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Welcome to The Single Father Podcast, where host Kendall Donaker explores the unique challenges and joys of raising children as single dads. In this episode, Kendall is joined by guest David Williams, who shares his personal experiences growing up in a single father household and how it has shaped him as a person. The two discuss the challenges of dealing with his parents’ divorce, his son’s autism, and how he is coping with being a newborn daughter and being in a relationship. They also delve into the difficulties of making decisions about family members who are not behaving in a way that aligns with their values, and the importance of making choices that are best for oneself. Tune in for an insightful and honest conversation about the complexities of single fatherhood and personal growth.
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Highlights
I spoke about a little about where I met with mine, and it’s funny because I go into that deeper in my next episode where I talk about how TV parents kind of shift my fatherhood outlook, watching things like Modern Family or things like that.
There may be something that would be way outside of her comfort zone and also maybe way outside of your comfort zone, but if she finds it worthy of pursuing but she’s scared, you want to be able to convey to her it’s uncomfortable.
The lines of communication needed to be open. And so for that, you could actually move forward in trying to figure out the solution for your grandmother. And you wanted to do that for a really long time.
That’s an amazing thing you just said, David. I think that’s going to help a lot of listeners as well. And then let me ask you something. Is that something that you figured out on your own or is this something that you actually learned from your parents?.
Again, communication, I think understanding each other in, like, what’s important for you as a parent and what’s important for your daughter’s mother as a parent, those things need to be expressed so that you guys can begin to formulate a plan to proceed in a manner that’s going to be best for your daughter.
Timestamps
0:00:00 The Single Father Podcast: An Interview with David Williams
0:02:26 Single Fatherhood: A Conversation with David
0:04:06 The Impact of Family Relationships on an Individual
0:06:22 The Power of Letting Go: How to Create a Better Future for Yourself
0:08:12 The Impact of Technology on Parent-Child Relationships
0:09:38 The Importance of Family: A Conversation with Kendall Donaker
0:13:31 Kendall and David discuss her upbringing and how it has affected his parenting.
0:15:25 Father-Son Relationship: The Importance of Communication
0:18:40 Parenting a Child with Autism: A Conversation with David Williams
0:20:30 David Discuss the Challenges of Autism
0:22:55 Parenting a Child with Autism: One Father’s Experience
0:25:03 The Importance of a Healthy Relationship with Your Partner
0:28:15 The Importance of a Healthy Relationship Between Coparents
0:30:23 The Impact of Divorce on Children: A Father’s Perspective
0:33:37 Parenting Conversation
0:36:17 Parenting Goals: Hardworking, Disciplined, Respectful, and Fearless
0:38:05 Parenting Styles
0:40:17 Collaborating for the Best Interest of the Child
0:43:28 Fatherhood: The Importance of Being a Good Role Model
0:44:56 The Power of a Good Example: How Parents Can Teach Their Kids to be Successful
0:47:34 The Power of Mentorship: How to Overcome Fear and Grow from Mistakes
0:49:10 The Benefits of Facing Adversity
0:51:36 The Importance of Confronting Adversity
0:53:11 The Benefits of Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone
0:54:35 Fatherhood Outlook: A Conversation with David
0:57:46 How to Move Forward After Resolving Family Conflict In this conversation, the speaker discusses how he was able to move forward after resolving conflict with his family. He talks about the importance of being intentional with spending quality time with family members.
0:59:22 The Relationship between Parents and Their Adult Children
1:03:10 The Importance of Systems in Achieving Goals
1:04:53 Closing thoughts, The Single Father Podcast with Kendall Donker: Episode with David Williams
Transcript:
Well, hello and welcome to the single father podcast. I’m your host, Kendall Donaker, AKA father DZ. Thank you for being a part of today’s show. And thank you for allowing me to vent with you. Guys, I have an amazing guest on today’s show. His name is David Williams. Um, you know, when him and I got in contact.
Uh, I read a little bit about his story. This is an amazing guy. And speaking to him, you know, put everything into a whole new perspective. Um, I said this to him, to his face that. He’s the type of guy that you would follow into a storm and just know that on the other side, you’ll be okay. Um, and he even has a little bit of a metaphor for that as well.
You know, we speak about his struggles with his parents’ divorce. His son with autism. And kind of how he’s been able to navigate that. With his own life and then with his own challenges and with his relationship and with his newborn daughter, , we speak about a lot. , we really get into it. This has been one of my favorite episodes. I’m happy that I had him on the show. And, uh, I know that this is going to be an episode that you guys will love.
Um, so without further ado, Thank you for letting me vent with you. Make sure you like subscribe, leave a review. Um, put us as your favorites. It means nothing to you, but. It means the world to me. Thank you guys. Here. Here it is
How are you? I’m good. How are you? Very good. I’m sorry for the delay my friend, but I’m happy I get to speak to you. No worries, man. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Happy, happy New Year to you too. How was your Christmas?
It was good. It was good. You got look super festive where you’re at. Yeah. Yeah. , I’ve, uh, I’ve been so busy with my kid at the time to take it down and, um, if I take it down in front of her, I think it’d be like the whole thing. So, yeah. , luckily she’s at our mom’s right now. Um, what, what’d you do for Christmas?
Um, As we just had our baby girl. She’s 17. She’s 17 days. Congratulations. I’m old. Um, so I mean, it was really low key. Just ended up the grandparents, um, went to my mom’s. Just, just pretty, pretty low key. Congratulations. Thank you. A lot of it’s just been, you know, just navigating that. It’s been a lot of, um, not a lot of sleep lately, so.
Mm. . But yeah, that’s been, it was, it was nice. Everybody was excited to see her. Yeah. I, no, I don’t miss those days with the no sleep. Uh, that’s for, for damn sure. . Yeah. Uh, so David, I just wanted to like, learn a little bit about yourself. Um, tell me about you and, your family and kinda where you’re at. Yeah. So one thing that pulled my interest, uh, when I found your podcast, uh, like I said, being a single father, and that was one thing.
I’m 40 years old. I grew up in a small town, sand Springs, Oklahoma. It’s just outside of Tulsa. I mean, literally about 10 minutes from downtown. Um, and then going through my parents’ divorce and living with my dad, um, had a lot to do with I think like though it shaped me mentally, um, and where I’m at today.
But they divorced when I was either in second or third grade, so I was like seven or. . So a split household. And then like I said, having to live with him. Um, we didn’t really flip flop a lot in regards to sharing custody, so the mm-hmm. , I would say the majority of my younger adolescents and teenage years were coming from a single father, uh, household.
Um, and so what was really interesting about that is like filling emotions of. Confusion. I think for one, obviously as any young kid would, uh, not understand really like what’s going on, what’s happening and why, but, uh, having feelings of confusion, uh, having feelings of, um, resentment as I, I got older and I actually ended up, um, having to deal with a lot of personal and emotional.
