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In this Episode:
It’s my daughters birthday!
- Speaking about the different things my daughter has taught my over time
- What love has taught me
- How change will affect me over time
Let me know what you think about this episode on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thesinglefatherpodcast/
Sponsors and Attributions:
-Music (lo-fi vibe by cloudsystem) sourced from TuneTank.com.
-Produced/Edited with https://www.descript.com/
Sponsored By: https://www.thekeys.ai/ – https://apps.apple.com/us/app/keys-ai-dating-chat-keyboard/id1510154956
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the organization’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
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Transcription:
0:00
Welcome to the single father podcast. I’m your host, Kendall Donaker. This podcast is dedicated for anyone out there who’s dealing with mental health and fatherhood, you’ll hear about my struggles, my defeats my victories, my highs, my lows, my triumphs, my tribulations and everything in between. I like to call this a collection of journal entries into my struggle and adapting to single fatherhood. Without further ado, let’s take a look inside my journal, the single father podcast.
Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen. And otherwise, I am your host, Kendall Donaker. And thank you for making me a part of your day.
Guys, I have a lot of really cool, exciting new things coming to the podcast.
I have announced a few of those on my social media, but I want to, for my listeners, my audience, I want to share those with you, as well. We’re introducing a couple segments to the podcast, which is going to be really fun. One of the segments we’re introducing is called venting sessions. And basically what that is, is you can have an opportunity to be a guest on my podcast. So if you want to come on the podcast and vent with me about whether it’s life, relationships, mental health, of fatherhood, parenting, whatever the case may be, then email me at hello at vent pack.org. And in the subject line, just type of venting sessions. And just, you know, write to me what you want to vent about, and if it’s appropriate. And if it’s something that I feel like we would both have a fun time talking about, then I will try my best to get you on the podcast, and we’ll make it happen. It’ll be nice to have a few guests that will come on and just regular old Joe’s who just want to vent about whatever, like I said, if it’s if it’s appropriate. And what I mean by appropriate is
I’ll tell you what the show is. And what it’s not the show is about really just me sharing my personal experiences about fatherhood, relationships, mental health, whatever the case may be in that realm. But it’s not a platform to
2:31
to be like Andrew Tate. So I’ve already I’ve already what I mean by that is I’ve already had a few of you email me that you were interested in being on the podcast, which I’m interested in having you on. But as long as it’s within the realm of
2:45
what the show is about. All right. So reading between the lines, I think I made it clear. Another segment that we’re introducing on the show is going to be really fun. It’s called mailbag. What mailbag is is basically, same thing, you just email me at hello at vent pack.org. And in the subject line type mailbag. And just email me any questions that you have. If there’s anything that you want to ask me, whether it’s,
3:12
you know, any dating tips, or what color’s my underwear, you know, there’ll be a few of those mailbag questions that I’ll be reading at the end of the podcasts. That’ll be, you know, kind of the end of the show segment where I’m reading you guys’s questions and taking it from there, I feel like it’d be a really fun, engaging, communicative way where I can just share a lot of
3:37
my experiences with you guys. And if you have any questions, and you want to learn more about me, or you have any thing you want me to answer, I’d be more than happy to just go ahead and email me at hello at vent pack.org. And in the subject line type of mailbag. And I’ll be answering those questions for you. Well,
4:02
today is also a very special day for me as well on top of those announcements. I have one more, and that is, today’s my daughter’s birthday. She turns four years old today. And she turned four years old today, and I’m really
4:22
I’m really, really, really just bittersweet about it. On one hand, that’s my baby and seeing her grow up so fast is kind of breaking my heart on the other. I’m so excited that it’s our birthday, right? You know, when unfortunately, I’m not really sharing it.
4:42
With her today, I saw her this morning. But you know, I do 5050 custody. The way our custody arrangement works is I have one week on one week off.
4:55
And then we kind of go year by year on birthdays and holidays and some shit
5:00
like that. This was her mother’s year to have her on her birthday. And
5:06
so she’s with her mom. But I celebrated with her yesterday. And this morning, we had a little
5:14
jump on the bed, happy cupcake,
5:20
ice cream filled morning, which was very nice. And I got really hyper up that it’s her birthday, she turns four years old. It’s kind of crazy. When I look back at other pictures of her, it’s just wow, my baby’s four years old. It’s crazy.
5:34
But so we had we had a great time this morning. We did. And I got her a ton of things. I’m so so I spent so much money on this woman. It’s kind of it’s unbelievable to even think about how much money I’ve spent on her, including Disney. We’re going to Disneyland on Tuesday. Here’s the thing about that.
5:56
Disneyland is almost unreasonably expensive. I’m only going for two days. And already those two days is cost me over a grand the hotel the tickets itself. I mean, good lord, it’s it’s gonna be pretty bad.
