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Summary:
In today’s episode of The Single Father Podcast, father Deezy explores how TV shows can influence our understanding of parenting and family dynamics.
He discusses:
- the role of coparenting in his own life and how shows like Smallville and Modern Family have provided valuable lessons and insights on this topic.
- He also shares how the character of Clark Kent’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent, on Smallville has served as a model for good parenting for him.
- Father Deezy also touches on the representation of diverse and unconventional family structures on TV shows, and how these shows can provide relatable experiences and a sense of community for those who may not see their own experiences reflected in mainstream media.
- He discusses the challenges and complexities of being a black child raised in a white family, as depicted in the show This Is Us, and how this show has helped him to feel seen and understood in a way that other shows may not have.
This episode of The Single Father Podcast is a must-listen for single fathers and anyone interested in parenting and family dynamics. Tune in to learn valuable lessons and insights on coparenting, diverse family structures, and more.
Highlights
- The most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a coparent can be finding a balance between being stern and not wanting your child to fear you.
- Follow The Single Father Podcast on Instagram and Facebook, and visit our website ventpack.org for show notes and occasional articles on coparenting.
- The most joyous thing in life can be your child, who brings sunshine to your life and is the best gift you have ever received.
- You may have many pictures of your child on your wall, but it’s important to remember that trophies and affirmations are not as important as the love and joy that your child brings to your life.
Let us know what you think about this episode and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at @thesinglefatherpodcast.
Sponsors and Attributions:
- Music sourced from TuneTank.com.
- Produced/Edited with https://www.descript.com/.
- Sponsored By: https://www.thekeys.ai/.
We are featured on the 10 Best Single Father Podcasts list: https://blog.feedspot.com/single_dad_podcasts/?feed_id=5440114#h5440114
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
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Timestamps
0:00:00 How TV Shows Can Impact Our Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:04:04 How TV Shows Can Help Single Fathers Improve Their Parenting Skills
0:07:37 How Modern Family and Smallville Can Teach Single Fathers Important Lessons About Parenting
0:09:55 How TV Shows Can Teach Us About Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:11:46 How TV Shows Can Be A Valuable Resource For Single Fathers
0:14:05 The Impact of TV Shows on Children’s Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:15:49 The Impact of TV Shows on Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:18:22 How TV Shows Can Reflect Your Own Family Structure In today’s society, there are a variety of family structures that are not always accurately represented on television. However, there are a number of shows that are beginning to break the mold and show a more accurate portrayal of what modern families look like. This can be
0:20:35 The Impact of This Is Us on Adoption, Race, and Family Dynamics
0:23:02 The Importance of Representation in Mainstream Media: A Look at the TV Show “This Is Us”
0:25:17 Parenting: The Most Joyous Thing in My Life
0:27:16 The Best Gift I’ve Ever Gotten: A Daughter
0:30:55 The Single Father Podcast: Mailbag
0:36:06 Custody Arrangements and Having More Children
0:38:23 Single Fatherhood: The Most Challenging Thing About Being a Single Parent and Having a Coparent
0:45:54 Parenting: The Next Chapter
0:48:14 The Most Challenging Thing About Being A Coparent
0:50:04 Fatherhood: The Complications of Being a Single Parent
Transcript:
Hello, and welcome to the single father podcast with Kendall Donaker, a K father DZ. Today, we’re going to be talking about how TV shows can impact our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. And how they even shape our own experiences as fathers, single fathers or parents. First of all, let’s start with the concept of co-parenting.
Co-parenting refers to an arrangement in which both parents are actively involved in the upbringing of their children. Even if they are no longer romantically involved, this can be a challenging dynamic. Especially if there are tensions in the past between the parents. As you guys know, listening to me in the past, I’ve had a very contentious relationship with my child’s mother.
And although it seems to be getting better and better, I would be lying if it didn’t feel like at times where I take one step forward, I take a thousand steps back. As single fathers, you may find yourself in a co-parenting situation with your significant other or your child’s mother, whatever the case may be.
TV shows I think can provide us with examples of how co-parenting has done well. For an example, you know, one of the shows I love my favorite show of all time, I think is called Smallville Clark Ken’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent. It’s a prime example of parenting at its best.
Despite the challenges that they faced and the conflicts that they’ve had. Jonathan and Clark were always able to work together and put their children’s needs aside. That show taught me so many lessons about what it is to be a good person. And about what it is to be a man. This is something that can incredibly.
Well, it just can be really valuable for single fathers to keep in mind. Well, it might be tempting to let past issues or tensions with your significant other or your ex significant other, excuse me, to affect your co-parenting. It’s important to remember that your child’s wellbeing should always be the top of your priority.
