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Summary:
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In this episode:
– I talk about my conflicts with letting go and forgiveness
– I speak about my built up anger I had that I didn’t know was still there
– I reflect on my resentment held me back from moving forward
– I talk about my struggles on moving the roadblocks in my path
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The Single Father Podcast is a collection of journal entries from one man’s struggle to adapt to single fatherhood and mental health. In this podcast, you’ll hear about his highs and lows, defeats and victories, and everything in between. You’ll hear about his fears, pain points, and how he overcame them. Relationships, Mental Health, Fatherhood…Let’s Vent Together. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thesinglefatherpodcast/support (https://anchor.fm/thesinglefatherpodcast/support)
Transcript:
Well, hello ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise, thank you so much for joining me on another episode. It is, um, three in the morning here in Las Vegas, so you’ll have to excuse me, I’m a little sleepy. And before you guys make assumptions, I actually was not, um, out drinking. I just, uh, had a very long, long day and, um, you know, I wish I had a copy of myself to get a lot of things done.
Um, but not a lot of activity has been going on lately in my life. Just been really spending a really relaxed, quiet week with my daughter is funny because I was with her, uh, today and I was doing some. Spring cleaning. And, uh, it just, I was re trying to rearrange my house and there’s a section in my house where she has like, basically her own play area.
And I was trying my best to reorganize in a way where I still feel like I have room and where she has more room to play and things like that. And she asked me to move a, a really large Barbie house with hers, um, like large, taller than she is, um, in a spot that like I just did not agree with. And I was like, No, I don’t really want it there.
She’s like, But I do. She’s like, Please, please, please. And I’m like, Look, I’m, you know, it’s my fucking house. I’m not gonna, it looks terrible there. And, um, just to. You know, appease her. I, I moved it to where she wanted and I’m like, Fuck. You know, it’s actually not bad there, . So, you know, she’s a little queen.
You know, my daughter, she really has, she really has queen energy. She knows she’s a little spoiled, you know, Um, I know she has, um, a sister now with her mom, but, you know, for four years she has that only child syndrome where I’m like, Okay, well you know that you’re a little queen. You have, you have me wrapped around your finger.
Good job. You know, might the thing that’s with my daughter too. She has the type of thing where like, she has a very commanding presence to her. Like she can command a room with how, um, you know, dominant. She gets like, she can really be. Like sometimes for instance, like sometimes she really scares me, which I, I think is like a common trope with fathers and their daughters, or I guess just having a daughter in general, but my daughter sometimes truly does scare me.
Like she can, she can, she can really yell at me, man. And it’s, it’s to the point where like the way she yells at me, it’s not even worth giving a response to. I kind of just walk away, you know, like, it’s not worth like the, you know, because. At the same time, even though she is kind of very commanding, she’s very, she’s very, very sensitive.
So like, you tell something to her that slightly offends her and it, it will, it’s like the biggest deal in the world. So like for instance, if I were to say something to her yelling at me, then I do, trust me, I do. But if I were to say something like, Layla, did you just, did you just yell at me? Is that how we talk to people?
Oh my God, I can always tell her nervous tells, you know, she kind of puts her hands together and, you know, um, where she, like, she rubs her arm and. She looks at me like, I just, like, I just told her her puppy died. You know, she, I don’t know, she can gimme like these puppy dog lips and eyes, and I just find myself sometimes just being like, All right, I’m, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
You want some ice cream, Which is, it’s, it’s really bad parenting on my end that way. But, uh, you know, I, I don’t do it often, but, you know, sometimes she’ll, sometimes she’ll get me in the right, in the right way where I’m like, Fuck, is it me? Am I just being too mean? Like, you, you question yourself. Even though that she’s totally wrong, she has me questioning myself like, fuck did, I’m sorry.
Did I yell at you too? You know what I mean? She’s, man, she can really get me, um, But anyways, Yeah, and not, not a lot going on in my week. Just a few things going on personally that I’ve been having to take care of. I’ve been spending a lot, um, of time and money, you know, putting back into this podcast and some other things in my life.
And, um, you know, I found myself being put in a position where you need to get your financial priorities straight. You know what I mean? Like, I, I found myself spending money on things that were, um, I guess, I guess in the way, just not the right thing to spend money on, or at least I, I don’t know. I don’t know if you guys can agree to this.
Sometimes it’s not about that was the wrong thing to buy. Sometimes it’s about like, this was the wrong thing to buy at this time. Because like for instance, me, you know, with my, with my salary and everything in my life, me buying a Lamborghini, that’s not just the wrong thing to buy at that time. That’s just a stupid, that’s just a, a bad idea.
That’s just a wrong thing to buy, period. Me buying, I don’t know. What’s an example? Um, fucking, uh, what’s, I don’t know, the iPhone 14. Which I actually just got recently, which is kind of again, a bad example, but let’s say I didn’t need it, right? Me buying the iPhone 14, okay. I spent, you know, $800 on this phone.
You know, I needed an upgrade, but I didn’t need it. Now you kind get what I mean. So it’s like I found myself spending money on things that weren’t a bad idea, but it was just the wrong moment to act on it, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? And I’m, I’m sure you guys have been in that situation where you’re like, Okay, I actually needed this, but I didn’t need.
Immediately, And that’s kind of part of my problem is I’m, I’m a little bit of a compulsive buyer. It doesn’t take long to, or it doesn’t take much to, can really convince me to buying something. If you have a good sales pitch and it’s already something that I want, all you gotta do is throw some, you know, lovely words at me in the right way.
And I’m like, Okay, well yeah, I want that. Okay, I’ll buy it. And then I immediately have buyer’s remorse. And there’s not so much that, like, again, it’s not like I can’t quote unquote afford it. It’s just I find myself long term not being able to spend money on the things that I actually do need because I spent money on the things that I don’t need right away.
So none more. Um, Um, relevant. Then I was just telling my friend about this a couple weeks ago actually. I, I was on TikTok and I, and I saw this, uh, this robot, uh, it’s like a, uh, how do I describe it? I don’t even know if you call it a toy, but it’s like a kids’ device. It’s like a robot kids’ device. You probably saw it.
I forgot what it’s called, but, um, but it’s, it’s like super advanced. It’s super smart. It says your child’s name actually really actually has a conversation with you, which is really cool. And I thought, Wow, what an amazing gift. Because truth be told, You know, at my house, it’s just me and my daughter. And a lot of the time I, I’d say half the conversations that me and my daughter have are arguing about the exact moment that she wants me to play with her.
She’s like, Can you play with me? You know, and playing with her is a real struggle. I, I don’t mind playing with her. I’ll play Barbies and toys with her all day. But it’s the way she plays that I don’t like, I’ll be like, she’ll be like, Okay, you be him and I’ll be this. And I’ll be like, Okay, I’m Ken, You’re Barbie.
And I’ll be like, Oh, hey Barbie. And she’ll be like, No, he wouldn’t say it like that. And I’ll be like, Okay, I’m going to the park. And she’ll be like, No, you don’t go to the park. That’s not the park. And I’ll be like, Okay, this is a hula hoop. She’s like, That’s not a hula hoop, that is a hat. And like, so she, she really is not like a cool person to play with.
Um, So, but you know, we, we have these debates all the time and I’m like, you know what? Fuck, I haven’t really been taking any of this school that much or to daycare that much recently. Um, for whatever reason, you know, she goes, but like, you know, it’s very, you know, it’s hit and miss sometimes and I’m like, you really just need a friend, right?
And, uh, you know, all my, none of my friends have kids. So it’s like, man, how do, how do I, But this, this robot, it really like, I don’t know how to describe it to you guys, where it sounds, um, like where it sounds feasible and, and it makes you kind of get what I mean, but at the robot you can like really have a conversation.
It’s like so cool for your kid. It’s like super advanced. But anyways, what I was getting to the punchline is the robot costs. I think about. I don’t know if it was 1300. No, it wasn’t. It definitely wasn’t over two grand. I think it was like $1,300. Um, and I almost bought it on spot. I’m like, Man, am I really gonna spend 1300 on a fucking like robot device that like, it’s, I mean, it’s, it’s quite possible.
There’s a very real, real possibility that I could spend 1300 on this toy. She’s infatuated with it for maybe the week that I have her. Right. She goes to her mom’s, comes back the next week after. Maybe she plays the, another couple of days, and it’s quite possible after a month maybe. Even after a month, it’s quite possible that she really just doesn’t give a fuck about it anymore after that.
And that’s what, that’s what kind goes as my biggest resuscitation. And I think you’ll find with most kids, and especially mine, it doesn’t, you can go big and you can buy all these fancy like things like, I just bought like this, hundred dollars, a hundred plus, you know, Leap Frog phone or whatever that she really wanted.
And, um, just hard, just hardly ever touches it. Um, but you can go big and it’s really the small things that she’ll want, Like the things like it’s, it’s, it blows my mind. The same day I bought that fucking leap, this a hundred dollars phone, this fake phone, this toy smartphone, quote unquote, that I got for her.
I also bought her like this little puppy key chain thing. She plays with the key chain little puppy more than she does this a hundred dollars. Fake fucking smartphone that I got her. It’s unbelievable. So, uh, there’s very real possibility that she won’t play, play with it. I mean, truth be told, I am still probably gonna get it.
Uh, I’m probably gonna get it for, for Christmas for her, but, um, I don’t know. It is kind of the problem that I have is I’m a spontaneous spender. I spend things on, I spend money on things that I don’t necessarily need immediately. Um, and I spend, I think, which sounds kind of, you know, whatever to say, but I think I spend way too much money on my daughter, on the non-essential things.
You know, food, the essentials. Of course, I spend a lot of money on her, but that doesn’t bother me. That’s all things that she needs. It’s the things that she doesn’t need that kind of bother me. Like this fucking phone, this, uh, you know, this robot that I’m thinking of buying her. Um, there’s a lot of shit.