6:16
Not to mention the things i i I’m planning on buying for her there. Everyone tells me the food’s expensive and
6:25
my daughter’s kind of like my sweet tooth. Right. You know, anytime she, you know, putters, those eyes at me and asked me for something I sometimes don’t tell her mother, but I sometimes given Yikes, I
6:40
mean, don’t get me wrong, I rule by an iron fist. But
6:45
that girl can get me sometimes to do what she wants, which is very, very bad.
6:51
So I mean, it plus, you know, she turns four years old, I’ll do whatever that baby wants, at a reasonable price. But yeah, I’m really excited. And I thought, this podcast True to form, I thought I’d give a few of my thoughts on what I’ve learned from my daughter so far, you know, a couple bullet points and what I feel like I’ve learned from her. And, most importantly, the number one thing I feel like I’ve learned from my daughter is humility.
7:29
When you’re a dad, especially in the beginning, when people tell you all the time, to buy these books, to watch this movie, to listen to this podcast, or whatever the case may do parenting classes, all of it, people tell you to do it, right. And I’m one of those people who actually did it. I read a lot of the books, and I was preparing for
7:56
fatherhood. And, you know, I think, I think me and her mother only lasted I think, a month and a half until we ended up breaking up and I was doing it on my own. So I was, you know, a quote, unquote, full time dad on my own,
8:13
right out of the gate. And it taught me a lot of humility. Because a lot of the things that, you know, people tell you, you should be doing as a parent, a lot of them are true, but you what you come to find out is
8:30
you do it at your own pace, you know, you do what you do, it’s kind of like you, you fly by the seat of your drum, you know, you have a plan and you have an organism in organized to function in your house of, of how you want things to be done, and how you want the rules to be set. But overall,
8:51
I think you just kind of wing it.
8:54
And I’m sure
8:59
I share sentiments with people out there. But I feel like when you’re a parent, you kind of just winging it. I didn’t have everything figured out, especially when my plans on how to parent kind of fell through the cracks when her mother and I broke up. And
9:16
suddenly I’m a single father, suddenly, her mom’s not there and I had to kind of pivot and adjust. Right, and a lot of the things that I was learning about, you know, leaning on your other parent for help and things like that i i really, for the most part didn’t have that, you know, especially with our mom and I’ve relationship is very tumultuous right off the bat. It was it was very, very tension based. So I really had to kind of rely on myself. And it taught me a lot of humility, and made me a little bit humble. It made me
9:54
it made me kind of forgive myself for making some mistakes. You know
10:00
You, you sometimes can get jaded by looking
10:06
on Instagram and seeing these perfect families. But what you realize is, you know, sometimes it sounds weird, but sometimes I’ll look at like a family and they posted on Instagram. And I’m like, I wonder how many it takes that that took? I don’t know how many times they screamed at each other to make them smile. And maybe it’s none. But you know, and
10:28
I don’t know, I feel like you’re you kind of just winging it as a parent, right? Because
10:36
sometimes, Leila frustrates me, sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes she cries, sometimes we cry together. Sometimes she’s mad, sometimes I’m mad, sometimes we’re mad at each other. You know. And at the end of the day, you’re kind of just figuring it out. In the end, it’s kind of like a sitcom show with me and her. It’s like, you know, father and daughter just figuring it out. I mean, that’s kind of what it is. It’s me and her, figuring out how to communicate with each other, how to love each other, how to how to bond with each other. And that’s really Yeah, it taught me a lot of humility, because here I am thinking that I’m the going to be the best dad in the world. And although I do think I am, I think you can kind of get humbled a little bit by saying, Hey, I’m allowed to make mistakes, accidents will happen. Mistakes will be made.
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I won’t get everything right. But as long as I try my best,
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I think she’ll be okay.
11:39
So, yeah, it taught me
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a lot of humility.
11:45
You know,
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especially on the times where I,
11:50
you know, where I’m,
11:54
you know, I yell at her about something, and I see a look on her face night and I have to catch myself and say, I didn’t do that, right. Did I Leila?
12:04
And whether she knows what I’m talking about her now she looks me and says, No, you didn’t. And I said, Okay, let’s start over. I’m sorry. What are you trying to tell me? I will listen to you right now.
12:18
And I think that brings me to the next thing that she taught me is like, patience. Being patient.
12:26
Do it’s hard to kind of explain whether I’m a patient person or not.
12:34
In fact, I think I just figured it out. I’m not
12:39
when I get my mind on something I needed done. Right then, right now, no matter what. I’m not very patient. I like I it’s almost like I don’t tolerate it. For myself. You know?
12:56
Like, I’ll yell at myself for being patient. And I’m like, What the fuck are you doing? Get up, get shit done.
