They’re exposed to through TV shows and other forms of media.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that portrays parents in a negative and stereotypical manner. It’s important to have a conversation with your child about these portrayals and that they may not accurately reflect real life. And if you’re watching a show that portrays an unrealistic and unhealthy family dynamic, it’s important to discuss these portrayals with your child.
And help them to understand that. Not all families function in the same way. By having an open, honest conversation with your child about the media they consume. You can help them shape their understanding of parenting and family dynamics in a healthy and realistic way
And going back to what I said originally. It’s also important to remember that while TV shows can provide us with a valuable lessons and insights. They’re just one aspect of our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Our experiences. Relationships cultural backgrounds play a significant role.
In the shaping and understanding. Of these concepts. If you have a close relationship with your parents. This may influence your understanding of parenting. And the kind of parent you strive to be. Similarly, if you come from a cultural or religious background that places a strong emphasis on certain values or traditions, these values may shape your understanding of family dynamics and.
How you approach relationships with your own children? It’s important to remember that there is no one size fits all approach to parenting and family relationships.
Well, that works for, you know, one family may not necessarily work for another. It’s important to find what works best for you and your own unique family situation. By combining the lessons and insights you gained from TV shows with your own experiences. Relationships culture background. You can create a strong and supportive foundation for your family
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of different types of TV shows on our understanding of parenting and family. For example shows that portray traditional nuclear families with a stay at home mom and a working dad may provide a narrow and potentially limiting perspective on what family.
Dynamics can look like. On the other hand shows that depict a more diverse and unconventional family structure, such as like, you know, single parent households, blended families or same-sex households. Can provide a more inclusive and realistic portrayal of what family dynamics can look like in the modern world.
AKA why I love modern family. As a single father, you may find that you relate more to TV shows that depict an unconventional or diverse family structure. As they may be more reflective to your own experiences. By watching these types of shows, you can gain valuable insights and lessons about how to navigate.
Your own unique family situation. It’s important to consider the representation of gender roles and expectations within TV shows. Traditional gender roles in which men are depicted as the breadwinners and women are the caregivers. Can be really limiting and reinforce harmful stereotypes. By watching TV shows that challenge and subvert these traditional gender roles.
We can gain a more nuanced and inclusive understanding. Of what it means to be a parent or just a important family member in our lives. It’s it’s. It’s really important to be mindful of TV shows. Uh, We’ll just really any TV shows that we watch. And the messages and themes that they present. By seeking out shows that depict a diverse and unconventional family structures. And.
You know, challenge traditional gender roles. We can gain more inclusive and realistic understanding of. Parenting and our own Family
For example. As a black man. With a white father in a mixed race daughter. I have found that. The show. This is us provided me with a relatable experience that helped me. I feel seen and understood. In a way that other shows may not have, this is us deals with themes of adoption race. Mixed. Race families.
And by watching the show. I’ve gained a new perspective on these issues and how. They can impact family. And my family. And other families. Seeing a family like the Pearsons who have. Uh, white father. Uh, black adopted son. May have helped me feel less alone. In my own unique family situation. And may have given me a new way of thinking about the.
Challenges and joys. Of raising a mixed race. Daughter. It’s also important to consider how TV shows can provide us with a sense of community and connection to others that may have similar experiences by watching shows that depicted an unconventional and diverse. Family structure.
We can feel a sense of connection and solidarity with. Others who are navigating similar family challenges. And joyce.
You know, in particular, the character Randall in this is us. Serves as a powerful example. Of the challenges and complexities of being black and being raised in a white family. As I mentioned, Randall is constantly caught between society’s expectations of him being black and. Uh, just basically raised in a white family.
And the show does a great job of depicting these difficulties and the emotional toll. It can really take. One thing in particular that resonates with me is the historic in presumed assertion that white people can and will and should decide the fate of black people. And the love. Is just not enough.
This is a powerful. And important message. And it’s often overlooked in the mainstream media. And it’s a great. Wait for me to. I feel heard or understood. On the show. This is us. It’s also important to note that the show does a really good job of depicting the challenges that white parents can face when raising a black child.
You know, in a flashback scene where Rebecca and Jack struggle with how to raise a kid of a different race. It’s clear that they are generally, um, baffled and unsure on how to best support. And nurture their son. While the show does not shy away from these challenges. It doesn’t. Shy away from the idea that love.
Is it is. That love and support. Is a crucial. And strong, important characteristic. And raising a child, not only just with a child of a different race, but a child. Itself. You know, overall, this is us does a really great job of depicting the complexities and challenges of being a black child. And raising.
A child in a white family. And it’s a really great way to see these issues being addressed in the mainstream. Uh, media and on the TV show. And by watching shows like this. We can gain a better understanding of the unique challenges and, uh, joys. As I mentioned of a diverse family dynamic and be better equipped to support.
And nature our own families. I think it’s always nice to get a different perspective on things. Going through this whole list. With you guys. What I’ve learned is.
It’s important to be respectful. It’s important to be clear. As important to be understood. It’s important to have fun. It’s important to laugh. And it’s important to even cry. But it’s also important to listen. And grow. And share our experiences together. One of the reasons I do this podcast, the single father podcast.
Is too. Share experiences. And to gain a new insight and inspiration to other people’s lives as a single father, as a parent, and really to kind of give you guys an. In insight to my daily life and my journey as a single father. At times it is difficult. At times it is challenging. And at times I have no idea what I’m doing.
But, you know, I fail and I get back up and I learn and I fail and I get back up and I learn and hell a parenting is really just about failing and trying to do it right the next time.
I can’t even count how many times that I failed.
But I can count more times. That I’ve learned. And I’ve used those learning experiences to better love. Support. Cherish. And be there for my daughter every step of the way.
There are very few times in my life. That I feel like I’ve done something amazing.
You won’t find it in my house. You won’t find any. Trophies or metals or hell even barely a certificate. I guess what I’m trying to say is there are very few things in my life where I feel like I have something to show for something that I did that. Was amazing.
That is until I had my daughter. That little girl, single handedly is the best gift metal prize I’ve ever gotten in my entire life. There’s way. Well,
There’s so many pictures on my wall of her.
You know the hell of the trophies or the things of affirmations that. People have in their house. I could care less about that.
I have. My whole house flooded of just. Pictures and drawings and little things that my daughter. Um, gave me and presented to me. Because the most joyous thing in my life. Is that little girl. She turns rain into shine, bad moods, and the good moods. Oh, well, um, unless, you know, she is the reason for my bad mood. Of course.
Um, but that’s a story for another episode. Um,
You know, we just had Christmas and. I heard a quote this Christmas that really summed it all up.
I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the best thing ever. It turns out. Being a parent is.
Aye. I’m so blessed and lucky to have my daughter. And.
I don’t know. What is it about the holidays that makes us so emotional? Is it watching our kids grow up? Is it. How we can put our disagreements aside.
Is it. Just being the people that you can’t imagine life without. Or is it just. Wanting to cherish. The ones you love.
For as long as you can.
Whatever it is. Each Christmas. I think I’ve.
Each Christmas, I think. It’s an opportunity for growth. And to watch everyone around you.
The gift. This year to me.
Was the gift that keeps on giving.
The best gift I’ve ever gotten.
Without her. Sometimes, I feel like my life would be more chaotic than it already is.
One of the reasons I do this podcast. Of course, as you guys know. Is to give people a different perspective, not only about parenting or my. Co-parenting situation, but. To give people a different perspective about myself.
I grew up.
With the challenging. Childhood.
Uh, tentious relationship with my family. And the confusing culture around me that oftentimes didn’t make sense.
I felt very alone and outcasted with. A lot of experiences that have had. I have moved. To more states I’ve been. To more schools than I can count.
I fell in love and got heartbroken more times than I cared to admit.
I used to think that. It was just me. Something was wrong with me. And then I was going through these things alone.
And then I sat down and.
Watched a couple of TV shows that made me feel like.
The chaos is just. A part of it.
So now, now I wake up every day with a smile. With a hint of chaos. And that’s just how I like it.
So every one of you who is. Listening and trying to come up with an idea of how to parent. What your family should look like or. What a traditional or unconventional family. Should look like.
No pop on a streaming service. Sit down, watch a TV show. And see for yourself.
Like I said, it may not be the most accurate representation in hell. Maybe it’s completely fiction. Or maybe you think it couldn’t be farther from the truth? But at least we can get some insights and some different perspectives that aren’t your own. Maybe they work for you, maybe they don’t.
But I’ll tell you what I’ve learned a lot.
From a couple of TV shows in my time.
Whether it was modern family teaching me how to laugh with my kids. Whether it was Smallville, teaching me how to support my kid.
Or whether it was, this is us. Teaching me how to. Forgive.
Um, maybe even the let go.
I think we’ve all had.
An emotional response to something that we’ve heard or saw.
Because it related to us. It spoke to us.
Sometimes we can turn on a show.
And it almost feels like they’re looking right at you and saying.
I see you.
I hear you.
And you’re not alone.
Ladies and gentlemen. That is it for me today? Thank you so much for being a part of today’s episode. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me.
Hey, it’s almost a, it’s almost a new year. It’s time that may make the most out of what you got and do the best.
With what you were given.
You guys. I couldn’t be a bigger fan of you all. So thank you. A couple of house cleaning, uh, items to do here. Uh, number one, please like subscribe, follow us. Share, leave a review. Please do that. Uh, if you can, apple. Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you enjoy your podcasts, we’re on it. Uh, go out and like subscribe, share, review, um, and just support us. You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook at the single father podcast.
Um, you know, we post on there occasionally. Um, you can go to our website to find the show notes or occasional articles that I post about co-parenting and things of that nature. That’ll be event packed.org. And you can find some additional resources there too. I plan on expanding and doing a lot with this podcast and it really helps.
Um, you know, just having your guys to support. And if you want to support us in a big way, go to Patrion. It’d be a patron of the podcast. Um, go to patrion.com/the single father podcast. And there are different tiers. You can join with some added benefits. There’s a couple of tiers. Whether, um, I always take.
Um, I always take re request to be a guest on the podcast. I have a guest coming on. Um, pretty soon, that’s going to, uh, give us some great insights on parenting and, and his own, uh, challenges with divorce. Um, so I’m always taking requests to be on the show. Um, but if you want a guaranteed spot, you know, then you can go ahead and join our Patrion.
I’m playing around with that. You know, someone made a comment to me that shook me. I’m not sure if I, you know, I’m having people subscribed to our Patrion to have a guaranteed spot in the show, or maybe to even host a whole podcast themselves. I think maybe that would be fun. Um, you know, have a whole episode where someone just speaking about.
Uh, their journey. Um, not just a conversation with me, but you know, Uh, actually, you know, uh, Manning the ship. So, let me know what you guys think about that. Um, I’ll play around with kind of, what’s added in that Patrion a deal there. But, um, in any case you can always email me at hello. At vinpac.org and the subject line, um, type venting sessions. And, um, you know, maybe we can schedule a venting session with us together and you can be a guest on the podcast.
Um, if it’s questions you want answered. Uh, there’s a section at the end of each podcast. At least I try to do it at the end of each podcast called mailbag. What is mailbag? Well, I’m glad you asked if you go ahead and email us at mail R. Hello. Um, hello event, pact.org. Uh, in the subject line type mailbag, you can write in a question.
And, uh, hopefully it’ll get answered on the end of the podcast and I’ll answer a few of them as I’m going to do it just a little bit. Um, so yeah. Thank you guys so much. I think that’s all the house cleaning I have. Um, make sure you guys just support us. That’s all I can ask. Um, All right. Thanks. All right. So let’s go into mailbag, the section of the show, where we are taking questions anonymously from you that I read on my email and we are going to start with anonymous.
Anonymous ass. Uh, did your co-parenting relationship with your child’s mother turned you off to having a kid again? Um, great question. I was thinking about this just the other day. Um, it did not, I think. Actually it. Created the exact opposite. I think it made me want another kid even more. Um, an opportunity to do it.
The right way. And when I say the right way, what I don’t mean is that I’m doing. Anything. Particularly wrong or this isn’t what I wanted necessarily, but I think it’s. Commonly known that when you have a kid with someone you don’t expect to be co-parents. And I love my little girl. I wish I could have her every single day.
And I always wanted to. Um, experience that what it’s like to have a kid with someone. Every single day. And a wake up every day with a kid there and it just being. My kid from, you know, every single week, not having to. You know, one week on one week off like I do. And although I do in. Enjoy. In some ways what I have.
Being a co-parent it is challenging. And, uh, yeah, I think. I think you guys kind of get what I’m saying. It’s hard for me to really put it into words without. You know, someone who really understands, but, uh, yeah, I, I do want another kid again, but, um, you know, we’ll see, we’ll see if that happens.
Uh, anonymous is. Uh, how ironic anonymous asked, do you ever want more kids? Uh, ironic question based on the last. Question there. Uh, I do want more kids let’s I said, you know, I want an opportunity to, uh, raise a kid, um, you know, day in, day out. Uh, morning tonight, every single day. And, um, I would love to have like a whole little bunch of buggers running around and.
Stressing me out and leading to me probably to an early heart attack. But, uh, I, I know there’s something so beautiful about that. And, um, I don’t know, uh, true to this episode, I’ve been watching a lot of modern family lately and. Even though, like I said, uh, it seems crazy in the show. It does seem like a really loving and enjoyable experience too.
Um, I don’t know. I have a whole bunch of kids that love me and I love them and roll a family. Sounds fun. Uh, next question.
Anonymous ass. Was there ever a time that you felt like you and your child’s mother were going to get back together? Uh, uh, a very briefly. And, um, it faded as quickly as it came. Um, you know, a few situations happened to that, uh, are disappointing and, um, yeah. We, um, that moment has, uh, definitely passed for me. You know, I think everything does happen for a reason.
You know, I. I’m I’m.
I don’t know. I, I, it’s hard to talk about. Uh, but, uh, you know, um, one of the biggest challenges that I face in terms of whether I feel regret for it or not is the fact that I’m not with my child’s mother, because. Immediately it’d be easier for me, but you know, uh, another reason is I always wanted to give my child.
Something that I never had, which was a. Um, The stable, loving home. And although I think in some version. Of that. Is what she’s experiencing now. What. Stable loving home. Uh, just on, in different homes. Um, It would have been nice to have one family unit, but I’ll tell you what her and I are just definitely not meant to be together.
And that’s that. So I hope that kind of makes sense. Uh, anonymous ass. Would you ever consider getting married? Uh, yes, I would consider beginning married. I’ll tell you what though. It’s interesting. The thought of getting a loped sounds more appealing to me than an actual marriage. In some weird way.
I can’t envision me walking down an aisle. And. Getting married in that traditional normal sentence. Um,
And I know, listen, I’d say getting a loped is not only untraditional. It’s kind of unconventional. I don’t know.
But I feel like that. Is more appealing to me. Getting a loped, but, uh, You know, if I meet someone who is really dedicated and committed to a wedding, then. I will gladly.
Show up. Um, I don’t know. Um, I think. What fascinates me. He is calling someone, my wife. That sounds so beautiful to me, you know? It’s almost prolific. It’s like, I want me and my wife. Me and my wife were just my wife, you know? Um, And to any of you who are recently divorced, I apologize. Um, that must be triggering to hear.
But, uh, yeah, I think that’s pretty nice. Uh, and I would definitely want that one day. So. I don’t know what may be, will be. Uh, anonymous. Do you have any other kids? I do not just the, just the daughter, um, and the dog that, uh, It’s pretty annoying. But, um, yeah. What is your favorite thing about your daughter?
My favorite thing about my daughter. Um, So many. How could I even choose. Uh, her voice. That’s the first thing that came into my head. Her voice is so sweet. Innocent. And it’s not just the way she looks at me sometimes, but it’s just her voice. That gives me to do whatever she wants. And I just break down on my knees and say,
You can, I will rip out my heart real fast and give it to you if that’s what you want. Um, my precious little angel, you are everything to me. That voice can really just make me. Um, just melt. Oh, I love that girl. Um, Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I just. Um, I’m, uh, Yeah. Anyways. Uh, anonymous SAS. What’s the most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a co-parent.
Uh, well, despite the obvious. Uh, the challenging thing right now I have with my daughter is getting her to just listen. Um, You know, finding a balance between. Um, being a stern father. And.
Um, You know, I don’t know. I don’t want her to fear me. That’s the problem. You know, but she is a hard-headed woman. She doesn’t listen. And it’s hard because I want to instill a sense of discipline. And then while it’s funny. Cause the next question is, do you ever get afraid disciplining your child because of your co-parent.
Uh, so I’ll explain and I’ll expand on both of these things. So it’s hard. Again, to try to instill a sense of discipline because on the one hand, I don’t want her to be fearful of me. And the other hand. You can’t just have her walk all over. You. The difficult thing for me is her mother and I have very different, different parenting styles.
And I’m not privy to the parenting style there. Um, I’d say. You know, for reasons I can’t get into, it’s very disappointing. Not being. On the same wavelength when it comes to parenting styles. Now we obviously have a.
Somewhat of a mutual understanding. But. You know, we. Again, I’m, I’m trying to be careful with my words. I, we do not have the same parenting style and that’s super challenging. Difficult frustrating. And. Um, I will say wrong.
In my opinion. Um, And look, you don’t have to agree on everything, but you at least have to somewhat be on the same page and. Uh, If you had, if you were to ask me if we are a truly don’t know, Um, and like I said, there’s the main thing that we both agree on is the health and wellness and. Politeness and nurturing aspect of raising our child, but there’s a lot of things that, you know, I’m not privy to. And.
Um, In their household and, um, Maybe there’s an argument. Maybe I shouldn’t be, or I don’t know. There’s we, we just have different parenting styles, so it’s tough. When it comes to disciplining my child, though, if you asked me from her fearful of it, I’m not fearful of disciplining my child. There’s obviously some co-parenting.
Uh, baggage. That comes with disciplining your child because you feel like, oh, if she doesn’t like me, she’s going to run to her mom or she wants to live with her mom. And the blah, blah, blah. I’m sure her mother has felt the same way, but, um, there’s some of that, but it really goes away. I think the love you show your child.
Outweighs. Um, Should outweigh more than the. Discipline she’s receiving. Um, in any fashion. Um, but do I spank my kids now? Um, And I can never spank that little girl, but you know, it is, it is tough. ’cause you know, like I said, I want her to listen, but she’s, it’s. It’s such a challenge. So that’s probably the hardest thing I’m going through right now is finding that balance between, you know, being a stern figure.
And being in being that loving figure and. Uh, having them co-exist in a way that she, um,
Uh, response to has been a challenge. Yeah. But no, I’m not afraid of anything. No, no, no. But, uh, yeah. Um,
There was something I was going to say. I completely forgot to be honest. Oh, well, Moving on. Um, It kind of sucks that you are having to. Go through, uh, that’s inappropriate.
Um, it sounded good at first, but I read the whole thing. Inappropriate. Alright, uh, next question. What is the next chapter in parenting for you? Um, that’s such a broad question. I have no idea what you mean. The next chapter in parenting. Um, if you’re asking, do I want another kid? Yes. If you’re asking.
What’s next between me and my. With my daughter. I, I mean, I don’t know, just hope that she lives. Successful career in a long time. Right? That’s a, that’s a very broad question. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I appreciate it though. Um, Next question. Um, Well, I’ll read operated, probably like three more.
What is your favorite book on parenting? Uh, to be honest, I really don’t have one. I’m not going to lie to you. The things that I’ve learned as far as books goes, or just common things, I just kinda. Oh, I don’t even know if I’d say calm and just some things that I read around, maybe a library or Barnes and noble or the house or something like that.
Um, when it comes to a specific book, I don’t know. I did have a, um, I guessed on my shell, Leah lists, who. What is your book again? Let me, let me look it up.
Um, it’s like how to. Oh, yeah. So, uh, Leah lists, uh, the nose shame expert on Instagram. I had her on as a guest on my show and I do own her book. It’s like how to. Um, changing the way we talk to children. You know, Uh, no shame. And it’s about how to speak about sex with your children. And. And things like that. That’s a book that I keep around my house because you know, if it does turn out that I have to be a single father for the long run.
Um, I don’t know. I don’t even know how to begin to talk to my kid about sex. Or about, uh, body changes that she may be going through. And although I do feel like she will have that. Um, those things answered with her mother. I I’d love to be. Not necessarily a part of it, but I’d love to be, have, I’d love to be a figure where she can come to, to have an open and honest conversation with. I’m never going to be a dad who a.
Makes her kid and feel uncomfortable just by telling them the truth. I have a deal with my kid and the, with my daughter. And we’ll we always say to each other, as long as you’ve told me the truth, you’re never in trouble. Um, Actually get old as she gets older, it may be altered. A little, but, uh,
Um, No. I mean, Um, Yeah. As far as books go, I can’t think of any other than that. Her book is called no shame. Her name’s Lila. She was. Wonderful beautiful guests on my show. So check it out. Also check out the episode. Um, all right, next question here. Um, what is the most challenging thing about being a co-parent when you have to make appointments or hang with friends?