And, um, I don’t know, I guess, you know, at first I think I was spending a lot because I was trying to, in a way, impress her, like win her over because I felt like I was in this like, um, quiet competition with her mother, for instance. Like, you know, we’re, we we’re not together and it’s kinda like, who has a better house?
You know what I mean? Which is unhealthy really on my end. But I feel like I was kind of in a competition with her mom. And really I just kind of felt like, all right, at this point I. I’m in kind of a competition with myself, you know what I mean? I don’t even see the woman. So, you know, the only re the only person that’s really affecting or bothering me is, is really me.
So I had to kind of tone it back and really reflect on what I was spending my money on and if it was reasonable or not. Um, while still trying to maintain a sense of non compulsion when it comes to my spending habits. Um, I, I could be, I think, I think going back in college, which I, I’m sure is everyone, but going back.
I think I’d be in a really, really wealthy position if I’d done certain things differently in college. But, you know, I’ll tell you what, uh, America really doesn’t set you up like that. The first thing, uh, that happened to me when I got to college is someone just like handed a a credit card down my throat and was like, Hey, take this credit card has a high limit.
I don’t know what the fuck credit is, but I’ll spend all of it and just fuck up by credit and just deal with that ramifications afterwards. And I think as like, I think, you know, high schoolers or maybe an early freshman going into college where, you know, not a lot of money is, um, You know, on hand, , you know, um, and there’s ramen all the time.
I think it’s so enticing just to take that credit card because no one really teaches you really this financial responsibilities probably on purpose, um, of taking a responsibility like that. But I was one of those kids who kind of was like, Yeah, I’m just, what the fuck is credit? Why should it bother me?
And the knowledge that I have now, man, I think I’d be really. I, I’m not gonna lie, I, this is totally truth. I think I’d be a really wealthy person if I would’ve just done a little bit of things differently. But I don’t really reflect on the past. How do I, Well, I do, but I don’t want to, you know, I don’t want to reflect on the past like that, but I look, you know, in certain situations like this where I’m like, man, I’m spreading myself a little thin here on the things that I’m buying.
Um, you just kind of be like, Man, I had a shit ton of money in college and I just spent it on stupid places. So, I don’t know. That was my little tangent about my little financial, um, knowledge. . I’ll tell you what though, what I really love about. Me and my daughter’s relationship is, I feel like we have such a strong, you know, one-on-one father-daughter bond with each other.
We really do. Um, you know, she told me the other day, um, she said, Daddy, I really don’t want you to ever have another kid. And I’m like, Why? She’s like, I just wanted to be you and me. And I really kind of melted my heart there. Um, probably because she was having a little bit of whatever frustration or, um, stress or confusion about, um, you know, uh, the differences between our households, you know, at her mom that she just had a new kid and she has another partner, you know.
And here at my house it’s very different. Layla has literally all my attention. Um, it’s just me and her. And I have no other daughter. I mean, I have a, I have a dog, which she said is kind of, which she mentioned that too. She’s like, I’m like, Well, what if Daddy has another kid? She’s like, Well, you already have one.
You have like a, you have a dog, and that’s kind of like a kid, right? And I was like, uh, actually you’re, you know, you’re kind of right. Um, she’s getting kind of smart. Um, and, and it was, it’s, it just kind of got me thinking about our bond that her and I have with each other. I remember early in my parenting, I felt like, man, like, does she even like me?
Like sometimes like, you know, we had a bad week, and I’m like, Does this girl even like me? I don’t know. Like, you know, Um, um, Layla. Layla has, Layla has a bad attitude sometimes , but, uh, um, I don’t know. You wonder if you’re doing. I mean, every, every parent has that inner dilemma or question that they post themselves.
Am I doing this right? And not to sound, you know, not humble here, but I, I feel like, I feel like I am a good dad. I feel like I am at least doing my best, and I feel like I’m doing the right things. You know what I mean? I, I feel like I’m doing, I feel like I’m doing okay. I feel like I’m a good parent. Um, Yeah, I mean we, Yeah.
Do I mess up sometimes and do I gonna raise my voice or, you know, snap at her sometimes, Of course. But we have, it’s kinda like the bond that we have to each other is just like so intense. It makes me really happy. It’s like it’s just me and that girl. We help each other, you know, We care for each other. I remember today, I really, I got, I got really nauseous because I just spent chugging coffee lately.
And I think it just made me dehydrated. And I, I just, I wasn’t drinking a lot of water, so I got really, I got kind of like, I, I got kind of weak and nauseous and I just laid down and I was like, uh, I’m sorry. I really don’t feel good. And she just got me water and she put a blanket over me and she’s like, It’s okay dad.
And it is just like, man, I’m like, We have a really great bond together, don’t we? You sweet, sweet little girl. Um, which is funny because sometimes, you know, um, Layla, Layla goes in between sleeping in my bed and sleeping in her bed and which, which is a PSA to any parent out there if you’re gonna, um, there comes a time where I think like after maybe one, make that commitment period to letting them sleep in their.
Period. No if hands or butts about it. Because if you give in, you’re just like, Ah, I love you. I love you. Come here and you let him sleep in your bed. It will be a consistent nightmare to transition out of that. And it still kinda is. But anyway, she goes half and half and it’s funny because at night she, I mean she loves me to death, but she doesn’t like to be touched and she doesn’t really like to be
Even just strip spoken to at night, she gets kind of like grumpy, tired. Which is kind of funny cause I imagine that’s kind of what my future girlfriend would be like. Um, I mean, it reminds me of a few girlfriends I’ve had in the past is kind of what I’m saying. But like she, um, um, I’ll be like, we’ll cuddle with each other and I’ll be like, Uh, come here Leila.
I love you so much. And I’ll just kiss her on the cheek and she’ll be like, Okay, but just get away from me and. What she’s trying to say is, I’m tired and I just wanna watch my show and be left alone. But I have a king size mattress. And there’d be a few times where she would just, she would purposely go on the furthest edge of the bed just because I tried to cuddle her.
She’d be like, Get away from me. And it’s funny because even those nights, I’ll turn over and go to sleep, and sometimes I’ll almost be falling off my king size mattress of how tightly close. She’s, she just, uh, I guess just hobbled over to me like, she just wants to be next to me. It’s so sweet. And there’s times that like, even I think, I think even just today actually, I was like, Layla, I love you.
It’s like, I don’t 11, 11 o’clock at night and kind of passed her bedtime. I was like, Layla, I love you. She’s like, Okay, but stop talking. I’d be like, I love you though. She’s like, Love you too. And. Uh, you know, she, she gets kind of rude at night and I, I don’t say much about it just cause I get it. I’m like, okay, you’re just tired.
But she’s so invested in her show. And anyways, I got caught off, like, kind of on a tangent there. But, uh, you know, her bond, me and that little girl’s bond is something that I just cherish to for the life of me. She’s just an amazing child and it’s brought me so much joy in my life. I really couldn’t imagine.
I was speaking to my nana about this not too long ago. I really couldn’t imagine my life with ours. I feel like she really saved my life in a lot of ways. It’s funny because you can kind of think moments in your life where you, you know, I, I don’t know. I don’t wanna offend anyone. I, I don’t know if you guys believe in God or not, but I do, even though I’m more of a spiritual person, I’m not like full on Christian where I, um, believe that everything’s in the Bible.
But I do believe in God. And you know, I believe there’s certain miracles of that’s happened in my life that could just not be, There’s no other explanation other than God and manifestation. Anyways, um, I in college just feeling really alone and sad and just kind of feeling like, man, I don’t think I’m ever gonna really have a family.
And I prayed to God all the time, you know, I know mean you haven’t spoken much or been on the best of terms, but I’m actively trying to change and turn my life around. All I’m asking is to gimme a chance at a family, someone who loves me, you know, just someone. Just a connection with a family. And if, and those of you who have listened to me know that, you know, I’ve had some, a lot of real complications with my family in the past.
I, you know, basically, I mean, at this point as it stands today, haven’t really spoke or seen my siblings in, I think 10 years, um, including my mother. Um, and, you know, I spoke about it in a previous episode, but you guys know the relationship with my dad and kind of how that transpired. But, um, yeah, I just, I found myself praying to him a lot.
And over the past, I think over the next couple months or so, during that time, I ended up meeting my child’s mother. We ended up having a a baby. And even though it didn’t work out how I wanted it to, I still feel like I have my family. You know, everything kind of worked out. I may not see my siblings any anymore or we speak to them, but I still have, uh, a brand new sister.
You know, I’m still a renewed, in a way, renewed Big brother. Um, Which in a way it like, like I said, it’s, it’s, it’s different because my sister, I think is, um, uh, five. It’s ironic because she has the same birthday as me. We’re both born on Valentine’s Day, which is, is pretty crazy. But, uh, it’s hard to say. I mean, people say, Are you guys close?
And I’m like, Well, it’s kind of hard to really say yes or no. It’s like, what do I have in common with a five year old? She’s more, she’s closer to my daughter than she is me. It’s kind of how I would answer that. But it’s not out of like anything wrong. It’s just like she’s, I think she’s five, you know, what do I have in common?
But, um, yeah, I mean, I relationship with my dad. My daughter, you know, And, and it is just so, I feel so blessed and, and, and thankful that I have her, you know, she’s like, she saved me. And what I mean by saved me is I just, I just felt so again, I felt so lost. I felt so alone. And, you know, even part of, and I spoke about it in my last episode, but even part of my journey now.
Into the kind of the self discovery of what’s next for me. And, and, and, um, you know, learning more about myself is kind of dealing with the fact that when she’s here, I feel like I’m in heaven. And when she goes to her mom, I feel kind of like a, I feel kind of lost in the wind. I’m like, like after I drop her off at her mom’s house, I kind of just feel like, Okay, now what?