With a little bit of effort and communication, it’s possible to have a successful. Parenting relationship with your child, just like Clark and Jonathan did on Smallville. One way to improve your co-parenting relationship is to set clear boundaries and guidelines for how you will work together to raise your child.
This can include things like establishing your regular schedule for communication. Which I’ve done with my child’s mother every Wednesday. Um, when it’s, you know, midway through the week, she calls her. I call her when it’s both of our days and we speak to our kid. I tried to leave the room. So I give her privacy, so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable. And I allow that communication.
With her mother to be presented to her when she’s at my house. It could be determining how important decisions will be made in establishing a plan for how conflicts can be resolved. I’m not going to lie. This is something that I’ve been struggling with. When it comes to my child’s mother. But by setting these boundaries and guidelines, you can create a more harmonious co-parenting relationship.
And ensure that your child’s needs are being met.
It’s not just the co-parenting. Like we can learn from Smallville Clark’s relationship with his parents. Just by being parents. You can Jonathan and Martha Kent. Is a great example of parenting done, right.
Despite the fact that Clark was different. And sometimes felt alone. His parents always showed him support and taught him valuable lessons about right and wrong. The consequences of his actions. And Jonathan in particular was a great role model for Clark. Always trying to carefully navigate any challenges and conflicts that arose.
With his son. As a single father, you may find yourself feeling a similar desire. To do and to be the best role model you can be for your child. Watching Clarke’s relationship with his parents on Smallville can be a great way to get inspired and motivated to be the best father you can be. Just like Jonathan and Martha Kent, where to Clark.
Another show that can be incredibly helpful when it comes to parenting and family dynamics is modern family. While the show may depict a lot of dysfunction in chaos at times. It also showcases a lot of love and support within the family. Whether it’s Phil and Claire’s relationship with their three children or Jay and Gloria’s relationship with their son and stepson.
There are countless examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on the show. Whenever you find yourself questioning your own parenting or family relationships. Watching modern family can be a great way to get a new perspective on how to see other families navigate these challenges that come their way.
Even though the show is just a fictional portrayal of a family. It can still provide us with valuable lessons and insights. That we can apply to our own lives.
In addition to the examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on modern family. The show also highlights the importance of communication and being open, honest with one another. Even when things get tough, the characters on the show were always able to come together and work through their problems by communicating with each other and being there for one another.
As a single father, it is important to remember that open and honest communication is key to building a strong relationship with your child or children. And with other family members, to be honest. Make a regular effort. To regularly check in with your child and listen to their concerns and to try to be open and honest with them about your own thoughts and feelings as well.
TV shows can serve as a source of inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics, especially for single fathers. Whether it’s, co-parenting improving relationships with our own parents or simply striving to be a better parent. Or family member. These shows can provide us with valuable lessons and new perspectives and what it means to be part of a modern family.
For me personally shows like Smallville and modern family have played a significant role in my understanding of parenting and family dynamics. By watching Clark’s relationship with his parents on Smallville, I learned the importance of being a positive role model and supporting your child, even when things get tough.
And by watching the characters on modern family navigate their complex family relationships. I’ve learned the value of open, honest communication, and being there for one another. By incorporating the lessons and insights I’ve gained from shows. Into my own parenting relationships. I’ve been able to create a strong and supportive relationship with my four-year-old daughter.
Building it on foundations of joy and hope and positive role modeling. I’ve also used these shows as a way to check in with myself and my own character. Using Clarke’s relationship with his father and mother and Smallville as a guide to how to navigate challenges and conflicts with integrity. And when you’re quiet and.
Even when I’m questioning. My own parenting skills. I’ve turned to modern family for guidance. And new perspectives. To handle the complexities of family dynamics. Overall TV shows like modern family can be incredibly valuable resource for single fathers looking for inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from characters on the shows, you can gain value, but insights that you can apply to your own life and relationships.
While it’s important to remember that TV shows are just fictional portrayals of families and should be not taken as a definitive guide to parenting and relationships. They can still provide us with a valuable insight and lessons. That we can apply to our own lives. I mean, the writers of these shows.
You know, they’ve come up with these examples on their own, probably from their own personal experiences. Watching characters navigate their relationships and challenges. On TV can help us better understand and appreciate the complexities of family dynamics to improve us. With a new perspective. On how to handle similar situations in our own lives.
TV shows can also saw, can also serve as a source of comfort. And validation for single fathers. It can be a challenging experience to raise. A child on your own. And it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or unsure of your own parenting skills at times. Seeing characters on TV, who are. Also single fathers and facing similar challenges can be a great way to feel less alone.