13:06
True to form. This is actually a true story. And it happened to me just today. I bought these lights for my TV. And I like it. They connect in with your the sound on your TV. I thought it’d be really amazing. So I bought these lights. I go to set them up. Come to find out it needed like a hub. Like it needed like a you know, a device hub that actually connects with the lights before they even work. So I’m like, shit, man, I’m really hungry. I guess like, I gotta eat real quick, but I’m like, no, no, no, man, I’m impatient. You gotta go get that hub right now. So I’m like, Okay, fuck. So I go out getting my car by the hub come back home. And I set it all up. And they’re like, Oh, well, no, no, no, no, the hub was just to set up the lights. If you want it synced with your TV, you need a whole different fucking thing. I’m like, I’m fucking hungry. Man. I just want to sit down and eat. I just want to relax for a second. Like there’s I don’t have to do this right now. But that little impatient voice came in my head and said, No, no, no, you got to do a right bucket now. So I go, I’ll drive 20 minutes by the box, come back home. And I think I didn’t eat for like two more hours until I set up all that and made sure it was all to my liking. And finally, to three hours later, I sat down to eat starving, literally about to pass out. But that’s how impatient I am. I cannot stop until the job is done. So I’m an impatient person. And the one thing that my daughter taught me that was really important is patience.
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15:31
I have to be really patient with her. Especially in the beginning, when she’s a baby. Like you, you’re an adult, right? So you think communicating with someone that they just get it? And obviously a baby doesn’t get it. But you’re like, Come on, get it right. Come on, sit up and come on walk. No, it’s Dad, Dad. Come on, say Dad, dad, you know what I mean? You, you get a little impatient. And when they get older, it kind of gets worse to because they don’t know better. Like, Hey, I told you for the last time. Don’t run in the street. I told you quit Mad Dog and people, you know, I told you know, like, or it’s kind of like that, you know that one famous meme out there? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? You know, you’re as they get older kids can really fucking test your patience.
16:21
But you have to stay cool, calm and collected. Because you know what?
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They’re learning. They’re growing. And it’s your responsibility to kind of set the tone in the in the, you know, you’re the leader of the pack, right? They follow what you do. It’s true that kids are sponges, you know, they, they absorb everything you do. And if you think that, just because they’re so young, that they’re not, you know, comprehending what you’re putting out there, it’s so wrong. You know, they’re picking up everything. And little and even if they don’t remember what, you know, they’re
16:58
what it’s like to be four years old, little traces and reminiscences of kind of what you’ve put out into the ether around them, will always be a part of them as they grow up. Now, that is a very scary and daunting thought you’re like, well, anything I do, I could I could ruin my good, right? But, you know, if you if you stay patient, and you set the tone for your house, that really matters, you know, because anytime my daughter really tested my patience, I tried to just communicate with her. Say, Leila, you know, what’s, you know, what’s going on? Why are you having a bad attitude right now, or I tried to really communicate, I tried to never snap on her. Because I never want her to feel like afraid or she can’t tell me something or to feel like she did something wrong when she’s just asking a simple question. You know, because my daughter, let me tell you something. She is the type of woman where she won’t stop until you give her an answer. Should be like, Dad, that was cool. Right? Right. Right. And I’m fucking working in like to any parent, you know, that when your kid talks, sometimes they’re just in the background. It’s like background noise. But my daughter should move. I can stop. She’ll say, right, right. Right. Right. It’ll get louder and more aggressive. And just say, right, and I’ll turn around and be like, well, I’ll put the fuck what right? Dammit.
18:24
But you can you know, and that was one of the things I had to take a step back on as I’m like, Look, you you can’t, you can’t let her break your patience. Like you have to be patient with her. She’s just a little angel just trying to get your attention or saying something’s cool. You know? I mean, because think about it, how rude is it? Or how terrible is if she’s just showing you a picture and she’s like, look at it, look at it. And everyone’s busy, right? You look at it, look at it. But if I just turn around snap at her, it’s gonna make her feel so awful, you know? So I try to always keep my patients in the song. One thing that I feel like she’s made me truly better on is because I am not a patient person. But when you have a kid you just you just have to be you have to be you have to be patient with your child. Because, you know, like you said, you set the tone. You know, I want her to think of this house as like a safe space a safe environment. She’s not afraid to ask a question. She’s not afraid to tell me something. You know, she’s not scared of whether dad will snap at her for something that she just wants to show me. You know, and this is irritating is she may be sometimes and I’m not afraid to tell you my daughter can really test my limit. I guess test my patience.
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You know, as far as I’m gonna tell you what, four years old?
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Everyone says Tara
20:00
Well, twos are bad, terrible threes. And yeah, it was now that she’s getting close to four. I feel like she’s really starting to give me some fucking attitude. I really do mean it. I mean, she can really tell you off, you know, in my daughter, she’s the type of person who’s kind of interesting to, like, you’ll, she’ll be super lovey dovey towards you, right? But then we’ll be in bed together, and she’ll be like, Dad, I love you won’t be like, I love you to come cuddle me. And she’s like, No, don’t touch me.