You know what I mean? I’m like, Now what? Um, you know, I have my work, I have my job, I have my friends who I’m very blessed over because they’ve, we’ve really grown into, I feel like a family now with my, with my friends. We’re really, we’re really a Tightknit family. Um, but, um, you know, I, it, it’s kind of, I feel, I feel very, I feel very lost at times and.
You know, I, I think, I think I give my all into being a little busy and lazy during that time that she’s not here. And what I mean by that is when it comes to my work or things that I’m focused on, I can, I can put my whole energy into that. I mean, the first thing I do when my daughter leaves is I come back home.
I, I really just chill. So, Saturday through Saturday with my daughter, when I drop my daughter off, come back to my house, take a little nap, I’ll make some coffee, I’ll play video games, see what, see what’s popping for the night, but usually nothing. So I’ll kind of just, you know, chill out, watch a movie, blah, blah, blah.
Next day after that, straight up cleaning. Even though I, I make my daughter’s side note. Having a, having a kid is really cool because you can kind of make them do whatever you want. , I, I, I admit I will, I will make my daughter be a little bit of, you know, a little bit of a butler for me. I’ll be, you know, I’ll be like, Hey, go grab that for me.
Go do that. Go do that. It’s kind of cool, you know what I mean? It’s, it’s less than what I would do if I had a son. I think. And I know that sounds sexist, but you know, I, I, for whatever reason, I just can’t imagine myself being like, Hey, take, hey, go take out the trash. But, um, You know, I, I, what I’m trying to say is I’ll make her do a whole bunch of shit before she leaves, but I clean that up, clean that up, this shit I don’t want to do.
But, you know, on my Sundays, yeah, I’ll, I’ll spend the whole day either cleaning and doing laundry and kind of just making it kind of resetting, just making my house look a little organized because she, when my daughter comes, she can kind of make things a little bit of a tornado at my house. Um, and then the rest of the week is kind of like, Man, now what?
You know what I mean? I chilled, I cleaned, and now I don’t know what the fuck to do with the rest of my week. So I, and that’s kind of my dilemma now with being a parent and kind of my self discovery is I’m like, I need really, I fucking need a girlfriend. You know what I mean? Which goes, brings me back to the fucking.
Nature of the podcast is the single Father podcast. Um, it’s, it’s difficult for me, man. I’m like, Man, I need a fucking girlfriend and all my friends know this too, you know? And, you know, it’s, it’s kind of just a gag at this point. But, um, you know, it’s, I’m trying, It’s hard, it’s hard to date in Vegas, as I said, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s a little bit of a different, and plus it’s, it’s just boring.
And I speak about this at nauseam, but I just have to keep bringing it up over and over again. Not to really convince you guys of anything, but just to get the point of, you know, my efforts. It’s just, it’s just so boring. I don’t like swiping, I don’t like the talking stage. I mean, you know, it’s like you talk to someone, you get to know them, and then something happens where you don’t like each other anymore, blah, blah, blah.
And, um, I don’t know, and you just kind of do it all over again. It’s just boring and, um, I just don’t want to do it. And sometimes the time where they can do a date just doesn’t align with me. And then if you, if you miss, it literally just happened to me the other day. I missed a, I wouldn’t say I missed it, I just couldn’t do it.
I just couldn’t do the exact day that she wanted to do it. And she got really, but heard about it and. You know, it kind of dwindled off after that. And I’m like, Dude, it’s fuck. You know what I mean? It’s either, sometimes people want to meet right away, which I’m totally down for, but it’s like sometimes it’s inconvenient for me or people want to text for like three months before even meet in person, which I think is totally just a waste of time.
But I don’t know. So it’s, it’s, it’s just really boring for me to go and do the dating thing. And there is a little bit of, um, I’ll admit there is a little bit of apprehension just because as I spoke about the strong bond with me and my daughter, I guess there is, I guess there is some fear there. If I’m thinking on a psychologist point of view, there is some fear there of like, Um, I’d been doing this so long as a single father.
I imagine it would be really weird to kind of bring someone into that dynamic knowing that, okay, this is my partner, right? Really like this person. And hence just, you know, true to form just what my daughter said to me the other day. I didn’t really want you to have another kid. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
How do I bring that dynamic into me? And my daughter’s relationship that we have now. Um, because if, and I just kind of, and I hope I really painted the picture for you on something to, it’s, it’s really hard to imagine. Seriously. It’s like just me and my daughter hu day in, day out. Sometimes there’d be some weeks where we don’t even go anywhere.
This week we haven’t really gone anywhere at all. We haven’t gone to anyone’s house, my grandma’s house. Yeah. Maybe we’ve just been chilling around the house and going on walks and. Right. You know, it’s just me and her. And so it’s like, how do I bring someone else into that dynamic where now someone else, I don’t know.
It’s, it’s, I guess there is a little bit of apprehension there, but it’s like, No, I’m fucking ready for a girlfriend, you know? But, uh, you know, I don’t know. It’s, it’s hard to, it’s hard to really process about how all that would work. Um, but I’m fucking, I’m ready, man. I’m ready. I’m ready. Ready, Ready. Um, I’m just waiting to find my one.
But at, at this point, I’m just waiting for it to find me. I’m sure that God has a plan for me, and like I said in my previous episode, I’m very comfortable being single. Even though I am waiting to find my partner, I’m very comfortable with where I’m at. I think part of my self discovery is just kind of finding things in my life that not only keep me busy, but finding things that I love that gain my attention enough to where I don’t feel just lost, if that makes sense.
So I’m trying new things. I’m putting myself out there in new aspects. I’m searching for new ventures to, to, um, you know, um, well walk across I guess. Um, you know, I’m. I’m doing what I feel like I need to be doing, and I, and I’m happy with the results so far, and I, I’ll keep you guys updated on kind of my journey and within doing that, but, um, yeah, it’s, it’s an everyday working progress that.
Eventually will work itself out. And that’s kind of how I will describe my life. . Um, and, uh, yeah, I, I mean, I, I just, I just, again, it’s, it’s really nice to kind of just talk that through and, um, and, uh, I’ll tell you what, the biggest, the biggest struggle that I’m having right now parenting wise is feeding my daughter.
She is a very picky eater. Every day in the morning, all she asks for is, uh, muffins. You know, those kid muffins that you see at like Smith’s or Tar Target. She’s loves every day. She wants muffins or peanut butter and jelly, and. It’s really hard for me to kind of, you know, justify that in my head. I’m like, I can’t just keep fucking, so I’ll switch it up.
But she’s just, she’ll half eat shit. You know? I’ll be like, have some cheese or have some this, you know, How about some apple sauce or some yogurt and some carrots. Like, I’ll make different shit. She just like, she’s a half eater. Like if she doesn’t, if she’s not really into it, she just take a couple bites and I’m like, You haven’t really eaten today.
And it, it’s, it’s such a struggle. I’m sure. I’m sure. I haven’t really read into it to be honest with you. I’m, I’m sure it’s, it’s like, like that with every parent. I’m sure it is. I’m, I’m sure it is, but it’s, it really is frustrating on my end just because I’m like, Dude, what the f You know, you can’t just eat peanut butter and jelly muffins all day.
You have to be like, you know what I mean? It’s frustrating. There’s a, there’s a, there’s a website out there called Little Spoon. I wish they had a, an, an, uh, an app, by the way, it’s kind of fucked up that they don’t, I’d be way more interested if they in, you know, involved if they had an app. I don’t like going on websites for shit like this, but they have a website, whereas they, it’s kinda like freshly, you know, where they send you pre-made fresh food once a week or some shit like that, or Hello, fresh, whatever you wanna call it.
But for kids, so it’s like if you have a baby, they’ll send you a baby food every week, or they’ll send toddler food. I did it for a while. and the same result, she either cried that I was giving it to her even without even touching it, looking, you know, without even looking at it, automatically cried.
Wasn’t into it. I don’t want to, so, my God, or I just wanna, peanut a butter jelly, you know, pisses me off. I’m like, you know, and, and you kind of, you kind of argue I’m having a full on. Argumentative debate with a fucking, she was three at the time with a three year old. I’m, I’m, I’m really, I’m, I’m heated.
I’m having a full on argument with a, with a three year old. I’m like, You’re gonna fucking eat this shit. I didn’t say it like that, by the way, , But just to clarify. Anyway, I would never talk to my daughter like that, but I’m like, You’re gonna fucking eat this fucking shit. I spent fucking, however, a hundred more than a hundred dollars on this fucking weekly fucking shit.
You’re gonna fucking eat it. You know? And, you know, at the end of the day, she won. You know, I’m in her fucking peanut butter and jelly, you know? Um, I, I make her, My deal with her is you try it once. You don’t like it, throw it away. Boom deal. The problem is whether she, and I know my daughter, whether she likes it or not, she’ll try it.
She won’t give a fuck how it tastes. It could be delicious. I, she don’t give a fuck. She wants, she wants what she wants. She’ll spit it out and I don’t like it. Oh my God, I don’t like it. And then she’ll, you know, she’ll throw it away and I’ve already made that deal with her, so I can’t be like, try another bite.
You know? I want to, I want to wanna hold my deal. Um, so I, I think I’m thinking I want to go back to that, but I, I just, in my heart, I feel like I’ll have the same result, which pisses me off. But, um, I don’t know how to tackle that. But that, that, right now, that is , that’s the hardest part about being a parent at this very moment.
Um, and school sometimes she is, she generally, um, acts. You know, the devil lives at school or, and you know, I’m like, she, I murdered her whole family by just even suggesting the fact like, Hey, maybe you should go to daycare today. Um, so I don’t know. That’s also another thing I have to think about too. I don’t know when the exact, I could look it up right now, but whatever.