Or go to certain events. Um, I think that answered itself. The challenging thing about being a co-parent in, uh, in, in that aspect. Well, if you’re asking what, what about being a co-parent there’s nothing challenging about that because. You know, it’s 50 50. So, you know what happens at my houses in my business and her house is her business.
Um, to a certain extent that doesn’t intrude on my ability to properly. Raise or, um, help influence my daughter. But, um, there’s no like. I don’t have to ask permission for anything. If that’s what you’re asking. If it comes. If you’re asking about like, is it hard for me to do certain things, having my daughter.
And me being a single parent. Yes. Uh, it is. Um, but. Um, what I love about my friends is. Kind of. You know, everyone has like a certain friend group. I have my friend group. And it’s become kind of natural that my daughter is now a part of this friend group. You know, uh, you know, as she should, you know, my, my, my friends, when some of my best friends.
A couple of mine. Uh, they’re um, they’re having a baby and their child will obviously be included within the group as well. Um, you know, so I, my, my daughter’s like my partner in crime, I kind of. Carry her along with me everywhere. Uh, so she’s always with me. Um, Just I recommend is always having an iPad or something around entertainer, a book or something.
Um, you know, I give her an iPad while I’m getting my haircut or something. But, um, you know, what I will say is. There are a lot of complicated issues with being a co-parent, but. One of the good things you hear. From co-parents is they say, well, it’s just, I have like a permanent babysitter on the weeks. I don’t have her.
Yeah. That’s somewhat true. I mean, still, I don’t like it. I can’t fully be down for that comment, but it is true. I mean, there are times. I’ll tell you what I have her Saturday through Saturday. And. When I pick her up Saturday, when it gets close to that following Friday. You know, it’s 50 50, whether we are either sick of each other.
Or whether she’s about to. You know, push me into a grave. Because it gets kind of stressful. So, you know, getting close to that Friday, getting her back to her mom on Saturday. It is kind of. It’s kind of like a break for me to kind of. Respond. Reese respond and, um, recomposed myself. At least clean my house.
So, yeah, I mean, There’s there’s different things. And benefits to in complications to everything. But. Um, I think in a lot of ways, I’ve been able to have my co-parenting situation. Um, B is. At least healthy for me as possible. And it’s healthy for my daughter. Um, like I said, it’s. The only thing I’ve ever cared about was just making sure, um,
She’s happy and grows up as normal as possible. That’s. Our main goal. All right guys. Um, well, I’m trying to shorten these episodes down a tad. So, uh, I think that’s about it. Thank you guys for listening. Um, like I said, follow us on social media. Be a supporter. Um, if you have any. You know,
Uh, questions, concerns, or if you want to be on the show, if you have a, you know, If you have a suggestion for me about the show. Please email email@example.com or should have said. Uh, DM on Instagram. And please, if you liked the episode, if it resonated with you in any way, shape or form, leave a review.
So, uh, thanks guys. Um, You know, it’s Kendall, Donaker father DZ here until next time. Thanks for letting me vent with you. Bye-bye.
Single fathers are often overlooked and underrepresented in both society and media. This can lead to stereotypes and misconceptions about their roles and capabilities as caregivers and parents. Recognizing the existence and importance of single fathers is crucial for breaking these stereotypes and promoting a more inclusive and accurate understanding of parenting and family structures.
Within the black community, single fathers may face additional challenges and biases due to longstanding cultural and societal prejudices. It is important to acknowledge and address these biases in order to support and empower black single fathers as they navigate the unique challenges and joys of parenting.
One way to recognize and celebrate the existence of single fathers is by highlighting their stories and experiences. The Single Father Podcast, hosted by myself, is a resource that I try to present to chronicle the diverse and multifaceted lives of single fathers. By listening to the podcast, readers can gain insight into the daily struggles and triumphs of single fathers, as well as the unique challenges they face as members of the black community.
It is also important to recognize that single fathers are not a monolithic group and that their experiences and challenges can vary greatly. Some single fathers may have full custody of their children and be the primary caregiver, while others may have a more co-parenting arrangement with the mother of their children. Some single fathers may have chosen to become a single parent, while others may have become a single parent due to unforeseen circumstances such as the death of a partner or a divorce. It is important to acknowledge and respect the diversity of experiences and challenges faced by single fathers.
In addition to listening to podcasts and other media that feature the voices of single fathers, there are also many ways to support and uplift single fathers in your own community. Here are a few ideas:
Offer to babysit or provide other forms of practical support, such as helping with grocery shopping or running errands.
Connect single fathers with resources and support networks, such as local parenting groups or online communities for single parents.
Be an ally and advocate for single fathers by challenging negative stereotypes and advocating for policies that support their needs as parents. This can include advocating for paternity leave policies that allow fathers to take time off work to care for their children, as well as supporting policies that provide financial assistance to single parents.
By recognizing and supporting single fathers, we can work towards breaking down harmful stereotypes and creating a more inclusive and supportive society for all parents. Single fathers play a vital role in the lives of their children and deserve to be recognized and supported in their parenting journey.
Don’t Forget to like, subscribe, share, & leave a review. Follow us on Facebook & Instagram
In this episode:
In this latest episode we talk all about the joys and challenges of celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Tune in to hear about my tensions relationship with my relatives, the precious moments I shared with my toddler daughter, and the new memories we made together.
Let me know what you think about this episode and follow us: Facebook, instagram, & youtube: @thesinglefatherpodcast
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Well, hello and welcome to another episode of the single father podcast. I’m your host, Kendall Donica, AKA father DZ coming here to help make life a little bit more easy. We talked about the joys of challenges of raising kids on our own. And join us for inspiring stories, practical advice, and to healthy dose of humor. As we navigate the ups and downs of single fatherhood.
Together. Follow us for the latest episodes behind the scenes content and a community. Of fellow single dads. Like you. Let’s vent. Together. All right, guys. Well, thank you for allowing me to vent with you today. Um, Like I said, we’re trying to get back up and running, going back to weekly episodes, giving you amazing content, hopefully some amazing guests and hopefully some amazing stories I can share with you about my life and where it’s going, where it’s headed and where it’s been.
You know, when we’re talking about relationships on this podcast, sometimes it can get emotional. Sometimes I can speak about the love of my life, the hurt in my life, the challenges in my life. But most of all, I like to talk about the true family in my life. Most of all. When it comes to the relationship with my daughter, I love to talk about that specifically. It being a single father podcast. So I want to talk to you guys about my journey with this little girl.
But I also wanted to talk about a holiday that we just had. That’s also been a little bit challenging for me with my family, and that would be Thanksgiving. You know, when my parents got divorced. Celebrating holidays like this Christmas, Thanksgiving, et cetera. You know, it wasn’t really a big possibility.
I remember every year when I was younger, our family got together, whether it was with extended family or with our own. We always got together and made this big, fantastic meal. It’s like the meal you guys are imagining right now, maybe for some of you, it’s your favorite holiday? For me, Tom lane. But.
You know that meal, I’m talking about, I’m talking about the home cooked meals. The, the macaroni and cheese that Turkey. The freshly baked ham, the stuffing. All of the favorites that you have on Thanksgiving. I’m talking about that. I’m talking about That.
And by the way, I’m ethnic. I come from an ethnic background African-American so the food that comes my way on Thanksgiving. It’s amazing. No offense to anyone who’s not ethnic. I’m just saying it’s been my experience that, uh, some of you don’t season your food. But with my family, it was absolutely amazing.
Well, my parents got a divorce. It was almost kind of like a. An episode of game of Thrones.
It was like a choose of side type of thing. One side, went with house mother. The other side, when we went with house father.
Me and myself, I kind of lean towards house father. And for anyone who’s been following me for quite some time knows the reasons why. But then. Shortly after that, it was kind of house on my own.
And for many, many years, I didn’t celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. And rainy other big holiday with any of my family, let alone, even really myself. And what I mean by myself is. I chose not to celebrate it even when I was alone, because I just had no one.
To celebrate it with besides myself, if that makes sense. So. Each and every holiday. Thanksgiving year after year. It wasn’t celebrated. Especially within our family. After my family got a divorce was a very fractious environment. And anything that anyone would try to do to fix it. When it came close to the holidays, intentions and feelings were rising. It could never be fixed.
Now a couple of years ago, four years ago to be exact, I had a daughter. And one of the best things about having my daughter is I felt I had the chance finally, within my grasp. To have a family once again. Get back to those old traditions. Get back to the things that I loved within my family. I thought.
I mean, I raised my daughter in the air, like move fossil from the lion king and I thought this was my. Ticket. My key. To getting my family back together. And if not that then making a family of my own.
But shortly after that, I fell into what seems to be like a hereditary. Type of curse within my family. And unfortunately.
Her mother and I ended up breaking up.
And that dream my ad. For a family. To get back to the way things were. They ended with the signature of a finger by a judge.
And with that. So did all of my ambitions to get back to the way things were.
Well, my daughter was one years old. On Thanksgiving.
Really wasn’t celebrated. I mean, Hey. There’s one, right. No reason to. Technically celebrate that. One of the things she’s eating is baby food. When she was too.
Yeah. I had some family around, but. It wasn’t Thanksgiving. It wasn’t celebrated.
When she was three.
I didn’t even have her for Thanksgiving. She was with her mother.
Now my daughter is four.
We all grown a little bit.
And as house mother. Was so much out of the picture.
How’s dad and house myself was still very much in the mix.
We bonded. He had a daughter. A new one. I have my daughter.
And this year. My grandmother. My Nana. She comes to me and says just like every year. I’m not going to celebrate it. But me, your uncle and his kids. We’re all going to the buffet for Thanksgiving.
We’re going to go to a buffet and. And just enjoy ourselves for Thanksgiving, right?
I said, that sounds great. Hey. We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving in our family anymore. I’ll come with you.
But then I asked my dad what he was doing.
He said, um, Oh, I’ve got no plans.
I asked his mom, my grandmother, but she was doing. She said she has no plans. Those are the only family that lives in town. Right.
And then I saw an opportunity.
I could’ve gone to the buffet with my Nana and my uncle. And probably had a good time with my daughter since I had her for Thanksgiving this year.
I could do something different. Something. Unheard of within our family.
I could bring our family. Together.
So I decided to do just that. I called my Nana. I said, cancel your plans. You’re coming over my house. I called my uncle. I said, cancel your plans. I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year. I called my dad and I said,
You have somewhere to be. You’re coming over my house. I called my grandmother. I said, guess what you have somewhere to be. You’re coming over my house.
Went to think, went to Costco, got a whole bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving.
And then I Googled or Edward. Or should I say one on YouTube and learn how to cook a Turkey? On a warm Southern these things up. How to, how to serve a proper Thanksgiving dinner.
I cleaned my house immaculately.
This was important to me. This will be the first time. And God. I don’t know, maybe eight years.
And my family can be together.
All of us together.
In our own way. You know,
So I get all this stuff together.
And then comes Thanksgiving. I bought eggnog. About beer. I got, I bought wine about apple cider. I bought turkeys, macaroni, everything that I loved. From when I was younger, I bought it. I got it.
I wanted everything to be. How it was when I remembered it.
And then came the big day.
My family comes over.
I mean instantly just start laughing.
And enjoying ourselves and talking amongst ourselves, I had the Christmas day parade. But showing in my living room, I had everything together on the tables. I had little snacks, little board that I put out on my tables. Everyone gets snack on it while. Well, things are getting together. My Nana comes over, realized that I had one Turkey ready. And the other one that was far, and I mean far from actually being done.
I tell her I’m Nana. Oh my God. I just can’t be everyone’s counting on me. I didn’t. She’s like, don’t worry. Give me a pan. This is, this is a true. A black woman trick right here. I feel like no offense. And I really mean this. No offense, but I feel like only a block. Only a, an old school, black woman could think of this.
She says, don’t worry. Give me a pan. I’ll have it done in no prime. I give her a pan. She put some butter in the pan and she starts cutting the Turkey with a long night for. Uh, serving knife, right. She starts cutting the Turkey, put some insane. Cuts it into individual pieces. Put those pieces on the pan. She starts cooking the Turkey and real time.
And she says, it’ll be ready in 10 minutes. Get the rest of the stuff ready.
I said, oh my God. She saved me. I wouldn’t have known how to do to do that. I would’ve just put it back in the oven and say, sorry. Uh, we’re going to extend it another two hours, I guess. But no, she saved me. She saved my Thanksgiving.
Something amazing happened. There was absolutely no problems.
Everyone’s laughing. I have a VR headset. Everyone’s playing VR. We’re playing UNO. We’re drinking eggnog. We’re getting drunk. We’re having a great time. My daughter’s happy. My daughter stuffs her belly. She falls asleep. Everyone says how cute she is.
My cousins are over. I’m playing with them and learning new things about. Nintendo’s and things like that.
Everyone’s pleasant. Everyone’s happy. And we shared some really beautiful memories that day.
But no one was more happier than me.
Because for the first time, in many, many years, I got to celebrate. Thanksgiving. With my family.
And believe me. It was a fractious family.
I would have loved my siblings there. I would’ve loved my mother there.
Maybe in another world, I would have loved my daughter’s mother there.
How would I love to have a significant other there?
But I had my family with me.
And that was good enough for me.
And when I realized. Is, I don’t need.
I don’t need anyone specific. To make me feel like I have a family.
I just need a hand few. A handful of very few.
Give me that feeling.
And I realized at the end of the day,
My daughter. Is all the family that I need.
Because. I think when it really comes down to it. I didn’t get everyone together. Just. Because I think I did it from my daughter.
To give her the memories. I was missing.
To give her those moments. That I loved. And I cherished from when I was younger. To her, for her to think of the macaroni and cheese, the Turkey, the food.
I have no doubt that she would get that her mom’s house.
I wanted her to get it with me too. I wanted to share those moments with her. And for her to share them with me.
I wanted her to feel like she has. A family.
And it was a beautiful time.
Now I wish I could end it there.
Much like any other family.
There are the things that.
You wish were different. The things that disappoint you, the things. The emotions that come up.
The irritate mints, the. The bad part about your family? I should say.
This one is a little difficult for me.
For many years, my uncle. As always been the type of person that can really.
Well, you can really grind your gears. He’s a very macho. Man’s man. But he doesn’t show that subtly. He very much shows it with great extravagance. And on a grand scale. You wants to let you know of his mantra. Because of his manlihood. Of is don’t fuck with me behavior. It’s not thuggish, but it’s very in your face.
He’s the type of man that. You would think potentially is a little bit of a narcissistic. He’s very self absorbed in. And. At times arrogant.
And I don’t mean to speak any badly about my family, but. I want to give you guys the context to his personality.
I love him very much. But throughout my life, I can only speak the truth and the truth is. That I’ve always been somewhat intimidated by him because of this.
Because that type of personality that very in your face persona. It illuminates. Right. You can think he is a larger than life character, but when people say larger than life,
I don’t know if they always mean it in a good, good way. I think that can also mean in a bad way as well. And I’m not saying his persona was necessarily good or bad. But I will say that his persona was very much intimidating.
It made you uneasy. It made you very tentious. I gave off a very tentious nature about being around him or with him.
It was always known within my family that he’s a bit of a hothead and. And to be quite honest, there’s always been known. There has been in mental health issue in our family.
Now who has it or. You can speculate all day long. But. It’s a known fact.
With my uncle for many years, there’s been. A very tenuous relationship with him. And I do know his persona and also due to some things that. My mom has said about him in the past, too. Nothing. Crazy the way you think, but. You know, I remember when I was younger. And I don’t remember the context, but him and my mom had a very big fight.
And I remember her telling me. That she was quite afraid of him.
You know, He was quite. She was quite fearful of him.
And I remember being young. And that’s one of these key moments in your life that you just remember because it kind of haunted you.
It was nothing. Sexual or any of that nature of abuse that she was referring to, but it was mostly just. Fear.
I remember I was laying in bed with my mother, mother when I was young watching TV.
And then we heard a knock at the door.
She looked who it was and didn’t answer.
And then we heard the door open.
He walks in the door.
Goes, halfway up the stairs. And him and my mom have this verbal argument. I remember. She specifically told him. Do not come any closer.
I remember my uncle’s face thinking. I mean, I can see it clearly. And his face. Thinking that she was being ridiculous.
I remember how baffled he was with my mother’s behavior. Or reaction to his presence.
But to be quite honest, I was so young. I don’t really remember the context of what was being presented to me.
I remember after that there were many years. I didn’t speak to my uncle. Mostly because of my mom’s. Um, wishes, I guess you could say. Or influence on me.
I was very protective of my mother back in the day. And I knew that whatever that was.
I felt that he was wrong.
Now, again, anyone who’s followed this podcast for awhile, you know that now I have a very tenuous relationship with my mother.
I see her very differently.
And when I think about that day, I think about. How my mother reacted. And I think about my uncle’s face. And how he thought that she was being ridiculous.
They often say truth and madness lie in the same stream. I don’t know what was said that day. I don’t know what was done. Until this day, I don’t know who was wrong.
To be fair. I’m not sure if it was, I don’t know if it was that much of a big issue. Before I do known that for many years. I didn’t speak to my uncle after that.
After a while him and I reconnected.
I think when I was a teenager. This is when we started to reconnect more.
You started opening up to me about. Um, a lot of things.
And it was really when my parents got divorced, that he really became very involved in telling me all the things that I needed to know.
Some things about my mother. Some things about my father. Some things about my biological father. And some things about maybe the way she acted when she was younger.
None of them want to go into it all as of right now. I mentioned it on previous episodes, but. There were a lot of things that my mother has done. And if people have told me. That makes me. Needless to say very disappointed.
And. Throughout that process.
I reconnected with my uncle when about many things. Introduce me to my love of comics. I love of superheroes. My love of collectibles. And fantasy movies and. Animated cartoons.
One of his favorites were. Batman the animated series and I loved it. He gave me a whole bunch of CDs to watch with him.
And it felt so awesome. Just. Connecting with someone on a nerdy level. They always say, girl, doesn’t go, go for a nerd. And I had really. Not only that, but I had no friends around me to nerd out with.
Introduced me to one of my favorite shows of all time, Smallville it’s about how Superman was raised before he became Superman. My favorite show. I really bonded with him.
But the other thing is. Every time I was around him. See, I bonded with him in person. And I mean, I bonded with him over the phone. But in person.
Riding a bike almost. In person. It was like, he brought me right back to that tension.
He brought me right back to feeling uncomfortable. Do you feeling uneasy? Every time he’d give me a hug. He smacked my back. You know how you give a hugs? When you smell you pat someone’s back, you would smack it with the force of Zeus.
Every time I spoke to him, he would make me come out in the backyard with him and he, while he had a cigarette and I hated the smell of smoke.
Get a very commanding.
Presence in his house. And yeah, he’s the man of his house. Right. But it was. I could tell it made everyone feel uneasy.
I hated it.
Now my Nana. Again, For anyone who’s. Listen to me for a very long time, know that my Nana is like my mother.
She’s my she’s my mom’s mom, my uncles, mom. But she really took me in after my parents got divorced. She adopted me, got me through high school, put me up in college, like. She’s my mother, you know, she’s protected me, guided me. And it’s kind of true what they say that.
Woman. She took me in high school. I was very angry, angry child, and I was such an asshole. I was angry at the world, angry at my parents, angry at everything. I had so much regret how I treated her during that time. Every teenager does. But. I regretted it.
I love her so very much, but I’m very protective of her. She’s my Nana is a very sensitive person. She comes from a very. She’s an impressive woman, but she comes from a very, um, deeply black rooted. Cultural background. That’s. Um, consistent with racism and discrimination. In. Um, a degrading aspect towards women.
You know, she. Puts herself in a high standard when it comes to being a woman and being a woman of color. But she’s also very defiant, but she’s also very, uh, defensive and. Sensitive. You know,
But I’m very protective of her. Because I always said if there’s one person in this world that I know for certain loves me. To be honest, as of right now, even more than my daughter. I know that. Even more than my own little girl that she loves me more than anyone on this earth.
I’m not even, and hear me on that. I’m not even sure if my daughter loves me as much as my Nana loves me. I know that the woman loves me. She would do anything for me. You ever have a family like that? Where you know that no matter what you do, no matter what you’ve done, there is nothing you could ever do.
That would ever come between your guys’s love.
She loves me.
Just like how I love my daughter. And I know that because the love she feels from me. I feel from my little girl.
I say that. Because. Once, and for all, I have to explain this woman. Is my mom.
And for many years, I would see my uncle come up. And treat my Nana.
With. Someone of. Uh, misguided disrespect.
And I hated it.
I hated it because it was, it was very.
It’s a type of disrespect that you don’t even know that you’re doing it. But yeah, everyone sees it.
I would see him come up and visit, visit my Nana’s house. My Nana has. You know, a one bedroom. Um, No senior apartment.
And she has a pull-out. She’s a pull-out, uh, uh, couch. Pull up mattress couch.
So every once in awhile, I’d see the whole family sleep on the, on the pullout couch.