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It’s only she only does that when she’s super tired. Well, my daughter is tired. She does not like to be touched. She doesn’t like to be spoken to. She just wants to play on her iPad,
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and be left alone. The weird thing is, she won’t leave me alone. I’ll leave the room. And she’s like data come here. Where are you going? I don’t want you to leave. I’m like, and I’m like, okay, baby. I love you. She’s like, don’t talk to me, though. I’m on my pack. And it makes me kind of afraid of her.
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No, I mean, look, my daughter is growing up to be a wonderful, wonderful, beautiful woman. And I need to
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be patient with her and in respect her boundaries. And I think that’s another thing I’ve been
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trained to learn. Having a daughter as well is respect. Another thing that she’s taught me is respect.
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When you have a daughter in law, I can speak for myself. When I had my daughter.
21:35
My respect for women went up. It just did. It’s not like I had a low respect for women. Not at all. But it went up to a whole new level, because that’s my girl, right? I now that I’m now I’m all about girl power to the max. I won’t let anything happen to my girl. I saw a TV show. Just recently that said, this mother was yelling at her daughter as she went to college. And she’s like, Hey, babe, just make sure to think of everyone as a serial killer until they prove otherwise. And I’m like, Well,
22:11
I mean, yeah, that’s kind of that’s kind of how I want my daughter to pitch if this sounds bad, but I’m like, I’m so protective of my little girl.
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And
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it’s like, as she grows up, how do I protect her
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while still respecting her space and her boundaries and her wishes and things like that? You know, because
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when you’re young, you think that you know everything, you think that you got it all together, but what you come to find out as you get older, is back. My mom was right. Fuck my, my dad was right. You know, all those things that they’ve been trying to preach to me all of these years.
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They were fucking right. You know, they were just trying to keep me safe. They weren’t really disrespecting me. They were trying to keep me safe.
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I think that’s one of the things that my daughter has and continues to teach me is respect.
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Respect for her mom. Mostly.
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Because my daughter, I mean, right now she’s four years old to do what I say. I think the more respect part comes for her mom.
23:24
And like, I have another episode coming up about how I’ve been dealing with these imageries and flashbacks of kind of the past. But when it comes to her mother, I mean, she just had another baby. Um, you can check out my previous episode called my baby mama had a baby. But she just had a baby. Now my daughter has a new sister. And I have to respect that, you know, one thing that I could I could have easily slipped into but didn’t was, you know, oh, what is your mom saying over there? I don’t like what your mom does or mean your mom does you just bad mouthing her mom. You know what I mean? Or making her feel bad to have.
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Even a sister like, there’s so many things that you think in your head that you you want to say, but
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it’s out of respect for her, myself and her mother, that I have to bite my tongue.
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And you may think to yourself, Well, why the fuck do you have to respect her mom? Well, because that’s her mom.
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And it’s still the mother of my child.
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And as much as her and I don’t get along. I have to respect the fact that that is her mom.
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So she had a new baby. All right, it’s weird, but it has nothing to do with me. And you know what? That’s her sister and I respect that. And so anytime that she wants to go
25:00
Come to my house and tell me about new experiences with her sister, even though I don’t like hearing about it, I will sit there and listen to every single word. Because I respect her.
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And when her mom asked me for something, I will try my best to do it with a smile, because I respect my daughter.
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And therefore I have to respect her mother.
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And listen, that it’s very hard.
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And I know some of your thinking, and respecting someone shouldn’t be hard.
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Well,
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I want you to think about,
25:42
and I say this a lot. But think about an ex that you had in your life. And think about how happy you are to never have them in your life again, and how grateful you are that you never have to speak with them. And
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I’m not saying anything rude here, or that hasn’t already been said.
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But being in a situation like mine, is a little surreal, because I have an ex, that mutually we rather never speak to each other again, and yet have to because we have now a four year old daughter.
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And now I’m being left with all of these boundaries and these
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limitations and these new experiences and these
26:30
different circumstances that are being brought into my life. Right now change
26:38
each and every year
26:40
is is subject to change.
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Whether it’s change of my daughter getting older and being more intuitive with her words, her feelings, her actions, or whether it’s changed in regard to her life that’s outside of my house.
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Her mother,
27:02
her mom’s boyfriend, her new sister.
27:07
There, there’s a lot of change that I have to adapt to.
27:12
But I must stay respectful.
27:16
And the main reason why is
27:20
I mean, how many of you out there who have parents who badmouth each other and
27:25
it just it makes you feel distant, it makes you push away, it makes you kind of disgust a little bit because those are both your parents and you love them each other, right? You don’t want to hear that shit.
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And I guarantee if I was the person bad mouthing her mom all the time. And
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it just,
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I feel like I’d be doing my daughter a very big disrespect by doing that.
27:53
Because it makes sense. And it’s hard for me to kind of put my feelings into words because it is kind of all jumbled together. It is kind of confusing. It is kind of hard and weird and new and different. And, and I guess I’m just figuring it out with you guys.