And to know that you’re not the only one facing these issues. Ultimately TV shows can play a significant role in shaping our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. But it’s important to remember that they are just one source of inspiration and guidance. It’s also. Important to seek out advice and support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals, to navigate these challenges of co-parenting and relationships.
By combining the lessons and insights from TV shows with your own experiences and the support from those around you. You can be the best single father. You can be. It’s also worth noting that different TV shows can provide different types of lessons and insights to when it comes to parenting and those family dynamics.
For example, some shows may focus more of a comedic and lighthearted aspect on family. While other shows may delve onto more serious and emotional issues. For instance. A show like modern family tends to be more humorous and lighthearted approach to depicting family life. While this show like this is us.
Take some more emotional and dramatic approach. Both of both of these shows can be valuable in their own way. Depending on what you’re looking for. As a single father, you may find yourself. Well, you may find that you connect more with certain types of shows and find them more helpful in your own life.
For example, if you’re looking for a show that. We’ll make you laugh and provide some lighthearted entertainment. Hey, modern family. Maybe a great choice. On the other hand, if, if you’re looking for a show that will delve deeper in a more emotional and real. Related to parenting family dynamics. Maybe this is us is a better fit.
Ultimately the key is to find balance and choose TV shows that speak to you in your own experiences as a father. Or as a parent. By doing so you can gain a valuable insight into lessons that you can help. Others. Maybe even help yourself be the best parent and family member that you can. can be.
It’s also important to remember that TV shows can also provide us with a limited perspective on parenting and family dynamics. Every family is different. And what works for one family may not necessarily work for another. It is important to take what you learned from TV shows and apply it to your own life.
And relationships in a way that works for you and your family. It’s important to keep in mind that TV shows often depict a. Idealized version of family. Life. And may not always accurately reflect the challenges and complexities. That real families face. While it can be helpful to watch TV shows and gain.
Insights and inspiration from them. It’s also to important. To remember that they are not. Suitable for real life. Relationships and experiences. That said TV shows can still be a valuable resource for single fathers looking for guidance and inspiration when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from the characters when these shows. It may open your mind up. Two. I don’t know what different. Way of thinking about your own family or about the struggles that you faced in your own life
You know, it’s also worth mentioning that TV shows can serve. As a way for single fathers to connect with their children and bond over a shared interest. Watching TV shows together can be a great way to spend quality time with your child and create lasting memories. It can also be a great way to start discussions and have conversations with your child about important issues and themes that arise in the show.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that deals with themes of friendship and loyalty. You can ha you can use that as an opportunity to discuss these topics with your child and encourage them to think about how they can apply these values in their own life. Similarly, if you’re watching a show that deals with a more serious.
Uh, tone like bullying or discrimination. You can use that opportunity to talk to your child about these important issues and how to handle them in their own lives. By watching TV shows together and engaging in discussions. About these themes and issues that arise in these shows, you can create a meaningful and enriching experience for your child.
And really help them shape their understanding of the world around them.
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of TV shows on our children’s understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Children are. Often, highly influenced by the media. They consume. And it’s important to be mindful of the messages and themes. They’re exposed to through TV shows and other forms of media.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that portrays parents in a negative and stereotypical manner. It’s important to have a conversation with your child about these portrayals and that they may not accurately reflect real life. And if you’re watching a show that portrays an unrealistic and unhealthy family dynamic, it’s important to discuss these portrayals with your child.
And help them to understand that. Not all families function in the same way. By having an open, honest conversation with your child about the media they consume. You can help them shape their understanding of parenting and family dynamics in a healthy and realistic way
And going back to what I said originally. It’s also important to remember that while TV shows can provide us with a valuable lessons and insights. They’re just one aspect of our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Our experiences. Relationships cultural backgrounds play a significant role.
In the shaping and understanding. Of these concepts. If you have a close relationship with your parents. This may influence your understanding of parenting. And the kind of parent you strive to be. Similarly, if you come from a cultural or religious background that places a strong emphasis on certain values or traditions, these values may shape your understanding of family dynamics and.
How you approach relationships with your own children? It’s important to remember that there is no one size fits all approach to parenting and family relationships.
Well, that works for, you know, one family may not necessarily work for another. It’s important to find what works best for you and your own unique family situation. By combining the lessons and insights you gained from TV shows with your own experiences. Relationships culture background. You can create a strong and supportive foundation for your family
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of different types of TV shows on our understanding of parenting and family. For example shows that portray traditional nuclear families with a stay at home mom and a working dad may provide a narrow and potentially limiting perspective on what family.