And I’d see my Nana sleeping in her bed. But more often. I would see a pillow and a blanket spread out in her closet.
And I’d say, Nana, what? What is this? And she’s like, I sleep in the closet when they’re here. And my Nana would brush it off a side, like, oh no, no, no, no. I don’t even, it doesn’t bother me, but it holds what the fuck it bothered me. Uh, but, but. I thought she was joking. There’s no way my Nana actually sleeps in the closet.
I started noticing it more and more. Year after year. Year after year. Multiple times a year, this one would sleep in the closet. And the older manana got a more started to bother me. Mike she’s a 66 year old woman. She’s a 70 year old woman. And this year. I’m like she’s a 72 year old woman. Sleeping in a fucking closet.
I remember a couple of months ago, I started to talk. With my uncle about the way he is treating my Nana and this and that. Not giving her this bubble ball of that.
And I remember he got so defensive at me. And we didn’t talk for maybe like two months.
But this time, this year where I wanted everything to be perfect. And my Nana’s saying how sad she is about, you know, The state of our family and things like that. This year. I think. It just boiled up and boiled up and boiled up. Where I couldn’t take it anymore.
I started with Thanksgiving.
I asked him to be at my house by one o’clock. I called him beforehand because Hey, black people are always late. Okay. I get it. But I called him beforehand and I said, look, man, I really need you to be here by one, in any Montana to help me with this Turkey. Is that. Okay. No problem. He didn’t come from maybe like 1 45.
My Nana tells me he was just laying down on the couch and took a shower, took a long, long shower.
And that’s the kind of thing that I’m talking about. The personality trait, everything revolves around him.
It comes over my house. Like I said, everything was perfect. I let it go.
The next day, my Nana calls me. Uh, practically crying about. Him. Putting her down in front of the kids. Things like that.
Asking her for some money after he gambled and.
And, um, Her sleeping in the closet.
And I think. I just had it at that moment, you know? I think I just said, look, this is, this is it. And what have you ever been so afraid to talk to somebody even as a grown man I’m 27 years old, but even I kinda. I don’t tell my dad everything. Right. And what I mean by that is I don’t tell him everything I feel. I mean, we don’t have that type of emotion thing. Right.
And so I was, there’s so much tension between me and my uncle sometimes.
But I called him.
And I say, hang on, call Matt.
Like you can’t be having Nana sleep in a closet. Next time.
Come stay with me. No problem. LOL. I texted him at first. Then he calls me. And heart races. Because I already knew.
So I took a deep breath and I said, you know what? I’m 27 years old. I’m a man.
So I answered the phone. She says, Hey man. I was up at that text. Let me say, Hey man, well, you know, Nana has been telling me that. She’s been sleeping in a closet. Next time, stay with me. He says. Yeah. So you’re telling me. What like are you trying to come at me in some way? It’s a no. I’m looking out for your mother.
My mother. I don’t appreciate that she sleeps in the closet. I said, oh, really?
So what you. You you criticizing me or you, you trying to teach me a lesson here or what. I said, look, man.
Relax. All I said. What’s the next time. Stay with me. I got a two bedroom, big ass condo here. He’s like. Oh, you didn’t offer us to stay with you. Did you? And I said, no. But I, I, I just didn’t think you’d. Let Nana sleep in a closet. He’s like, did you even know that? I didn’t know. Let’s just sleep in the closet.
And I said, look, man, I.
I don’t see how you didn’t know she’s been doing it for years. Every time you come. And he said, well, where else are we going to sleep? 10. Listen, I don’t know.
But I just didn’t expect a 72 year old woman. Your mother. To be sleeping. In a closet. On the floor.
He said, all right, man. So we’ll just want to say.
And I said, please don’t ever have my Nana sleep on the closet again. You said, let me repeat what you just said. You said don’t you ever let my Nana sleep on a closet again? And I said, no, no, no, no, no, buddy.
You’re just. You’re emphasizing it. I say, please. Don’t have her sleep on the closet again.
And he said. You know what. And I said, look before. Listen. Before you say whatever you’re about to say.
I’ve heard it so many times before in so many different ways, in so many different fashions from this family. And it’s fine.
I’m just looking out for your mother. My Nana. And if you don’t appreciate that, then say what you got to say.
I stand by what I said.
He says, guess what? You don’t have an uncle. Things up the phone.
And, you know, what.
It really didn’t bother me. I mean. In some. Way bothers me, I guess, because I have to be bothered by it because it’s my family, but.
I’m going to say something to you guys that.
I don’t think I really would say to a lot of people just.
I guess what I’m trying to say is. I don’t really have a value.
For family. Like you guys might.
And it sounds weird, but maybe in some way you can kind of interpret what I’m saying.
I don’t really value. Family and the way you might think. My family. My family.
My family has always been fractured. My family has always been broken.
Has always been conditional. Love. Not unconditional.
My family has always been defensive. Critical. Hurtful. Painful.
And I, at a certain point, I think you say. My family.
I don’t want any more of my family.
I want my own family.
A family of my making. A family of my choosing.
An unconditional. Love.
That’s what I want.
So at the end of the day, After he hung up. Yeah, I didn’t. I didn’t really care.
And it was because my family.
I don’t know if I ever really cared that much about.
Because they haven’t been.
My family. In quite some time.
And that may sound. However it sounds.
But I’m going to be honest. That’s the truth.
And I may reword that differently down the line. I may. Change the verbiage of that down the line. But.
When it comes down to it through and through at the heart of it. That is my truth.
She’s amazing. She.
Holds a lot of. Things together.
In our family.
She brings people together. She helps people. She’s kind, she’s loving.
She values. Family.
And she would be disappointed to hear me say that, but.
Not really my family.
I feel like I’m trapped in my family.
Itching to get out. Influenced by the behaviors of my dad. Who was. Horrible. To my mom.
Influenced by my mom. Who was. Manipulative and deceiving.
Influenced by my uncle.
Bold arrogant. Intentious.
Influenced by my Nana who’s strong.
But easily hurt.
I just want to get away.
Now I will tell you.
And my family. My daughter. My Nana.
My dad and my grandma.
I love them all.
But when I think about my family,
I think about the one I have yet to build.
That’s my family.
The fractured. Unorganized.
Conditional loved family.
But it is my family.
I just hope I build a new one, one day.
In truth. I did a lot of venting with you guys today. I don’t know if that’s how I really feel. More if that’s how I feel now.
I don’t know if those were my true words or just the words I’ve. Chosen to choose.
I don’t know if that’s the way my heart feels or just the way my heartbeats.
But I can only say what the truth feels right now.
And that’s my truth.
And that’s my family.
Would that being said.
I hope all of you out there. It had an amazing Thanksgiving. And I hope that whatever family you have. Whatever thing you’re going through or whatever. Family member is challenging your thoughts or.
Breaking your heart.
I hope that. You get to build the family that you want to build.
Keep the family that you want to keep. And distance yourself from the family that needs a distancing.
I hope that love finds you.
I hope that peace surrounds you.
And I hope that comfort consumes you.
I hope that you’re happy.
And to all the people. Or allowing me to vent with you today.
I hope. That we can vent together again soon.
All right guys. That’s the episode. I didn’t have time to get to the questions part of the episode today, but we will do that next week or I will answer. All of your questions that you might have for me. Listen, if you guys want a guaranteed question, by the way, there’s a section of our podcast called mailbag mailbag. We do at the end of every podcast episode, and I’ll answer some of the questions I get brought into us.
And you can do that by emailing me at hello. At vent pack. Dot org and in the subject line type of mailbag and just type the question that you want to be read on the show. If you want. Uh, guaranteed. Answer to your question. If you want a question guaranteed, to be read on the show. Then join our Patrion. It’s the price of a cup of coffee, just about five bucks a month. It’s a patrion.com/a single father podcast. Make sure you join the Patrion and you’ll have your question guaranteed to be answered as long as it’s, you know, somewhat appropriate.
Um, I will guarantee I’ll answer that in the show and I’ll do a little shout out for you at the end of the show as well. Um, or if you just want to take your chance and ask some casual questions, you can just email me with the mail bag. Uh, if you want an opportunity to vent with me on the show, if you want to be a guest and have a little venting session together, if you have a family member that you want to talk about with me on the show, well, guess what you can do that you can join our Patrion patrion.com/a single father podcast, and join with the tears where you be able to vent with me on the show.
And I look forward to venting with you very, very soon. Make sure to follow us on social media, which is just pretty much everywhere. The single father podcast, Instagram. Uh, Facebook, YouTube. Um, Eventually, um, you know, I’m not sure the timeframe on it, but eventually I’ll be doing video podcasts where I’ll be uploading those to YouTube, just to make sure you stay tuned for behind the scenes content, et cetera.
And guys just thank you for supporting me. Um, most of all, be sure to like subscribe, share, leave a review. Really helps. Allows us to. You know, Um, bring more content on the show, gain more notoriety, get more guests. Um, create better episodes for you. Um, if you just want to support the podcast again and go to our Patrion, just to be a supporter.
Um, if any of this resonated with you. Let me know Dami, follow us on socials. Follow us on the podcast. I look forward to venting with you guys very, very soon. So with that being said, I don’t think I’m missing anything. You guys have a great holiday. And, um, May, I guess I’ll be giving you the details after Christmas. We’ll see how that goes until next time.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise is your host Kendall Donica, AKA father DZ, giving you another episode of the single father podcast. Thank you so much for joining me on today’s episode. Today’s a little different. Um, I had some things going on. Uh, in my life that. Stress me out. And I think we’re going to talk about it next.
Uh, next week on next episode. However today I want to do something just fun. I want to do something relaxing. I wanted to give you guys a little bonus episode, if you will. And to kind of, um, my life and a little bit of my personality. Um, so our, I wanted to go over something. Eh, well, if any of you know me, you guys know I’m a very big moving and a TV guy.
I love. Uh, being a home body. I love staying at home. Watching movies, love TV. Um, and over the course of me, Literally buying every single streaming service. I’ve actually, um, credit the list on each and every one of my streaming services on the TV shows that I like, um, the list is just strictly TV shows. I’m not sure why. I just felt like TV shows.
You know, it’s a nice date, you know? I keep putting on a nice, uh, TV show and you have something to watch together. I watch it. Uh, you know, back of with myself, I dunno. I dunno why it’s just TV shows, but it is. So when every single streaming service, I have a list of TV shows that I like. I’m going to go over them with you, um, starting with Netflix and just keep it kind of, um, a rundown on some of the shows that I’m watching. And I thought that would be a fun bonus episode.
Just to kind of switch it up a little bit. And, um, give you guys a nice little insight. And uh, next week we’ll, we’ll get back into the nitty-gritty and deep stuff and talk about. Thanksgiving and family and all of that good stuff and some of that negative stuff. So, um, all right. Without further ado, let’s get into it.
So the first on my list here is going to be well, we’re starting with Netflix. The first one list is going to be manifest. I got to admit manifest is one of those shows that started off interesting and then kind of lost me. It’s on my list because. I want to give it another look, I wanted to give it another second chance.
It’s kind of like walking dead. The walking dead. I’m not sure where that streams on, but it was on my list for a while. Um, just shows that, you know, I want to pick back up again, walking dead, start out really interesting. Um, started out really amazing and then completely lost me and got really boring.
And that’s kind of how I feel about manifest. Uh, we’ll see. The next on my list is called unsolved mysteries. I know a lot of ladies out there especially are really big. A murder mystery. You know, kind of, uh, fans. And, uh, that’s really what I love and what I’m into. I love a good mystery. I love a good murder mystery podcast and the unsolved mysteries talking about real crimes about, um, basically just what it is, unsolved mysteries. It’s so interesting. And I just absolutely love it.
Amazing amazing. The next one on my list is called true story. Uh, I am not going to lie. I completely forgot what this, the shows. Oh, I do know it’s about. So, yes, your story is awesome. And it’s a little mini series with Kevin Hart and it’s where Kevin Hart doesn’t actually play. The funny guy really? I mean, he plays a funny guy kind of on.
In the show. Like kind of a meta thing, but he’s not. He’s not comedy in this show is kind of a more serious. Uh, drama, mystery show, which I really love. It was a really big switch up for Kevin Hart and I just was totally into it. Another show that I watched, um, I S it was cowboy bebop. I only watched the show because the, the new one that Netflix put out was so terrible.
It was just awful. Just utterly unwatchable. I’m not gonna lie. I’m sorry to everyone who’s involved, but it was unwatchable. And I remember everyone saying that just the, the, the. The animated, the original animated show was amazing. And I had to watch that. And so I was like, okay, I’m going to give it a shot.
Um, Give it a shot. I love cowboy bebop. Oh my God. What an amazing story. Uh, one piece story. It was amazing. Uh, not to be confused. The inmate show one piece. I don’t mean that. I mean, it was just a. Um, original one-off story. I just loved it. The next summer on my list is you’ll hear a lot of anime on here. It’s called be stars.
B stars. Um, I wouldn’t say it made the list because it just hit that interesting mark to me. Like, it was just enough interesting where I, I enjoyed like I’d come back and watch the next episode. It, but it barely made the list. It wasn’t that great. The next one on my list is flash. Um, on the CW flash.
I’m a big superhero fan. Um, but, uh, the flash. I’d say the first two seasons were amazing. And then this is another one of those shows that just kind of got boring and late in lost me. Unfortunately. Um, so maybe I’ll pick it back up again and see kind of what happened, but I prefer kind of looking at clips online for now. It just, it got really boring, but it does make the list because the first two episodes were really great.
Supernatural. Is the next on my list. Everyone loves supernatural. Right? It’s one of those shows that lasted so long can just, it’s kind of like in a way, truthfully, it’s kind of like the office. You know how you put on the office? It doesn’t matter what show or immune, what episode it’s on. You can just start it and enjoy yourself. That’s kinda how i feel about supernatural i put on an episode i really like it um and um i have a good time watching the show i wouldn’t say it’s the best thing i’ve ever watched but it is a really. A really good show.
The next thing on my list is going to be you. Everybody knows you. You. I’m in following you for a while now. It’s amazing how good you look.
Oh, good. You.
Wasn’t that creepy. Um, no, I really love. Uh, I really love you. It’s a great show. Um, really creepy serial killer ish. I’m into those types of shows. Like it a
The other one is a dub show on Netflix, but it’s still really good. It’s called how to sell drugs online. Fast. I really liked the show. Um, it was a little. Quirky at times, but it, I really loved it and it’s dubbed. So if that doesn’t bother you or if it does bother you, then maybe it’s not for you. But, um, I really, really liked the show. Um, the other one was Lucifer. Everybody loves Lucifer show.
Um, I really love this show. It’s. And this is another one of those shows. That’s exactly the office you put on an episode. It doesn’t matter what episode you’re on. You’re just enjoying. You can watch it going to sleep. It’s just, it’s a nice show. To fall asleep too, but it’s also a really great show in general.
The ending of the show. The the finale and the way they ended, it made absolutely. No physical sense. No reasonable. Sense whatsoever. It, it, it, it, it baffled me. It made no sense. But overall good show. The next one’s altered carbon. I got to say altered carbon. It’s kind of a. No R D type of show. It’s kind of like a underground ish.
Type of show, like maybe you’d like it, maybe you wouldn’t kind of like a scifi thriller. I love it though. I’d say. Without a doubt. The first season is phenomenally better than the second. And there might be three seasons actually, but the first season is just. Almost poetry. It’s just phenomenal. I love it. If you ever want to get to, if you ever want to watch something a little unique and different.
Little dark Saifai altered carbon. Wow. The next one’s arrow arrow from the CW. Again, another superhero show. Um, I’m a fan of superhero shows. I really liked the show. Um, I like probably the first and second season the most, and then it got super boring. Just like the flash. Unfortunately I didn’t finish it all the way through.
And, um, You know, I. And to be honest with you, it might remove from my list because I don’t think I ever plan on finishing all the episodes. To be honest with you. So, uh, I’m gonna, I’m gonna call that, uh, a heater right down the middle. I’m not sure about that show. The other one’s mine, hunter.
Mine hunter phenomenally good show. It’s about two psychologists that interview serial killers, and try to get a read on them and try to figure out what’s the definition of serial killers mean. And. Get inside their psyche. It’s really, really interesting. And I love it. Um, they’re supposed to make another season eventually, who knows, but.
Uh, we’ll see. The other one is Queen’s gambit. Everyone loves Queen’s gambit. Right. A really, really great show. Um, it’s about a chess, which I’m not going to lie. It took. It took me a while to get on the show. ’cause I’m like. I don’t want to watch a show about chess. I hate fucking hate chess. It sounds boring. What a boring, it’s probably the most boring thing ever.
And it’s just a damn good written show. I’ll tell you what Netflix has a trend on just making one of the best shows ever. There’s movies. Absolutely suck. But there are shows I gathered good. The other one is called on my block. Comedy show a bit Corky. You know, bitten Nickelodeonish, but it’s really good drama show.
Um, The teen lovey drama. I mean, I just really love it. It’s a really funny. And. Um, dramatic show, but it’s hilarious. And I actually love the way the show ended. The other one, this one is a soup. Another one that’s super underground. It’s an animated show. It’s called a devil man. Cry, baby. This one is super out there. And I really, someone told me I was one of the best enemies and I tried to watch it. Um, and to be honest, it took me two times to really get into it. I, the first time I watched it, I was like, um, I’m not feeling this.
The second time I watched it. I, I, you know, I really got it. And then, um, I watched all the way through, I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, but if you follow the story all the way through. I felt like. Yeah, that was an interesting story. That’s what I’ll say about it. It’s an interesting story.
If you like anime. I think he liked that show. The other one is probably a. Uh, cultural classic Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure, something that’s still going on to this day, Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure. Um, I’ll say something very, maybe unpopular, but it’s my full. Um,
It’s my full opinion. It will not ever be changed.
The first and second season of Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure is a masterpiece.
Anything after that is absolute garbage. Garbage. Just it lacks story. It lacks. Uh, meaning. It’s just. Nonsensical nonsense. Th it’s just trash. Absolute trash. The first two episodes of this. Of this show, a masterpiece. Masterpiece. Anything after that is just absolute garbage. So I highly recommend watching Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure, but I do not.
Recommend watching anything past the second season. Absolute trash. Um, the other thing on my Netflix list is called the originals. Um, spin off of the vampire diaries. I know what you’re thinking. Or you watch a vampire diaries. You know what I. To be honest with you. I, I did. And, um, I love the show.
And if I had to pick maybe I’m team Damon. Cause he’s really cool. But my favorite character is Klaus Michelson. Um, and just kind of the. The tortured soul, a nuance of him. I really loved it. Just the way I think he’s one of the best villains. On the, there was on television. Um, the way he played emotion and pain and anger.
And it was amazing and him having a daughter and they kind of resembled my situation at the time, not the vampire stuff, but obviously, but. Just, oh, it was amazing. I really loved it. I really loved that show the way it ended. I got to say the way, the way the originals ended was another one of those things where I felt like I’m not sure if that fully makes sense.
Um, You know, I felt like there would have been a way to save him. Didn’t make any sense. But it was beautiful. And sometimes an ending can be beautiful. And that makes sense. So, Um, the other one was a series of unfortunate events. The one of Jim Carrey, wasn’t really a big fan of, but the TV series on Netflix. Wow. What a great mystery show. I just really loved it.
Kinda got dark too. Um, the other one is probably one of my favorite inmate shows wall time. It’s Castlevania. Castlevania. Wow. What an amazing show again? About, uh, vampires and it was just. Ah, man, it’s about Dracula and, um, I just really loved it. It really dark though, really heavy, you know, but it was.
Amazing. There’s orgies, threesomes and vampires and drama and Dracula and blood and Gordon. You know, if. But throughout that all, it was a really good story. That’s what I loved about it. Amazing story. The other one on my list is called behind her eyes. Really great story mystery show, um, um, in.
With a, with a crazy ass twist. The other one on my list is high-rise invasion. This one is kind of like going to a movie. Where. You, you know, you ever see movies where a guy goes to a movies, just like action, boobs, cars, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, it was kind of like that. And maybe it’s just because I’m a guy that I was into it, but it was a pretty good show. I’m not gonna lie.
It’s kind of a mystery, a. Dude type of show, but I liked it. Neither one is the other one should be deleted off my list, to be honest, the other ones legacies again, I was just talking about the originals. Um, a spinoff of the original says legacies is about Klaus Michaelson’s daughter. I tried to get into it and it just, um, and I’m going to delete it off my list right now. I just can not get into it. Can I it’s.
It’s not good. I didn’t like the story. I love the, I watched the last episode though, because class Michelson was in it and it was a beautiful ending. Um, Yeah, and I wanted to see more of that universe, but. You know, I always liked how they stayed somewhat in to kind of. Normalcy. Um, like vampires where Wolfson, whatever.
But once they introduced a genie into legacies. I was like, okay, you, you went way too far and I’m no longer interested. And, and to be honest with lost me and it was a little just. I did. I did not like here for it. The other one was too hot to handle. Everyone knows that show. It’s a big. Kind of.