28:11
But I have enough respect for my daughter to respect her mother.
28:20
The other thing that my daughter really taught me is just simplicity, to enjoy the simple things.
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When
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staying on topic kind of is like when her mother and I broke up. I almost felt that it was kind of a competition. You know, kind of fighting for our daughter’s love. And whose house is she going to want to be at more whose house is she going to enjoy more? Who does she want to be with more?
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Is she happier with me? Do I have to have the bigger house I have to make more money I have to impress my daughter every time just shifts she’s over my house.
29:02
And I started to do that. I started to shower my daughter with gifts I started to take her every time I had my daughter we’d have to go somewhere you know we go back back to back to a park or an indoor playground or something you know how to be something I’d have to give my daughter something just to prove that I’m worthy of being her dad. You know?
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Like still love me love me baby you know please love me.
29:34
It wasn’t until my daughter came home to my house. Like I just picked up from our mom’s house. She comes over the first thing she says to me when she gets in the house is what did you get me
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in it threw me off the way she said it.
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She didn’t say like in a rude like
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she said I was just that she said how a kid would say it. What did you get me all excited.
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So I called my
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Nana, I was like my mom and I told her about it and she’s just like,
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Mom, you can’t do it to yourself.
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You’re overcompensating because of your guilt for you guys not being together. But I think it’s only going to make your daughter spoiled. Right?
30:18
And then at the time she was on, she was already an only child. So I’m like, How does this look, you know?
30:24
And she said, My nana told me just stay at home. Why do you guys need to go somewhere all the time? Stay at home, draw color, watch a movie. I guarantee she’d like that just as much as going anywhere else. And you know what? I bet you she even wants to stay home. Going out all the time. Ambitious, even like that. Stay home. Enjoy the simple things. Grab a beer, she grabs my ice cream.
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That’s it.
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And you know what? I tried that.
30:57
I feel comfortable. I’m like, Oh, I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta get out of the house. I gotta, I gotta take her somewhere. She’s bored. She’s probably just bored of her mind. But you know, we ended up doing we ended up doing exactly what she suggested.
31:10
I brought up some crayons we colored and we laughed. And
31:16
we had a great time. Just being at home. Just hanging out. Both of us on the couch, just chillin going on a walk together.
31:27
Walking the dog, just me and her.
31:31
In that brought up, I think a new bonding relationship between me and her because it wasn’t just me and her going somewhere. It was just me and her side by side.
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Watching a movie
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coloring, playing me being forced to play Barbies. And her telling me that I’m doing it wrong.
31:54
I think I think that type of dynamic that we had with each other just worked better than going out somewhere all the time. I think that we had a great time together. And we continue to do that. And every once in a while, do I take her out somewhere nice. And do this do that. Yeah, I do every once in a while. But now. Now, hey, this is home.
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This is home.
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We’re just comfortable being home. We’re just comfortable just hanging out.
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And she’s like my little
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partner in crime. Now I take everywhere. Every time I go to a barber. She sits there on her iPad, and I get my hair cut. I’ve learned to pivot and not Not everything has to be
32:38
well, I thought, you know, the only downside about having her on my weeks, just me alone is I wouldn’t be able to get anything done. But then I just started taking her with me like she was my sidekick. And then it worked.
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It was just me and her. You know, I enjoy the simple things now. I don’t worry. I don’t. I don’t overstress
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I am good. I’m very happy with
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what me and her have together. It’s just simple. It’s
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just me, my little girl
33:17
said anyone who feels like they need to overcompensate or do something for the kid all the time just to make them happy.
33:25
Have you even tried just staying at home relaxing? Yeah, they might get a little stir crazy go on a walk. Other than used to be extravagant or exciting.
33:37
My daughter is just as comfortable
33:44
putting makeup on my toes or my face, then she would be at a park. I can guarantee you that.
33:53
Being a dad
33:56
I think it’s just about enjoying the simple things for the people you love.
34:01
The other thing that my daughter told me taught me is to listen.
34:08
Sometimes, my daughter just wants to be heard.
34:14
Like earlier when I told you that my daughter was just saying data, data, data data. Look at this, look at this. Look at this and I wasn’t paying attention. The only reason she gets upset is because I wasn’t listening to her. And there are times that my daughter needs to learn, hey, wait your turn. I am working. I am talking you need to be patient. Right. But I think another thing that I learned with her is just to listen to her. There are multiple times as a toddler, you’ll find that your kid can get really frustrated and they can.
34:47
They’re unable to really communicate their words the kind of communicate with crying or
34:53
acting out or just kind of bad behavior.
34:57
And what I learned to fix that
35:00
is, every time she’s crying or
35:03
upset. I’ll say before you cry before you get upset, talk to me first
35:09
to talk to me before you get upset.