Dynamics can look like. On the other hand shows that depict a more diverse and unconventional family structure, such as like, you know, single parent households, blended families or same-sex households. Can provide a more inclusive and realistic portrayal of what family dynamics can look like in the modern world.
AKA why I love modern family. As a single father, you may find that you relate more to TV shows that depict an unconventional or diverse family structure. As they may be more reflective to your own experiences. By watching these types of shows, you can gain valuable insights and lessons about how to navigate.
Your own unique family situation. It’s important to consider the representation of gender roles and expectations within TV shows. Traditional gender roles in which men are depicted as the breadwinners and women are the caregivers. Can be really limiting and reinforce harmful stereotypes. By watching TV shows that challenge and subvert these traditional gender roles.
We can gain a more nuanced and inclusive understanding. Of what it means to be a parent or just a important family member in our lives. It’s it’s. It’s really important to be mindful of TV shows. Uh, We’ll just really any TV shows that we watch. And the messages and themes that they present. By seeking out shows that depict a diverse and unconventional family structures. And.
You know, challenge traditional gender roles. We can gain more inclusive and realistic understanding of. Parenting and our own Family
For example. As a black man. With a white father in a mixed race daughter. I have found that. The show. This is us provided me with a relatable experience that helped me. I feel seen and understood. In a way that other shows may not have, this is us deals with themes of adoption race. Mixed. Race families.
And by watching the show. I’ve gained a new perspective on these issues and how. They can impact family. And my family. And other families. Seeing a family like the Pearsons who have. Uh, white father. Uh, black adopted son. May have helped me feel less alone. In my own unique family situation. And may have given me a new way of thinking about the.
Challenges and joys. Of raising a mixed race. Daughter. It’s also important to consider how TV shows can provide us with a sense of community and connection to others that may have similar experiences by watching shows that depicted an unconventional and diverse. Family structure.
We can feel a sense of connection and solidarity with. Others who are navigating similar family challenges. And joyce.
You know, in particular, the character Randall in this is us. Serves as a powerful example. Of the challenges and complexities of being black and being raised in a white family. As I mentioned, Randall is constantly caught between society’s expectations of him being black and. Uh, just basically raised in a white family.
And the show does a great job of depicting these difficulties and the emotional toll. It can really take. One thing in particular that resonates with me is the historic in presumed assertion that white people can and will and should decide the fate of black people. And the love. Is just not enough.
This is a powerful. And important message. And it’s often overlooked in the mainstream media. And it’s a great. Wait for me to. I feel heard or understood. On the show. This is us. It’s also important to note that the show does a really good job of depicting the challenges that white parents can face when raising a black child.
You know, in a flashback scene where Rebecca and Jack struggle with how to raise a kid of a different race. It’s clear that they are generally, um, baffled and unsure on how to best support. And nurture their son. While the show does not shy away from these challenges. It doesn’t. Shy away from the idea that love.
Is it is. That love and support. Is a crucial. And strong, important characteristic. And raising a child, not only just with a child of a different race, but a child. Itself. You know, overall, this is us does a really great job of depicting the complexities and challenges of being a black child. And raising.
A child in a white family. And it’s a really great way to see these issues being addressed in the mainstream. Uh, media and on the TV show. And by watching shows like this. We can gain a better understanding of the unique challenges and, uh, joys. As I mentioned of a diverse family dynamic and be better equipped to support.
And nature our own families. I think it’s always nice to get a different perspective on things. Going through this whole list. With you guys. What I’ve learned is.
It’s important to be respectful. It’s important to be clear. As important to be understood. It’s important to have fun. It’s important to laugh. And it’s important to even cry. But it’s also important to listen. And grow. And share our experiences together. One of the reasons I do this podcast, the single father podcast.
Is too. Share experiences. And to gain a new insight and inspiration to other people’s lives as a single father, as a parent, and really to kind of give you guys an. In insight to my daily life and my journey as a single father. At times it is difficult. At times it is challenging. And at times I have no idea what I’m doing.
But, you know, I fail and I get back up and I learn and I fail and I get back up and I learn and hell a parenting is really just about failing and trying to do it right the next time.
I can’t even count how many times that I failed.
But I can count more times. That I’ve learned. And I’ve used those learning experiences to better love. Support. Cherish. And be there for my daughter every step of the way.
There are very few times in my life. That I feel like I’ve done something amazing.
You won’t find it in my house. You won’t find any. Trophies or metals or hell even barely a certificate. I guess what I’m trying to say is there are very few things in my life where I feel like I have something to show for something that I did that. Was amazing.
That is until I had my daughter. That little girl, single handedly is the best gift metal prize I’ve ever gotten in my entire life. There’s way. Well,
There’s so many pictures on my wall of her.