I guess if we’re getting warmed up. About to have sex in bed. You watch too hot to handle, you know, It’s kind of just a, basically a hookup show. Um, the other one is an animated show called you Suki. Um, UCQ is interesting because the guy you Suki is actually a real life black samurai that actually lived.
A long, long time ago. And there’s a whole bunch of stories written about him. And there was a movie about him at one point. Animated show. I don’t think you’ll ever get a second season. I’m not sure if it got, if it did that well, but I thought the first season was actually really good. The other one is white. Gold. I forgot what the show’s about. What the hell is white gold about?
Oh, it was this kind of Britain show about this guy who who’s a really cool salesman. It’s about this British salesman who kind of, uh, kind of sells his way to the top. And he’s not the. Most ethical salesman there is, but you know, it’s a really good show. I don’t know how to sell that show to you, but it’s promise. I promise it’s good.
Haunting. On blind manner. I think everyone is familiar with the show. It’s basically a horror series, but it’s space and love and drama and mystery really love it. Um, the other one is Narcos. Everyone knows Narcos Pablo Escobar. The story’s there. I haven’t watched any of the seasons past Pablo Escobar? No, not for a particular reason. It’s just, I haven’t really been interested, but a.
Really good show. They, the ones called the Sandman, the Sandman just came out. I got to tell you, the salmon is one of the best written shows of all time. Um,
I don’t know if I’d go that far, but it’s really damn good show. I’ll tell you that the sixth episode of Sandman. With some of the best storytelling I’ve seen in years. Um, The show itself is great. Um, the other one is called Lupin. It’s about kind of a, uh, how would you call this a, um, a master fif um, uh, um,
Kind of, um, I don’t know, I’m mastering disguise. She’s a. It’s it’s, it’s a really great show. Um, and it’s very compelling and interesting. The next one is Messiah Messiah barely made lists because it, it just enough interest me enough to keep watching it. It’s about this guy who comes back thinking he’s Jesus and.
All these supposed miracles happen around him. Um, it got really boring at times and really good at times, and it just made the list for me to stay on. Because it was just interesting enough. The other one is Ozark. Everyone knows. Ozark is probably one of Netflix. Most popular shows. Basically about a money launderer guy has get mixed up in the cartel. Um, really great show. I loved it. The finale.
Or the series finale, uh, era not too long ago. And I just loved every bit of it. The other one’s called a ratchet. Ratchet’s a pretty interesting show. It’s about a nurse said basically commits murders and it was pretty interesting. The other one’s squid, Wayne, squid games, everyone knows good games. Um, I’m not someone who likes to ride the hype wave. So it took me a while to get on this show. But once I watched it, I realized why everyone loved it. Really good show.
Uh, another one is just a, my own personal favorite. Uh, it’s top UFO projects. I’m a big alien UFO guy. I like watching this show. Isn’t it. Cause I like Gaylene and I like. Believing that the real, and it was just interesting. The other one is innocent. It’s again, a dub show it’s about this guy who’s accused of a murder. It goes to prison.
And there’s a whole mystery. And a drama and, um, you know, a suspense that goes behind on whether he actually committed the murder or not. And things that go along with that. It was very interesting. It’s dubbed though, but it’s a really good show. The other one is another one of a, an animated show that I really love. And again, one of my favorite anime shows of all time, seven deadly sins.
Seven deadly sins. Oh my God. Well, what a great show I don’t have. There’s no bad season in the show. It’s just a really good show. A lot of fighting on action. A lot of blood. Really loved the show tremendously. Just a lot. Everyone’s eaten another anime show. I can’t remember what it’s really, to be honest, I can’t remember what’s about, but it’s a really good show. Apparently I’m looking at it and I.
I briefly remember it was kind of just about this. Um, what do you call that? What’s the word when it’s like post-apocalyptic or something like that. You’re a. Cyber punk or it’s like in the future, this. I don’t know. I don’t know what the word for it is. I think you guys aren’t talking about, but it’s a really good show.
Um, the other one is Eden zero, same type of deal, actually. I’m not into, to be honest with you, it’s really same type of deal, but it’s a really good futuristic show. I love it, everyone. Uh, no stranger things. That’s my next one. Stranger things love it. Eighties. Just, you know, I’m excited to see what happens next.
I want to Dracula. And I mean, just Dracula, just the titles called Dracula to Netflix animated or not flip, not animated. It’s Netflix series. It’s about how Dracula’s survives from maybe like the 18, 17 hundreds now to like 2020. And, uh, just such an interesting show. I really loved it all the way through.
Love death and robots. That is an anthology series. Every episode is something different in a really, uh, detailed animated form. Um, sometimes the animation doesn’t even look like animation. It looks just like real life and it’s just. In each episode is something different and creative and they’re just like short little stories and some of them are actually quite beautiful and interesting and shocking.
The other one is arcane. Arcane is like game of Thrones animated. And that was a really good show. I. It’s based off. Um, a game by the way, but Sergeant good show. I loved it. The other one is just. Uh, brand new, it’s called a gamer to tolerate. Guillermo Del Toro’s cabinet of curiosities as basically a horror series that just every episode is something different. Like I said before, with a love, death and robots.
Um, each episode is a different horror story and I just loved it. The other one is the Witcher that one’s based on a game. I actually just played that game not too long ago. Love it. Uh, the Witcher great show. Um, Saifai medieval, blah, blah, blah. Really good show. Everyone’s sexify with the fucking sex.
What is the show? Oh, I’d say it’s more of, kind of a female-based show. It was about just. College people experiencing. Saxon shit like that, but it was a really good show. And, uh, I feel like that’s all I got to say about that. The other one is record of Ragnar rock. Again, this is one of those shows where it’s kind of like going to the movies and.
It’s like the typical guy, that’s going to see a movie that’s like boobs, guns, robots. Uh, liquor, you know, um, that’s kinda what the show’s about. It’s about like how mortals are the best fighters in the world are fighting these gods. To see if human race can survive. Um, Um, so they have to go through like a battle of them. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s really a show.
The umbrella academy, the umbrella academy is a really good show. It’s about like these time-traveling superheroes who. Just try to save the day on some random shit that happens. And there’s these timekeepers. I’m not explaining it really well, but. I that one, I it’s hard to explain, but it’s a really, really good show.
The finale of last season. It was questionable. But it was a really great show, dark desire, dark desires, another, but it’s this actually. Oh, dark desire. Especially a Spanish horny drama series, but there’s actually a really good. This is so much mysteries and that show it’s dubbed. Um, but it was a really good show and, um, but it’s, it’s very sexual, very, very sexual show.
The only one is ultra man, another animated series, really good, or just based on a guy who found some alien suits or whatever, and decided to be a super hero. Love it. Um, the other one is called the blood of Zeus. It’s about this, uh, it’s about Zeus’s son gang center earth. And tries to be the hero of earth and a rise above the gods. I love it.
Um, I love type of, I love medieval kind of ancient Greek stories. The other one is inside, man. There’s only four episodes of the show. I thought it was really good. It’s about a priest who does a lot of crimes and it’s about a guy who’s in jail for his wife’s murder, but he’s super smart and it looks like he regrets his wife’s murder and doesn’t.
I don’t know. It’s interesting. It’s a really good show. There’s only four episodes. It doesn’t make sense. There’s only four episodes, so it’s gets a weird. But it just came out really good show. Um, then one’s breaking bad. Everyone knows that one. Walter White drugs, meth lab. The other one is the Lincoln lawyer. Really good show. And it’s about a lawyer who it’s kind of like Lucifer, but.
W minus the supernatural stuff in, instead of being a detective, he’s a lawyer. Really good, Joe. No one’s grew the great pretender it’s about these con artists it’s and this is an animated show. It’s about these con artists that go through a whole bunch of shit to con people and. Um, it’s just a really, really good show.
Um, amazing story by the way. The other one is probably my favorite animated series of all time. The animate, my favorite it’d be it’s because the story is so amazing. It’s called death note. Everyone knows death note, you put your name in a book. Someone dies, you get the power of the gods in your hand or in a book.
Um, I think it’s one of the best well-written animated shows of all time. There’s a movie that came out that was absolutely trash. Um, but death note, my favorite animators of all time, the story, the mystery. Fucking amazing. The ending so beautiful. Super crooks. It’s basically these soup, basically these superheroes that turned super villains, but they’re not actually villains or anti.
Hero’s and, um, and, uh, you know, it’s about these crooks and they’re trying to get away with crimes and there’s this guy who’s like Superman, and he’s trying to. Um, outsmart. Everyone is so interesting. I love it. The other one is called inventing Anna. Uh, everyone knows that show. It’s about this girl from, uh, New York who cons everyone to believing she’s a Russian emperor and starts a business ends up failing and she gets caught and then goes to jail and blah, blah, blah.
The other one is called hero mask. It’s about this detective. It’s an animated show that, uh, it’s about the, yes. I don’t know how to describe the show. It’s about a detective who just goes through a whole bunch of shit to try to prove that he’s right. And it’s such a good show. They don’t want to travelers travelers is another Netflix show. That just is fucking amazing. It’s about these time travelers that go back in time to try to fix things and make sure that the world doesn’t.
The world isn’t destroyed in their future. A really good show. The other one’s black Amir. But everyone knows black mirror. It’s an anthology episodes of different Twilight zone type shit. Really good. And then one is BoJack horseman, BoJack horseman, and that’s the final one on my list, by the way, for my Netflix.
List is. It’s a show that really.
It’s a show that really is. It’s true and dear to my heart because. Is it it’s a comedy animated show, but it deals with real shit. It deals with real problems and depression. And, and it just kinda shows you how to deal with depression. Shows what depression looks like. And. How to face it and it teaches you lessons kind of along the way, too, when it’s really deep and heartbreaking at times. And it can be sad at times. It can be funny at times. And.
Oh, man. I love BoJack horseman. Um, so that’s it. That’s my Netflix list. And I’m over the next couple of months or so we’ll event. We’ll do we’ll pop it another bonus episode to talk about. Another streaming service will go to HBO. Max will go to Hulu Disney, and I’ll talk about my lists on each one of those. And, um, I’ll make these kind of the little fun bonus episodes for you guys.
That kind of switched it up when I’m feeling kind of too stressed to talk about the real shit in life. You know what I mean? So, uh, yeah, so I hope you guys liked that this little switch up and, uh, I hope. That, uh, some of the descriptions I gave on my Netflix list, uh, is something that you’d watch with a partner or a friend or a date, or just watch on your own because they’re fucking good. I promise you.
Um, so the next thing I’ll do is I’ll move into the next segment of my podcast, which is called mailbag. And I’ll just be reading off some of the questions or concerns or. Um, just general comments that you guys had for, um, the shell. So if you have a question that you want to be answered on the show,
All you have to do is email me at hello at Vinpac. Dot org. And in the subject line type of mailbag and type in your question. And if you want a guaranteed question, read. I can’t, I can’t guarantee they’ll read all of the questions by email, but if you want a guaranteed. Um, question read. Then go to our Patrion it’s Patrion, uh, slash.
Uh, the single father podcast. And there’s different tiers. You can join. I can get I’ll shout out your names at the end of the episode, and maybe you can guaranteed. Uh, get one of your questions answered. So without further ado, let’s go into mailbag. And this one’s coming from. Uh, non-US. If you had to go back and change anything from your past relating to your daughter, what would you do? Um,
Good question. What would I change? Well, it depends on kind of what you’re asking. You’re asking, what would I change in general about the situation or just with my daughter? I wouldn’t change anything about my daughter or there’s things that I wish that I. I mean as a parent sometimes. Especially as a single parent, you can kind of just snap sometimes and be like, God damn it.
Well, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, um, you know, I, I think about it every time that, you know, um, She’s away from me about maybe some, something that I said, and I feel bad. And I’m like, ah, maybe I should just be more calm. And, uh, that’s one thing that I’m really trying to accept in my life right now, especially with my daughter is to.
Let things go and let it. Just let things be as they be. Meaning, if you know, she spills water on my floor and pretends it’s a pool. Yeah, I’m going to be like, yeah, don’t do that. But am I going to freak out? No. You know what I mean? If she knocked something over and I have to clean it up later.
I’m not going to freak out. You know what I mean? It’s. I’m I’m now learning that I should just kind of let things be. And. Just chill out. You know, she’s only four years old. She’s a toddler. She’s going to do stupid shit. Just chill out, but what would I change in general? I’m not sure. Um, my friend just called me on less long ago, you know, asking you advice about, uh, his child since he’s having, uh, um,
Uh, a kid himself, um, and. I thought. You know, maybe one of the things I wish I did was just be all in with her mother, just to kind of see what would happen. You know, and maybe I didn’t up in the same position. Maybe we’ve still ended up not liking each other. Um, but you know, there was a lot of reasons that her and I, uh, not didn’t work out and we, I couldn’t get there emotionally, but sometimes I wonder what happened if I just really went all in and tried, would I be in the same position?
Um, but I don’t dwell on it because what happened happened, and I feel like everything happened for a reason. And. Here I am. And, uh, yeah. So. Let’s add. Uh, next question from anonymous. So what are the one, uh, sorry, I messed that up. Well, what’s some of the things that you do to calm your daughter down when she’s angry.
Um, well, we do a lot of. Take a deep breath. So I say Layla. Take a deep breath. And sometimes she she’s so emotional where she’s like I can’t and she cries and she’s. Really trying and she’s working herself up and she cries and blah, blah, blah. And she’s like, I’m like Layla, Layla. And I put my hand on her chest.
And I just say I’m here. Take a deep breath. I’m right here, baby. Take a deep breath. And eventually. And she’ll calm down. She’ll take a deep breath. And we’ll do a couple of those together. And then she’ll be okay. Um, And that kind of goes back to the question a little bit. It is. I try to calm myself down near too, because if she’s upset and I’m upset.
It’s like a tornado means a volcano. You know, it doesn’t work. So, um, I try to just relax and put my hand on our chest and say, take a deep breath. And usually that works. Um, she’s really good at. Um,
Hold on. I say she’s really good at. Making sure that she herself is okay. Um, so yeah. Um, next question from anonymous. How was your Thanksgiving? I think saving was really good. Um, we’ll talk more about that. Um, Next episode. There’s a lot of things that happen after Thanksgiving. Um, I think just having family around and it being the holidays, you.
You know, you always end up with some emotions and, um, Um, we’ll definitely talk about it, but. Thanksgiving itself. It was really good. I got to spend it with my daughter. And, um, I had a good time. I really did. And I cooked. I cooked this whole time. I cooked everything by myself for my family. I went to Costco and got a whole bunch of stuff. I warmed up the oven and made a Turkey. I made Mac and cheese. I mean, games I made.
Um, green beans. I mean everything by myself and I cooked for my whole family and it felt really good. And I think I’m going to keep that tradition for my daughter every, every year. I’ll try to host Thanksgiving at my house. And I think there’ll be a really nice treat. Just a sort of family tradition like that.
Anyways. Um, sorry. I thought I saw, I thought I heard something in my house and I got not frightened, but I was like, Hmm. How did that slip by me? That someone came at my house and robbed me without me knowing anyways. Um, next question. What.
All right. That’s an inappropriate question. I, uh,
I wish I could share that one. I cannot, um, What the fuck. Uh, next question. What would you do differently if you were together with someone right now, instead of being a single father? Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that. Where you, what would I do differently with the podcast or would I do differently in life?
Um, I’ll answer both questions. What I do differently with the podcast? Well, obviously, uh, well it depends that also kind of depends what you mean. If it was when I was. If me and her mother never broke up, or if I was with someone. Since Dane one, um, there probably would be no single father podcast, to be honest with you.
Um, but what I do differently if I had someone now, um, probably nothing. I think the person that I’m with would be understanding of the title, being what it is. And, um, Um, I would try to integrate our relationship. Um, within the podcast as much as possible. But, you know, in life, nothing is ever certain. So what I changed the name of my podcast, just because I have a girlfriend.
I, I really wouldn’t. Um, so what would I do differently? If I had a girl in my life in general, like I said, I don’t think the podcast would exist. But, uh,
I don’t know, I’d be having. More. Money to spend, I guess I’m not sure. Uh, what happened with that girl? There’s another question. What happened with that girl that you were dating? Not too long ago? Um, the girl I was dating just recently, actually, she.
Hm. No, but I think we’ve moved a little fast. Um, And I think that contributed to why we’re not together, but you know, I’m not sure if she really wanted to be a step-mom in this totally understandable because. Um, Well, number one, I wasn’t really asking to be a step-mom, but you know, when you’re thinking about.
When you’re my age, 27, 28. And you’re thinking about the rest of your life. You got to decide, but you know, what do you really want? And I’m not sure if she really wanted. A kid in her relationship. Um, because yeah, I mean, I will admit when you’re dating me, you are accepting that there was another kid.
Well, there is a kid within this relationship as well. Um, and it doesn’t have to be right away, but you know, you have to accept that. And I don’t think that she was ready to accept that. And, um, And that’s that I wish her all the best. It didn’t last long. Um, so it didn’t really bug me too much.
I’m sad to say and it respectfully, but. Oh, wow. Um, Yeah.
Next question is what do you use for your podcast? Um, like what hosting platform I use speaker. Um, I feel like, uh, oh, you did. You did. At the end there, he says, what do you use for your podcast? Do you use anchor? Um, I do not use anchor. I used to use anchor and, um, nothing against anchor it.
It’s not really a great podcast to make a lot of money on. To be honest with you. So, um, And to kind of monetize yourself. And I feel like speaker was a better platform to do that for me. And. Whether it’s speed. Excuse me, whether it’s speaker or wherever I go next. I’m not sure. But right now I’m happy. And, um, it’s a really good platform for me to release episodes on.
Um, next question.
Do you see yourself doing this full-time ever. Yeah. I mean, um, I’ve been asked this before many different way. Um, when it comes to my goals, um, The goals I have for the podcast is to grow and to monetize into ask you guys to like subscribe and share and to grow my audience. And eventually I feel like I could do this full time.
I’m, you know, I’m not sure I’m not in the position to do it right now, but, uh, you know, I’m always looking at new creative options and. Ideas and how to grow, um, the podcast. So if you want to support the podcast in any way, um, go to Patrion, uh, slash the single father podcast, and you can just support the podcast for like $5 a month. Price of a cup of coffee.
Um, and it will allow us to grow and create better episodes and get amazing guests on the show and et cetera, et cetera. So, uh, um, yeah. All right. Next, next question. Um, have you ever, have you ever invited a guest on your show? And they said, no, uh, Yes, I have. Um, I had someone that I really, really wanted on my show and I felt like it was reasonable for them to do it. And they did say now,
And I’m not sure why. Um, we were negotiating for awhile on. I just, uh, um, I don’t want to go too much into it, but yeah, they did say now, and I don’t want to say who, because. Maybe I can still get them on one day. Um, we’ll see. Uh, all right. A couple more questions. I’m going to rapid-fire here.
Um, what do you look forward to woman? Um, what do I look for in a woman? Um, just really someone who is done earth can, can, um, I mean, you know, Um, I, I’m not gonna lie to you. I will get a little vulnerable here. There’s this song that I really love and it’s called lend me your voice. And it’s by this movie that I really like let’s see, lend me your voice.
By bell, the movie’s called bell. I think it’s on HBO, max. Um, and it’s a song about a girl just saying, um, You know, just let me in, let me. Help you, you can tell me everything that you wouldn’t tell anyone else. I’m here for you and I love you. And I just. It’s it sounds sappy, but it’s really kind of everything I wanted to hear.
From a woman, you know, I just felt like. Sometimes I’m like, uh, Um, a broken hearted man, just kind of walking around and waiting for a woman to put me back together. Um, and, and listen, I’m not, that doesn’t mean. I’m looking for a mommy by any means, right? But I really would like a partner who can accept me for who I am and.
Laugh with me and be there for me. Let me vent to them. Like I went to you guys and I just, there’s something beautiful about having someone who can just look at your soul and be there for you, you know, look at your soul and just accept. The love that’s in your heart and someone who can just look at your soul and just say, I love you.
I think there’s something so amazing about that. And. Um, I dunno, let’s get, let’s going way deep, but really I’m just looking for a girl who’s cool and funny and, um, makes me laugh. And I get along with blah, blah, blah. The usual stuff. Um, let’s see the next question. Why do you think you’re not in a relationship right now? Um, I don’t know.
Uh, next question. Um,
This one is inappropriate. All right. Uh, I’m going to answer just a few few more here. Um, um, I, do you plan on getting, ever getting a cohost. Uh, I answered this question before. Um, I don’t think it really makes sense for me to get a co-host right now. It would depend on what that looks like. Uh, but the way my schedule is and things like that, um,
I think, I think the brand is myself. Um, there will be opportunities for people to vent with me on the podcast, for sure, but through Patrion, but, um, as far as the cohost, I think. I think the brand really just kind of fits me as of right now. So, um, never say never, but I think as of right now,
I’m pretty content where it’s at. Um, next question. Uh, let’s see here. I answered that one, answered that one answer. Uh, I think we’re good for right now. Yeah, so guys, thank you very much for being a. Subscriber. For listening. For supporting me.