35:13
And she’ll say,
35:15
okay, okay.
35:18
She’ll talk to me. And I’ll say, Lila, what’s wrong?
35:22
And sometimes, in fact, most of the time, she’s like, No, no, no, no.
35:26
And I have to, and again, that goes back to patience. Instead of saying, Tommy, what the fuck is wrong? That, you know, I’ll have to say, Okay, this
35:36
is a, a feelings heard, you know, go through a list with her. Tell me what’s wrong, before you get upset. Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.
35:48
Like, so that goes back to being patient.
35:51
And I’ll just sit there. And I’ll listen.
35:55
And eventually, I’ll get the truth. You hurt my feelings, as you told me that after the doctor, blah, blah, blah, or something like that, you know, it’s always something so meaningless and silly. And they’ll talk to her about it. Say, Hey, I understand, you’re upset. But here’s why I told you to do that. You know.
36:18
And that can get a little.
36:24
When you’re in a pinch, it can get a little much when you’re a parent, when you have to sit there and explain with your child, you know,
36:33
because at the end of the day, you’re the boss, and you just like, do what the fuck do what I say, you know.
36:40
But
36:42
I feel like,
36:44
I feel like it would really work for you if you just communicate with your kid. And just find out why they’re upset. Instead of just accepting that they are upset. What’s bothering you talk to me. And it’s always what I told my daughter. Talk to me before you get upset.
37:02
Another thing that she taught me is laughter. Oh my god.
37:07
When I’m
37:11
when me and her have our moments together, where we get a little frustrated, mostly just her
37:18
I think the biggest thing that my daughter loves, and to get her out of any mood is just by laughing, I can get that girl out of any bad mood by just make her laugh. Maybe a little tickle little smile, whatever the case may be. It usually involves hurting myself. You know, she loves to see me fall or say ouch or something like that. And kind of like any kid, as long as you’re falling or hurting yourself in some way, physical harm to myself shall laugh. You know, I have to be like a cartoon character following up on a bouncy ball. And in you know, it’s crazy.
37:55
But I’ll do anything to make that little girl laugh. And sometimes
38:00
when it goes back to just enjoying the little things, sometimes we’ll just laugh together, I’ll put my phone down and for like, an hour or two, and we’ll just laugh and we’ll play and I’ll chase her. We’ll play tag and we’ll dance she loves we don’t talk about Bruno will dwell We’ll sing that all the time. And we’ll jump on the couch. And
38:20
you know, I’ll be a horse for her, you know, she’ll get on my back, and I’ll crawl around the house and hurt my knees really bad. And we’ll just laugh together and I’m laughing now. Because it really is just fun. You know, it’s just It’s the simple little things that just make you laugh and make you feel carefree and kind of bring that stress out of your life. You know, it really I think laughter really is the best medicine.
38:48
Not only is it a sure easy way to make my girl happy. It’s I think it’s a good stress reliever to me.
38:57
Sometimes we can be so corporate we can be so caught up in our own world. And how nice is it just to put your phone down and just have fun just enjoy little things in your life.
39:09
Like playing horsey and with my daughter.
39:14
Because you know what?
39:17
The last thing that she taught me
39:19
and most importantly is love.
39:22
Unconditional love that girl
39:28
I love her so fucking much.
39:33
She get
39:35
there’s nothing that she could do that would ever, ever make me from stopped loving her. She is just everything to me.
39:44
First of all, I think she’s gorgeous. I think she’s biased but think she’s so beautiful and she she’s so sweet. She can really make you
39:56
she can make him laugh.
39:58
She can even make you cry.
40:00
because she’s so caring, you know. And even when I was talking about earlier sometimes even that makes me laugh like, well, well again, we’ll be in bed together and she’ll say, Dad, I love you so much and be like, ah, can we give me cuddles and she’s like, cut off me.
40:18
And I was like, I’m exaggerating. Michelle really say that. But no, she, she’s my world.
40:26
And then
40:28
they don’t tell you that the love of your life can be your daughter. And every time I feel every time I feel in my heart that I’m missing something. Like I’m missing a relationship. I just look at that girl. And I feel like well, yeah, I am missing relationship. But I the emptiness feeling that I feel it’s gone. She just feels she fills me with so much joy, love. laughter
40:51
I just
40:56
for any of you’ve been listening to the podcast for a long time, you know that I have been on a journey and a mission to really change the way people see me and the perceived me and look at me.
41:08
Because I often, most of the time,
41:12
have been very
41:15
critical and how I see myself.
41:18
Sometimes I can really get to me, can make me feel
41:24
more depressed and more alone, than I’m used to.
41:32
In on the weeks, my daughter isn’t here, I would be lying if, if at times, I didn’t feel like I was
41:41
absence of meaning.
41:47
But when she’s around me, I just feel incredible.
41:51
Feel Love, I feel loved. I feel joy.
41:57
I feel like I have purpose.