I wouldn’t say shortcomings and things like that, but it’s like having to work through those. It, it affected a lot of, even with me and my current relationship, and Ceha, you know, she’s the mother of, of my two children, but we had to work through a lot because I, uh, because of a lot of my childhood, I wouldn’t call it trauma, but because of those situations and scenarios, um, I had a lot of working.
on myself that I had to do. And it wasn’t until, uh, I recognized that and really started to address it because in the past I hadn’t, yeah, I had com I had completely, uh, ignored it. Um, I had just, oh, it doesn’t really matter. It was such a long time ago, but still, it, it did matter and it was still affecting me.
And not only was it affecting me, um, growing as an individual, but it was actually affecting me in my. Relationships, my relationship, uh, now too as well. And that was something that I had to address and, um, have, and even like still today, still learning just how to become a better father, a better partner.
Um, . But that was one of the things that, that when I, when I found you and I saw you, I was like, this is really interesting. And so, uh, even the, uh, your last episode when you were talking about, uh, your uncle, right? Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And, uh, was it, and it was your, was your grandmother or your aunt? Uh, my grandma, yeah.
Grandmother. Yeah. And like having to deal with family members and them, you know, some of the people that are the. Close to us or that we perceive, I should say, that what, that are the most close to us can really be not heading in the direction and the path that we want to go. And some of those decisions as you made, as you talked about, you know, some of those can be some of the hardest decisions.
And, and it’s like, we wanna hold onto those so badly. It’s like, ah, like I said, I was ignoring it. I was ignoring it, and I was ignoring it, and I was putting it off to the side, making light of. . And then when you finally said, you know what, I need to address this. You talked about how like you had this relief, right?
And I’m sure you two were probably wondering man, I was like, why didn’t I do this a long time ago? Like when I first started becoming an issue. So it’s like that’s why I wanted to talk to like people, whether it’s fathers, mothers, whatever. It’s like, even though that, are they, they may be blood, they may be family, they may be close to us.
That doesn’t necessarily. Give us the obligation to continue going down the same path that they’re on and the way that they behave and their lifestyle and their mindset. And if it’s not in alignment with who you’re wanting to be you, you’re not obligated to be, you know, metaphorically in the same boat with them.
And I thought that was really, really interesting. And I remember I was working out, I was listening to that episode and I was working. And you were talking about it, I was like, well, it was my family and I ha um, I can’t remember how you put it, but he’s like, it’s like it has to be this way or it has to be, and I was literally in the gym and I can’t remember exactly how you said it, but I verbally out loud.
I was like, no, you don’t. You don’t. And I was in there, it was probably, it was early in the morning, it was like 4 30, 5 o’clock in the morning. There was probably like four people in there. But I remember like vividly saying that out loud. And, and that’s even the thing is like, uh, for people is.
Going through life, being a single father, being a single mother. Mm-hmm. , um, like it’s going to be a ton of adversity. And that’s okay. Those are the moments and those are the lessons that are gonna serve you to become a higher, better self later on. When will that happen? We don’t know, but. , that was a thing with, with that, with that break in my parents’ relationship and me growing up in a, in a single father household, um, taught me a lot.
Uh, it gave me a lot of perspective. It made me very, very grateful. And, um, it showed me the importance of a relationship, not only between a father and a son, but a parent and a child, and Absolut. . And with that comes a lot of responsibility. And I don’t think that parents nowadays really understand the impact that they have on their children with technology.
iPhones, iPads, you know, people’s relationships are very, um, I wouldn’t say limited, but it is extremely different the the way that you and I. How old are you? Uh, 27. You’re 27. So I’m 40. Uh uh. And so we’re kind of on the fringe. When we were younger, we didn’t have that technology. So we were forced to , have, have relationships differently, and now everybody’s just in their screen.
Does that make sense? You’re absolutely correct. Um, you’re speaking really, uh, deep too. I I really love that. Uh, and there’s a lot to unpack there too. Um, no, specifically what you said about family, I, you’re absolutely right. My, my definition of what a family is, I don’t think I’ve actually like pinpointed what I would define it as, because there’s a lot of complicated aspects to it.
Specifically going into my last episode of where I speak about kind of letting go of a family member, um, and, uh, moving forward, going. Moving forward with, you know, my dad, who I’m close with, but I have a very complicated relationship with as a father and a family member, you know? Um, so you’re absolutely right in that, um, and it, it is complicated.
And in going back to when you were younger, so you lived in a single father house. And, and you said you had a lot of resentment. Um, what was that resentment built towards? Was it from, was it built towards your, your mom, your dad? I mean, what, what do you think that resentment was kind of triggered by? I would say not to, I would say to both of them honestly.
And it wasn’t, it wasn’t, uh, when I was younger, it was actually when I started to get into my teenage years. . Um, both, both of my parents have since remarried and they’ve, they’ve been married to their spouse, um, longer than my parents were married to the, to themselves. So they’ve both, um, obviously have, have moved on and things like that.
But as I was becoming a teenager, um, that resentment came from, like I said, I, I vividly remember thinking all the time. . He was like, well, if they didn’t care enough to figure it out or work on it, then I’m not gonna care as much either. And so it, that was, that was the attitude I started to take. And it wasn’t that I didn’t love them or I didn’t care for them or, or wasn’t happy to be around them.
It’s just that fracture took. a big toll on me mentally. Mm-hmm. , and, and like I said, is as you’re younger, it’s like you don’t understand. Mm-hmm. , you don’t know what was going on. And that’s even one thing. It’s like there’s always three sides to a story. There’s, you know, what one person says, what the other person says, and then the truth
So I just think, I think the valuable lesson, the valuable lesson, I think. I learned from that is even though people make mistakes, even though people, uh, are human and they’re flawed, um, you still want to be able to be solution oriented and move forward with the best intentions in mind. Absolutely. I know my parents didn’t have any ill will towards me.
Um, for whatever reasons they weren’t able to, you know, work their differences. . Um, and you know, here we are , so you know, obviously like seven, you know, thirties, 35 years later. And it’s just, um, I love them both. Still our relationships are, are growing. Um, and now it’s like now me being a father myself, I can see the importance of communication.
I can see the importance of compromise. Mm-hmm. , uh, , I can see the importance of selflessness, uh, are very, very important for the family to thrive. I, I like what you say because, uh, when you’re speaking about selflessness, I think that’s important, especially going to what you just said about, um, you know, saying, I don’t think my parents had any ill will towards me.
It’s funny because I would somewhat agree to that with myself. I don’t think my parents ever. such Ill will, like, it wasn’t just like, you know, fuck Kendall, right? But it was, it was more so, you know, being, uh, uh, the selfish behavior of kind of putting themselves first. And I speak about this a lot in, pretty much every episode is conditional love.