For. Just. Being there for me. I love doing this. I love venting with you guys. And please like subscribe, share this episode. Comment, leave a review. And just click that five star review. It just really helps me in the podcast and allows us to grow and all that good stuff. Check out our Patrion. If you want to support us, if you want to support the podcast, just $5 a month, that’s all it takes. It’s amazing. And I’ll shout out your name at the end of every episode.
Um, that’s all it takes. Really. It just started just launched the Patrion. So just check it out. Um, visit our shop. Let’s check out some merch that we have on the podcast. So shop.men pact. packed.org. Um, you can look at, uh, our stuff on Facebook and Instagram, which is just at the single father podcast. Make sure you follow us there.
Um, thank you guys so much for just 📍 allowing me to vent with you. And, uh, yeah, until next time. I’m your host, Kendall Docker, AKA father DZ. And, uh, Let’s spend together. Soon. Bye-bye
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Welcome to the Single Father Podcast. I am your host, Kendall Donker. This podcast is dedicated for anyone out there who’s dealing with mental health and fatherhood. You’ll hear about my struggles, my defeats, my victories, my highs, my lows, my triumphs, my tribulations, and everything in between. I like to call this a collection of journal entries into my struggle and adapting to single fatherhood.
Without further ado, let’s take a look inside my journal, the Single Father Podcast. Well, hello ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise, it is your host, father Dizzy, aka Kendall Donker, giving you another episode of The Single Father Podcast. Uh, thank you for joining me on today’s episode. I gotta tell you right off the bat, my gosh, was it such a hard effort to release.
I had a bunch of technical difficulties, um, shooting this episode. Um, you know, our wifis just wasn’t syncing up with each other, so my producers went through hell trying you know, edit this episode and get it released to you guys. Um, but you know, I enjoy the episode very much. Um, the sound quality is iffy at times, but when you really listen to honey, What she’s saying ends up just being a really amazing episode.
Um, and we kind of really get into it. We get into the weeds of, well, first of all, I should just say my guest on today’s episode is Honey Maxwell TikTok star, content creator. Um, probably a future model. She is wonderful to speak to, really open and candid. Um, she didn’t hold back on any of her answers.
Wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a really natural flowing conversation, which I really love. Um, and you know, like I said, we get into the weeds of it. We got into relationship issues. We got to ex-boyfriend issues, we got. Um, you know, mental health issues. We really spoke about a lot and had a really long conversation and, uh, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Um, and, uh, we recorded the episode quite a while ago, but, um, you know, again, my producers were working on it. I was working on it and then I kind of went on a little vacation and finally I got the episode released. But yeah, it was a long awaited project that I’m really happy about and, um, I’m just happy for you guys to get to know.
She’s an amazing person and, uh, like I said, I hopefully a good friend now. I, I really enjoyed speaking with her. I’m gonna shoot her a message, uh, right after I record this actually. But, uh, you know, just a little housekeeping right off the back. Um, I released a Patreon, so you guys are familiar with Patreon.
Um, I’d love for you guys to be a patron. Um, you know, check out our Patreon at uh, pat.com/the single Father podcast. There’s a couple tiers you can. Uh, for $5 a month, just a price of a cup of coffee. You can support the podcast to make sure that we have opportunities to grow and bring more guests in the show and just keep everything functioning.
I mean, like I said, it’s the price of a cup of coffee. If you guys want to, you know, support the podcast, if you like what you hear, if you’re here for honey, that’s fine. If you want to stay and stick around, I speak about relationships mental. Fatherhood really some good stuff, but it allows the op opportunity for us to continue growing.
Um, another tier is, you know, you could be a guest on the podcast. Um, you could, we could have a little venting session together. All you gotta do is, uh, join that Patreon. Um, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Tell me what you want to talk about and I’ll get you on the, on the podcast. Um, you know, but, uh, just to clarify, I’m holding, you know, appropriate and relevant topics.
Um, it can be anything you wanna talk about, but just keep that in mind. We’re not gonna, um, go into, you know, crazy left fields. But, um, I would love to have you guys as a guest on the podcast. And of course at the end of the show, I’ll do, uh, ask me anything. Um, all you gotta do is, uh, email email@example.com.
Um, and, uh, That segment of our podcast is called Mail Bag. All you gotta do is in the subject line type mail bag and ask the question that you want to answer or that you want answered. I’ll answer on the show anonymously or not. And, uh, yeah. Um, so yeah, join the Patreon. Check it out. I’ll shout out some of your names at the end of each, um, at the end of each show.
Um, it’s, it is really good stuff. So check that out. Um, also, uh, make sure you follow us on our social media. Um, it’s pretty much everywhere. It’s a single father podcast. Um, Facebook, Instagram. We have a single father podcast, uh, shop, which is really, really cool. I’ve been working on, uh, I’ve been working on the shop on Spotify.
A lot of cool stuff on there. It’s just shop.vpac.org. Um, check it out, check out some merch. I’d be happy for you guys to rock the merch. Um, if you post the merch on your, uh, social media, tag me in it. I’ll post you on my accounts. Um, so yeah, um, some good stuff there. So guys, without further ado, I think.
Let’s just get right into it. Um, I’ve had a long vacation and I’m ready to get back into the venting season with you guys. So without further ado, thank you for allowing me to vent with you.
What’s been going on? What you been up to today? Um, well I was actually yesterday. . So I work as a nanny for my sister. Um, so yesterday her and her husband went to Disneyland with some friends, and then today they asked me to join them, to go basically up to the mountains to go eat and stuff and just have like a family day together. So I went and did that today and damn, that’s about. As, as of today. But that sounds like, sounds super fun though.
Well thank you for joining me on the Single Father Podcast again.
I have Honey Maxwell here. She is content creator on TikTok. Um, probably self-proclaimed model because she’s so gorgeous. Um, how long have you been working for Victoria’s Secret, by the way? Just asking. I wish I was, but I’m not. Yeah. Thank you though. Um, . Well, I had a lot of people writing into me about you specifically and asking when I can get you on the show.
I tried and I got her. Um, tell me a little bit about you and your background and just kind of where you’re from and things like that. So I am from which, Okay. Well first of all, I would just like to, That’s crazy that people have come to you asking for me, because that’s just absurd to me. Like I don’t understand that.
But thank you. Um, so I live in California. I’ve lived here since I was like four. Um, I grew up in a smaller town, but my parents just recently moved to like the next bigger town over, uh, but have been basically living in a small town since like I was four. Not much goes on. There’s a lot of cows. Cause I live in the Central Valley.
Um, in California. In California. Maybe I’m, maybe I’m just oblivious to California. I just don’t imagine California having a lot of cows. Oh yeah. So interesting. So I say California and people are like, Oh, you’re from la. No. Right, right. I’m actually, that’s what I think. Yeah. Like. I think I’m like, like I’m like three hours away from la, but like Really?
Yeah. So people I’m closer to like Fresno. A lot of people have heard of Fresno, but I don’t live. I have heard of Fresno. Yes. Yeah, so I don’t live, live in Fresno. I live 45 minutes away from Fresno, which is smaller. So I’m like, a lot of people don’t know where my town is, and I’m like, Well, yeah, nobody really hears of it.
So I just, I usually say I’m just from Fresno because it’s the next biggest city. So you lie, but that’s okay. Yeah. Cause I mean, like, I’ll, I’ll tell ’em like where I’m from and they’re like, Where’s that? It’s like, Okay, well I’m from Fresno. And they’re like, Oh, okay. Yeah. So that gives ’em like a general idea.
Um, but yeah, I love it. I live here with, uh, my family. Like my entire family is basically here, so we just keep each other company and stuff. Yeah. You know, side note, I, I thought you had a kid at first because you’re always posting. Toddler. Yeah. On your, on your social media, but it’s your niece, is that correct?
Yes. So I don’t have kids of my own. A lot of people have asked me that, like, do the dms. They’re like, Is that your kid? I’m like, No. Like, it kind of is like, I would, I like to say, Yeah, completely thought. I like to say that my sister’s kids are my kids, but they’re not. I, I have two nieces, but I mm-hmm. have taken care of.
Just like they are my own kids. Like when my sister’s on her own or they need like the extra hand, I’m there, Which is why my sister hired me to be her nanny because she doesn’t trust daycares and stuff. So when she asked me, I was like, Yeah, I’m all for it. Like why not, you know? . Yeah, a hundred percent.
Yeah. A hundred percent. So I understand that fact though, when I was, when I had, uh, my kid and when I was looking at different daycares and things like that, it was very much kind of hard for me to entrust in someone. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? With your child. Yeah. And I wish I had a lot of like, Family around me.
The, the only family I really have that could be able to watch my daughter is, she’s like my, it’s my nana and she’s like 72. Oh, okay. And surprisingly, I don’t trust her to watch my daughter. . But that’s definitely like, that’s just a parent thing. And I understand that, you know, Nah.
No, it’s just because she does like suspicious things like She’ll, She does, she’s very traditional. She’ll like, let me put some alcohol in her gums when she was, you know, a younger and teething, which is, you think it’s normal, but I’m like, Ah, not really, but that. But it’s kind of the amount of alcohol that she put on the , the tissue , questionable.
It’s comfortable. Yeah, it was very questionable. Anyways, I wanted to ask you like, what, uh, what made you kind of start with TikTok? Because you are very popular. I know you say it’s hard to believe, um, that people would request you, but I did have a lot of requests from you.
And, you know, looking at your prop, your profile, I, it’s kind of hard to believe. You wouldn’t think people would regress you to be honest. Okay. So I it’s so funny that you asked, So I started TikTok, I didn’t have a TikTok for the longest time. Like I didn’t hop on the, the, the trend of like the app cuz like what TikTok came out when, um, like Covid hit kind of, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and my sister. She was like, Oh, download TikTok so I can send you videos and stuff. And I was like, No, I don’t want another like social media app, like on my phone. I don’t want it. Um, definitely ended up downloading it like months after that and had my account for like a little while, but never really posted anything.
And the things that I did post were just like things when I was bored. Um, at that time I was living with a boyfriend who ex now, but I was living with a boyfriend. We had had an apartment together and all that stuff. Um, we ended up breaking up, but I remember telling him, When we were together and I created my TikTok account, I was like, Don’t mess up.
I was like, Don’t mess up because one day I’m gonna blow up on TikTok and you’re not gonna be able to run away from me and you’re gonna see me everywhere. And I would joke about it, like, and look at you. I would joke about it like that. And then, um, , it was, I mean, it was a joke and. I didn’t really mean it seriously, but I really did not start posting until after he and I had broken up, and then my very first, Because you wanted to prove that shit, right?
You wanted to prove that shit. You’re like, Fuck you, I’m gonna blow up. Yeah. I guess I was doing it to prove him like a point or something. I don’t know if I was just being petty Yeah. Or whatnot. But I really was doing it just like for fun. Like after we broke up, because I had moved back home. I left everything that, like, I built up for like, with him moved back home and I was like, Well damn, Like now what?
And so I got bored and I started, you know, like playing around on TikTok. And then I guess, yeah, a little in a, in a way I was being a little petty, but the, my very first viral video that like blew up was just me talking shit. Like I just like allowing and. I posted it. Was it the one, I’m sorry, but what is it?
Was it the one where you’re like, I was with this dude and he answered the phone and some bitch Was there? Something like that? Yeah. No, no, I saw that one. See, that was my most recent one. And that was just a random dream. Yeah. Uh, my very first viral TikTok video was, if you scroll all the way down, like it’s all the way at the bottom.
I’m talking like, this was like last year around September, I wanna say. Yeah. And it was, It was, and I, I said, I was like, I came here to say one thing and one thing only. It’s like, Do what? Take it, how you will do with it, what you will. I said, um, What was it? It was like if his homies cheat, he also cheat.
Have a nice day and then I cut the camera and then I post. Dang. And that one was just for funsies. Oh, it was just for funsies. But I was also throwing shake because I really hated my ex’s friends. Like I hated most of ’em. Um, and I posted it and I was just like, whatever that one’s like, kind of funny. I thought it was funny.
That one was just for like shits and giggles. And then next thing I know that is funny. Next thing I know, it was like blowing up. Like I checked my phone like 10 minutes later and it was already like starting to like climax and I was like, What just happened? Like I did not even, I didn’t expect it to blow up the way that it did, but it did after that one, and then after that I was like, Wow, that’s kind of crazy
That’s kinda, Would you say the takeaway lesson is if you want to blow up talk shit about your exes, would you say that’s the takeaway? No, that’s not even the takeaway. I would just say, just post this stuff . Cause all of the like, Yeah, you can cause it people. People, um, like relatable things, you know, people like relatable things.
Yeah, absolutely. That one. Absolutely. I got a lot of tension from men too, who were like, Oh, you’re just insecure, da da da. And I was like, I said, Take, take it as you will. Like, if you’re mad about it, Absolutely mad about it. Right. Um, so then you’re doing some shit, obviously. Yeah. So it was, with that one, I was kind of just like, Well, I don’t really care what anybody has to say.
This is just for my experience, which is why I said take it how you will. Um, But I would just say like if you’re posting on TikTok and you’re posting just content and stuff, it’s, it’s very good to be just authentic and yourself, cuz that’s, that’s some shit I would say around my friend group. Like, that’s, that’s just stuff that I would say.
So if you wanna Absolutely, if you wanna like build your content, you want to be able to just really just be yourself, because that’s what’s gonna attract, like people that are like you and you want to have an audience. Can relate to you because if you can’t find a, an audience that can relate to you, you’re gonna get like a bunch of different weird people.
Well, I mean, and it’s fine. I completely agree. You know, like some people are more negative than others and you don’t really want that. So the, the key is to just really be yourself and let the people that are like you find you. That’s, that’s what I’ve think about you. You, you know what I really love about your, your TikTok though, and kind of.
Persona in, in general is your, I feel like you are really authentic because, you know, it, it’s, everyone’s experienced this going like scrolling through TikTok and you see the same person doing the same video a million times in a row. And I’m like, Okay, that’s, you know, it’s cool and I, I get it and there is an audience for that, but I think there’s more of an audience for authenticity and doing something different.
Like, you know, the first person to do something, You know what I’m saying? And I feel like. You kind of have that vibe to you where it’s, it’s authentic. I don’t see you really following everyone else’s trend. I feel like you just, you’re, you’re doing your own thing, which I really love about you. Thank you so much.
Um, there was, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on TikTok that like try to help people grow their TikTok and a lot of ’em are like, you wanna build a niche, like stick to a niche, stick with that like, you know, format. Yeah. I can’t do. I’m one of those people that I can’t really do the trends. Like there, there will be some trends where I’m like, Oh, that’s really cool.
And then I can’t put myself into that trend because I literally can’t relate to it. You know what I mean? And it’s not that I’m gonna try to force myself like there’s like trending sounds. Some of ’em, which I really love, I can’t do just because I’m like, well, I’m not gonna make something up to try to relate to that because that’s not really, Yeah.
You know, like that’s not, that’s kind of fake and I don’t really wanna do. So the whole pick a niche thing, like try to follow a format like it, it wasn’t for me. I, I did that in the beginning of my ticks and like some of them did well, but I feel like the more that I did ticks, the more that I would speak and just be myself on camera.
That’s the ones that like really blew up and people would interact more to it. So I like that better. Oh yeah. I Authenticity wins every time, all the. Every time. So I, I completely agree with you. Oh, well, one of the things I was gonna ask you though, and you know what my podcast is about, talking about, you know, mental health relationships and so on and so forth, uh, is reading in between the lines, it seems like you, are you like you’re single now?
Yes. Yeah, I am. and, and I’m just, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna be blunt. It seems like your ex was, was he a cheater? Yeah. Uh, yeah. . I, Okay. So , it was, the situation was complicated. Um, I do take responsibility for, for the way that I handled things, just because it would’ve been easier to leave. You know, there’s always that, well, you should have just left.
And I’ve heard that so many times before and it’s like, you’re right, I should have left, but I didn’t, and these were the consequences of me not leaving. And so you, so you took ’em back the first time, is what you’re saying? I did. Mm-hmm. because it was just a lot, but I mean, there was a lot of love there, so it was like, well, if you’re really sorry, yeah, you can work on it, but.
Well, how long were you guys dating for, uh, before he cheated or like throughout the entire relationship?
uh, . Before he cheated. Before he cheated before. I don’t even remember. I wanna say we were together for a year before he cheated. We were together for a year, like a solid year. Okay. Well, I don’t wanna say that makes sense, but I will say that, you know, if you built up something with someone, you’re living with them.
Right. And then, And which I think, by the way, and I don’t know him so I can say that it’s disrespectful on his end. Okay. He’s living with you. Okay, but people aren’t living and uh, that’s what I’m saying, the comp the situation. Okay, gotcha. But like, there was still a lot of love there and I was like, okay, well if you really, we really wanna make this work, then fine.
I’ll give you, you know, another chance, whatever. Um, but yeah, go on . Go on. Still the connection we were together for. Well, I, you know what I mean? It was like a year. Yeah. A little. Yeah, there is a lot. It was a hiccup, but was it one of those things where, you know how you see those girls who are kind of like, which I don’t know if I agree with or not, but they’re like, What would you do if it was like the, the like first month of you guys dating, he cheated on you and he admitted it to you and now you guys are a year in.
And I was like, The first month, that would be easier to get over. Or was it something like you guys were deep in and he still fucked? Like, Which was it for you? Yeah, it was like we were deep in and like he fucked up and I was, I was kind of like, Whoa, damn. Yeah. I was like, well damn. Like. If, if he had cheated like sooner, like say a month in, I would’ve, it would’ve been easier to leave.
I’ve been like, I don’t wanna play games like that. And obviously if you’re gonna be doing that already a month in, like what could you do later on? You know what I mean? Yeah. So that’s how I, how I looked at it. Absolutely. Um, but a year in, I was like, Do I really, Can we like, is it real? Are we really gonna throw that away?
And he, he did the thing where it was. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Like things like that, like he really did aol and I thought he was being very genuine with his apology, and he did the things that was like, I promise, like I’ll change and I’ll do better, and like I won’t let it happen again.
Like, and for a little while it was really good, like for a little while. You know, he really did try to work on things, but I think it was just, it, it, it got really toxic. Like after that. Wow. So like it, unfortunately I’m drinking wine and not tea. But tell me the tea. So like did, how did you find out? Was it there?
Was he upfront or did you just find out? Okay, so here is where it gets complicated. So how big have you’ve seen friends, Have you seen friends? The show friends. Okay, so Rachel and Ross were on a break. The break. Exactly. So what? They were on a break. Okay. So that’s kind of what happened in my situation. So, Oh, so he had asked for a break.
Right. But in the very beginning of our relationship, , we had talked about breaks being in a relationship and he was always very set on, right? I don’t believe in breaks, like what are breaks in a relationship, like if we’re in it together, like we’re gonna work through whatever, like there are no taking breaks.
So right later on in the relationship, he asked for a break and I threw that in his face and I said, Why do you wanna break? You told me you don’t believe in those, so why are you asking for one now? And Right. I tried to be as understanding as I could and he said like, you know, it’s just things are like too much for me.
I just need some time. Like alone, da da da da. Which was funny because like we weren’t living together. He was living in Fresno and I was living like 45 minutes away. So it was like, this is kind of odd, but I’m gonna respect you and like give you that because this is what you’re asking of me. And I tried to be as supportive as I could be.
You know, being a girlfriend. So I said, Yeah, you know, like, take whatever mental breaks you need, like whatever. Um, he told me, he was like, I’m not doing this because I wanna sleep with other people. That was red flag number one, cuz I had not even brought that up. But he brought it up himself, right? He, he brought it up.
He brought it up and I said, Okay. Like, okay, I’m full trust. Like whatever, do what you gotta do. I think the break lasted like a solid three days. So he had slept with a girl like within the first night of breaking up with me, or the second night of breaking up with me and then came back, like drove to my house and came back like devastated.
And I was just like, What is going on with you? And he was like, I’m so sorry. Like, I don’t wanna break. Like I It’s you. It’s only you. Like, like it’s, I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, I swear, like I, I realized like, if it’s not you, like I don’t want to just sleep around with like random bitches and da da da da.
And I was like, he brought that out again, like just randomly. And I said, Well, so did you sleep with someone? And he goes, No, no, it’s nothing like that. But I’m just saying. And I was like, Okay. I was like, , but you ain’t dumb. But honey marshal ain’t dumb. Stupid. All right. I wasn’t stupid. Like I caught that.
Yeah. And so he said that and then, um, he drove me back to his apartment. He was living with his sisters at the time. Like they all shared an apartment together. But he drove me back there. And we were supposed to go out with like a couple of friends that night, the night that we got back together after like being on a break for three days.
And I get to his apartment and I swear like this was like the most mind blowing shit that I’d ever experienced in my entire life. So I walk into his room and like the bed’s like made, but like messy made. and I’m putting my stuff down and I see a condom wrapper on his dresser. And then I see a pillow, oh my God, a pillow stuffed, um, between his bed frame and the wall.