You know the hell of the trophies or the things of affirmations that. People have in their house. I could care less about that.
I have. My whole house flooded of just. Pictures and drawings and little things that my daughter. Um, gave me and presented to me. Because the most joyous thing in my life. Is that little girl. She turns rain into shine, bad moods, and the good moods. Oh, well, um, unless, you know, she is the reason for my bad mood. Of course.
Um, but that’s a story for another episode. Um,
You know, we just had Christmas and. I heard a quote this Christmas that really summed it all up.
I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the best thing ever. It turns out. Being a parent is.
Aye. I’m so blessed and lucky to have my daughter. And.
I don’t know. What is it about the holidays that makes us so emotional? Is it watching our kids grow up? Is it. How we can put our disagreements aside.
Is it. Just being the people that you can’t imagine life without. Or is it just. Wanting to cherish. The ones you love.
For as long as you can.
Whatever it is. Each Christmas. I think I’ve.
Each Christmas, I think. It’s an opportunity for growth. And to watch everyone around you.
Grow.
The gift. This year to me.
Was the gift that keeps on giving.
The best gift I’ve ever gotten.
My daughter.
Without her. Sometimes, I feel like my life would be more chaotic than it already is.
One of the reasons I do this podcast. Of course, as you guys know. Is to give people a different perspective, not only about parenting or my. Co-parenting situation, but. To give people a different perspective about myself.
I grew up.
With the challenging. Childhood.
Uh, tentious relationship with my family. And the confusing culture around me that oftentimes didn’t make sense.
I felt very alone and outcasted with. A lot of experiences that have had. I have moved. To more states I’ve been. To more schools than I can count.
I fell in love and got heartbroken more times than I cared to admit.
I used to think that. It was just me. Something was wrong with me. And then I was going through these things alone.
And then I sat down and.
Watched a couple of TV shows that made me feel like.
The chaos is just. A part of it.
So now, now I wake up every day with a smile. With a hint of chaos. And that’s just how I like it.
So every one of you who is. Listening and trying to come up with an idea of how to parent. What your family should look like or. What a traditional or unconventional family. Should look like.
No pop on a streaming service. Sit down, watch a TV show. And see for yourself.
Like I said, it may not be the most accurate representation in hell. Maybe it’s completely fiction. Or maybe you think it couldn’t be farther from the truth? But at least we can get some insights and some different perspectives that aren’t your own. Maybe they work for you, maybe they don’t.
But I’ll tell you what I’ve learned a lot.
From a couple of TV shows in my time.
Whether it was modern family teaching me how to laugh with my kids. Whether it was Smallville, teaching me how to support my kid.
Or whether it was, this is us. Teaching me how to. Forgive.
Um, maybe even the let go.
I think we’ve all had.
An emotional response to something that we’ve heard or saw.
Because it related to us. It spoke to us.
Sometimes we can turn on a show.
And it almost feels like they’re looking right at you and saying.
I see you.
I hear you.
And you’re not alone.
Ladies and gentlemen. That is it for me today? Thank you so much for being a part of today’s episode. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me.
Hey, it’s almost a, it’s almost a new year. It’s time that may make the most out of what you got and do the best.
With what you were given.
You guys. I couldn’t be a bigger fan of you all. So thank you. A couple of house cleaning, uh, items to do here. Uh, number one, please like subscribe, follow us. Share, leave a review. Please do that. Uh, if you can, apple. Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you enjoy your podcasts, we’re on it. Uh, go out and like subscribe, share, review, um, and just support us. You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook at the single father podcast.
Um, you know, we post on there occasionally. Um, you can go to our website to find the show notes or occasional articles that I post about co-parenting and things of that nature. That’ll be event packed.org. And you can find some additional resources there too. I plan on expanding and doing a lot with this podcast and it really helps.
Um, you know, just having your guys to support. And if you want to support us in a big way, go to Patrion. It’d be a patron of the podcast. Um, go to patrion.com/the single father podcast. And there are different tiers. You can join with some added benefits. There’s a couple of tiers. Whether, um, I always take.
Um, I always take re request to be a guest on the podcast. I have a guest coming on. Um, pretty soon, that’s going to, uh, give us some great insights on parenting and, and his own, uh, challenges with divorce. Um, so I’m always taking requests to be on the show. Um, but if you want a guaranteed spot, you know, then you can go ahead and join our Patrion.
I’m playing around with that. You know, someone made a comment to me that shook me. I’m not sure if I, you know, I’m having people subscribed to our Patrion to have a guaranteed spot in the show, or maybe to even host a whole podcast themselves. I think maybe that would be fun. Um, you know, have a whole episode where someone just speaking about.