Uh, they had very conditional love. It was a boundary. , the, the love that they showed me. You know, it was, if you don’t do this for me, then, you know, maybe I’m kind of cold to you. And that was kind of the things that I’ve was raised by. And, you know, I have to watch myself sometimes. Um, I’ve never c I’m never ever cold to my daughter, but even certain behaviors that my parents have towards me, like even just yesterday, I was, you know, it was such an effort to get my daughter to clean the house.
and you know, at a cer I just kind of, at a certain point I’m like, God, you know what? God damn, I’m so, I raised my voice and I’m like, man, I don’t wanna be like this. You know, I’ve, because even as I raised my voice, I heard my dad in that and how like, uh, how uncomfortable it made me with his loud voice presence.
And I ha and I immediately apologized and just talked to her about it instead. And it’s something I have to watch. And I wonder what that’s like for you. I mean, uh, you know, having those experiences from your parents that you don’t like is, do you ever catch yourself in a moment where you’re like, oh, I have to, this sounds like my parents, let me tone it back.
Something like that. You know what I mean all the time? Absolutely. It’s, uh, you know, they have these, uh, saying. or just the things that you’ve heard them say over and over again and like their philosophies or you know, their cliches or things like that. And what you even talked about is like you, your temperament.
That was even one thing. It’s like for me now, currently, so my two-year-old, he’s autistic. Mm-hmm. , he’s delayed with his development. And so that’s been challenging and for me to. Number one, understand that he’s not going to pick things up, uh, mentally as quickly as other children would. It’s been a big test on, uh, my patients.
It’s been a big test on my temperament. Mm-hmm. . Um, there’s times where he doesn’t listen well. Now I don’t know if that’s, you know, him just being a two year old mm-hmm. , but, uh, I do, I do see myself. And so like in what you were discussing about, you know, you. acting out or doing things that remind you of your father?
I do the same thing. Um, and I told this with him. I actually spoke to, I, I, I spoke to him about this was he was very my way or the highway. Mm-hmm. very like authoritarian and. . Where he struggled was, and what I mentioned earlier, was his lack of communication. He had all the best intentions for me. Mm-hmm.
but he didn’t have the ability to communicate that they were the best intentions. It was just, no, we’re gonna do it this way. And if you don’t like it, tough. Right. And so that was, that’s where I, for one, want to improve. It’s like being able to convey, Why we’re going to do it this way and not this way.
Does that make sense? I completely agree with you. Absolutely. So, so he was, it was just, like I said, he had all the best intentions he had. He wanted me to be successful. He wanted me, um, to all parents want them, want their kids to do better than them in all aspects of life. Where I want to be able to improve upon that is being able to, explain to them in a manner that it will actually click rather than, well, if you don’t like it, tough, I’m the parent and you’re the kid.
Hmm. . Does that make sense? No, it does. Uh, and that’s, listen, I mean that’s legitimately what I, I struggles of a different word cuz it’s not like I’m constantly reminding myself of my parents, but it’s, it’s. . I do so much struggle with at times when I’m in a moment of frustration, kind of like how you mentioned and it’s like what you just said my way or the highway, you know, knock this shit off.
You know what I mean? Blah blah, blah. And I have to revert back cuz I’m like, I, I’ll be damned if I have this girl fear me. Like that’s not what I want. You know? I want us to have, you know, a father-daughter relationship where it’s communicative and look, there’s certain times as parents as you know, like you know it.
I think it does call for it because I said so. Right. But, uh, it’s, it’s been really difficult to find that balance sometimes between, you know, because yesterday was really kind of a, a struggle, like a thought provoking experience for me. This, I mean, she refused just absolutely clean, and I’m using every single tactic to try not to be.
uh, like a really demanding presence. You know, if you don’t do this, you’re going to your room. She chooses a room, and I’m like, okay, now what? You know? And now I’m like, okay, it’s not an option, like clean up. And you know, as she’s dragging her feet, it’s kind of like, oh, I’m so frustrated and it’s really hard.
and you kinda revert back What worked for me? Well, it was the cowardly fear that I had experienced with my father, but I don’t want that. And it’s finding different ways to kind of parent is, has been my interesting struggle with, um, kind of how I was raised. But I imagine it’s more difficult for you because you do have a son with autism.
And I, I’d love for you to kind of further explain on that too, because I imagine being a parent, um, It, that’s everything we just dis discussed is probably more amplified since you have, you know, a son who you know is learning a little bit slower than, uh, the average bear. And I would love for you to kind of explain that and how you’ve been able to manage that and what are you doing to manage that currently.
Yeah, absolutely. So the autistic spectrum, that, that, it’s a wide spectrum and that could be different levels for everything. And so even when they’re screened, there’s different categories that they’re. Um, evaluated on and for Zaman, um, whereas he’s delayed at is, uh, his speech and his social, uh, interactions.
Uh, there’s other categories too as well, but his specific one, so he’s two and a half. Um, he’s not speaking yet. And that’s, that’s, I mean, that can be common whether the person with the kid’s autistic or not, but he’s still not speaking and so that’s even the thing is. Just simple communications. I saw a pod, I saw a podcast, uh, the other day, and a gentleman was actually interviewing his daughter and she was three, I think it was, and they were just having a full on conversation like you and I, and I never got, I, and, and that hit me so hard because I was extremely jealous of that.
And I was like, oh my gosh. It’s like, that’s number one. It’s amazing for them. They’re able to do it. But I had never, I never realized and take. For granted, just being able to communicate with your child, uh, and have them express, you know, what they’re wanting, what their emotions are, things like that. But so he’s delayed in his speech and he’s, um, in regards to his social interactions, he still has no, like, full on awareness of what’s appropriate in particular.
Environments, restaurants, uh, out in public. I mean, he’s just, yeah, just, he’s just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I’ll tell you, that’s every kid. That’s my kid. Yeah. Every kid. Yeah. . Well, again, and that’s even the thing is it’s like that’s, and he said what it’s been like for me, the most challenging thing is, I don’t know if it’s a developmental delay or if it’s normal children behav.
So me, same thing. It’s like I’m a little confused. It’s like, do I become more disciplined? Mm. Do I be more patient? And I’m learning as we go. That’s been the struggle for me is wow, is that because of he’s just a child and children don’t listen to as well? Or is, is he really just not comprehending, um, what’s appropriate?
And so I’m having to, I’m having to, um, Give them the, the benefit of the doubt, . And so that’s, that’s one thing that’s, uh, like I said, it’s been a big test of patience. I think that’s what the, any parent, um, for sure, yeah. Hmm. That’s, that’s deep, man. I, I, I can’t imagine what a struggle that must be for you, . Uh, I, yeah, I mean, that, that is interesting to be honest with you. Like you, you’re at a place where like, yeah, I can’t tell whether she’s just, or, or he’s just acting out, or if it’s just, you know, part of, you know, autistic behavior that must be really challenging.