Um, it’s coming up soon where she has to go to, uh, whatever you call it. Is it kindergarten? It’s just real school, right? Not preschool. Is it kind? I think it is kindergarten. Um, and I think me and her mom are on the same page where we want her to go to private school. The schools in Vegas are kind of shitty.
Um, so I think I want her to go to private school. I think it’s gonna be a little bit of a, um, a pain in the ass, um, uh, going back and forth with her mom on the details and the logistics of how that’s gonna work and shit like that. But, um, you know, I’m, I’m really interested in my, in my daughter going to private school soon.
And, um, and, um, even, wow, even, even right now, it, I, I felt an overwhelming heartbreak in my heart about just even the fact that my daughter is getting old enough to go to school. Um, I don’t know. And when, when you’re a parent, you can understand, like you just, sometimes you just think too deeply into things.
I’m like, My daughter’s four, like, she’s gonna be in my house for a while. Sometimes you going this tangent, like, Oh my God, she’s gonna be a teenager, she’s gonna be 16, and just no time yelling at me. And then she’s gonna move out and college and. But anyways, um, yeah, so I, it’s coming up where she has to go to kindergarten, the details of that, I don’t know how it’s gonna work.
I, I don’t really talk to her mom, so I think the only time we’d have to really talk again is probably, um, around, and, and besides an emergency, I think the only time we’d have to talk again is kind of around school time and how that would work. Um, and I don’t know, to be honest. So, uh, we got a while to go.
I don’t know why. I just thought of that. Just, uh, I think that’s another thing that I’m, I’m not looking forward to, but, um, um, Yeah. You know, I, it just, I think the theme of this podcast is this episode is that my daughter is very, very, very, very expensive and, uh, and privileged . She’s very privileged and expensive.
Anyways, um, yeah, I, I had fun. This was a good episode. I got, I got to get some things off my chest. Again, not really anything going on, um, this week for me that’s big or, you know, worth dropping a bomb on you. There’s no really tea to spill this week. I’ve, I’m, I’ve had a pretty mellow and chill week besides a little knacks in the house, some things aren’t working or whatever.
Um, you know, adult shit, I’m, I’m pretty much good. Um, actually the only, the only big stress I had this week is um, I, I put my daughter in the bath. Right. Uh, and for whatever reason, I left my phone in there, I think for about an hour. I was looking for my phone literally everywhere. Like I cannot find the phone for my life anyways.
I hear my dad or my, my dad. I care. I hear my daughter calling me like, Hey, I’m ready to get out. I go in the bath find, find that she, I left my phone on the floor in the bath. Thank God she didn’t take it with her. But there’s water, there’s, you know, splashes of water all over it. I didn’t think anything of it really.
When you get water on your phone nowadays, I, I look, I think at least my mindset was like, ah, well who gives a shit? I’ve dropped my phone in water before. And, you know, Apple promotes, I know they say water resistant, but they pretty much promote that your, your phone is waterproof. I mean, say they don’t, I mean, they pretty much promote your, your phone is waterproof, right?
So, um, Anyways, so she splashed water on my phone and it’s, it’s, it was working for about 15 minutes and just shuts off, you know, And then just the, an endless Apple logo keeps popping up back and forth on it. So I’m like, Fuck, what do I do? I take my phone, I take my case off my phone, and a little water leaked out, and I’m like, Fuck was this?
I’m like, Still, It didn’t really, I wasn’t too concerned. Because I’m like, I’ve dropped my phone water. So I’m like, This is, this is temporary. So I, I was, I, when I say I was chill, I mean, I was fucking this chill as a fucking ice man. I was like, Okay, no problem. It’ll, it’ll start working again in a couple minutes.
15, 20 minutes go by, start getting a little worried. Still hasn’t started working again. I’m like, Okay. I’m, Let me, I’ve dried it off a little bit. Let me plug it into the computer. Um, I look it up on what to do. It says, you know, plug it in, click up, click update on iTunes or whatever. Um, so I click update not working, click restore, not working, power it on and off, not working.
Restart the iPhone, not, you know, force restart, not working. Um, at this point I’m kind of, I’m definitely con, I’m definitely concerned . So, um, I’m definitely fucking concerned. So I, um, I mean, I try everything. In fact, I look on YouTube, This guy says, Oh, I know the pre it is from water damage. I know the perfect thing to do.
Um, you know, download this app and it it, like, it gar, it’s guaranteed. Um, To, Sorry, I just thought about, I, you know, I’m like, I, I think I paid for this app and I, I still have my credit card information there. I don’t, I have to, I have to cancel the recurring payments. I, You guys ever done this? It’s kind of stupid, but you ever bought something off of like a website and you kind of forget that, you forget about it, but you don’t know the exact website it was and you don’t know how to cancel the payments.
It probably never happened to you. Probably just a me thing. But anyways, so I, uh, I, I, so I’m on, I’m on this fucking app on how to fix your phone and it’s like guaranteed to fix with water damage and it, I went through the whole process. It was a long process not to get it fixed through the whole process, firmware and some shit like that does not work.
And, and it says guaranteed to work. So I look, he says, if you’re, if it should, there’s a warning thing there. If this doesn’t work, your iPhone is definitely bricked and should take it to the Apple store. It’s like fucked. Basically saying you’re fucked. So, Um, I’m like, I have to go to the Apple store. This is great.
Luckily it was about, it was late at night, so I’m like, Okay, I’m not a fend. I can go without a phone for the night. My only concern is I don’t know how to get anywhere in Vegas without Apple maps. I’m bad of directions. If you ask me where I live, I can tell you, uh, I’m not gonna say where I live, but I can, I can tell you, um, a general area of where I live.
Like I can tell you like, I live by blah, blah, blah, but if you asked me my cross, I don’t, I don’t know if I’m, I don’t know if I’m a hundred percent certain of what my crossroads are. Um, My cross streets, but I, I just don’t know. I don’t know where I live. I don’t know how to get anywhere without maps. Now, things that are close by that, like I know for certain on how to get there.
Yeah, I can get there, but the Apple store I think is about 15, 20 minutes away from me. I do not know how to get there whatsoever. It’s, it’s kind of fucked up because it’s, it’s like a really large mall and I should know how to get there, but I, I do, I do not. Um, so I was, I was worried. Um, I called my dad off this work off.
I have a work number off my computer, so I’m call, I called them off my computer. And I told him what happened, and he is like, Well, it’s unbelievable how you don’t know how to get to the Apple store. He gives me like these slight directions on how to get there, but I’m like, really? I have no intention of going there whatsoever because there’s an at and t store basically up the street.
I’m just gonna go to ATT and they’ll figure it out, go to at and t and be like, and he like, first thing he says is like, Bro, I don’t know, man. You really take this to Seattle store. It just really could not help me whatsoever. So I’m like, Man, let’s could go one or two ways. My, my dad gave me directions on how to get there and he said, it’s pretty fucking clear.
However, again, I’m the worst person of directions. It was concerned. So I’m like, I have my daughter in the back seat. Best case scenario, I get there. Worst case scenario, I’m in Utah with my daughter and with no phone. I have no, you know, I don’t know. So I’m like, All right, best. I’m like, I’m just gonna put my best foot forward.
And try to get there. Luckily enough, it was pretty, pretty fucking clear on how to get there. Like it’s, there’s, there’s no way you can miss it. Like, before I even got off on the exit, you can see them mall. And I’m like, Okay. Took my phone to the Apple store, though. They said it’s about $500 to fix. I was pretty pissed.
Um, and I went to at and t again, the cheaper route would be to upgrade my phone, upgraded to iPhone 14. Um, but still I need to get my other phone fixed somehow. Um, and then I can trade it in, blah, blah, blah. But I don’t know. So that was the only really big stressor about my week. Uh, the point of the story is I’m, I’m bad of directions and, um, I need to get better at that.
I just need a girlfriend. I need someone. I need a partner. You know, that’s really the moral of the story is I need a partner who’s able to help me with these things, who’s able to give me directions. Um, all of this would be fixed if I just had someone in my life was to help me pay rent and to help me with directions.
Not necessarily someone to love. Doesn’t have to be someone to love. Doesn’t have to be, don’t have to love me. Just, you know, just be there for me, You know, be present. Help me pay, rent, help me with directions, and we’re good. We’ll have a great life together, I guarantee it. Um, maybe give me a son, give me another daughter.
That’s fine. You know, take it from there. Um, but, uh, yeah, . Anyways, guys, um, that’s pretty much my week. It was Okay. Um, um, I’m, I’m just really happy that, uh, I got to share all that with you cuz it, it truly was very cathartic. Um, I’m gonna move into the next segment. Uh, of the podcast where we call, um, Mail Bag, where I read a few email questions that you guys have sent, uh, into me that you want me to read on the show.
Um, just to let you guys know, if you want me to read one of your questions or if you have anything you want, just want to say, or you ever really just have you a question for me, I’ll read it on the podcast if it’s appropriate, and if it’s, um, pretty much relevant, I guess. Um, email me@hellompac.org and, uh, yeah, maybe you’ll get your question answered on the next podcast episode.
So, uh, starting with the first from anonymous, will you ever do video podcasts? Um, yes, I will. But, uh, it’s funny you say that actually. I, I’m, I, it’s, it’s not, well, well, let me say this first. It, it. It has not yet been feasible for me to really do video podcasts. I have a lot of the, I’m, well, I have some of the equipment that I would need.
Not good, not great. I have some of the equipment that I would need for the video podcasts. I’m testing some things out. Um, but it’s not, it’s not, it’s not there, you know, it’s not, it’s not something where I feel like would even happen this year, to be honest. Um, I may have discovered a solution for that, though I may have.