Uh, their journey. Um, not just a conversation with me, but you know, Uh, actually, you know, uh, Manning the ship. So, let me know what you guys think about that. Um, I’ll play around with kind of, what’s added in that Patrion a deal there. But, um, in any case you can always email me at hello. At vinpac.org and the subject line, um, type venting sessions. And, um, you know, maybe we can schedule a venting session with us together and you can be a guest on the podcast.
Um, if it’s questions you want answered. Uh, there’s a section at the end of each podcast. At least I try to do it at the end of each podcast called mailbag. What is mailbag? Well, I’m glad you asked if you go ahead and email us at mail R. Hello. Um, hello event, pact.org. Uh, in the subject line type mailbag, you can write in a question.
And, uh, hopefully it’ll get answered on the end of the podcast and I’ll answer a few of them as I’m going to do it just a little bit. Um, so yeah. Thank you guys so much. I think that’s all the house cleaning I have. Um, make sure you guys just support us. That’s all I can ask. Um, All right. Thanks. All right. So let’s go into mailbag, the section of the show, where we are taking questions anonymously from you that I read on my email and we are going to start with anonymous.
Anonymous ass. Uh, did your co-parenting relationship with your child’s mother turned you off to having a kid again? Um, great question. I was thinking about this just the other day. Um, it did not, I think. Actually it. Created the exact opposite. I think it made me want another kid even more. Um, an opportunity to do it.
The right way. And when I say the right way, what I don’t mean is that I’m doing. Anything. Particularly wrong or this isn’t what I wanted necessarily, but I think it’s. Commonly known that when you have a kid with someone you don’t expect to be co-parents. And I love my little girl. I wish I could have her every single day.
And I always wanted to. Um, experience that what it’s like to have a kid with someone. Every single day. And a wake up every day with a kid there and it just being. My kid from, you know, every single week, not having to. You know, one week on one week off like I do. And although I do in. Enjoy. In some ways what I have.
Being a co-parent it is challenging. And, uh, yeah, I think. I think you guys kind of get what I’m saying. It’s hard for me to really put it into words without. You know, someone who really understands, but, uh, yeah, I, I do want another kid again, but, um, you know, we’ll see, we’ll see if that happens.
Uh, anonymous is. Uh, how ironic anonymous asked, do you ever want more kids? Uh, ironic question based on the last. Question there. Uh, I do want more kids let’s I said, you know, I want an opportunity to, uh, raise a kid, um, you know, day in, day out. Uh, morning tonight, every single day. And, um, I would love to have like a whole little bunch of buggers running around and.
Stressing me out and leading to me probably to an early heart attack. But, uh, I, I know there’s something so beautiful about that. And, um, I don’t know, uh, true to this episode, I’ve been watching a lot of modern family lately and. Even though, like I said, uh, it seems crazy in the show. It does seem like a really loving and enjoyable experience too.
Um, I don’t know. I have a whole bunch of kids that love me and I love them and roll a family. Sounds fun. Uh, next question.
Anonymous ass. Was there ever a time that you felt like you and your child’s mother were going to get back together? Uh, uh, a very briefly. And, um, it faded as quickly as it came. Um, you know, a few situations happened to that, uh, are disappointing and, um, yeah. We, um, that moment has, uh, definitely passed for me. You know, I think everything does happen for a reason.
Um,
You know, I. I’m I’m.
I don’t know. I, I, it’s hard to talk about. Uh, but, uh, you know, um, one of the biggest challenges that I face in terms of whether I feel regret for it or not is the fact that I’m not with my child’s mother, because. Immediately it’d be easier for me, but you know, uh, another reason is I always wanted to give my child.
Something that I never had, which was a. Um, The stable, loving home. And although I think in some version. Of that. Is what she’s experiencing now. What. Stable loving home. Uh, just on, in different homes. Um, It would have been nice to have one family unit, but I’ll tell you what her and I are just definitely not meant to be together.
Um,
And that’s that. So I hope that kind of makes sense. Uh, anonymous ass. Would you ever consider getting married? Uh, yes, I would consider beginning married. I’ll tell you what though. It’s interesting. The thought of getting a loped sounds more appealing to me than an actual marriage. In some weird way.
I can’t envision me walking down an aisle. And. Getting married in that traditional normal sentence. Um,
And I know, listen, I’d say getting a loped is not only untraditional. It’s kind of unconventional. I don’t know.
But I feel like that. Is more appealing to me. Getting a loped, but, uh, You know, if I meet someone who is really dedicated and committed to a wedding, then. I will gladly.