And then I opened up his drawer and it was a picture frame that I had created a collage of pictures of us tucked inside his sock drawer. And I, Oh my God was shaking. I was. What the is this? And he was like, No, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I said, Why is there a pillow right there? Like, what does that do here?
Yeah. I was like, And why is our picture put away? I was like, And what is this condom wrapper doing on your dresser? And he was like, First, he was like, First let me go shower. And I . I was like, Shower, you wanna go shower? I was like, You have all this evidence right in front of me and you wanna go shower? So whatever.
He goes and showers and I’m like freaking out in his bedroom and like at this point I’m like shaking and crying, just pissed. Cause I already know. I already know. So I’m gonna ask him. Obviously he gets out of the shower and I go, What, what is going on? What did you do? I was like, What did you do? And he was like, No, I was using the condom to like, you know, like, like basically like please himself.
But he was using the, and I was like, Beat us meat. And I was like, You’re a effing liar. I was like, You’re lying right now. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie me? I was like, there’s no, there’s literally a pillow like tucked between your bed frame and your wall and our pictures put away. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie to me and just be honest.
And he was like, tried to go with that lie for like, I don’t even know how long, like a good solid 10 minutes before I started just like going in on him like, What the fuck did you like, I mean, I was going crazy. And um, he then finally said it and he was like, Yes, okay, yeah, I slept with somebody else. And I was like, Okay.
I was like, You’re trash. I was like, I cannot fucking believe you. I was like, You’re a liar and you’re cheating. You’re a snake. And he was like, Well, we were on a break. I was like, Bro, but you literally said that you weren’t gonna do this on the break. I was like, So you’re not a cheater, but you’re a fucking liar and that maybe that’s worse.
I was like, That’s worse, and you’re sitting here lying about it. Um, yeah, and then I asked who it was because I had an idea about who it was, and I think. Oh shit. I kind of knew who it was because there was this girl from his workplace that was like messaging him and I would tell him like, I don’t, that’s not comfortable with me.
I was like, Take her off cuz like she was on his Snapchat and I was like, take her off. So he did. And then one day I was on his Snapchat cuz we were on it together. Yeah, yeah. He had me. He handed me his phone and like she was right back there, like in his chat screen, and I was like, What is she doing back there?
Why is she there? Like, if you had already told me you took her off, She’s like, Oh, well maybe like, she added me back and then took her off in front of me. Um, so that night that, that happened, I was like, Well, who did you sleep with? And he was like, Nobody that, you know, like it was just random. Like, I downloaded Tinder and da da da da.
I was like, So you’re telling me. You downloaded Tinder and found a girl in like two seconds. I was like, That’s no. I was like, Let’s be fucking real. I was like, That’s not what. And he was like, No, I swear, like it was somebody from Tinder, like, I don’t even know her, da da da da. I was like, Alright. Like, just sitting there trying, trying let, letting him think that I believed it, um, the entire time I knew who it was, uh, but I was trying to let him, so it was that girl.
I didn’t, he didn’t confess to it until like, maybe like three months later because he was having. Mental breakdown and anxiety and da, da da. And he decided to tell me, like, finally tell me who it was. In the middle of us hanging out with my family, like we were all hanging out with my family and in my living room, in my house, just randomly hanging out.
And he sat down and he was having like a panic attack and he sat down, he goes, I’m so sorry. And I was like, Where is this come from? And he was like, I, I lied to you and you know who it is. I was like, What are you talking about? He’s like, The girl that I slept with, you know who it is? And I was like, No, I don’t.
I was like, He told me it was a girl from Tinder. He was like, Honey, you know who it is. It was the girl from work and we were sitting on the couch and he was telling this to me quietly. Well, my entire family was like in the living room and I . I started laughing. Oh my God. I started laughing. I was like, This is the worst fucking possible time to be telling me this shit.
So I was laughing and I was like, Yeah. I was like, Honestly. I was like, You can go fuck yourself. And I was laughing and he got up from the couch and went to my room and cried or something. And I remember walking . I remember walking into my room and comforting him because I was. This is so fucking bizarre, but like you’re literally having a mental breakdown.
I did. I was comforting him the entire time throughout the entire process. Like it was me trying to comfort him and all that shit, and I was just like, Oh my gosh, what the fuck am I doing here? So like the, to the, the toxicity came after all of that. Like I really, I wanna say that I really try to make things work after.
I got Honey Maxwell here again on the Single Father podcast. I was talking to her. We lost a little, uh, uh, connection there, but she was basically telling me how she basically, she got manipulated into babysit. A baby. Really? She, she had manipulated into like dating a baby a child. Yeah. Um, which is pretty awful.
And I think the last, the last thing you said there was you were going into your room and you had to, basically comfort him after you just admitted to cheating on you if the woman that you knew. Yeah. Which is awful. And we, we, we can get off the subject soon, but I just wanted to like point out how just awful that is and how he sounds like a, a typical fuckboy.
Horrible . It was horrible. And the funny thing is about that though, is that I didn’t tell anybody, Like, I did not tell a single soul that that happened. Um, so I was keeping it all to myself trying to deal with it Really? Yes. On my own. And it drove me insane. Like, it literally drove me crazy because he didn’t really want me to tell anybody, obviously, because they would be like, Honey, leave him.
Um, so I kept it to myself and I tried to deal with it on my own. And for the longest time, it literally just drove me mad and he knew that it drove me mad, like I started acting like a psycho person. Um, and when I finally, when things finally ended between us, I finally told like my best friend, like my best friend that I tell everything to, I didn’t tell her.
And so when we ended the relationship, I finally told her and she just looked at me and she was like, You’ve been going through all that on your own, and you didn’t tell me. And I was like, because I knew what everybody would say. You, everybody would tell me to leave him. And I wasn’t ready yet. I was like, I, I, I guess I wasn’t ready.
And I didn’t want anybody to know, He didn’t want me to tell anybody. So I did. And she just, the, the amount of pain that she had for me when I told her was like sickening, Like it broke my own heart again all over again when I had to tell her and. Her what? After I told everybody, they kind of just looked at me and they were like, I can’t believe you went through all that.
And I was like, Yeah, well, the shit you do for love, I guess, But yeah. But did it crazy? Did it kind of, did it kind of empower you when you finally said, Okay, this is enough? Like, did you feel good about it? Like, did you feel like, okay, this is, this is what always needed to happen? Yeah, like the night, the night that I left, that story was crazy to you.
Like I’m telling you, the entire relationship after me finding out that he had slept with the person, he literally told me not to worry about It changed the relationship in a way where it was. We had bad days that were really, really, really, really bad and we would just not leave each other alone. And then we had really, really, really good days that made it seem like, okay, this is definitely worth fighting for.
But the bad days, um, started to outweigh all the good stuff, um, towards the end. And I think that’s what made me finally, finally like, go. And the, the night that I left, that story was insane. And I tell it to people when they ask and I’m, They . They’re like, What the hell? And I’m like, Yeah. But I mean, when I finally, finally left it, it did take some time for me to like be certain of that decision.
Cuz there was still a part of me that was like, Well, what if this isn’t right? What if I’m supposed to stay and fight for it? Um, and that lasted for maybe like a month or two after like me actually leaving. Um, but when it was all done, I think it was, it was really just, I was like, I’m never going back to that ever.
Like ever. No, no. I, But you watch shit, You ever Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That sounds just completely awful. Um, and so it sounds like your, your ex there was having like a little panic attack, but have you ever had struggles with like, mental health or anxiety attacks before in the past or I, I have had, So it, in high school, I’m 23 now, so this was like years I want to say. Um, in high school, I wanna say my freshman year, I started, started getting really, really bad anxiety. Um, I was, even, even as a kid though, I was always kind of like a very shy, nervous kid. Like no matter what I did, I was always kind of nervous.
But when high school came around, it really liked, it, really peaked it, and it peaked in a way that was so uncomfortable. And I don’t really understand how I did any things, any of the things that I did do in high school because I had such bad anxiety. But I really went through a lot of depression too. Um, oh, at one point I like begged my parents to let me go on home studies because I could not deal with the fact that I had to go up, like get up every day out of bed and go to school.
Like, it just really, put a dent in a lot of things. Like I was so unhappy with it all and I, I begged my parents, I was like, Please let me go like on home studies. And they, they were so against it cuz they worked a lot. So they were like, No, because like, we can’t be here for you, like when you’re home by yourself, like teaching yourself things and da da da.
And I was like, Okay. So I really pushed through, but for as long as I can remember, since high school, I dealt with really bad anxiety and depression. Um, even before, What were you, what were you depressed about though? Like, when you say like, I just can’t deal with it all. What, what was, what were the things that you couldn’t deal with?
See, that’s the thing. I don’t have like real answers for that. Like, I, so I tell people this all the time and it’s like, it’s, it was that type of thing where it was like, you don’t really know where it’s coming from because I didn’t have a bad life. Like, I didn’t grow up like, you know, in an abusive household or anything.
Like, there was no real, like, right, um, like tangible reason for me to feel the way that I felt. It was just, it just, that’s how I felt. Um, and even explaining that to my parents for the longest time because they knew that I, there was something off and they couldn’t really understand it. So they would always ask me like, What can we do to help you?
Like, how are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? And I didn’t have answers. And it, it caused like a really bad breakdown for me at one point. And my parents were so confused and they, they felt sorry because they didn’t know what they could do to help me. Um, they, they ended up like having me try, try out therapy and go to a therapist, and I went for like three sessions and then I said, No, it’s fine.
Like, I don’t wanna be like that. Like, I don’t need it. Like, I’ll fix myself or whatever. Um, and it took a long, it took a long time because I didn’t go back to therapy after those three sessions, and I just kept feeling the way that I felt for the longest time. Um, and eventually, eventually I just had to sort through my own shit.
Like, I really had to sit down with myself and be like, Okay, well what’s really going on here? Uh, before I finally like, dug myself out of it, I, I would say that I’m not as depressed now. Like, I don’t really feel the way that I once felt. Um, and I’m, and I’m not very anxious either. Like some days. Have more anxiety than other days.
But normally I’m like, Okay. But I went through that in high school and there, there was no explanation for it. There wasn’t a real solid reason for me to be like, Oh yeah, this is why I’m feeling like this, or whatever. It was just one of those things that just came up and, and I, I couldn’t really explain it.
I get like that all the time where you just kind of don’t even know really why you’re depressed. You’re just kind of like, Hey, I think I’m depressed this week. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and you really can’t point, like you could say, Oh, I think it’s this, but then you really don’t know. Mm-hmm. , I, I completely get what you mean.
But what, what was the deal with therapy though? Why didn’t you like it? Was it just the person, Was it the, the, like was it just the fact that you’re going to therapy that you didn’t like? Well, what about that was kind of like unappealing to you? Yeah, So I had a really bad attitude , um, when I was a teenager, , like really bad.
Like it was. It was so bad that my parents were just like, Okay, she can do whatever she wants cuz we’re not gonna deal with it if she like goes off. Um, and I reflect back on that now and I think about the times that I did go to therapy for those three sessions and I was so stubborn cuz I didn’t want to be helped.
Like, I wasn’t ready for someone to come in and say, Here are all the things like that you need to work on. Because like, initially that’s exactly what it was like, now that I look back on it, like I was just so unhappy with myself, I think. And when I, when my parents said therapy, I was like, What the f I was like, I’m not gonna go.
I ended up going just to see like, if that would help them feel better. Cause I really did feel like shit for making them feel like shit for not being able to help me. So I went hoping like, oh, like, you know, like, maybe, maybe this will make them feel better, make like, let them see that I’m like, I’m, I want to get better.
But I really wasn’t in. In a place of like, like readiness to get the help. So when I went and I sat down with the lady, I was like so stubborn. I didn’t say a word. We sat there for like an hour. We had like an hour session and she was like, Okay, just let’s just talk. And I said, Okay. And stop there. and did not say a word.
And I was like, I don’t really want to do this. Like, it wasn’t, my attitude was like, I’m, I don’t need this. Like, I don’t need therapy. Like I’m fine. Is what it was. Like my brain switched and I was like, I don’t actually need this. Like, I don’t wanna be here. Um, I ended up going twice after that first session and this like the second time I talked a little bit more.
And the third time I did talk a little bit more and I was like, Okay, maybe I can do this. Like maybe, maybe this is a good thing. And then my brain switched back and I was like, Actually no, I don’t need it. Like, I can fix myself. It’s fine. So then I didn’t go back and then I started doing things with things like on my own, or at least I tried to, I was in a rut there for a little while, if I’m gonna be honest with you.
Yeah. But those were all personal decisions, like there I had, so every person in my family like tried to help me and I was not ready to receive help yet. and that’s what it came down to. I just wasn’t ready. I thought I didn’t need it, like I could do it on my own. Um, I was very against like listening to others’ advice because I was like, You don’t really know though, like you don’t know what I’m going through, so how can you give me advice?
That was the mindset that I had, um, for the longest time. I get it. So yeah. I get it completely. It, it’s interesting cuz when you feel like that, you kind of feel like, Well, listen, I, I, I really, I really do, uh, like connect with you on that because I remember when I was going through therapy a little bit as a teenager, kind of the similar situation, but like, I was like, Dude, I don’t want to do this.
Like, you don’t really know what I’m going through. I feel awful and I don’t really, really want to talk to you. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don’t wanna talk to some stranger. Yeah. Who’s saying like, these are the things that’s wrong with you. Yeah. And although I do support therapy, like I get what I completely get what you’re saying because like, it’s like, Yeah.
I don’t wanna talk to some stranger, I don’t wanna talk to anyone, period. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? Yeah. It’s kinda, I I I get it. And you’re just kinda like a little ang I was a pretty bad teenager myself. Like I, I was kind of , just angry and just, I don’t know. You think that you’re right about, and it’s only until you get older you’re like, Yeah, maybe, Maybe they were right a little bit.
Yeah. , you know, that’s, that was me for the longest time, so I get it. And now that you’re living with your family though, do you feel like your family was. I mean, were they instrumental in your kind of anxiety or depression, or do they really help you in kind of figuring that out? What, what? Like are you close with them or No?
Oh, I’m so close with them. Like my family and I like when people who don’t come from like close families come to my house and see how my family is together. They’re kind of like, What is happening here? Like, they get confused. Yeah. Um, yeah. And they’re like, What? And I’m like, This is just how we are. Like, we’re all friends.
Like, yes, he’s my dad, but he’s also a buddy. And yes, he’s my mom, but also we like to talk shit like, like that’s how my family is. Like we’re just very close. Um, we weren’t always like that. Mm-hmm. obviously no. Family is perfect, but we all really grew into it and we all, I don’t know, I guess since, since getting older, we all kind of just started trying to under understand each other.
And so, yeah, like now we’re all just like a Brady Bunch. Like that’s what we call ourselves. Like there’s not much of us, but like, we’re really a Brady. Like we’re so close. It’s kind of insane. I love that. I love that. Really. I really do. I no, I, I get what you mean because sometimes I feel jealous when I go over at people’s houses and their families are all like together or whatever, you know?
Yeah. And then it is kind of like, Wow, I really admire and, and want that. And it’s something that I really strive for with my daughter as well. Cuz, cuz I mean, obviously I’m a single father mm-hmm. and, um, uh, I share custody with my daughter, but one of the things I really kinda strive for is to make her feel like she can tell me anything.
Like, we’re like, we’re best friends, basically, you know? Yeah. It’s very important. It scares me sometimes because she can really, like, you know, she can scare me like she yells at me , but, um, she, you know, I really do want to make her feel like we’re, we’re just best friends. Yeah. And I, That’s what, what you described is exactly what I want.
Yes. I hope, I hope it’s like that. And then, and your, your dad is kinda like that too, from what I gather, right? He’s really supportive. Yes. And you can feel like you could tell him anything? Oh, yeah. Um, like, like I said, we weren’t always like that for, for a long time. My parents were very like into work, Like they just worked a lot.
Um, so being able to talk to him wasn’t really like one of those things that my sisters and I would do just because they worked so much and they were always so stressed out about like, you know, just parenting things, you know? And I, my sisters and I really like relied on each other growing up. Um, but now that my parents are older and that it was us girls have gotten older, we’ve all kind of, I guess my parents realize like, Oh shit, like, my kids like, need me more than just like to be, you know, like someone who puts the roof over their heads and puts food on the table.
Like, we really need to be like their friends. Like we need to be someone that they can come to and stuff like that. Um, so I don’t know. Somewhere along the way my parents just like, Switched roles instead of just being like working parents. They were just like, everything they turned out to be everything that like a kid would really want.
It’s kind of weird to say that because growing up I really looked up to my parents, but they, it was hard to like talk about things with them. Um, so yeah, so it was, it was kind of weird growing up, but not in a bad way. Just in a way that I felt like I couldn’t really communicate my feelings and they’d like actually listen.
Uh, but now that we’re all older, when I tell them things and I talk to ’em, they sit there and they’re like, Okay, well yeah. Like I get that. Like this was what I did when I was a kid and like, you’re about that same age. So like, what do you think you could do? And, you know, they, they help advise more now, I would say.
Um, but it did take work from my end. My sister’s ends, their ends like, it, it really takes everybody to wanna make it work that way and not just like one person, you know what I mean? So I should quit my job is basically what you’re saying. No, no, no, no, because my parents still work. My parents still work a lot.
Um, they, they’re very hard workers. Um, but like, like I said, like growing up, like they worked so much. Like I really rarely ever saw my mother. Like she worked all the time and my dad was the dad that, that would cook dinner, you know, clean, clean up the kitchen and stuff, and like make sure we were in bed, showered and like, he did all like the motherly things.
I would wanna say, like , he did all the motherly things because his job was, was like, he would wake up at three in the morning and then be home by the time we got off for school. But my mom, she worked like, like wow. Six in the morning and then wouldn’t get home until like after we were already in bed because of curfew.
So it was kind of like that. Um, so they worked a lot and they tried to be there. Uh, my dad was very present though. He’s very present. Like he, because his job allowed him to like, you know, call off days and stuff and he would be there for every freaking, like, field trip. Every, you know, my mom was there for all the awards ceremonies, like, I love it.
They did, they did their parts. Both of them did what they could with what they had, um, is what it was. But I don’t know. I feel like somewhere along the way I was just very, I was very, like, I don’t wanna, I saw how much they worked for us girls to give us everything that we could possibly have. And I felt like, I guess I felt as a kid, like I don’t wanna burden them with like, feelings, like my feelings to say, Hey, mom and dad, like, I’m sad about this because like, just because I’m sad about it, but like, you guys are already doing the best that you can as parents.
Like, I didn’t really, I think maybe that’s where it comes from because I didn’t wanna just add another load to like things. Things that they were already doing. Right. And be like, Hey, by the way, there’s this though. And it’s like, I just didn’t want them to feel bad because I felt like something was off.
Even though I, like, they’re doing things the best they could, I think is what it is. Well, listen, that’s the burden for every parent is you work hard to take care of your family, but you don’t have any time to spend with them. Yeah. So it’s nice that like, at a, at a older age, you are able to get that with them and be so close.
Yeah. Um, but I am compelled to ask you though, like, you know, angry teenager dealing with anxiety and depression. If you weren’t going to therapy, how did you deal with those things and kind of overcome that a little bit? So, I , I went about going, doing things the way that I wanted to do them. I kept my bad attitude.
I kept, you know, I don’t, it was just, it was awful. Like I look back at it now and. It was horrible. Uh, my sister said one thing, , my sister, my oldest sister, and she was like the rebel out of all of us girls. Like I would say. She was like, she really, she really. But, um, anyways, you putting her on blast. She like, she’s great though now. Like she learned through like with her stuff and all the things that she did. And so with me, I was like, Well, I wanna do whatever I want. And so my attitude is my attitude and no one can change me. And I just had that mentality. But one day she told me one thing that really fucking hurt my feelings.
And I was like, All right, you gotta cut this shit. You gotta figure out what’s going on with you because this is not okay. She sat, she didn’t even sit me down, she kind of just like came to me and was like, Nobody fucking likes you because everybody has to walk on eggshells with you and nobody likes a person like that.
And she was like, So if you don’t wanna change yourself, well then you can just be by yourself for the rest of your life, because nobody’s gonna deal with it. . And I was like, Oh, that hurt me so much. And I was like, You gotta figure it out. Like, and you gotta figure it out fast because you’re losing your sisters.
And I think, and like my parents were like scared of me and my attitude and it was kind of just like an ugly feeling after that. And after that I was kind of just like, All right, you need to, you need to shut the fuck up and just sit with yourself for a little while and just figure it out. Like really figure it out.
Yeah. So that’s what I did. Like, I just, I toned it down, you know, like I still had like a few outbursts here and there obviously, cause it was gonna fix itself overnight. Um, but I really sat down and was like, Alright bro, like figure this out. Like re like recognize your triggers, what’s going on here? Like, why do you feel this, this way?