And in fact, right before I started this podcast, actually, I, I, I, I may have discovered a solution for me to do video podcasts coming up soon. Um, I’ll be looking at that option, but, um, Yes, I will do video podcasts eventually. It’s just something that I’m not, um, capable of doing right now. Lit, literally, just because, just the way my house is set up and certain things is, it is just not, it’s not, it’s just not there.
You know, I’m, I’m focused on quality, not just putting some random shit out. So, um, we’ll see what’s up. Like I said, I may have, I may have discovered a solution. Um, but again, we’ll see. Uh, I mean, the other, the other thing is, I mean, I, I, I feel like I’m pretty committed on doing my podcast at home. I’ve, as far as audio goes, I spent a, a shit ton of money on a lot of different things, um, to make the podcast sound good.
Um, so I’m pretty committed on doing the podcast at home. A few people have offered for me to do it in, in, in a studio, and it, it just, first of all, it’s a, it’s a cost that I can’t take on right now, and it would be an unnecessary cost, and I’m pretty comfortable doing my podcast at home. So, um, for now at least, so there’s that.
Um, when I move into a house, the, the, I already have a, a basic setup though. When I already have, when I move into a house, it, everything will be in place. I have. Things on deck that are just ready to be set up for a house. But like I said, anyways, I, I may have discovered a solution for that, but we’ll see.
Um, uh, um, um, sorry, next question. What is the hardest part about being a parent? I think I answered that earlier actually. Ironically. Um, it’s really, well, as of right now, the hardest part being apparent is, uh, feeding my daughter in a general sense. Um, I don’t know. I guess just making sure that you’re doing the right thing.
Um, not this intense, but I mean, I mean, I’m sure you guys have, uh, uh, heard about or looked at the, um, that Jeffrey Daher, um, it’s not a bi, it’s not a, it’s not a documentary, but the series that’s on a Netflix. I watched the whole thing and at the very end, I think the, I think the very last episode, they, they just made insinuations to kind of things in the, in his past that may have let, I mean, Um, and nothing’s that intense , but you, you wonder like, not will my daughter grow up to be a serial killer, but it’s like, you know, there’s so many things that you could do, um, without even knowing that you’re doing it that could affect your child’s future.
And I’ve never really thought of that in a scary point of view. And I mean, scary as in like, I, I’m scared that I’m not doing the right thing, you know what I mean? Um, I’ve been worried that, man, maybe I yell at you two, but I’ve, I’ve never been scared, like, you know, I don’t wanna be responsible for, you know, you growing up a certain way.
You know what I mean? So the scary part is like being responsible for, um, Her growing up in a way that would not be indicative to how I would wanna raise my daughter. Um, so to answer your question, the hardest part, it being a parent, I guess what I’m trying to say is just making sure that you’re, you’re doing the right thing, You know, I wanna make sure that I’m doing right by my daughter, making sure that I’m not scouring her in any way and I’m, I’m that she’s healthy, she feels loved, and I’m not worried about the love part.
Like I said, I’m not worried about, I, I, I mean, I, I give affirmations to my daughter all the time and she knows that I think she’s the, the, the apple of my eye. And, um, but I don’t know, you still worry every once in a while I’m like, Yeah, I wanna make sure I’m doing the right thing anyways. Uh, yeah. So I’d say in a general sense, just being of just, I guess just overall parenting normal fears, that’s kind of the hardest part.
Um, but as of right now, it’s making sure that, that, that girl eats literally anything other than a fucking peanut butter and jelly, you know, Um, . So there’s that. Uh, will you ever, The next question from anonymous, will you ever have any guests on your show? Uh, yes. Um, I mean, obviously in the previous episodes I’ve had guests in the show.
I have a few guests coming up. Um, one is, well, two are locked in. Another one I’m unsure about. And it’s really a matter of myself, to be honest with you. It’s just about timing. Um, you know, to be honest with you, it’s kind of hard to schedule. Yes. Um, not only does it, uh, cost. It’s, you know, just timing wise and communicating through email, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And, um, so yeah, I, I do have some guests that are coming on the show, um, one sooner than later, but, um, um, you know, it’s, you know, I, I want to have the podcast be, you know, pretty, pretty, pretty focused. So the part of the problem with having guests on the show is I’ve noticed that, you know, things can get a little off topic when I’m talking to guests.
And what I mean by that is, Um, I know it’s basically an interview, but I want it to stay on theme. So the har like, really the hardest part is differentiating. Look, I know it’s the single father podcast. You don’t have to be a parent to come on and speak to me about mental health and relationships, right?
So navigating those conversations and making sure that it’s on theme for both individuals, I think that’s, that’s kind of the hard part. So that’s why you haven’t seen a lot of guests on the show. Um, but there’s been some ones that I’ve been feeling confident about bringing on that I feel like, um, just could add to the show.
So, yeah. Um, there will be more coming up soon. Um, what’s the deal with your shop? From Anonymous. Uh, from anonymous, what’s the deal with your shop? I don’t know what you mean by that, but, but, but if you mean, what’s the, what’s the, what’s the deal? Um, there’s, we just allow, we just, um, release some, some merch, some podcast merch.
Um, you can look it up@shop.ventpack.org, um, or check out our Facebook and Instagram and you can view the shops and, um, order some really cool merch on there directly. We have a hat. This is single father. We have, uh, really, really cool injury. We have a whole, one of my favorites, actually, the whole as dad hat.
Um, that’s my favorite. Um, Uh, we, we have some really cool march on there, so go check it out. Um, as far as anything other than that, I don’t know you mean by what’s the deal with the, with the, with the shop? Um, any suggest, uh, from anonymous, any advice for, I’m sorry, let me read this again. Any advice for a co-parenting father?
Um, I assume your yourself is that father. Um, you know, it, it’s hard for me to give advice when I don’t have, um, um,
I mean, for me, it’s kinda like you’re asking someone who is not a good driver. Can you give me driving lessons? You know what I mean? Um, I feel like in the past, here’s the thing. Um, I, How do I answer this? Um, I feel like there’s things that, Man, I’m struggling answering this question to be honest with you because , um, listen, anonymous, it, it’s, it’s hard for me to give a straight answer to you, but what I, what I can tell you is there’s things in my co-parenting relationship that I thought would never happen that happened, and then there’s things that I thought that would guarantee would happen.
Never happened. Um, so I don’t have a set in stone expectation about one way or the other. I’m concerned about one thing and one thing only, and then that’s my child’s wellbeing and the love that I show to her. Anything else is irrelevant and I can take it. Um, but, uh, the main concern and priority for me has always been when it comes to co-parenting, is making sure that my daughter grows up as normal as possible and doesn’t feel like her being in a separate households.
Um, is affecting her negatively. Um, that’s probably the best way I can answer that. You know, and there’s things that I felt when she was first born, there’s, that I felt were set in stone that are now different from when she was two year, two and a half years old, that I felt that, I feel like that was set in stone.
There’s feel there, there’s things that I feel now that I feel like are set in stone that probably won’t be five years from now. So I guess my best advice is keep an open mind and focus on your child. Focus on the love and the care that you give your kid and everything else. Everything else is just kind of irrelevant, you know?
So that’s my best advice. Um, You know, I’m running a, I’m running a little long here, guys, so I’m gonna wrap this up. Uh, thank you so much for, uh, joining me on today’s episode and, and allowing me to vent with you. This has been, again, really cathartic, just opening myself up and, um, expressing kind of, uh, my online journal here to all of you guys, my listeners, my pack, my vent pack.
So, and, you know, thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Um, and, and, and speaking of sharing, please share, like, subscribe, uh, write a review. About this podcast, or at least give it five stars, you know, I mean, it only takes a second. Give it five stars. If you don’t wanna, if you don’t wanna write a review, just click that five star button, click subscribe.
That’s, you know, it’s really all that I’m asking for. Um, there’ll be, I, I’m introducing a new way to support the podcast in the future, but right now it really helps. If you just leave a review, click. That subscribe button doesn’t take much of your day. It takes probably, maybe like, what, 10 seconds to do? I mean, it’s not, you know, not that bad.
Um, you know, call it an early Christmas gift. But, um, it really does help the podcast. And if you wanna support me, if you like this episode, if you like other episodes, Please. Um, it, it really does make a difference and allows me to keep going and, and able to deliver quality and then able to afford, um, guests and things that I want to do, uh, moving forward.
And, and, um, you know, the ultimate goal is hopefully maybe this could, um, you know, wishful thinking, but hopefully maybe this could become my full-time gig. I don’t know. Um, that would be in a couple of years, of course, but, uh, you never know wishful thinking. Um, but thank you guys for supporting me. Um, again, check out our, um, our socials, TikTok, Instagram, um, Facebook, uh, the single Father podcast.
Check out our shop there. Um, you know, shop dot van pack.org, and you know, look at some of the merch if you want. Great. Um, if you wanna write into me and I have a question, it’s hello@ventpack.org and in the subject line, just type in mail bag if you want to be featured on the podcast. If you want to vent to me about something, and if it’s appropriate you have a relevant topic that you want to just get off your chest, whether it’s about relationships, mental health, or parenting, co-parenting, et cetera, um, you know, look, if it’s appropriate, guys, I’m, I’m open to it.
Shoot me an email me at hello@ventpack.org. Um, in the subject line, just try type a venting sessions and, uh, maybe you could be featured on the podcast. We’ll have a venting session together. And we can kind of discuss the details of that. Um, um, there is a support group that I created for you guys on, on Facebook called, um, uh, called the Single Father Group.
It’s a Facebook group. Join it, um, communicate, talk amongst yourselves. I want us to be a pack, you know, inventing to a pack of, uh, people who have your back, right? That’s why I call it vent pack. Um, so thank you guys. Thank you for being a part of my pack. Thank you, um, for allowing me to vent with you. I’m sure I’m missing some things, but like I said, running a little long here.