42:03
She brings life in love into my heart into my house.
42:09
And I can’t thank her enough.
42:13
And she helps me, you know,
42:16
she helps me she helps me grow. Because all of those things I said are so true.
42:24
She’s taught me to be a better person. She’s taught me humility.
42:29
She’s taught me patience.
42:32
She’s taught me respect.
42:35
She’s taught me subtlety, just to enjoy the little things. She’s taught me to listen. She’s taught me to love. She’s taught me to laugh.
42:53
She’s taught me how to be a better person.
42:58
And that,
43:00
man, that is good gift.
43:04
So for my daughter’s birthday, the best gift that I can possibly give her
43:09
is by taking all those things I learned
43:12
and just being the best that I can be.
43:17
So those are a little bit of the things that I’ve learned from being a parent so far. And
43:24
being a girl dad. You know, I I love her with all of my heart.
43:31
I’ve learned to laugh. Even when I’m feeling angry. I’ve learned to listen.
43:39
Even when,
43:42
even when times are tough. I’ve learned to enjoy the simple things. And
43:48
even when I feel like I need to do more. I’ve learned to respect
43:55
you even when it feels
43:58
even when I feel disrespected.
44:01
I’ve learned to be patient,
44:03
even though it goes against every bone in my body. And I’ve learned to be humble and have humility to
44:13
know man I don’t even
44:18
I don’t even think I had a lot of that in my younger days. But
44:24
yeah, that’s basically it.
44:28
I want to thank you guys for
44:30
listening to the podcast. I want to thank you guys for allowing me to vent with you. I want to thank you guys for supporting me and
44:38
and being there for me and allowing me to share my experiences and open up like this. And
44:47
like I said, from day one, this is kind of like my own personal journal and I’m just sharing it with you guys.
44:54
Now it’s time for mailbag. I’m going to read off a few emails that I got from you guys.
45:00
By the way, please, I forgot to say this, but in the emails type if you want to be anonymous or not, for all intents purposes, I’m going to list these off as anonymous.
45:15
And then next time, just in the body of the email type, whether you want to be anonymous or not.
45:21
So anonymous writes
45:25
excuse me, anonymous writes, have you ever felt like you were destined to be alone?
45:33
Well, anonymous, I have felt that I felt that many times.
45:40
In. In fact, just recently, I was having a conversation with my friend about me getting a girlfriend, and he’s like, man, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, I feel like you’re about to settle at this point. And, yeah, sometimes it can feel like you’re going to be alone. But I mean, look.
46:00
I’m only 27.
46:03
Every time I feel like I’m going to be alone.
46:06
I just realize I’m young. And
46:09
there’s still a long way to go. And I know that I will find my one. I feel like we’re all living in a
46:19
we’re all living in a destined universe where the universe brings you closer to your destiny. And,
46:27
you know, some
46:30
times we get further away from that, and sometimes we get closer to that. And I guess, I guess I can only hope I’m closer than
46:39
closer than before. I don’t know. You know, I don’t really have a good answer. Just because, you know, it’s just, the answer is yes. I have felt that way. But you know, what, we’ll, we’ll see. We’ll see what happens. I’m openly looking. And if you know, anyone anonymous,
46:56
send them away.
46:58
I’ll even be like young gravy. I’ll take your mother at this point. Anyways, just kidding.
47:04
Next person anonymous.
47:08
How close are you with your baby mama?
47:11
Not at all. We’re not close.
47:15
I wouldn’t say we’re like, like, you know, Peter Pan and Katherine hook. We’re not enemies or anything, but
47:25
it’s hard to get along.
47:27
Especially now, and that there’s been
47:31
a change in the environment. And
47:38
yeah, I mean, I’m gonna I’m gonna speak about that a little bit more on my next episode.
47:43
But yeah, we’re not we’re not we’re not close.
47:48
Now, all right, next one. Anonymous.
47:54
What do you feel like the best thing about being a dad is?
47:58
Well, I really just answered that, you know, she taught me a lot of things. And
48:04
I feel like, the best thing about being a dad really is just seeing a reflection of yourself in her, you know, I see I see reflection of myself. And it’s kind of like the very best pieces of me and you want that to be you want to harness that you want to grow it and you want you want it to
48:24
manifest in
48:27
in every potential.
48:30
It could be you know, I’m
48:34
I’m happy I’m a girl that I’ll tell you that. She is just so amazing and makes me really happy. She’s
48:42
probably know there’s something about him being having being a girl that just makes it a little bit more special. I would love a son one day, I’ll tell you what, I do want another kid.
48:54
But you’re gonna have a girlfriend first so or a wife or something?
49:00
Would you ever adopt anonymous whichever adopt? That’s kind of ironic, because we’re just talking about that. Whatever adopt, probably not.
49:09
For no other reason other than I it’s a long process.