Are, is there any like doctors or therapists that help you with that? Uh, with him specifically? Yes. So he’s in, he’s in speech therapy and occupational therapy. So he goes to actually three different sessions per week, um, that they work with. And, um, he does great. Uh, we’re seeing progressions and, um, he’s very, the thing was, I mean, he’s very determined.
I mean, with everything that he does. He’s very bold, he’s very courageous. That’s actually one of the character traits I absolutely love about him. But also simultaneously it scares me to death, uh, because. , like I said, he has no regards for, uh, other people in his own safety. Yeah. So again, certain things like that can be challenging.
And he was born during Covid. Mm-hmm. So for that first year, year and a half or so, it’s like we weren’t, I mean, we were quarantined like everybody else, so we weren’t out with other parents and their kids, so there was no interactions between. Yeah. Yeah. And so that was when, and like I said, this whole thing has been just one big puzzle.
Of, okay. Is it, is it the, the developmental delay or is it just normal child behavior? Did you need more interaction? Is it da da da? And it’s just like, we just have a lot of questions mm-hmm. , um, that I don’t have definitive answers to. And so I’ve had to, yeah. I mean that I’ve just had to really, really practice, you know, my patients and just trying to understand and be solution solution oriented, one step at a time.
People, the people who don’t have idea, they’re like, man, how do you deal with that? How do you deal with that? And it’s just, honestly, it’s like we’re so, I mean, we’ve gotten used to it. It’s just him. It’s just, it’s just how it’s, we don’t, I don’t look at him as being different. I just look at him as, as him.
And so we’re just having to adjust accordingly on what’s appropriate. And just like I said, it’s just like I always say, he is like he’s on his own timeline. Yeah. So when he starts to, he starts to figure things out, he’ll start to figure things out. But you know, as a father, it’s like you want the best for them.
And he is like, still trying to figure out like what’s going to love him to death. I mean, that’s a, that’s a big thing, but it’s again, just like we wanna, I wanna, when you asked about like, does your, does my father come out and me? And you’re like, absolutely. And he’s like, I don’t wanna be. My way or the highway, I want to be like, it’s, this is the best way and here’s the reason why.
Love that. Does that make love that? Yeah, that perfect. Yeah. It’s always, uh, the second sentence, uh, one of my , one of my, uh, trainers who used to work with me, Sheel lives out in California, but she always said, David, you need the second sentence. And, and I said, well, what do you mean? It’s like, well, people will say something to you, but then if they don’t elaborate, Y it’s like you either a tend to ignore it or it’s like it, you just don’t comprehend it.
So it’s like, and she was a school teacher, that was her actual full-time job, and she worked with little kids too as well. She said it’s like, this is what we feel is best and here’s the reason why. And I was like, daddy dumb. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. You’re absolutely right. That’s, that’s so deep. Uh, David, and, and, uh, I agree with you because it, uh, um, Man.
I mean, look, look, as I said, although I do think there’s times that require, uh, because I said so, I’d say 99% of the time, I always try to explain why. Because look, my daughter’s a curious girl. All she wants to know is, why can’t I touch that? Why can’t I do that? You know, she doesn’t know. . And so it doesn’t really benefit her from me screaming at her and saying, because, you know, I try to explain why, Hey, this is not safe, because it could hurt you, you know, this is blah, blah, blah.
Because, you know, so I, I completely a hundred percent agree with you. Um, that’s a great way to parent and I really commend you on that. I can already tell you you’re a great dad. Uh, how I, how, let me ask you this though. How important is it, you came from a divorced household, how important is it to you?
that you maintain a healthy and positive relationship with your, your partner because I, I remember probably the most disappointing aspect of my fatherhood career is, is per se, is me breaking up with her mother and. That’s not to say that I think we should be together because I don’t, but at the same time it was so heartbreaking for me because I, you know, you look at your parents and you’re like, never, never will I ever be you.
And then you kind of fall into a pattern of where, okay, I’m you. And, and sometimes it’s even hard taking advice from my dad cuz I’m like, look, I feel like you did things the right, wrong way. , I’m not at all saying this, but it’s like sometimes you, you go in your head, I’m like, maybe you’re the reason why, you know what I’m saying?
And I, it’s hard for me to accept that. Like, I’m so disappointed that I don’t have my daughter every day have a one week on, one week off. I am so disappointed, disappointed about, you know, being in a situation where I have to split custody with a relationship, have a, a complicated relationship with her mother.
We talk out on parenting app. It’s just so not what I am envisioned for myself being a parent. And there’s grace in that. There’s beauty in that. And I can talk about all the benefits of, um, you know, the positives of being a co-parent, but it’s just obviously you don’t go into a situation having a child and being like, Hey, I wanna co-parent.
Right? And so I wonder how is important it is for you to maintain that relationship with, with, with your. extremely. I think number one, first and foremost is like having a, a child isn’t, is a huge, if not the biggest responsibility that you can have, and, uh, for people to take that lightly, um, they don’t really understand the magnitude of like, you’re creating a life and you’re responsible for, uh, that.
And so again, it comes back to being selfless versus being selfish. Mm-hmm. . from their, from my upbringing, from a split household. Like I said, that happening led me to become an extremely selfish individual. Extremely, I mean, for all the way up into my twenties, all the way up into, uh, I would say practically around like my, my mid thirties and, um, with Sasha.
Uh, , it’s extremely important for us to have a healthy relationship, and that’s even the one thing is like I had to become less selfish, stop thinking about myself and only my wants and needs. Mm-hmm. know that for this to be optimal. That’s the thing. Is this for to be optimal is that it’s a, it’s a team now.
We all have our wants and our. . Um, I heard a message a couple weeks ago and it’s like, like, oh, the father has his roles and the mother has his roles, and it’s like, I don’t know where we all got that. It’s like we have like general roles, but it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s each other’s responsibility to be the absolute best for the family.
And as both the mother and the fathers, they have to, they, you can’t be 50% in the, the actual, the way you said it is like 50. Commitment on one hand and 50%, um, responsibility just leads to 100% disappointment. Mm-hmm. . And so you just, it’s work, right? I mean, it’s work. There’s, I know that there’s things that you wish that you may have done differently.
Um, but again, again, those are where the lessons are, and we’re always gonna go through life making mistakes and not learning from the mistake is the mistake. Mm. So even if you have, so with my parents, even if they split, it’s like they could still do the best that they can do, even though that you’re not with, you know, your daughter’s mother.
It’s like that, that has no bearings on how you act today. It has no bearings on how you act tomorrow, end of the years to come if we just continue to focus on, and that’s what I, that’s where my mistake was. I was still so focused. . Well, why didn’t they figure it out? Well, why didn’t, why couldn’t they work things out?
Well, why did it? It was like, I was just still just wondering, wondering, wondering. And it was like, instead of me just focusing on, no, Dave, you have your own family now. And it’s like one thing that you don’t wanna do is to repeat those same mistakes and affect your child. So it’s extremely important. It’s a lot of work.