And to be honest, it’s uh, now 4:30 AM so I’m gonna head to bed. Um, love you guys. Thank you so much. And, um, until next time, let’s vent together again. Bye-bye.
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SUMMARY:
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In this episode:
– I talk about my conflicts with letting go and forgiveness
– I speak about my built up anger I had that I didn’t know was still there
– I reflect on my resentment held me back from moving forward
– I talk about my struggles on moving the roadblocks in my path
Let me know what you think about this episode on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thesinglefatherpodcast/ (https://www.instagram.com/thesinglefatherpodcast/)
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-Music sourced from TuneTank.com.
-Produced/Edited with https://www.descript.com/
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The Single Father Podcast is a collection of journal entries from one man’s struggle to adapt to single fatherhood and mental health. In this podcast, you’ll hear about his highs and lows, defeats and victories, and everything in between. You’ll hear about his fears, pain points, and how he overcame them. Relationships, Mental Health, Fatherhood…Let’s Vent Together. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thesinglefatherpodcast/support (https://anchor.fm/thesinglefatherpodcast/support)
Transcript:
Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise it is your host Kendall Donika. I want to thank you guys for being a part of today’s episode and joining me for another venting session, where I give you a look inside of my life. As I talk about relationships. Parenting. Mental health support. And all of the above when it comes to my life.
And the inside look inside my journal. So thank you guys for joining me today. I want to start out by apologizing. Because last week, I didn’t release And the reason for that is I simply just could not find the time. And I want to also clarify that that will never happen again. I, um, found a way were high.
I will absolutely make sure that every single episode is weekly on Wednesdays as scheduled, making sure that you guys can experience that consistency for me. Um, from now on. But last week, I honestly just could not find the time I was very busy. And it was going through a lot of different things that I found were a little bit challenging for me at
And, uh, Wednesday came and I was like, okay, I’ll do it. Um, I’ll release one by Thursday and. I’ll set, I’ll release one by Friday and you know, Friday came and I just could not do it. And I’d kind of just said, well, forget about Oh, God, I just. Make this week as like a little vacation week. I dunno if podcasts was take vacations, but.
That was my vacation. And. Uh, from now on, it will be very consistent. A few things I wanted to add here is I released the single father So now if you go to our Instagram, uh, the single father podcast and on our Facebook, you’ll find the single father shop where we introduced a lot of different products there, some hats, some mugs. Um, so get that single father merge. Uh, they’re all very clever and interesting. And, um, I spend a lot of time on it and, uh, I’m really excited about it too.
You can also visit invent. Fam pact.org. And look for show notes and also see the shop there as well. Um, I’m, I’m really happy and Um, that we’re able to release that to you guys. So go ahead and check it out. Um, they’re pretty inexpensive. So just get one support to show tag me. I’ll repost you on my Instagram and, uh, yeah.
Um, so those are a few new developments that, um, Uh, I’d want it to just get some housekeeping out of the way, tell you about the shop. Um, you know, tell you that episodes will always remain consistent. And, um, and really kind of just give you guys a little update about my life and. Um, I feel like what’s been going on.
And it seems like every time I release an episode, there is something going on. But it’s kind of true to form to the nature of the show. It’s me venting. This is kind of like my own personal online journal, where I get to tell you guys a little bit about my life. And. You know, last week, last week was a little difficult
Um, Just because I had. I mean for two reasons, one, um, you know, I just received a message from someone that I wasn’t too happy about. And sometimes, and it’s a, it’s a really big. Flaw of mine, but sometimes when I receive. Somewhat of bad news or something like that. It tends to affect my whole day.
And I need to work on that and, um, put my mind in a position where I can let go of those things in a more healthy Um, but it did affect me pretty negatively. Um, and the other thing was, I think I kind of dispelled that negative energy out there. And I was, I can’t really talk about it, but I was putting in position.
Where I was. Extremely uncomfortable. Um, I was put in a position. Um, One night where I felt. Just kind of physically sick about how uncomfortable I was put in. Um, and I’ve never been in a position like that in my life. , Yeah, it wasn’t, it was really uncomfortable for me. And I kind of just felt down about how my week was going.
And just felt really negative. And I, and I wanted to search.
On how I can get this out of my, my aura, my life, my vibe, my energy. I wanted to kind of correct myself a little bit. ’cause I’m like this isn’t me. This isn’t like this. I think I’ve gone so far. Negatively. That I need, I need a healer to kind of step in So I went and saw a healer. And there was this guy who, um, you know, focuses on healing people and creating a more of achie in their life and helping them find balance within the personal life as well.
And, um, I was telling him, I’m like, look, I’ve. I I’ve been trying a lot of different things. I’ve been meditating. I’ve been, I’ve got these crystals that I’ve been wearing, these stones and crystals I’ve been wearing across my neck. And he said, He said, let me take a look at those. And.
He’s like. Well, these are the crystals that you need to have. But. Have you been showing gratitude towards them? Have you been talking to them? And I’m like, dude, I’m not going to talk to a fucking rock. What are you talking about? And he’s like, no, but hear me. Have you been showing gratitude? To the universe.
Have you been thinking. The stones for grounding you for helping you find balance. For pointing you in the right direction. And I said, Well, there’s nothing to really think as of right now, I’m my head is really negative. And he’s like, well, that’s the problem.
The, the stones. We’ll guide you, but you are the one that has to walk. They’ll show you the path, but you have to walk
And it reminded me of something that I went through when I was younger. When I was I, um, I felt that I really wanted to. Once again, can I change my aura and change my ways and myself as a person?
But not, not just the chief around me. I wanted to change myself as a person.
So I decided to get baptized.
And.
Allow myself to really become a better
So I got baptized. And the next day I woke And I think I spoke about this in my earlier podcast, but the next day I woke up. I feel like nothing has changed.
And I felt.
Kind of the same. Shitty person. That I feel like I’ve, I’ve, I’ve been feeling for the past couple
So I went to my pastor. And I said, Listen, I got baptized. And I don’t feel like anything. Really feels tremendously different. I thought I would wake up the next day and experience the holy spirit that I’d be walking on water, like Jesus, . And I don’t feel like that. I feel. The same.
And he told me.
Well, the path.
To becoming a better person.
Is not a light switch. It’s a journey.
And he said one of the very same things that this healer told He said. The journey.
Has to be. Walked. Bye. You. And God will show you the way you have to walk the path. And God will show The doors that need to be taken. But it is your complete choice to either walk towards them or walk away from them or not walk at all. You. Have to put one step and foot in front of the other every day.
That’s the trick to it all. You have to work at it every day.
And I said, wow, I thought. Being baptized, you just.
Kind of just take an elevator ride to where you need to be. And he’s like, no, no, no, no, no. You need to. You need to put one step in front of the And walk that path every single day.
And it was funny. Thinking Memory when the healer told me what he did, because I remembered that and I said, Wow. I forgot about that.
I forgot I also need to put in the work. And the rest will follow.
And I wasn’t doing that. I wasn’t putting myself in a position where. Aye.
Was putting one step in front of the other. I was kind of just taking this.
Elevator ride to nowhere.
It wasn’t moving. I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. I discovered pretty early and pretty quickly that that was the problem.
And I also noticed that the part of the problem was there was roadblocks on the way.
On the paths that I was taking.
Each path that I decided to take. There was roadblocks there.
No in my mind, if you picture this. Path. That you’re walking.
I’m walking across on a path. Closer to God, closer to inner peace, closer to balance my life.
And in the way are these roadblocks.
Well you’re supposed to do is move the roadblocks out of the But sometimes they’re a little bit heavier.
Than usual.
And sometimes. These blocks, these.
Roadblocks in your way. Sometimes it’s. Almost impossible to move them at
And I think how easy or how hard these blocks are to move. Is completely dependent on your mindset. And how you visualize these blocks to be. In front of and I think. Part of the roadblocks that I’ve been experiencing lately.
Has been because. I’ve been holding on to. So much.
Regret. Anger.
Things that I wish were different in my life.
I’ve been angry.
And If you listen to my earlier podcast, I talk about a lot of my regret, but.
I think regret can easily turn into anger. And I think I’ve been angry.
I’ve been angry. That I’ve been even put in these positions of an angry, that things haven’t gone my way of an angry. About people who have hurt me.
You know,
I heard someone say that we. Do not have to love our enemies. But we do not have to be obsessed about the harm that was done to us. Our entire
And I found that pretty profound because I think for a long time, I’ve been obsessed about the pain and the anger that was done on to me.
About the harm that was caused on to me.
Whether it’s I play my parents or. A significant other. Or. Hypothetically my child’s mother. You know, there’s a lot of things out there that. I feel like I’ve just been hurt and wronged over. And it just made me angry.
And unlike what you think this anger did not make me stronger. It made me weaker. Then me and my arms weaker. And then my strength weaker. Where I wasn’t able to move these roadblocks in front of me. And I just been at a standstill. Not going back, not going forward, just standing in one place.
You know, I. I heard a very.
Great definition of depression. And it was drowning. Well, watching everyone around you breathing.
And I think that’s been my problem for a long time.
I have been so focused on watching other people breathe around me, that I forgot what it’s like to breathe on my own. Does that make sense? You know, I’m so focused on that person or this person, or. Or what I see in front of me, but I, I haven’t been focused on myself.
And I felt like it was time for me to. Gather this energy that I’ve been feeling and find out what’s important to me. You know, when you’re hungry, it’s food. That’s important when you’re lonely it’s company. And I think when you’re angry, If we dig deep. On what we’re searching in the anger it’s to find forgiveness.
I mean, really think about it. You may be confused by that, but. When we’re angry.
I think we searched to find that forgiveness before anything else. How can I forgive this person? How can I forgive them before? Such and such and such right. I want to forgive them. Can I, am I able to forgive?