49:16
And I feel like it’s probably not there’s a lot of reasons but maybe the probably not
49:24
an honest what do you look for in a girl? Well, say, you know, there, there came a time of my life where
49:33
I’ll be honest, there came a time in life where I will,
49:36
you know, I was on fuckboys status, you know, interested in hooking up and girls and I mean, I’m Elena, you you.
49:49
I grew up a lot. This point of my life. I am
49:54
open to having fun, but I really want someone who comes in my life.
50:00
For a reason for a purpose, who’s there to stay.
50:08
And someone that I can rely on and build with and, and be a partner with, and to share these experiences with.
50:16
The hardest part I’ll tell you about introducing someone in my life is I’ve always been a parent by myself. So having someone in my life and sharing that dynamic with someone
50:29
will be very, very different for me. And that’s the only thing I don’t
50:36
I don’t know how that would be. But as far as dating, I mean, I look. I’m just, I just want someone in my life who has things going for them. I’ll tell you what, and I don’t mean to call out anyone here. If this is you, but I had someone reach out to me.
50:57
It was super cute. And we talked for a little bit, but the conversation kind of went like this. Hey, what do you what do you do for work? Oh, I’m not really working right now. Okay.
51:10
Are you in school? No, not right now.
51:14
Oh, okay.
51:17
Where are you living?
51:19
Come with kind of staying with friends and move back in with my mom. Not sure yet. Okay, cool. What do you wanna do for career? Oh, I have no idea. I think it just on a business. Okay, what business? I’m not sure.
51:36
Do you have any goals or ambitions at all whatsoever? You know, I mean, it’s like, I don’t want to call anyone out if that’s you. But it was so unattractive to me. It really was. I’m like, What the fuck?
51:49
You don’t have a job? You don’t have any ambitions. There’s nothing you want to do for a career. Like I mean, Fogg can like, at least say the basic thing that every girl says and say an esthetician. Like, come on.
52:03
It blew my mind.
52:05
And that’s the, the opposite of that is what I want my life.
52:12
Last question, and I promise is the first time I’m doing mailbag. So these will, these will flow better.
52:22
Anonymous do Kendall, I’m really happy that you were able to share about your experiences. And thank you for making everyone a little bit more comfortable about sharing mental health when they’re a male, I feel like fathers don’t really get to have an opportunity to have a platform where they can share experiences. But I really want to know what kind of brought you to make the podcast in the first place in the first place.
52:47
Well, anonymous, first of all, the next question after that is do you know you have a lisp? Well, I’m 27 years old. And I understand that I have a lisp, yes.
53:01
Fuck you.
53:04
Anonymous, that the why I started the podcast? Well, it really started out as an app, I have this mental health app. You can look more in detail about that on vent pack.org.
53:17
In the coming soon section, but I have this app idea. And
53:25
I tried to get off up and running in it and it didn’t go well.
53:30
It turns out, you need a ton of money to really create an app. So I kind of pivoted a little bit, and I’m like, what, what could I do to still have the same kind of vibe. But, you know, that allowed me to kind of save up for the app later. And
53:47
I thought about the podcast, I thought about, well, why don’t I just started a podcast, about mental health, about being a single parent and kind of sharing my
53:58
experiences with relationships, etc. And having a platform and an audience for that. Not only was it really cathartic for me to kind of share a lot of my experiences. But I felt like if I could just help one person out there, feel like they’re not alone. Like I felt for so many years. And that’s good enough for me. It doesn’t have to be extremely popular doesn’t have to be number one on the charts. All I got to do is know that I’m helping some people out there. And that’s good enough.
54:29
And I think, I hope, I think and I hope that has been the case. So
54:37
yeah, that’s basically it guys, thank you so much for being a part of the show about a part of the podcast. Please like and subscribe and leave a review. If you’ve worked tell me what you thought about the podcast.
54:52
You know, today I kind of just winged it and maybe I should be more bullet pointed. But yeah, I mean, tell me
55:00
What you thought, tell me what your thoughts are
55:02
writing questions to me to mailbag. Again, if you want to send me a question or comment or thought, email me hello at vent pack.org. And write in mailbag. And I’ll answer some questions on the podcast, please in the body of the email, right if you want to be anonymous or not, if you want your name used, I’ll use your name in the podcast.
55:23
And same with venting sessions. If you want to have a venting session with me. Same thing, email me hello at impact the org and in the subject line type of venting sessions and just email me what you want to talk about and we’ll take it from there.
55:40
Please like and subscribe our Facebook and Instagram pages, which are the single father podcast you can find us on Facebook and Instagram.
55:50
shoot me a message tell me what you thought. Thank you guys for allowing me to vent with you. There are more great quality content coming up more great episodes and more things to share with you guys about my life, mental health, relationships and otherwise. And if you have anybody who’s single, send them my way. I’m looking. Thank you very much, guys. Until next time, I’ll be back with you soon. Bye bye.
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