Show up. Um, I don’t know. Um, I think. What fascinates me. He is calling someone, my wife. That sounds so beautiful to me, you know? It’s almost prolific. It’s like, I want me and my wife. Me and my wife were just my wife, you know? Um, And to any of you who are recently divorced, I apologize. Um, that must be triggering to hear.
But, uh, yeah, I think that’s pretty nice. Uh, and I would definitely want that one day. So. I don’t know what may be, will be. Uh, anonymous. Do you have any other kids? I do not just the, just the daughter, um, and the dog that, uh, It’s pretty annoying. But, um, yeah. What is your favorite thing about your daughter?
My favorite thing about my daughter. Um, So many. How could I even choose. Uh, her voice. That’s the first thing that came into my head. Her voice is so sweet. Innocent. And it’s not just the way she looks at me sometimes, but it’s just her voice. That gives me to do whatever she wants. And I just break down on my knees and say,
You can, I will rip out my heart real fast and give it to you if that’s what you want. Um, my precious little angel, you are everything to me. That voice can really just make me. Um, just melt. Oh, I love that girl. Um, Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I just. Um, I’m, uh, Yeah. Anyways. Uh, anonymous SAS. What’s the most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a co-parent.
Uh, well, despite the obvious. Uh, the challenging thing right now I have with my daughter is getting her to just listen. Um, You know, finding a balance between. Um, being a stern father. And.
Um, You know, I don’t know. I don’t want her to fear me. That’s the problem. You know, but she is a hard-headed woman. She doesn’t listen. And it’s hard because I want to instill a sense of discipline. And then while it’s funny. Cause the next question is, do you ever get afraid disciplining your child because of your co-parent.
Uh, so I’ll explain and I’ll expand on both of these things. So it’s hard. Again, to try to instill a sense of discipline because on the one hand, I don’t want her to be fearful of me. And the other hand. You can’t just have her walk all over. You. The difficult thing for me is her mother and I have very different, different parenting styles.
And I’m not privy to the parenting style there. Um, I’d say. You know, for reasons I can’t get into, it’s very disappointing. Not being. On the same wavelength when it comes to parenting styles. Now we obviously have a.
Somewhat of a mutual understanding. But. You know, we. Again, I’m, I’m trying to be careful with my words. I, we do not have the same parenting style and that’s super challenging. Difficult frustrating. And. Um, I will say wrong.
In my opinion. Um, And look, you don’t have to agree on everything, but you at least have to somewhat be on the same page and. Uh, If you had, if you were to ask me if we are a truly don’t know, Um, and like I said, there’s the main thing that we both agree on is the health and wellness and. Politeness and nurturing aspect of raising our child, but there’s a lot of things that, you know, I’m not privy to. And.
Um, In their household and, um, Maybe there’s an argument. Maybe I shouldn’t be, or I don’t know. There’s we, we just have different parenting styles, so it’s tough. When it comes to disciplining my child, though, if you asked me from her fearful of it, I’m not fearful of disciplining my child. There’s obviously some co-parenting.
Uh, baggage. That comes with disciplining your child because you feel like, oh, if she doesn’t like me, she’s going to run to her mom or she wants to live with her mom. And the blah, blah, blah. I’m sure her mother has felt the same way, but, um, there’s some of that, but it really goes away. I think the love you show your child.
Outweighs. Um, Should outweigh more than the. Discipline she’s receiving. Um, in any fashion. Um, but do I spank my kids now? Um, And I can never spank that little girl, but you know, it is, it is tough. ’cause you know, like I said, I want her to listen, but she’s, it’s. It’s such a challenge. So that’s probably the hardest thing I’m going through right now is finding that balance between, you know, being a stern figure.
And being in being that loving figure and. Uh, having them co-exist in a way that she, um,
Uh, response to has been a challenge. Yeah. But no, I’m not afraid of anything. No, no, no. But, uh, yeah. Um,
There was something I was going to say. I completely forgot to be honest. Oh, well, Moving on. Um, It kind of sucks that you are having to. Go through, uh, that’s inappropriate.
Um, it sounded good at first, but I read the whole thing. Inappropriate. Alright, uh, next question. What is the next chapter in parenting for you? Um, that’s such a broad question. I have no idea what you mean. The next chapter in parenting. Um, if you’re asking, do I want another kid? Yes. If you’re asking.
What’s next between me and my. With my daughter. I, I mean, I don’t know, just hope that she lives. Successful career in a long time. Right? That’s a, that’s a very broad question. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I appreciate it though. Um, Next question. Um, Well, I’ll read operated, probably like three more.
What is your favorite book on parenting? Uh, to be honest, I really don’t have one. I’m not going to lie to you. The things that I’ve learned as far as books goes, or just common things, I just kinda. Oh, I don’t even know if I’d say calm and just some things that I read around, maybe a library or Barnes and noble or the house or something like that.