Um, and again, as it’s like, it’s like you have to be selfless. To get the best out of the relationship. If you’re only gonna just focus on you and your needs and your wants, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Um, and so how is that gonna, what can you do to make it better communicate? . And that’s a, that’s a skillset in itself.
And most people, most people, I would say 80% of people, their communication sucks. And especially now, we all communicate through our devices. We’re texting, we’re emailing, there’s less face-to-face. Uh, cancer culture is running rapid. Like people like is Yeah. Communication skills and human beings are completely just deteriorated.
And I know for a fact that’s also leaked into like how people treat other people in relationships and it’s a sad thing. Um, I don’t see it getting better either. Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does. But, uh, you know, I think what you said is so true because. , you know, in the beginning, um, you know, I kind of being traumatized by my parents’ situation, you know, being in a courtroom with them and being in a courtroom with, you know, my child’s mother.
It was really kind of traumatizing for me and I was kind of crippled by that a little bit, and I felt myself being like, disconnected and, and you’re absolutely right. It, it, it shouldn’t have like what I do now. is what’s important, you know, moving forward with, with my child and being a supportive father, even being a supportive co-parent.
One of my goals from the very beginning of when we broke up was to, um, make sure that my daughter grows up as normal as possible, is not a normal situation, but I’m not going to have her come to my house, feel uncomfortable about talking to her mother. I, I, I, I hope, and I’m pretty sure it’s vice versa, but, you know, I, I wanna.
You know, it, it’s, it’s beyond me now. It’s kind of, it is kind of what I think you’re saying. It’s like, you know, it’s, you know, we’re family and we figure this out and, and that’s kind of what my goal is for my daughter. You know, it’s not about my selfish. , you know, your mom this or your mom that. It’s about me being supportive and caring and making sure that my daughter grows up as normal, as comfortable as possible.
Um, but, and I commend you for, uh, that with your, your wife, because that’s, I think that’s a big deal. You know, not taking the elements that you learned from your growing up and passing them on to someone else. And that can go, you know, both ways too. It can be like not passing on to your kid or not passing.
some things that you learned onto your, your partner as well, um, and, uh, with this new child that you guys have. Congratulations again. Um, w w I mean, have you learned anything a little bit from your son that you want to take on with your daughter and like, how do you, how do you parent? Like what’s your.
What’s your, yeah. What, how does David parent, how do you parent? How do you pair it? All right. How do you parent? Oh man. Well, because you know what I learned in my, cuz my friend’s having a baby, and this is just my opinion, there’s so many books out there that tell you how to parent. Mm-hmm. . And I feel like, to be honest, you kind of figure it out based on your kid’s personality and.
What you have going on in your, in your life and your household. You know, I feel like you kind of just figure it out. Um, and I listen to those books and I listen to those parenting podcasts and all that, but that’s kind of how I parent. I kinda just figure it out and try to be the best dad possible. But yeah, how do you do it?
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So this is great. I love it. We’re talking about this, so there’s a, there’s, you’ve probably heard this, and not even parenting books, but just even self-development I is having. core tenants having core principles. How do you want this little child to act? And B, right? Mm-hmm. . So it’s not necessarily a blueprint like, oh, here’s step one, here’s step two, a, B, C, D.
I don’t think that there’s ever a right or wrong like path for Zon and Lenny. Here’s what we want them to be
hard. , disciplined, respectful,
and not have fear. Mm-hmm. , does that make sense? Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Those things. And so with those things, and SA and I have talked about these. and, and that may, and so that, that list may even evolve as time goes on. But these are like four things that we know that we would want to mold them to be as an individual, as a human again.
So it’s just like, uh, hardworking, disciplined, respectful. and not have fear. And what I’m, what do I tell me when I say don’t have fear? So like, as a child, it’s like, what, what it is like at one some point, whether it’s middle school, high school, college, whatever, it’s like people get so scared of pursuing X, Y, and Z.
People wanna lose weight, but they’re, they’re afraid of failing. People want to work towards the promotion, but they feel that they may get passed over people. Uh uh, the dude wants to go. The chick out, but he’s scared that he’s gonna, you know, get rejected. So there’s a fear. Fear, fear. Fear. Fear. Right. And that’s one of the biggest things is that we wanna teach them is like, go for it.
If it doesn’t work out like you want it to, again, what did you learn? And then how can you apply that knowledge moving forward so that you can be more successful in the future? Mm-hmm. , those are the four things that we want to instill in them. Now how do we do that? Well, we will see as how do we parent, how do we parent a way to instill those four core tenants?
I don’t know, but we know like that’s the direction that we want to mold them in. Mm-hmm. Coming back into, he is like, even reflecting in my childhood is like my father was very like black and white. He was very conservative. Um, he’s very spiritual. Um, he had really strong beliefs.
he wanted to convey those to me. But again, like I said, where he, I think where, where the opportunity for improvement for him was, was in the way he communicated to those. So for him it was like, don’t wear your hat backwards. Always look nice, dress nice, smell nice, uh uh, you know, just all these, like I said, all those cliches that you talk that she talked about, but there was a reasoning in a method as to why.
So do you and your, do you and your wife ever disagree on different parenting styles? All the time. Yeah. , because that is the one aspect that. . I mean, obviously I’ve, I have, you know, co-parenting disagreements, but it’s not really in my face, you know what I mean?
It’s kind of like, at my household, it’s this and her household. It could be that, and we try to agree on certain things, but I always wondered what it’s like for someone being in the same household, you know, day in, day out and having different parenting, uh, disagreements or stylists. Like how do you handle that and what do you.
what do you do to kind of create a, a, um, what do you call it, a, uh, a settlement of that? Like what’s, how, how, how do you, how do you express that with your wife? I think the best way, again, so there is no, there’s no gonna be a, a b abc 1, 2, 3. Just follow these steps. I, I’m at a point where I realize that again, for.
for it to be optimal for Amen. And for Lenny is that Seha and I have to collaborate together. Mm-hmm. . So even like with, with your situation, uh, being a single father, it’s like whether you like it or not, there are certain things that you are limited at doing for your daughter. There are certain things that her mother is limited.
Doing for your daughter too as well. Right now you guys can still collaborate, but it will look different than, uh, than a family whose parents are obviously the same household. Very true. So your question was like, how do No. So how do we collaborate again, communication. I think understanding each other in like, what’s important for you as a parent.
And what’s important for, uh, your daughter’s mother, uh, as a parent, those things need to be expressed so that you guys can begin to formulate a plan to proceed in a manner that’s gonna be best for your daughter. Mm-hmm. , if she’s having two different mixed messages. Or if Mikey’s there too. Do this. Well, dad says this, and when mom says this, well, then Dad says this.