Like, and I sat there and I like, I got help from my brother-in-law as well though cuz he’s a very, I would say he’s wise, he’s very intelligent. He read, he reads a lot of books. . So when he, because he asked you if you were alive recently, right? Yeah, yeah. He asked me, He was like, Are you alive? And I was like, Brad, I don’t even know if I’m like a human being.
Um, but he, he , but he’s like very, he’s very intelligent and I don’t, like, I don’t even everybody that meets him loves him because he is like the wisest person that we know. You can go to him for anything and he’ll have advice to give you, or he’ll have a story to tell you that will lead you to the right, the right way.
I don’t, it’s, it’s crazy, but I got a lot of help from him. Um, and again, this is because I wanted help. I finally wanted to get better. I wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to continue like being the way that I was. Um, and he was very, he was very, um, like gentle with it all. He was, he would say like, Hey, I know sometimes people don’t want help, but like, if you ever finally want help, like let me know I can help you.
Like he and he would put that out there. Yeah, he would understand that. You know, like, I wasn’t ready to be helped yet, but then he, he let me know like, when you’re ready, like, I’m here to help you. Like we can talk, you can talk about whatever. I’ll sit and I’ll listen. You know? Um, so right. So it was him and my oldest sister that really, really kind of like, didn’t push me, but they really encouraged me.
Like, I can, I don’t have to be like that. And they knew cuz they knew I was with them all the time. Like they were the people that I hung out with the most, I wanna say apart from like my school friends and stuff. But they really knew who I was, like deep down. And they knew that I, I wasn’t just the, the angry honey with the bad attitude.
Like they knew that wasn’t really me. Um, so they really helped encourage me to like figure out what the hell is going on. So you can not feel like that anymore. and not be like that anymore. I, I feel like in a way, like you knew that wasn’t you too, right? Yes. Like you, you’re, you’re kinda like, you know, this isn’t me.
Yeah. And you wanted to get better. Yeah, I did. Um, I was, yeah, and that’s really inspiring. You gotta, you have to recognize it within yourself is, I would say, because for the longest time, like I knew that wasn’t who I was and it’s not the person that I wanted to be either. But I, something just made me very angry, and I like switched roles because growing up as a kid, like I was, I was a sweetheart.
Like all my teachers would always be like, Oh, Honey’s like one of the nicest students. Like, she helps others, you know, she’s very caring, honest, and yada, yada, yada. Um, and I don’t, I really don’t know like where the rules switched for me, but like, I got to high school and I was just like angry all the time.
Um, and then eventually I was like, this is not even me. Like, it was like some sort of like crazy facade or whatever that was going on, but like, I. It was like, this is, It was tiring too. It was like, it was like exhausting, like being the mean girl or like being mean to everybody. Oh yeah. So I was like, I enough is enough.
It, it’s so interesting you say that too, because I feel like we have very similar situations, but yet very different at the same time. Like, I remember when I was in high school, my parents were getting a divorce and things like that. Mm-hmm. , I was just so angry at the world and I was kinda like angry at just everyone around me.
Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? And like I had, I had to go to foster care for a day and I think that pissed me off. And, and when I got to college I felt like I was really just kind of this asshole. Like I, and which is a lot of reason why I do this podcast in general is cuz I feel like people got a, people got to see a version of me that wasn’t really myself.
Mm-hmm. . It was kind of like the, it was kind of like just the angry version of myself, you know, just angry. And I had something so similar where this girl that I was, um, uh, very familiar with, she comes up to me one day and just like, Dude, kind exactly what your sister told you. It was like, Dude, you’re, you’re, this isn’t good.
Like, you know, no one’s really vibing with kind of the personality that you have and who you are becoming and things like that. And it su it. When I say it hurt my feelings. I mean, it really is. It breaks your heart. Hurt hurt me. Poor. Yeah. Yeah, it did. You know, cuz you always think that, but you don’t want someone to Yeah.
And someone finally said that and you’re like, Fuck. Like, damn. Like, yeah. I’m like, ouch. Mm-hmm. , you know, and you wanna get angry, but you’re like, Dude, you, you know. Yeah. Um, and I, and I, and I really had to make a change. You know, it takes time for people to kind of, um, you know, cause I always say this, I know some people who saw me in college.
Maybe your opinion of me is set in stone, but for others, you know, there’s more of me at to see. And it’s kind of just seeing a different side of someone because you never really know what someone’s going through. Mm-hmm. . And so the fact that you’re able to recognize that about yourself is, I think it’s, it’s so important.
It really is. Yeah. I totally get it. I mean, I feel the exact same way though, cuz like you say, people like in college might have perceived you like completely different because they saw only like the angry version of you. There’s probably a ton of people that look at me and think, Oh, she’s probably just a pitch for life because like, that’s who I was for so long, you know?
Um, people now though, probably see. And they’re like, Who the fuck is she? Because she’s like completely different. Like, I’m much lighter, like, like energy wise, um, than I used to be. You know what I mean? Like your energy definitely carries Absolutely. Like, I, it was very heavy, uh, for me growing, like, not growing up, but like in high school a lot.
I didn’t have like a big group of friends and stuff. And like the people who were outside of my friend group only ever saw like, Oh, don’t mess with honey. Like, she’s ki like, she kind of has an attitude and she’s kind of like one of those girls and stuff like that. Um, but like the people that really knew me mm-hmm.
knew that like, oh, she’s really not that bad. But like, that was just that hard shell that I had that was just like angry. And yeah, I do have an attitude. Don’t like make me use it, like stuff like that. Um, but now, now, yeah, now my mom looks at me and she’s like, You’re a completely different person. She’s like, you’re the little five year old that I remember that would run around the house just like.
Being sweet and like, you know, she’s like, you would really come back to yourself. That’s what my mom told me after, after like months of like trying to figure my shit out. Um, which was really nice to hear because I finally felt like, yeah, this is, this is really me. Like I’m not that mean person that is rude and like, has an attitude all the time.
Um, like I still can be like, I can be obviously to defend myself when need be, but like, that’s not who I am as a person. And so when that came from my mom, I was like, that feels good because now I really know, like someone, like I kind of felt it in myself that I was coming back home to me, but having someone say it to me was a real confirmation.
Like, yeah, I’m on the right path. And I’m, I’m like really putting in the work to like be who I am again. Oh yeah. So that was nice. Oh yeah. Cuz you can feel, Yeah. You, you, you can feel when you’re like, Okay, I’m, I’m getting back to who mm-hmm. I am. You know, you can feel that. Th That’s interesting though. I, I mean, it really is just to, to hear different perspective from, you know, your point of view, but being on tapes out though, where you put yourself out there.
Yeah. And I think you mentioned before, you know, you have some, there’s even some haters out there who say this and that. How do you deal with that? Because that’s just complete strangers. It, it is probably vulnerable. Putting yourself, yourself out there and saying, Okay, this is me. And having someone comment this or that, you know?
Yeah. I don’t really , I don’t, I don’t like to, like, I’ll obviously I see them, um, in the beginning stages of my TikTok. Uh, there were times where I would respond to some of them and just like have a sly like, remark back, like something really fucking mean. Yeah. Uh, just because that’s, but that’s my, that’s my personality too.
Like if someone says something to me, I always have like a very quick remark to say back and now, Yeah. My TikTok is kind of, I don’t want, I don’t know if I wanna say it’s growing, but it has more followers than it used to. I used to only have like 10 k. It’s growing. It’s like, yeah. So, so now when I get hate comments, like I’ll read through them and some of them are j, most of them actually are just angry men.
Um, which I don’t understand, cuz I’m like, I’m a 23 year old girl just talking shit on the internet. Like, why are you so, like, why are you really angry? Um, so I sit there and I, I think about it and I’m like, well, they must be going through their own insecurities to really feel a type of way. So like, I don’t bother responding back.
Like sometimes I do, if, if what I have to say is not that mean. Um, but most of the time I’ll hurt people. Yeah. So most of the time I just read it and I’m like, Whatever. Like you, I don’t know you, you don’t even know me. And most of the time I feel like they are receiving my TikTok tos, like completely wrong.
Anyways. Most of the shit that I post is like a joke, Like un, unless it’s being like dead serious, which usually I’m not, um, it’s just a joke. And if, if that, if it flies over your head, it flies over your head, I really have no control over how you perceive me. Um, so, and it’s none of my business really.
Like, you’ll put it out there on, on social media. People have their own opinions about you. I mean, people talk shit. Everybody talks shit. And it’s like, all right, like now what? Like, you talked your shit. Now what? Like, I , it’s not gonna change my day. You know what I mean? So I don’t really deal with it. I, I like to read them and laugh out loud.
Sure. But like, other than that, I don’t really engage anymore.
I I totally feel you. I I, I imagine it’s a different situation for me, I, I’m, I, I, I feel like I’m so busy. I’m not really on social media that much. Like I post what I have to post and then I kind of, You know, I kind of go back to whatever, but I imagine there’s a lot of different, Yeah.
Like you kind of said in man. Yeah. I imagine there’s some inappropriate comment. I imagine there’s like people just being, being addicted to be a dick. So it, But you’re saying it kind of, that’s like the lowest form of your like, worries. You don’t really care about that. Yeah. No, because like you watched the video anyways.
I’m like, you watched the video, now you’re commenting, if anything, you’re just gaining me more views. Yeah. So like, thank you for that. I mean, like the, the comment was, I like the comment ugly, but like you took your time to post it on there. So like that’s cool. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it’s whatever.
Yeah. You’re like, I’m doing my job somehow on that. Yeah. Straight up. That’s exactly how I think of it. , I like that. I like that a lot. So, um, for any, um, cuz it seems like you’re really down to earth, really kind of like a, a person that people should, you know, look up to, if I may say, Oh, what, what, what is your advice for some, you know, young TikTok to creators who may be women?
Cause I don’t have that voice, right? Mm-hmm. , uh, maybe who women who. Or maybe experiencing some of that anxiety or angst about maybe posting online or about just dealing with mental health in general. Like, do you have something now that you do to kind of balance yourself out or, you know what I’m saying?
Yeah. So, okay. So I don’t know if this is gonna be on that topic, but I would just think about this the other day. Um, posting on social media, you think a lot about like, Oh, how are people going to perceive me? Like, what if they think this, or what if they think that? Or like, what if this video’s not good enough for like, people and they don’t like it, and yada, yada, yada.
Um, because I used to think like that too, posting or like my early post on TikTok or think like, Oh, well how are other people gonna see me? Like, is this gonna be something that I’ll like that, like this, You gotta do it for yourself is all I have to say. Like, it’s not, it’s not for anybody else really.
Yeah. It’s for, for. For yourself. Um, so I would just say like, the way people perceive you anyways is none of your business. Like, it’s not how you perceive yourself. How do you think of yourself, You know what I mean? So if you’re gonna do anything, do it for you. Um, the, the, it’s all about confidence. You gotta be confident, You gotta believe in yourself.
You gotta be confident in yourself, Uh, because people are gonna talk what, what everybody talks, you know, good, bad, whatever. You’re gonna find your people. Um, the haters are gonna hate, like, as cliche as that sounds, but it’s always there. Not everybody’s gonna love you, but that’s none of your business as long as you love yourself and you know, you just gotta do it for you.
Absolutely. Yeah. Amen. I love that. Thank you. I love that. So I’m, I’m gonna go into my next segment here, which is just helping me become less single
So I’m, I’m gonna ask you a few questions from a woman’s point of view Okay. And just kind of, if you can just gimme honest answer. Okay. So you, you’re a beautiful woman. What does it, what, what does a man do? What can a man do to gain your intentions besides not cheating? Good. Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna be honest.
It, it . I get asked this question a lot actually, and I don’t really have an answer because for me, for me, it’s hard for me to find, like, to be like my atten. I don’t pay attention to things, you know what I mean? Um, no, like, that’s a hard one. Cuz guys don’t really, I would say in person, like a genuine, like in person connection is a thing, but you don’t wanna be like, Too, too pushy or something, You know what I mean?
Cause that can kind of come off as creepy. Right, Right. But social media wise, like I don’t, I’m not really flattered by like, you know, like compliments through the dms and stuff like that. Like, most of the time I ignore them. Ah, yeah. But that’s just me. Like the flag again, your dms, it’s like, it’s saying, um, maybe when I was younger, but like now, now it’s like, like, come on, like let’s be real.
Like, I’m a real human. , , I dunno. It’s kinda, let’s be real. It’s never gonna happen. Cause like, and most of the time it’s from people that are completely like, not in my, like area either. And I don’t, I, I don’t frown upon like long distance or online relationships. That’s not what I’m saying. But for me personally, it’s not really one of those things.
Like sometimes I’ll get compliments and I’ll, I’ll say thank you, but other than that it’s kind of just like, what else is there to go off of? Like, it’s not really for me, I would rather meet somebody. Yeah, exactly. I’ve heard all of it and it’s kind of like, now it’s boring. So I’m like, I’d rather meet someone organically at like a fucking farmer’s market or like at a coffee shop, as cliche as those sounds.
But like, that’s, that’s where I, I would rather meet someone, um, because social media is so fake and I feel. When if you go on my Instagram and you see me in on my Instagram, I feel like a lot of guys already have like an idea of me and it’s like probably way off than who I really am. So it’s kind of like when they message me, I kind of already have an idea of what they think I am, depending on the message they send me.
And it’s like, I’m probably not that girl anyway, so I’m not gonna bother. Like I can’t, I, you’re either gonna get let down or you’re gonna, I don’t know, but like, either way, I’m probably not the girl that you think that I am. Um, so I’m not gonna sit here and try to waste your time, you know what I mean?
Like I love it. I mean, yeah. Get it. . So super straight up. Uh, oh my God. Had me dying. Listen, you live in Jamaica. It’s not kinda, ok. So like for, for you though, if, if, well I mean you live in Vegas, so like, I’m sure like you could go anywhere and just randomly, organically meet someone and say, Oh, like. Even if, like, you go to your local coffee shop or the same coffee shop every single day and you see a really pretty girl and you see her every day and she goes there like all the time, like, I don’t know, like maybe like start a conversation.
See, see what kind of drinks she’s having, like coffee that she likes or something. I don’t know. I would rather meet someone like that than like, on social media, you know what I mean? I listen, I, I completely agree with you. Um, and yeah, I’ve, I, I’ve been trying more, so. Well, are you on, um, are you on, So you’re single, are you on any dating apps or anything?
Or anything? I don’t do dating apps. Uhuh? No. Okay. , I hear you. So, uh, I have been on some dating apps and I, uh, I want to ask what you think about this. I, this is a video that blew up for me is I put my opinion out there. Mm-hmm. , it’s just my opinion. I know some people are gonna, That’s okay, but I, I, this is my, So I’ll, I’ll match of someone.
And they’ll, and it’ll be great. And I’ll be like, Okay, let’s go out to coffee Friday, right? Because I want to get to know you in person. And like, that’s how you get to know someone. They’ll be like, Well, let’s, let’s text for a little bit before we go out to meet in person. And I don’t, I don’t vibe of that because I’m like, I can text you for a year too much.
Doesn’t matter, but I won’t really get to know you unless we’re in person. So like, I don’t get that. I don’t get like, let’s text for a long time before we actually decide to meet in person. I don’t vibe with that whatsoever. What do you think? Okay, so personally I don’t really like that either. Um, I will say that I’ve done that before for like with guys like in the past.
It’s like, Oh, well I’m not ready to meet yet. Like, let’s just text. Um, now that I look back on it, like personally for me, it was just a fear of meeting them. Like I. Like, I was kind of nervous. Oh yeah. To meet them. Um, so I would like that, that might be same case for those girls. Like just a fear of like having to actually meet someone.
Um, there’s, it’s a, there, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure. So is that more boredom? Like what do you think about that boredom? Like on their end? Like just wanting to text or what? Yeah, like are Yeah. They just wanting to talk or is it, is it just like, are you bored or are you generally like, kind of nervous and you just don’t wanna, You’re like, Oh, I want to vibe with, I wanna make sure I vibe a you through text before I vibe with I, I just don’t get the point.
Well, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah. I just wanna ask you. Well, I don’t know if it’s boredom. Um, I personally, I’m not a great texter. Like I get bored through text, but like, I’d rather hang out with someone and sit and talk with them. Um, For other people though. Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it’s like, I really can’t say because.
It’s hard to say for like, speak on other people. I don’t really have knowledge on that. Like, maybe, maybe they just wanna feel your vibe like through text before they meet you. Cuz some people, some people like are weird, you know what I mean? Like, I’m not saying you’re weird, you seem pretty cool. Yeah, but I’m saying like other people, , other people can be weird.
Like, like you can meet someone on Tinder and like their profile seems really cool, but like the minute you meet them, they’re like a completely dis like different person. But that’s where like preconceived ideas Yeah. Of that person come from like, you already think there’s certain way based off their pictures and now you’re disappointed because they’re, they’re completely different in person.
That’s why I don’t do like dating apps and like dms and stuff like that. Everybody already has like a preconceived idea of you based on like what your profile says. And it’s hard, it’s hard to, like, it’s hard to even like go off of anything like that. It’s, it’s crazy. No, listen, uh, Jeffrey Dahmer ruined it for everyone else.
I get it. That’s, that’s another thing. Yeah. Fucking duh. God. That’s another thing. so I’m gonna ask you Okay. A couple of rapid fire questions. Okay. Just gimme your opinion. Um, what do you think about like, so me, my parents were really romantic with like, they got a divorce obviously, so I never really got to see like, you know, a perfect image.
So I always went off movies. But what do you think about, like for a first date? Do you, does a guy go huge romantic? I’m going balls to the wall. Bringing flowers all out? Or does, do you make it a little bit more chill? What would be kind of, Okay, so I’m a hopeless romantic. Um, I grew up watching my parents, like my dad would like, make like cute little dinner setups with candles and like crystal glass wine and like, like surprise my mom when she got home late, like on the weekends and stuff.
Like beautiful. Um, I also like really like Disney movies, like princesses, fairytales and all that. So like, personally for me, it doesn’t have to be anything big, but like, you know, like the whole flower gesture. Like that’s, that’s nice. A girl likes that. Like that will make her feel like, you know, I don’t know, it would make me feel like, Wow, this is cute.
Cuz like, most guys don’t do that. It’s not, it’s people say, Oh, that’s bare minimum. Um, not, well, it’s not anymore because like nobody does it. You know what I mean? So like, personally I would like that. Right. Um, but I’ve also dated guys that were like, perfect gentleman would open the door every single time.
I got into the car, would open the door, like for restaurants, like he would pull my seat out, like at the restaurant, make sure I was pushed in. Like, like that’s just me though. Like I’m a hopeless romantic. I like feeling like, you know, I like being in my feminine energy and having like a masculine be like, Okay, this is my role and I’m gonna do it.
And you can just sit there and look pretty and feel safe and feel comfortable. That’s just me though. That’s just me. Love it. That’s all. Agree. That’s, that’s just me. Um, no. Yeah. I’ve fucked with it. So I’m, I’m gonna take that to heart. , what do you, what do you feel about, um, what do you feel about, uh, sex on the first day?
I’ve never done it. I’ve, personally, for me, I’ve never done it just because, um, sex is like, it’s, it’s different. Like I’m one of those girls that can’t just have sex with anybody. Like I have to have like a connection there with them. Um, Have I, like, I’ve tried to like just do like, like the sneaky link thing or like casual sex or whatnot.
That happened with like two other guys and it didn’t work out for me. But even those guys, like I knew them for a long time. I feel like it never was like even those guys, like I knew them. Like one of ’em was like a friend for a while, and the other one, like, I’d known him like through school and stuff.
Um, and like, but there was like, it wasn’t even pleasurable because there was no like genuine connection where it was like, I care about this person. So it was kind of like, eh, like it’s not for, I realized that it wasn’t for me, so I don’t really, I wouldn’t have sex on the first day. I’ve never had sex on the first day.
I don’t think I would start now if I’m gonna be on it.
No, I, I completely get you. There is something weird about that, even for a guy, I will admit. Like if I ever had a stinky link or something, it’d be kind of different to be like, We’re just fucking compared to like, I actually really mean you and I like you and you know what I mean? There is a difference.
I agree with you. There’s not, not everybody’s like that. Um, what do you, what do you feel about, Um, no, not everyone’s not, and to be honest with you, I feel like, well, so here’s my question is like, do you feel like nice guys really do finish last? Cause you mentioned, oh, I dated a gentleman who pushed doors in for me and things like that.
But I always feel, I’ve always heard of like, the nicest guys always just get cheat. And I’m like, what is, what is this obsession with girls? So, okay, so , this might go on for a minute cuz I had a, this conversation with, um, with the last guy that I was just dating. Like, we were just, it wasn’t like official, but we were like going on dates and stuff.
Um, and I knew him from like high school. I, I dated him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and he was the nice guy. Um, and I ended up breaking up with him because I was not ready for a nice guy. And he always, and he switched up, he switched his roles, like now he’s like a player boy, yada, yada, yada.