Um, when it comes to a specific book, I don’t know. I did have a, um, I guessed on my shell, Leah lists, who. What is your book again? Let me, let me look it up.
Less.
Um, it’s like how to. Oh, yeah. So, uh, Leah lists, uh, the nose shame expert on Instagram. I had her on as a guest on my show and I do own her book. It’s like how to. Um, changing the way we talk to children. You know, Uh, no shame. And it’s about how to speak about sex with your children. And. And things like that. That’s a book that I keep around my house because you know, if it does turn out that I have to be a single father for the long run.
Um, I don’t know. I don’t even know how to begin to talk to my kid about sex. Or about, uh, body changes that she may be going through. And although I do feel like she will have that. Um, those things answered with her mother. I I’d love to be. Not necessarily a part of it, but I’d love to be, have, I’d love to be a figure where she can come to, to have an open and honest conversation with. I’m never going to be a dad who a.
Makes her kid and feel uncomfortable just by telling them the truth. I have a deal with my kid and the, with my daughter. And we’ll we always say to each other, as long as you’ve told me the truth, you’re never in trouble. Um, Actually get old as she gets older, it may be altered. A little, but, uh,
Um, No. I mean, Um, Yeah. As far as books go, I can’t think of any other than that. Her book is called no shame. Her name’s Lila. She was. Wonderful beautiful guests on my show. So check it out. Also check out the episode. Um, all right, next question here. Um, what is the most challenging thing about being a co-parent when you have to make appointments or hang with friends?
Or go to certain events. Um, I think that answered itself. The challenging thing about being a co-parent in, uh, in, in that aspect. Well, if you’re asking what, what about being a co-parent there’s nothing challenging about that because. You know, it’s 50 50. So, you know what happens at my houses in my business and her house is her business.
Um, to a certain extent that doesn’t intrude on my ability to properly. Raise or, um, help influence my daughter. But, um, there’s no like. I don’t have to ask permission for anything. If that’s what you’re asking. If it comes. If you’re asking about like, is it hard for me to do certain things, having my daughter.
And me being a single parent. Yes. Uh, it is. Um, but. Um, what I love about my friends is. Kind of. You know, everyone has like a certain friend group. I have my friend group. And it’s become kind of natural that my daughter is now a part of this friend group. You know, uh, you know, as she should, you know, my, my, my friends, when some of my best friends.
A couple of mine. Uh, they’re um, they’re having a baby and their child will obviously be included within the group as well. Um, you know, so I, my, my daughter’s like my partner in crime, I kind of. Carry her along with me everywhere. Uh, so she’s always with me. Um, Just I recommend is always having an iPad or something around entertainer, a book or something.
Um, you know, I give her an iPad while I’m getting my haircut or something. But, um, you know, what I will say is. There are a lot of complicated issues with being a co-parent, but. One of the good things you hear. From co-parents is they say, well, it’s just, I have like a permanent babysitter on the weeks. I don’t have her.
Yeah. That’s somewhat true. I mean, still, I don’t like it. I can’t fully be down for that comment, but it is true. I mean, there are times. I’ll tell you what I have her Saturday through Saturday. And. When I pick her up Saturday, when it gets close to that following Friday. You know, it’s 50 50, whether we are either sick of each other.
Or whether she’s about to. You know, push me into a grave. Because it gets kind of stressful. So, you know, getting close to that Friday, getting her back to her mom on Saturday. It is kind of. It’s kind of like a break for me to kind of. Respond. Reese respond and, um, recomposed myself. At least clean my house.
So, yeah, I mean, There’s there’s different things. And benefits to in complications to everything. But. Um, I think in a lot of ways, I’ve been able to have my co-parenting situation. Um, B is. At least healthy for me as possible. And it’s healthy for my daughter. Um, like I said, it’s. The only thing I’ve ever cared about was just making sure, um,
She’s happy and grows up as normal as possible. That’s. Our main goal. All right guys. Um, well, I’m trying to shorten these episodes down a tad. So, uh, I think that’s about it. Thank you guys for listening. Um, like I said, follow us on social media. Be a supporter. Um, if you have any. You know,
Uh, questions, concerns, or if you want to be on the show, if you have a, you know, If you have a suggestion for me about the show. Please email me@helloofimpact.org or should have said. Uh, DM on Instagram. And please, if you liked the episode, if it resonated with you in any way, shape or form, leave a review.
So, uh, thanks guys. Um, You know, it’s Kendall, Donaker father DZ here until next time. Thanks for letting me vent with you. Bye-bye.
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