And when mom says this, like it’s, it’s just gonna be chaotic. They there Yeah. They don’t, they don’t know what to do. Right. What’s right, what’s wrong? This ain’t, and so it’s, it’s, it’s very, it’s gonna be imperative that the parents. , uh, express to each other. It’s like, okay, what is gonna be important for her or for him?
Well, again, this is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. This is gonna be important. Okay, what do we need to do to ensure that those things happen? And she or he becomes that, well, we need to start. And then you start to formulate a plan. . Now, again, the way that happens, it may, you guys may not agree and that’s okay.
We’re not always gonna agree. But the thing is like if you guys always have in mind like, what’s going to be the best for the daughter, it’s like somebody will compromise. Um, or they won’t. And so like you’ll have to cross that bridge when you get there too as well. But I think to do it from an optimal way of doing, , you have to be expressive.
You have to communicate, you have to share thoughts, you have to share ideas. And then from there, you guys can start to formulate a plan that’s gonna be suitable for whether it’s the same household or different households. Again. So like for your daughter, you want her to be safe, you like, you have this whole list of things that you, that you want to occur.
And you guys, I know that you guys parents need to be on some sort of same. Playbook, . Yeah. For lack of term. For a lack of better terms, yes. For that to accomplish. Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does. Absolutely. Again, communication. Communication, and that was even one thing. What the, what you said a while ago, he’s just like, how do you parent?
I don’t know. It’s just like one day at a time, but these are the things that we want to happen. How are we gonna make those happen? You set a course of action and, and, and you move forward with that, but here’s how you do it, Kendall. I said I once aim him to be, you know, disciplined, respectful, uh, hardworking, not have fear for him to be that I, as a father, have to be that.
Mm wow. It’s not just gonna happen. I have to be respectful. I have to have a strong work ethic. I have to be disciplined. I have to go through life with not fear, with no. , if I try to teach those principles to him without me having those own principles, like in myself, it ain’t gonna work. Mm-hmm. , David. That, that, that blew my mind.
You’re so right. Um, you, you, you know what, just the other day I was driving with my daughter, she’s in the back seat, uh, and we’re just pulling outta the driveway and she can buckle herself and I try to get her to buckle herself now on, just be more responsible and. as I’m pulling outta the driveway, she’s like, well, your seatbelt’s not buckled, so I don’t want to Exactly.
And, and it, and it just reminded me of what you just said. Like, you know, you have to set the example for your kid to follow, follow your example, you know, and I like that. That’s, that’s an amazing thing you just said, David. I think that’s gonna help a lot of listeners, uh, as well. Um, that’s, And now let me ask you something.
Is that something that you figured out on your own or is this something that you actually learned from your parents? Yeah. , uh, no. Everything. No, no. That one thing about, so have I learned on my own, um, that I learned from my parents? So the, the best thing, so both, both of my parents are extremely hardworking, extremely hardworking.
Mm-hmm. . Um, I think my work ethic has definitely come from both of them. For sure. For sure.
I think the work ethic was instilled by both of them. I think the discipline, uh, was instilled by both of them. Uh, the other two is like, uh, not having fear. I had to learn that elsewhere. Um, both my parents are very traditional. Go to school, get an education, get a solid job, you know, just basic traditional things.
And I’ve completely, you know, entrepreneur, business owner. Completely different from , how they, how they thought it would go. Yeah. Um, and the, and the respect thing. Uh, I would actually think I learned that most from Saha. Uh, she’s Hispanic, so they’re extremely family oriented. Extremely like family above all else.
Absolutely. Like, absolutely with them and for me, coming from a broken, uh, I wouldn’t say dysfunctional, but just definitely just fractured. Paradigm of what family means. Mm-hmm. to have getting around people who, it’s like family above all else, learning to be respectful. Um, I’ve had to continue to improve that because I won’t listen to you if I don’t respect you, period.
Uh, and that’s something that I’ve had to work on because you can always learn from others whether they. Doing better than you, or not doing better than you if you just freaking listen. And it’s like you can still learn things from everybody. And that’s one thing is as I get older too as well, it’s like even if you can pick up a little nugget from this person or this person on what to do and also on what not to do, um, I think it’s like that’s gonna be very, very, very important for, for an individual’s development now.
What? I don’t know. Just like I said, it’s like how did you shape who became who you are? Life, right? ? Absolutely. This circumstance, that circumstances, it’s like by making mistakes. I think that’s the biggest thing is like that, that fourth one, don’t have fear of making mistakes. Don’t have fear of failure.
You’re gonna mess up, you’re gonna fail, you’re gonna fall short. It’s going to happen. So stop trying to avoid it. Just. . And then if and when it happens again, apply what you’ve learned, take those valuable lessons and then get better and, and do better next time. And then you’ll fail again. And then just repeat that same process and then you’ll fail again.
And then repeat that pro that that same process is like, don’t go through life just being totally afraid of messing up. You’re gonna mess up. You’re going to mess up, but don’t let that hand, but don’t let that like handicap you. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Absolutely, man. David, you. You, this has been an amazing conversation.
You, you are, are just so informative the way you speak. I mean, I would follow you into a storm and know on the other side I’m gonna be all right. That, that is, uh, I, I, I think you’re your an amazing dad and you know, when, when your son is old enough to speak, I think you guys are gonna have some amazing conversations.
The storms are where we grow. Absolut. . That’s the thing. It’s, and that’s what we, just, what we just talked about, people are so worried about like, oh gosh, what if this happens? What if this happens? No. Like, that’s where you want. You go into it. Go into it. You’re gonna come out the other end eventually.
Mm-hmm. eventually. Now, when is that? Who knows? It doesn’t really matter. But it’s like you, you see those obstacles, you see that adversity, you see those trials, you see those tribulations, you see those, the uh, those hard times in your life, like go face. go face it. And, and it’s like you’re gonna come out the other side eventually.
It was the same thing, like you said in the last episode you talked about with, uh, your uncle. It’s like you’d wanted, you wanted to do that for a long time. Absolutely. And, and you kept putting it off and sweeping it under the rug and putting it off and sweeping it under the rug. And then when you finally did it, you said it is like there was this instant relief and it wasn’t about how he react.
Right. It had nothing to do with him and how he, how he was going to react. You knew something down his side. It’s like, I need, again, I needed to communicate and express what I’m feeling, what I think, like what’s going on. It was like what, like the, the, the lines of communication needed to be open and so for that, it’s like you could actually move forward in trying to figure out the solution for your grand.
and you’d wanted to do that for a really long time and putting it off and procrastinated only made the problem bigger. You’re absolutely right. Um, I mean, yeah, David, that’s, it Couldn’t be closely, more closely than truth. I, I, you know, with him and, you know, my dad, those are very contentious relationships that I had that felt very.
you know, um, even with my dad, I, there’s an episode I, I did with called my father that I, I wanted to talk to him about something that happened when I was younger and I felt like, you know, we’re kind of growing and this will be the one time that I feel like if I speak to you about this, it may open a new door for our relationship, but maybe we can go even deeper than what we have right now, which is kind of just like a kind of a friendship.