I think everyone has that Before.
The other shoe drops. Right.
And because we’re not able to forgive. Is when we start doing the things that. Hold us back. They create roadblocks in our
I’m not able to forgive you. So I’m going to create a roadblock for myself and to you. I’m not going to move forward. I’m just going to stand right here in my anger.
And I’m ashamed because it just feels like that’s what I’ve been doing all this time. It’s just sitting here in my anger. Instead of focusing on what’s ahead.
And that really pisses me off. When I think about it because. This whole time. You know, I preach. Finding balance.
And I don’t think I realized it until I felt like I wanted to explode. That I’ve been so unbalanced this entire time.
I had no. One really to talk to. I had.
Or I felt like I had no support. And I think. A strong reason. Subliminally why I started this podcast and why I want to do so much. Is because I want to offer people the support that I felt that I’ve been lacking. A lot of my And I want to think one of my friends recently, and he listens to the podcasts, you know who you are.
Um, I was having dinner with one of my friends. And I was telling him about a situation with.
My child’s mother and her boyfriend. And I spoke about.
Uh, hypothetically how I felt he was.
This or that because he refused to. You know, grab a beer with me or meet with me for coffee. And for me to know more about him. ’cause I felt like that’s what you do when you’re a father. Co-parenting is. I mean everything I’ve seen from movies, right? You, you get to know the person who’s around your daughter.
And then my friend told me he’s like, well,
What would it really matter?
I’m like, what do you mean. And it’s like, what would it really matter? Whether you met up with him or not. What would it do for you other, just other than just confirm. But you don’t like him.
There’s nothing you could do about it. Even if he did like him. Even if you didn’t, what could you really
Nothing. So, what does it really matter?
And I kid
I’ve never thought about that before. Never. I can’t. I kid you not. I have never once thought about. What does it really matter?
Whether I like this guy or not.
There’s nothing I can do.
And it reminded me of the tattoo that I have on my own arm.
But haven’t looked at Is God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change to change the things that I can and the wisdom. To know the difference.
What does it really matter? Right.
I can only change the things that I can change. And I need to stop worrying about the things that I can’t.
And I think that goes back to the latest podcast I’ve been doing. And kind of how I’ve been feeling lately. Is. Letting go.
And creating a little gratitude and forgiveness in my life.
You know, it’s actually funny because, um,
This guy. When I was in high school.
This guy. I swear to God, he wanted to kill me.
And this girl came up to me one day when I was in high school and just started flirting with And I flirted with her back. Little did I know it was this, uh, It was the ex-girlfriend of this Italian guy who. Was pretty connected. Um, Within some of like the.
The.
I don’t know how to describe it. The thug crown crowd in high school. And, um, He found out that I was talking to her and. I swear to God, he wanted to kill me. And. It was part of the reason why I wanted to leave Vegas and. Go to Reno to college is because. I felt like there was just so much going on in Vegas.
And with my parents’ divorce and my ex-girlfriend, and now this guy wants to kill me. I was like, you know what? There’s no better sign for me to just leave.
And. So I But I kind of held a grudge against this guy for a very long time. Not only me just cause I didn’t purposely. Do a, to antagonize him, but just because. Of circumstances that, to be honest, I can’t even really remember at this point, I just remembered the guy was so angry and wanting to kill me. And I, I just, I hated that guy afterwards, you
So. About three days ago, I’m walking. With my daughter. At the mall. And I walked past this guy and he looks so familiar.
And I was just so compelled. To turn around and I said, excuse me. Is your name?
And he’s like, oh, Hey, what’s up Kendall. He stands up. Shakes my
And I’m like, what dude? Last time I saw you. You were, and I said this to him. I said, last time I saw you. You were trying to kill me. He’s like, yeah, we share we’re going at each other’s heads back then. Huh? And he just laughed and. His dad. Um, came around the corner and. Um,
I met his dad and he said, he asked about my daughter and he’s told me he had kid. I had a kid I think. And, um, We just talked for a minute. And I’m sitting there dumbfounded because. The last time I saw this guy, he wanted to kill me now. He’s greeting me with kindness and love. Introducing me to his father.
And I just couldn’t
And I’m like this guy. Has it really moved forward in grace?
You
And I just thought to myself, wow. I was holding a roadblock. In my heart for so long over something that didn’t even really matter. To anyone by myself.
And. At that point, I just decided to move on to.
I forgive and I forgave him right in there. And. I shook his hand Knight. Shook his father’s hand. And. I told my daughter to say hello and goodbye. And I went on my
And it was just a funny thing because. For so long. I had this image in my head of this guy, you know, And the moment he got up and smiled and shook my hand, I was.
It’s like.
It’s like you’re holding a grudge against a ghost. If that makes sense.
And you feel like.
I wonder how long I spent angry at this. Situation
It was long forgotten.
I kept the situation alive by my anger.
You know,
And we can do that.
The sky will never shine. If you hold on to the dark clouds around
I’m thankful for the things that are around me in the situation. That I find myself in with my beautiful daughter and. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I forgive the aspects of my life. That are not so great. Whether I’m speaking hypothetically about my child’s mother or not. Or whether I’m speaking about. People that I felt betrayed by, or whether I feel. I’m speaking about myself even.
I’m able to forgive. And each time. I’m able to forgive the roadblocks in front of me become easier to move.
So instead of. Dwelling. And it being obsessed with the harm again, that was done to us. We can move ahead.
Mercy is the only way It’s a song by Andrew Day. And one of the lyrics in her song, I feel like is a little profound.
The lyric goes. I can’t hear love. Because we’re at war. And revenge is so loud. And the drums are so proud.
I’m in a cage and I hear mercy say. I’m here now.
And I thought that was oh, beautiful.
And what she’s representing in this song. Is the pain. That she felt from. Other people. You know, from her enemies or the person who did wrong to her.
She said, if you could look inside my eyes, Would you pity me? Would you see the desperate nights and all the lies that brought me to my knees. I keep thinking. That I have to make you fall. The way I fell from your betrayal. To bring me peace of mind.
You know, she keeps thinking. That. She has to fight. And stand still in her anger. To not move forward. She can’t move forward. She’s too proud. She can’t hear love.
Because the drums of pride and war are too loud.
But as she feels trapped in this cage, as she feels.
Just. You know, engulfed in this anger.
She hears mercy come and say. I’m here now.
And I thought, Wow. What a profound. Sentence. Uh, representation of forgiveness and letting go.
And showing gratitude.
For discovering mercy.
For discovering a different path.
And I wanted to read you guys a lovely poem. That I’ve, uh,
I’ve held with me for a very long time. It’s by a William Blake. And it’s called. A poison tree.
And the poem goes. I was angry with my friend. I told my Raff, my Raff did I was angry with my foe. I told it not. My wrath to grow.
And I watered it and fears. Night and morning with my tears. And I Sunday with smiles. And with deceitful whiles.
And it grew both day and night. Till it bore and apple bright. And my fo beheld it shine. And he knew. That it was mine. And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled, a pole.
In the morning. Glad I see.
My pho outstretched. Beneath the tree.
The meaning of that poem. Is representing anger. And the consequences of doing And how you failed to communicate. Your wrath.
Until it grows into a poisonous hatred.
But not just poisonous. For the other person poisonous for yourself.
You can be poisoned by your hatred thoughts. I’m unable to see the truth. Unable to move forward. Unable to find balance or love. Or forgiveness.
Unable to see yourself.
So going back to this healer.
I sat there with him.
I sat there closing my eyes. Giving gratitude to the universe.
The stones. Around my neck.
To God above me.
To the life that I have.
To the family. I hold.
To the man that I am. To the man that I want to be.
I gave gratitude for the things that I love.
And then gave gratitude. For the pain that made me stronger.
I started to forgive.
I let the bad thoughts that I experienced.
And then I obsessed over, come and go out of my mind.
Just as quickly as
I sat there.
And I felt grace.
I felt mercy.
I felt merciful for myself.
As I forgave myself. For being trapped for so long. In this cage of anger.
I felt merciful.
From my enemies.
For being locked in a cage of their
And as I started to forgive. The bad thoughts. That were in my mind for the memories.
That haunted me.
I started thinking about them less and less.
The tightness in my chest. Started to waiver. The heaviness on my shoulders. Started to feel lighter.
Nice. I sat there.
And forgave.
The forgave. Harmful feelings that were in my
I felt. Lighter on my
I felt a looseness in my face.
I felt relaxed in my throat.
I felt an easiness. To my words.
And finally I felt peace. In my mind.
And so every time that those thoughts. Memories or feelings. Would come to
I embraced them. I allowed them in.
And then I allowed them to leave.
And they wave over me.
Like a subtle wave in the sea and the ocean.
They came and went.
And I found peace.
I found a balance.
I found. Myself.
Once more.
And as I opened my eyes. The healer reminded me.
This is not a one and done thing.
This is a putting your foot in front of the other every day. And moving towards the path that the universe has set out for you.
Those thoughts, those feelings, those memories. There will, they will be roadblocks. In your way.
But if you do what you just did today, they will be always so easy to move out of your
And eventually you can brush them aside of just a slide of your hand or your finger.
They won’t bother you. They won’t stop you from moving. They won’t alter your path.
And I felt like that was so.
Healing.
Hence the healer.
As I sit with you guys today in venti you about my experiences. I feel relief. I feel gratitude. I feel mercy. In my heart.
‘ cause I know.
I know now, but I have it within me.
To keep moving forward.
Sometimes anger can be so small.
And turn into something. So overwhelming.
I felt like I was trapped.
And I feel so grateful that I was able to. Dispel that negativity away from myself and my home in my life.
And cleanse. Myself of that hatred. But anger.
The regret.
And it brought
A lot of clarity.