Um, and I told him, I was like, Why did you change like that? Like why did you do that? And he was like, Well, the nice guys never get anywhere. He was like, You broke up with me. And I was like, Okay, well yeah, because I wasn’t ready for a nice guy. I was like, that doesn’t mean. You can go. And like I was like, I wasn’t ready for a night night.
I was like, That wasn’t your fault. I was like, That wasn’t you. That was a me thing. That literally was a me thing. I wasn’t ready for that. And he was like, That doesn’t make sense. But he was all girls like bad guys. It does, it doesn’t help explain to me, Okay, so girls will only accept the things that they believe they deserve.
And for the longest time, I only accepted half ass love because I didn’t fully love myself. So after this, after the full on two year relationship that I had that like completely went to shit, that’s when I realized like, what the fuck? Like obviously I didn’t love myself enough to continue a relationship like that.
So after I got out of it, I was like, Bro, like you gotta put poor love into yourself. Because if you can love a guy like that who did that to you, like why can’t you love yourself enough to accept a guy that’s willing to like go above and beyond for you? And that’s what I mean when girls aren’t ready.
Sometimes girls aren’t ready for the nice guy. And so the, that, the guy that I was just talking about, he was like, Girls like assholes, so I’m gonna be one. And I was like, All right, well girls only like assholes for so long and then they’re gonna fucking leave you guys alone and go find a fucking husband to marry.
I was like, and that’s when all the nice guys finish. I was like, when girls are, girls are finally ready to accept like a nice guy. Like they’re gonna, they will not settle for anything less than that nice guy. And that’s what I mean, like, it’s, it’s a crazy concept to think about, but that’s how I view it because that’s how I feel like I wasn’t ready for a nice guy because I dated the nice guy and he was the only nice guy that I dated.
And then after that it was kind of like, yeah, these guys were kind of nice, but they were like fake nice because like, cuz like they were only nice because I wanted them to do these things, but he did those things because he wanted to do those things. Do you know what I mean? . Like it’s different when you ask someone to do them for, and this, he just like did them for me because he wanted to, is what I mean.
And like there’s guys out there that are like that. But like, that doesn’t mean like, I’ve been on a few dates with like a few nice guys that like would do those things because they wanted to. Um, but like sometimes the connection’s just not there. Like we don’t click like we can’t be friends and I’d rather be friends first or at least get to know you on a friend level before, like being like in a relationship.
Cuz you can’t really, it’s hard to start relationships if you don’t really have a friendship like foundation cuz then it’s hard to be yourself. Like you don’t really know if you can be yourself. You don’t feel safe enough to, um, that’s just my opinion. No, I completely agree with you. Also, I mean, you heard it first for any nice guy out there, just wait, turn, right.
You don’t have to, This is what you saying. Well, like you don’t change. Like he changed like completely and I was just like, Don’t found it. I was like, Bro, that’s not you. And he knew it. It’s not him. Like that’s not who he is. And I was like, That’s not you. I was like, You’re not like, I was like, Let’s be real.
I was like, You’re more of a hopeless romantic than I am. I was like, Let’s be fucking for real. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, but that never really got me anywhere. I was like, you didn’t even try to date anybody else after me. Like I was his first and only girlfriend. And like that ruined it for him apparently.
And I was like, That wasn’t your problem. So for the longest time I tried explaining this to him and um, after a while I think he kind of got that idea that like, yeah, the whole player thing is not for him. But I don’t think he was ready. But hear me out though. Did you, did you want him back after that?
Did you want him back knowing he was an asshole? I. Don’t know if I wanted him back. I, cuz we were friends even like in high school, like, even after I broke up with him. Like we kind, Yeah. Like he hated me for a little bit, but we ended up becoming friends like afterwards. Um, and we stayed friends like throughout high school or whatnot.
Yeah. Um, and then he, we obviously didn’t get reconnected until after my breakup, but like after my breakup we got reconnected and I was like, well, he’s always been my friend. And I always told him like, we would be friends. Um, but he lives a very different life than I do. Like he’s, he’s kind of like on the more like, uh, Spotlight scene.
Um, so it, it’s, he’s, he lived diff a different lifestyle, but he also, he, he changed a lot. And I understand why he changed, but I always told him, I was like, That’s not really you, but maybe it is you. Like, I don’t know. But like, the friendship, the bond that we had was Phil there. Like, we were very cl like, it’s not like my best friend, like he’s my best friend.
Um, so like, it’s not that I wanted him back, it’s that he did a lot of things that like, were very like, Wow, that was really nice. But he only did those things for me. So it was kind of like, it was kind of hard cuz like, I didn’t really want to fall for him because I knew he was a certain way, but it was like, it’s unconditional love for him.
Like, I will always love him because we’ve always had like that friendship bond there. So like, I don’t know, it was complicated. That was complicated, but like, I don’t know. Yeah. Uh, I love it. That’s, that’s, that’s actually kinda, I will, uh, so okay, I’m, let’s, I’m do rapid fire here. Uh, another question is, what do you, uh, what do you look for in a guy?
Like what does Honey Maxwell look for in a husband? A guy right now, a husband. That’s what I’m looking for. A husband and I got a husband. Nope, no games, no fucking bullshit. Like, I’m over it. I’m over all of it. I, my brother-in-law just asked me this the other day and he was like, What do you look for in a guy?
And I was like, a husband. I don’t want a boyfriend anymore. I want a husband. And I’m not saying that cuz I wanna go, go off and get married. No. I need a guy to come for me and act like a husband because when I’m in love and I care for someone, I act like a wife. So that’s what I expect. I expect a husband.
That’s what I give. That’s why, that’s what I’m accepting. That’s all I expect. That’s what I want. I’m not settling anymore. . Are you, are you in that place right now though? Are you, are you in that place where you’re like, I’m I’m not looking for anything? Or are you looking for like, okay, I’m, no, I’m not looking for anything, but like, if someone comes and finds me and they’re interesting and I think they’re interesting, um, and they want something with me, I would be like, Okay, well you better act like a husband.
Otherwise I don’t want this. Like I, That’s what I’m saying, like I’m not, I’m not actually ready to like put a ring on it. Let’s get married, have kids, like do the whole nine yards. I’m just saying cuz people are like, Oh, talking sage, dating boyfriend, girlfriend, but like doing all this weird shit and boundaries.
It’s like, fuck all that. I act like a husband. That’s all I need because I act like a wife. That’s what I’m saying, like, I’m not actually ready to get married. And in the relationships that I’ve been in, I act like a wife. I cook, I will clean, I will do laundry. Cuz that’s how I care for people. That’s how I care for people.
Like that’s just how I am. So it’s like, why can’t I have that? Like if you really want that, like if you want me, that’s, this is what I’m giving you. Like I give you the wife, like I treat you like a husband would, or a wife would treat her husband like a good one. So like why can’t I have that? You know what I mean?
Like, no, I don’t wanna get married, but this is what I offer. This is what I give. This is also what I expect to get back in return. That’s just how, That’s how I think now. man right now just fell in love. Every man just fell in love with me. It’s crazy. . uh, a couple more.
What would just, what do you think about a guy having girl friends, quote unquote at like, while you’re dating and vice versa? How do you feel about you having guy friends and going further than that? How would you feel if a guy was like, Hey, you cannot have any guy friends while we’re dating? Like, sounds a good one.
Um, I, okay. In the past I was, I wasn’t like, not okay with it. Like, as long as the communication there. Like, oh yes, this is my one friend that I’ve been friends with for a very, very long time and I don’t feel weird vibes. Cuz you, I know you have to know, like, people just know, like, I know when a girl wants my man and my man will know when a guy wants me.
It’s very obvious. I, I feel like I’ve always known like the difference between just like a regular friend and someone who wants to be a little bit more than your friend. I’ve always felt like, You know, like I kind of knew, right? Um, so yeah, you can have guy friends, girlfriends, like you can have your friends like, I’m not gonna mess that up for you.
Um, but the minute that I start getting like, your little girlfriend is like being too much or like she’s like getting jealous or something. I don’t know. Cuz girls are weird. Guys are weird too. But like the minute that I start, I start picking up on that. Yeah. Yeah. And I say, That doesn’t make me comfortable.
And you continue to do it. Like that’s where I know it’s like you’re fucking weird. And she’s weird too. Like you both are weird. So then I’m not okay with that. Like, it’s fine because you guys and girls can literally be platonic. Like I have a fair, I have a guy friend that’s very platonic and he has a girlfriend and it’s crazy because she literally.
I’ll FaceTime him and she’ll be there and we’ll all FaceTime, all of us three FaceTime together. And sometimes I wanna talk to her more than I want to even talk to him. And he was my friend first. Like, I don’t give a shit about him anymore. Like, and now I wanna be friends with you because you’re a girl and you probably get it.
Um, that’s what I mean, like, cuz there’s some girlfriends, girlfriends that are like, Oh, like, oh, he’s hanging out with his girlfriend, like too much or whatever. Like, yeah bro, like that’s his fucking girlfriend. Why, why would he not wanna hang out with her? Um, but I mean, I think it’s fine as long as like there’s no weirdness there.
Well what about a guy saying to you, Hey honey, I don’t want you to have any guy friends. Would you push back on that? Would you be like, Well dude, this has just been my friend for a long time. Or would you be like, Okay, fair, I get your balance. Like, oh boy, be, Or like, would you feel like. Okay, this guy’s insecure.
Or like, I respect that. Okay. What would be, So in the past I was like, All right, fair enough, Cut them out, No explanation needed, because that’s just who I was. Um, and then I realized like, you’re, that guy was full of shit, and like, I cut off all my fucking friends for you. So now, now I’ll sit with myself and I’ll be like, Okay, they don’t want me to have this guy friend.
Let me go ask why and be like, What is, what do you feel like, What is it that you’re feeling about this guy? Friend? Explain it to me. And, and maybe, maybe I could sit and understand that. And if it makes sense, then yeah, like I will cut them off. Um, if they don’t have, like, I don’t know. I really don’t know because I don’t really have guy friends anyways like I do, but like, not, not really to the point where it’s like, Oh, I wouldn’t want that guy friend.
Like my guy friends. Like hit me up like every couple of months just to check in and see if I’m. Alive and I’m okay. Um, so if a guy was like, Oh, I don’t want you to be friends with him anymore, and it was because he sent me like a, like a, my monthly check-in text message or something, I’d be like, That sounds, that’s ridiculous.
Cause I don’t talk to this friend like very often. Like, this is like a lifelong friends I don’t even talk to very often. Like, that wouldn’t make sense to me and I would just have to see what I can do about it because I’m not cutting off lifelong friends anymore. Cuz there I do have some friends that I’ve had for a very long time that I don’t talk to very often.
Um, that I’m not just gonna cut out because like this person can’t seem to understand that, you know, it’s different. It’s different. If I was like kind of seeing face, face timing them, like all the time, hanging out with them all the time, that’s different. And, and I could understand why he would be uncomfortable.
But if it’s just like literally a buddy that checks in on me to see if I’m fucking alive, like that’s like what’s the problem there that I wouldn’t. But that’s a, that’s tricky. are you the type of girl, are you the type of girl, and I don’t take his offense of it, I can’t tell if you are or not , but are you the type of girl who is like, is unfollow that bitch on Instagram?
Or like, I like, uh, let me go through your phone. Like what, what type of, what type of, what type of girlfriend are you? I used, used, I’m, I used to be, I will sit here and admit and say that, yeah, I used to be that girl because I was also very insecure. But also it was because I had a partner that literally cheated and lied to me like these that the tra the trauma that you share.
True. It is with past experiences, they don’t just go away. And it’s very hard to like sit there and be like, Okay, I can trust you. No, not really. Like show me that I can trust you is what it is. Um, But wouldn’t you say it’s so hard to not to like, to go back from that? Like, once you give me a reason not to trust you, it’s almost impossible for me to like, do stuff.
Yeah, that’s, It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but that’s where you have to sit and think. Like, is it worth it? Because, you know, as a person, if, like, if you sit with yourself enough to know yourself enough, you will know when a situation’s right for you and when it’s wrong for you. You’ll, you’ll know when it’s, it’s time to go, or if you think it’s like worth like to pursue.
Um, but like, I’m not, I, I could sit here and I could sit here and ask and say, unfollow them. Can you unfollow them or like delete them or whatever. I could sit here and ask you of that. Will I, No, I would expect you to just do it because that’s what you wanna do, not because I want you to do it. Does that make sense?
As. Personally, I think absolutely when men find the women that they want to be with, they will do everything and anything without her having to ask, they will just know. I feel like, and, and if they don’t know and they ask, like they will ask like, Hey, what is it that I can do for you? And they’ll do it without having an explana, without having to make her explain like why she wants it done.
They’ll just do it because that’s the girl that they want. Like, that’s how I see it. Like, yes, a girl can sit there and ask a billion things of you, but like, Oh God, if you don’t wanna do it, like, there’s really no point in her asking. So personally, like, yeah, I could sit here and ask, but I’m not going to like, you should want to do that for me because you wanna do that for me, not because I’m asking you to
Out of respect. Yeah, because you, because you respect me out of respect for me. I get you.
so the, the one, one of the questions I got from of your fans is what do you have next in your pipeline? what, what’s, what’s your, what’s your take about really? Like what, what are you, what’s like your main audience? Just women who hate men or, My TikTok is literally just whatever I’m feeling that day. I’m gonna be honest. If you , if you go through my video, like none of them are like linear.
Like I have one where I’m spitting on a chair and like I have one where I’m talking about a bad dream that I had that people took far too serious. May I add? Cuz the comments on that video, I was like, it’s literally a dream. Like there I’m not dating anyone. There was nobody I was mad at when I woke up.
Like the one that you mentioned earlier, when was it? When it was like, uh, he was on the phone and it ended up being a dream at the end. People were like, Oh, I bet you were mad at him when you woke up and yada yada. And I was like, I had jokes on you. There is no him. Like, that was just a fucked up dream that I had.
I’m not seeing anyone like . Like what do you mean that? Which is funny that like, that shit is funny to me. Like people assume everything and someone was like, Oh, like I bet you like made him have a hell of a day. Like there is no H, there is no h I just had a random fucked up dream. I’m sharing it. Yeah.
And now y’all are thinking I’m dating someone. Like, y’all are crazy. Like, I thought I was crazy. That’s crazy. Like people are just assuming stuff. . But no, like my doesn’t have like, it doesn’t have like a niche like, like I said earlier in this podcast, like it doesn’t have a niche. I don’t have trends that I’m going by.
I don’t have like certain little things. Like I just post whenever I feel like posting or if I’m just like, if I wanna talk to myself on my camera that day, like I’ll just post that or, yeah. I don’t know. Like I could sit there and talk shit about men if I wanted to, but like, I, I, am I going to, Nah. Like, I could but it, unless I really feel angry at men that day, like I’m, it’s not like a main focus of mine.
I just do whatever I wanna do on TikTok. That’s it.
I, well, my podcast is niche, but like my, my podcast is not really like about anyone specifically.
So anything that I go through along with mental health relationships and things like that I will talk about. Right. But you know, most of the guests I have on my podcast, whether they’re psychologists, you know, psychiatrists, therapists, or even just, uh, content creators, they are women.
Cause I like to get a different side of things, which I respect. I stuck that. Um, cuz I think someone said like, uh, like, Yeah. Yeah. . Well, thank you. Thank you. Because, you know, I, I’m always looking for a woman’s perspective and a woman’s point of view. It’s not just a male like, You know, fuck your baby mama type of thing.
It’s, no, I’m just going through the emotions of my life. Mm-hmm. and figuring things out for myself, you know? And I, and I, I really love that about yourself because I feel like you have like a really, I don’t know, you’re really genuine. Everything we spoke about today, I’m like, I try to be as honest as I can be.
Sometimes I’m a little too honest and it’s like too much for people, but like, that’s just life. You know what I mean? Like No, I, I get, I get the impression you would scare me. Like if you’re mad, I get the impression that you would frighten me, but like, Yeah. . Yeah. I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I, it’s all about being as genuine as you can be because you can look at a person and.
what you wanna see, but like being able to sit there and talk with them and figure out who they actually are, it’s a different story. I understand that there are liars, like there’s people that have put on masks and stuff, but I, it’s very easy to sift through people like that. It’s very, you know what I mean?
Like, you could tell the people who are honest and the people who aren’t honest Sure. Is. It’s very obvious. It’s very obvious. But that’s, that’s life. honey, I, I deeply enjoyed our conversation. I felt like, um, you know, I feel like a lot of people will vibe with you.
I feel like a lot of people will fall in love with you. Feel like a lot of people learn from you. Um, you thank you an amazing person. I hope they learn something. Yeah. , don’t be a cheater. Don’t be a cheat. Don’t be. Cheaters only make strong women, I feel like. So, uh, the ones that really heal, they make strong women.
So, I mean, go ahead, cheat, but like, you’ll never get her back. . Amen. And look, I, I, I don’t care what you say. I feel like this, this, you, you, uh, you really, how do I say it? You, you really showed your ex like Yeah. Like a boss man. Thank, I mean, seriously. You are amazing. Um, well I enjoyed this. I feel like I made a new friend.
Hopefully. Definitely agree, agree. May not, but you’re my friend. Either way. Um, there’s a very enjoyable conversation, . I really enjoyed talking. It was like you had really good questions. That was great.
I try, I, I try to come with the heat. I watch a lot of your podcast or a lot of your ticks, so, uh, thank you for giving me good content to laugh to.
So I, I’ve been asking all of my guests this to kind of like, just throw ’em a, a curve ball at, at, you know, the end of the, at the end of the episode. And I’m gonna ask you and be honest, cuz you know, I, at this point I can tell whether you’re lying to me, but so I really don’t know. Um, I wouldn’t put it past me. Like I, I’ve been told I’m really good with kids anyways, so it’s like, I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t date someone with a kid, but I honestly don’t know. Yeah. Like depending on, on the guy, I guess. Like if you have a kid, I mean like with like what do you, you know what I mean?
Like, well it’s just like another part of you hanging. Why that’s kind of cool. You know, like that’s a little mini you. Absolutely. I don’t, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me though. I wouldn’t put it past me. I think of my, I think of my daughter as like my partner crime. She’s like, you know what I mean?
She’s like, she’s, she’s not, she’s not like baggage. Oh yeah. She’s like a plus. You know what, one of my sisters, she had a baby, and she was a single mom for a long time, and then she found a really good guy to be like, you know, step up. And like, he really accepted my niece, like, as his own, like, and that’s very admirable.
Like, I admire him for that because not very many people are willing to do that. So, I mean, that’s what I’m saying. Like, I, I don’t know because I, they’ve never had a situation like that before, but I wouldn’t put it past me. Like if I got the chance to like step up and be like, you know, like a helping hand for like another little human being growing up.
Like they could probably learn something from me. Like, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me.
Well, you do seem like a good role model and to all of the women listening, um, I looked honey right in the eyes and she’s telling me the truth. So give, give someone the, give someone a chance if they , if they do approach you. Uh, well this has been great. I don’t wanna take more of your time, but listen, thank you so much.
We are definitely bs Yeah, of course. I hope to have you on again some time and, um, I’ll message you after this. But really thank you for being on the show and thank you for having me. I genuinely think we had a good chat. Like that was really fun. I’ve never done a podcast before, but this was great. This is really good.
First experience minus all the technical issues like this was great.
No, I’m just happy to be your first. Uh, honey, I’ll, I’ll message you shortly, but thank you so much again. Thank you. Uh, I already love you. Okay. . All right. Bye .
All right. Well, thank you for joining me on another episode of the Single Father Podcast. Uh, I really love this episode. Um, you know, I felt like honey was great. You know, uh, one of the reasons I have women guests on the show is to make sure that I’m not outta touch with different perspectives and, and, and feelings that other people may have, and to make sure that I’m staying in tuned with my own kind of reality, if that makes sense.
I really respect women’s opinions. And I feel like they can also, it teache us a lot of different things when it comes to love, relationships, mental health, and to to be, quite frankly, even fatherhood. Um, so I really loved, uh, honey as a guest. She shared a lot with me. She was very open and I just truly respect that and I feel like she was just amazing.
So thank you again to Honey. Um, guys, uh, please like, subscribe, share, leave a review. It definitely helps the podcast a lot. Um, uh, again, as I said in the beginning, check out the Patreon. Um, it’s again, Patreon slash single Father podcast. Uh, there’s different opportunities where we can engage with each other.
And, um, this podcast, uh, this episode ended up being a little long, so I’m not gonna do a mail. Right now, but I promise on the next episode I’ll dedicate a, uh, a pretty significant segment to just answering, um, you know, your guys’ questions. So, um, I promise that will be next episode. Um, we’re going back to weekly episodes.
I know I was on the vacation, but, uh, expect weekly episodes. Um, thank you guys for being, um, a follower, a supporter, thank you, allowing me to event with you. Um, this was great you guys. Amazing. And, um, you know, I love having our little community where we get to vent with each other as a pack, which is why I like to say my motto, vent pack.
Um, once again, guys, thank you very much and, uh, 📍 I was your host, Kendall Donker Father Deezy, Buh Bye.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.