I spoke to him about it. It didn’t go well. And at that point I, I, again, was kind of relieved cuz I said, well, you know what, at least I know where we stand. Right? I’m never going to regret not speaking to you about this. I spoke to you about it. It went pretty much how I, I expected it to go and that’s completely fine with me.
I needed to do it. And you’re right. Same with my grandmother. I mean, like, like you listened to it, you know, my uncle has a. Presence to him. And, but after I did it, I felt so much better. Uh, despite his reaction, I felt better knowing that I, I I crossed that path. Um, it gave you more di gave you more direction.
It did. It did. That’s what I was saying. And I said it’s like we come against those storms, we come against that adversity. It’s like the worst thing you could have done was continue to ignore it. Cause you knowing where he stood now opens up an avenue in a direction on what’s. Amen. That’s the biggest thing is like face the problems.
It’s going to be hard. It might not turn out like you want it to, but now that you’ve done it and you have a result from that, it will give you direction on what’s the next step for you to solve the problem. Amen. Solution oriented thinking. And so let’s just think going into those, like those are. Those are, those are hard conversations.
Um, obviously that, you know, there, there’s, there are all kinds of emotions that go into having those. Um, but you, the, the reason that you needed to do that is because there was something that you needed that you felt that you needed to address, right? And it had nothing to do with how he felt about, it’s how you felt about it and, and ignoring it only made it worse.
So now that you did, it’s like, okay, here’s where we are. that was now. Now what do we do now? Right. And so, absolutely. That’s just the biggest thing. And I, I would really, um, I would really like even like for your daughter too as well, it’s like, cuz there’s gonna be times. when she’s gonna be scared. Da, daddy, do I apply for this or this, or this?
Hey daddy, there’s this, uh, uh, thing that I want to do. Hey, dad, there’s this team, this ball club that I want to try out for. Hey, there’s this da da, da. Hey, I wanna start my own business. Hey, uh, I really feel like, you know, going to a foreign country and, and starting a da da, I don’t know, whatever the scenario may.
There may be something that would be way outside of her comfort zone and also maybe way outside of your comfort zone. But if she finds it, uh, uh, uh, worthy of pursuing, but she’s scared, you want to be able to convey to her, it’s like, do you, is It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it? She’s gonna be like, yeah. It’s like that’s where you need to be.
You need to step into that discomfort cuz that’s where we grow again, the. Step into that storm because that’s where the growth is going to be. Is it gonna be difficult? Yes. Is it gonna suck? Possibly. But it could also be absolutely amazing and you could get some additional answers. And like I said, it’ll give you more direction on where you wanna move forward from there too as well.
Absolutely. Um, wow. David, I, what, what is an inspiring conversation? I, I love this. Um, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s so. . Um, you know, speaking of parents, I think one of the last things I wanted to ask you is kind of where you’re at with your parents. Um, I, I spoke about a little about where I’m at with mine and it’s funny cuz I, I go into that deeper in one, in my next episode where I talk about how, you know, TV parents kind of shaped my fatherhood outlook.
You know, watching things like modern family or things like that. Um, and I wanted to ask, you know, where are things at with your parents? And if you could just explain kind of how you grew from the, a little bit of the reassembly you have when you were younger to now being a father and having maybe potentially a different perspective.
Yeah, absolutely. We may have to say this for the, for the next episode. Uh, , that’s totally fine. The resentment, I actually ran away twice. Um, so when I lived with my father, um, like I said, both my parents, they both got remarried. I had a really hard time adjusting to that dynamic with my father and my stepmother.
Um, Really, really hard time adjusting to that. And my father was very, like I said, he was very conservative, very hardworking, very just my way or the highway. Well, it got to the point where I chose the highway and uh, I was 17, I was out. So I don’t, I decided, like I said, I don’t know if I have time would go over on this episode, but, uh, I ran away and, uh, he.
Told me, he is like, you better come back home. Or he was like, I will send the cops out. I will have you picked up and I will send you to juvie. Okay, well, don’t want to go to juvie. So I, I came back home. Fast forward, uh, another year, uh, when I turned 18, there was a situation that occurred and, um, I decided to leave and leave for good.
And this time he couldn’t do anything about. . And so after I had turned 18, there was a situation that happened and uh, and I bounced so I ran away at 18. It wasn’t until I was 36, 37. This actually happened on Thanksgiving. Three years ago, it was either, yeah, about three years ago where I had gotten to the point where, uh, I was tired of the emotional discontent of that relationship.
I got to a point where I just told myself and then I told him, it doesn’t matter how I feel about this and what had happened. , what does matter is how I feel about what I want to happen moving forward. Mm-hmm. , and that’s what, and that’s what I expressed to him, is like, it doesn’t matter what happened.
What happens is now, today and moving forward. And I said, I told him, I said, I am done being angry. I am done being resentful. I am ready to move forward and whatever we need to do for that to happen, I’m willing to do it and I wanna do it. And that was three years ago on Thanksgiving. Morning and, uh, it’s been getting better and better ever since.
Uh, I haven’t talked about my mom a lot. Uh, my mom, uh, she was there for me as much as possible when my parents divorced. Um, she lived, she stayed here in Oklahoma City. I had moved back to Tulsa. She had made, uh, she had made as much visitation as she could. She came to all of my games, uh, in high school and throughout college and, uh, growing up.
Um, I didn’t have a ton of time spent with her, so I don’t have a ton to like, reflect on, um, in regards to being raised and things like that. Uh, and that was one thing that I really want to. Work on making sure that all those opportunities missed, that I, again, I can’t control what happened. All I can control on is like what happens today and moving forward.
So we’re always trying to, um, or I’m always trying to like, make time where I can. I’m obviously extremely busy, uh, with my own business and now obviously having two kids, but it’s like being intentional with spending quality time, whether that’s simply going out to dinner or whatever it is. Um, but my relationship with my parents is, Very good.
Um, uh, I’m, I won and I expect it to continue to grow and get better too as well. So I kind of condensed, um, almost condensed, almost like an 18 to 20 year sequence in, in that answer, but it’s, it’s going well and it is, like I said, the, I both love them very, very much. Um, I forgive both of them for not figuring it out.
Uh, what I was angry about and, and like I said, it doesn’t matter. what matters now is like what, where we’re at today and what we want to happen, uh, moving forward, not only for my family, but in my relationship with my children, but also my relationship with my parents too as well. Hmm, man, David, uh, that’s deep.
I, um, well, I’ll definitely have you back on the, the podcast for sure. If you’ll, if you’ll, if you’ll come on, but, . I, yeah, I, I gotta tell you, I think we’re a lot alike in, in a lot of aspects too. Uh, you know, my relationship with my mother is, uh, you know, pretty much nonexistent. I, and I kind of hear what you’re saying about ref the reflection at this point.