And made me feel more like myself.
And I feel like it brought me. More towards a balance in my life. I feel very balanced and peaceful.
And I know a lot of you were thinking, well, it’s only been a week. Yeah, well,
I’ve been working at it every day.
And eventually.
I think it will stop feeling like work.
I’ll just feel at peace.
No, I can’t lie to you. Of course, I will get angry again.
Um, and I guess that’s how I choose to deal with that anger that would really define. What happens moving forward?
I just want to be. Humble guy that.
Finds love and. Makes the best out of his life.
I want to feel happy. With what life is. And accepting. Of the things that.
Maybe I wish were different.
I know that I can’t change But I can change what happens moving forward.
I’m letting the universe. Handle. What’s next for me.
And I’m accepting of every outcome.
That may be put
I’m ready to face it. Head
But I’ll tell you. I could not do it alone. I needed that healer. I needed my friend.
And I’m going to need you
We’re a community. Event pack. The meaning of it is venting to a community of people that have your back a pack. That’s the mantra that I set up for this power podcast.
And it means a lot to me. Because for a long time.
Not only did I not feel like I had a community? I felt like I had I felt Afraid. Engulfed in my fears and my anger is, and no one to talk to about And of course, I recommend that everyone get a therapist.
I, um, I didn’t have that.
But I’m so grateful that I have all of you.
And I encourage any of you out there who are wanting to better themselves and become a better person.
To go out. And use that energy and find what’s important to you.
I encourage all of you out there who may be single fathers who are put in a position where you feel alone. To join my Facebook group that I started for you guys. The single father group on Facebook.
I encourage all of you who feel like, you know, a friend. Who needs to hear this? To give them the words of affirmation that they need and to share this podcast with them. Because this podcast is. More than just parenting it’s. It’s about relationships. It’s about love. It’s about mental health. It’s about.
Finding myself as a person. I’m a young
A single father. And I’m just trying to figure it out.
But we can’t do it alone. We need each other. I need my pack. I need you guys. And I’m here for you.
Thank you for being a part of my pack.
So guys if you’re in a cage,
Listen. From mercy.
So, um, once again, guys, thank you for being a supporter of the podcast. Be sure to please review like subscribe and share this podcast. It really Um, I recently had a really cool update. I, my podcast is on top 10 single father or parent or dad podcasts. Um, And, uh, I’m I got placed on this article and I’m really happy about it. It will be in the show notes of this podcast.
Um, Aye. I started a mailbag, which you guys can email me at. Hello of impact.org. Email me any questions that you guys have, and I will answer them on the, on the podcast, which I will do in just here in a minute. Also, um, if you guys want to vent with me, email me at. Hello. Van pack.org and the subject line.
Right venting. And, uh, if it’s appropriate, we will vent with each other on the show. And we can talk about, again, relationships, parenting, mental We’ll just have a nice inventing session together. So if you guys want to be featured on the podcast, Um, make sure you do those things and stay connected.
And please visit van pack.org. For the, keep up to date with news and updates and show notes. Um, yeah, it’d be like, and subscribe to us on Facebook, Instagram. Um, again, check out the single father shop. We have some really cool March there for you guys. And if there’s any topics that you guys want me to discuss on later podcasts, let me know. I’ll be very open and receptive to just hearing from you guys, because again, I can’t do it alone. I need my pack.
So, thank you very much guys. And please, please, please. Um, share this podcast with your friends and, um, you know, make it something where if people need to hear it. Share with Um, so I’m going to start the segment of mailbag and answer some questions from you, my pack and see what you guys want to
All right. So this one is from anonymous.
Is there any progress on you and your child’s mother’s relationship? Um, Unfortunately, there is no progress. Um,
You know, hypothetically.
I know that she’s heard the podcast and, um,
Uh, you know, all I can say is I’m hopeful about the future. My daughter.
Deserves the best from her parents. And I’m committed on doing everything I can. I’m making that. Uh, reality.
Uh, the next one is from anonymous. What are you doing to find love these days while I’m on a few dating apps? Um, I think I’m well, I actually am just, I’m just on Bumble and Tinder. Um, You know, it’s hard because I don’t really go out that much. So I don’t get to. Um, socialize. Um, As much as I’d like to. And I feel like.
I feel like dating apps are a weird way to communicate with people.
I speak about this all the time, but I don’t really have time to swipe. All day. You know what I mean? So, um,
You know, that’s one of the things I’m kind of just letting the universe find for me. Um, Putting one step in front of the other, but I’m hoping the path to love will be. Presented to me and I will. Not walk, but I’ll run that way. So.
Uh, the next one is from anonymous.
Your stories have really helped me and me being a single father. I’ve had some troubles of my own with co-parenting and I’m really happy that I’m not alone. And there’s someone out there who can help me and guide me. And when, when I’m talking about. Um,
Well, thank you. I appreciate Um,
I, you It’s it’s hard for me to be vulnerable on my podcast and give you guys a deep insight, um, into my life. But that’s kind of the point. Is to kind of give you guys an insight of what would be kind of my journal. You know, and share that with you guys. So, uh, if it helped you, then that’s all I can really ask
Um, Next one’s from anonymous. I looked at your website and I saw that coming soon, there was an app in development. Can you give us an update about that? Uh, well, the app. Is kind of where this podcast originally started from. I had this idea for a mental health app. And if you guys want more details on that, please visit impact.org and it will be
Uh, the resource tab, um, and coming soon. Um, but apps cost a lot of And if you guys want to support it in any way, I have a little promo video there on kind of my concept of what it would be, but it’s basically a, a. Um, A mental health app for you guys. And, um, I can’t give too much details away because.
I’ve seen a various amount of apps that have come in to fruition that are kind of similar. And I want to be unique and different. Um, but I promise you it’s a very. Well, unique and different idea. For you guys that has to deal with mental health specifically, not just single fathers, but mental health.
Um, so yeah. I don’t know if I really answered your question, but I hope somehow I did. All right next. Is from anonymous. Would you ever consider a cohost. Uh, I tried briefly and the thing is. I manage so much of my podcast right now. Like I pretty much do. I handle every single aspect of the podcast where I feel.
Yeah, I would love a cohost. But I’m just not in the place to do. So right now. And I’d have to really think about what that would look like. Because it’s my show. You know, it’s the single father podcast. Not the single fathers. Um, There’s a great podcast that does that. I think it’s called the single dads podcast.
So. You know, I think to stay unique. Indifferent. Um, It’s going to just have to remain me as a captain of the ship.
So, um, You know, I would love to. Continue to have guests on the show. But as far as, you know, a cohost, I don’t think it would really work out. But there will be guests on the show. A few friends of mine that are, are coming on and we’ll talk about mental health and et cetera, et cetera. Um, I’ve mostly been really just focused on, um, you know, branding and.
Um, creating solo episodes. So when the time comes, um, you’ll see a lot more guests on here. But as far as co-hosting probably not. All right. Uh, another one from anonymous. Would you ever do a video stream? Uh, yes, I plan on it, but. That’s also just not in the cards as of right now. I’m slowly but surely getting ready for that. And it will happen, but it will come at a later time.
Um, My house.
It’s just, it’s not set up. To do that right now, but I will do video podcasts. Uh, just. Later.
Like phase two. You know what I mean? So, uh, they will come. I’m not sure when I don’t have any TA, but yes, I do plan on doing them. Just not right now. Alright, uh, I’ll do one more.
Excuse me anonymous. Any horrible dating stories. Um,
Let’s see, I don’t know if I really have a horrible dating stories. Um, I, to be honest with you, I won’t even really go on a date unless I know like I’m going to have a good time. Um,
Unless I’m vibing. But, uh, I don’t I am top of my head. I can’t really think of like a juicy, horrible dating story. I don’t know, actually I do remember, um, I have one, I was in Mexico one time.
And my friend’s going to laugh and tell me to cut it out, but I won’t, but I was in Mexico. And I meet this girl there and, uh, we hit it off, blah, blah, blah. Um, the, we. Connect. And, um, and that was great. I come back to the us after spring break. And I’m in the hot tub, right. And my apartment complex.
And I haven’t talked to that girl. In a while she didn’t, she hasn’t responded to me and I’m like, Whatever it is, what it is. Right.
So I’m in the hot tub. It’s really late. And outcomes. My friend that I went to Mexico with. Right. And then trolling behind Is the same girl that I was speaking to.
They both get in the hot It’s silent. It’s awkward.
And, uh, he looks right at me and says, Well, and just kind of shakes, shrugs and shakes. And I laugh and I can get out. And I say, have a good night guys. Uh, I wasn’t necessarily mad, but, uh, yeah. You know, uh, yeah, that was. Probably the most uncomfortable. That’s not really dating story, but, um, that’s, that’s a pretty crazy one that I hold in my head.
A lot of the time.
Well, that’s pretty much it guys. Thank you for venting I appreciate the support and the love that you guys show me. Um, I read a lot of the personal messages that you guys. Email me. And although I pick and choose a few to read on the show, I want to let you know that I read all of them and thank you very much. It means the world to me.
Um,
Yeah. Like subscribe, share. And, uh, I’ll see you next week. Bye bye
Dear,
Before becoming a single father, I didn’t realize how many benefits there were to being single. Now that I’m a single dad, I can honestly say it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. But let me explain more.
Let me know what you think about this episode on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thesinglefatherpodcast/
In this episode:
● Being single in Vegas
● The cost (literally) of night life and being single
● Pros and cons of being a homebody
● What it’s like to date a homebody or party goer and what kind of woman Kendall is looking for
● Kendall’s thoughts on one day getting married
Sponsors and Attributions:
-Produced/Edited with https://www.descript.com/
-Music (lo-fi vibe by cloudsystem) sourced from TuneTank.com
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the organization’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and support. — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/ventpack/support
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