And I, I might have spoke about it last episode, but at this point, I, I, I think I’ve spent more time not in her life. than I have in her life. Mm-hmm. . Which, which is kind of interesting, you know, and, you know, it, it’s, it is just a peculiar aspect for me when speaking about family and, and parents and all that.
And, and kinda like you said, Hey, my relationship with my dad is good, but there is some boundaries there, you know? Um, and. It, you know, it’s uncomfortable for me sometimes because sometimes I see things that trigger me about certain aspects that he does, and it makes me kind of wanna push away a little bit.
And, um, because I don’t want to relearn anything and, you know what I mean? So it is complicated and I completely hear what you’re saying. It’s, uh, Hey, it’s good and I hope it grows. But, uh, yeah. , kind of what I’ve been trying to express since I’ve done this podcast is I think sometimes even with the family, there needs to be some boundaries for your own personal growth and, and just healthy characteristics.
You know what I mean? Boundaries and expectations exactly. . Exactly. That’s one thing that even like, like for my clients and my students, that’s one thing that we talk about a lot is having boundaries and expectations, um, and having boundaries and expectations for yourself. Having boundaries and expectations for your family.
Um, all, all that. It’s very, very important to, again, it’s like having a, a clear vision on what it is that you want to have, what it is, who you want to be, uh, and what it is where you want to go, because without. without that, it’s like you’re just, what? We’re just, you know, flickering around in the wind, like, okay, well this is life and whatever happens, happens.
It’s like that’s, no, it’s like you want to have direction on what it is that you want to accomplish. It’s like, I want my children to be able to do this, do this, have this, have this, accomplish this, accomplish this. Like there’s gonna be, if that’s the end. And if that’s the goal. Here’s one thing. This is the biggest thing that I tell my clients too, as well.
I can’t take credit for this. One of my coaches helped, helped me with this. Help me understand it. It doesn’t matter what the goal is, doesn’t matter. You need to have a system in place for you to move toward that result, period. . So it’s just like I deal with a, I work in the, the health field, uh, wellness, fitness, all that stuff.
And it’s like whether somebody wants to lose 10 pounds, whether somebody lose, wants to lose 50 pounds, it doesn’t matter what the number is, unless you have a system to behind and like support that, it, it ain’t gonna happen, period. If you want your child to be hardworking, Disciplined, respectful and not have fear.
Like there needs to be a system behind that to support that individual into growing into into that. So your relationship with your mother, your relationship with your father, I’m assuming maybe you do, maybe you don’t, but you know where you would like to see it be and where you would like to see it.
There needs to be a system behind that to work towards that. It may happen next month, it may happen next year, it may be the next decade. But the thing about it is like you have an idea on like, man, this would be really nice. This would be really cool. This would be really awesome if this X, Y, Z happened.
Hmm. Okay, well how are we gonna accomplish that? Hoping. Hoping and wishing does nothing. Man, I would love for my relationship with my parents to like to thrive. I would love my relationship with my parents to, to get better so that my daughter would be able to da, da da. And it’s like, like, okay, that would be awesome, but hoping and wishing ain’t gonna do anything for it.
What are we gonna do about that to move us closer and closer and closer and closer and closer? There needs to be, there needs to be actions. There needs to be expectations. There needs to be boundaries. There needs to be a system behind that because without that, it’ll never happen. It’s just a hope. It’s just a dream.
It’s just a wish. It’s just a want. Not gonna, it’s not gonna happen. I agree with. Wow. Um, man, this is, uh, this has been an amazing conversation, David. Um, I sincerely hope you’ll join me again for another episode. This has been one of my favorite conversations that I’ve had on the podcast. Um, you know, I feel like we have a lot of, like, in some ways, and I feel like, um, even today I’ve learned some things with you, which is kind of what this is all about.
You know, learning and growing and sharing experiences together and. And I, look, I’m happy that I got to share this with you today. Um, so thank you for being, um, I guess on today’s episode. Thank you very much. No, thank you. Um, if you, if you want, uh, where can people find you online and you mention health and fitness, I assume you want people to come to your business.
So give, please give a little shout out to yourself. On Instagram, you can find me at free Falco, f r e e f a l c O. So that’ll be the first, uh, my Facebook and, uh, my Instagram and Joint. So it’s David Williams on Facebook and it’s free Falco on Instagram. Those are the best places. Uh, that’s it that you can find me to as well.
So, and you’re a personal trainer? Yeah. Say it again. You’re a personal trainer. Yeah, it goes a little bit more that, that, I mean, as a profession, yes, but it’s more necess, not necessarily about personal training, it’s more about personal development. Mm-hmm. I can see. Yeah, so it’s just like the, obviously, uh, health and fitness is a tool.
It’s one of our main tools that we use because I I, if you’re not able to control like the easy aspects of your life, so we’re talking about like big, big, big things, solving family dynamics. Raising our children to become, you know, uh, individuals in, uh, that are respectful in communities. Like these are big challenges.
If we’re not able to control the small things in our life by like the time we wake up to, uh, the foods that we eat, to how we treat our body. If we can’t master these simple little bitty things, like I said, how are we gonna be able to do these bigger things? Racial? Does that make sense? Absolutely. It does.
Absolutely. So those are, yeah, I mean, it’s like we can, yeah, we can get all of that like later, but it’s just, yeah, this has been great. Um, like I said, when I listened to, uh, to the previous episodes, there’s a lot, there’s a lot of you. that I resonated with a ton. Um, and like I said, the, the feelings that you talked about, the emotions that you were expressing, the thoughts that you were having, the, the simple dynamics between you and just different family members, I was like, man, that’s the, it sounded so familiar mm-hmm.
And, um, it took a lot of, and I wanna commend you. It takes a lot of courage to go online into the universe and be able to. These, uh, uh, thoughts, feelings, and emotions out. Not very many people are brave enough and courageous enough to do that, so I want to commend you. Um, it resonates. It resonates a lot.
Thank you, David. Uh, yeah, I look the, the main purpose of this podcast is just to help some people out and to grow together. Um, and I, I think especially today, I think this, this episode is definitely gonna resonate with a lot of people. I know. I definitely resonate with you. . Um, David, thank you very much.
Uh, I will text you shortly. Um, this has been a pleasure, um, and, uh, . Look, man. Yeah, I, I learned a lot from you and I thank you for that. Uh, you’re gonna be an amazing dad. Congrats on little girl. I, I hope you guys had an amazing, uh, Christmas and again, cuz I’m sure I’ll get requests for you. I, I hope that you’ll.
I love it, man. Hey, happy new year. Um, let’s go make 2023, like the best year you get. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. . All right, brother. Uh, good talking to you. And uh, I’ll you soon. All talk to soon. Bye-bye.
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